Harry's POV

"Harry, come on," Niall groans. "We're all going to this part, you have to come with us."

"No," I say for the zillionth time. "I don't want to go."

"Harry, it's been like two months since you guys broke up. The moping period was supposed to end after like a week. Now you're supposed to be going out and sleeping with lots of girls to get over her."

"I'm not doin' that. Besides, it hasn't been that long."

"Just come with us!"

"Harry, he's not going to shut up about it until you agree to come," Zayn says from the other couch. "It's a few houses down and I'll probably leave early anyway, so just come with us."

"Fuck, I don't want to go. Why would I want to go? It's annoying college kids getting wasted for no reason and I just don't give a shit about any of that," I explain quickly. What is the big deal? It's one fucking party one time and I don't want to go.

"Maybe it'd be good to...you know, try and get over her," Zayn says. "It's been a while."

"Not really," I mutter. "That's not why I don't want to go."

"Why then?" Niall asks. "You used to go out with us every weekend."

"Fuck, fine. I'll go, but you better leave me alone after this," I bargain. He claps once and starts heading upstairs, telling us he's going to get ready. Niall loves doing this kind of shit, but I'm just not into it anymore. I don't care.

"We can leave early," Zayn says again. "I don't really want to go either."

"Drunk girls piss me off."

He laughs. "Yeah."

"I'm going to go for a walk or something." I can't sit in this house anymore, I need to move around and try not to think about Carmen for once.

I know breaking up was my idea. It was coming anyway, but it just sucks. The relationship was over before it even started and now I'm not really sure where to go from here. She made me really happy and we could be so great together, but it's too hard. It's too complicated and complicated sucks. Carmen needs to work on some things and figure out how she can be in a relationship before we can do anything. I want her so much, but she's so used to being on her own that she doesn't know how to let me in.

I miss her. It's been almost a month since we broke up and from what I know she's been really busy. She probably doesn't even think about me. She's got work and school and volleyball and worry about her father, and I barely have enough to keep me busy. There's no getting her out of my head no matter how hard I try. I've never taken as many walks as I have since we broke up. It's just weird, you know? Spending all of your time with someone for months and then just not being with them anymore. It sucks. Especially since it's Carmen and she's incredible. She's the kind of person that's just so easy to be around, she's so easy to like. Love, in my case. And I've never been in love like this so I don't know how I'm supposed to get out of it.

Before I know it I'm at the park where there's some kids running around. It's still pretty cold so it's not that busy, but all I can think about now is all the times I came here with Carmen. Sometimes we'd go for walks here or we'd come with the guys to play football or something. We had fun together; she knows how to make anything fun and when I'm with her I just enjoy myself. It's not like I haven't seen her since we broke up. She'll come by the house to see Liam or they'll meet here before going somewhere else. Plus, we still go to the same school so we're bound to run into each other. And we have, but it's obviously not the same. It's not that it's awkward it's just...it feels like there was no closure because we both know we could have been really great together. We just never got to be.

Damn, this sucks. Really and truly sucks.

---

"Hey guys."

I nudge Niall with my elbow quite hard and whisper to him. "You didn't tell me this was at Craig's house."

He shrugs. "I didn't think it'd matter."

The rest of the guys file into the house and Niall follows, Craig giving me a stupid little smirk as he waits for me to walk in. This guys just rubs me the wrong way; I never liked him. Plus, he fucked a girl I was dating last year. Not exactly your class-A kind of guy.

"Styles," he says as he shuts the door again. "Didn't think you'd come."

"I didn't know it was your house," I respond.

"Yep. Get yourself a drink, there's a keg in the kitchen."

"Awesome." Sarcasm. "Thanks a million."

"Harry," Louis calls from the kitchen, "Give me a hand?"

I roll my eyes at Craig and head over to Louis to 'help him' get drinks for everyone. I didn't want to come to this fucking party and now that it's fucking Craig's party I want to be here even less. Fucking Niall and his stupid begging. Fuck.

"Chill," Louis says, handing me a cup. "Have a drink. Relax."

"I don't want to fucking be here," I tell him hotly. "Can't we just leave?"

"Harry, take the stick out of your ass and go do something social," he says. "Talk to some girls, have some fun for once. There's plenty of people here, just ignore Craig."

"I can't ignore him, he's a fucking twat."

"Who cares. Just get drunk and do something fun."

"It's not-"

A laugh sounds from another room and it shuts me right up. I'd know that laugh anywhere. Louis is calling my name as I'm walking away but I don't hear it, not really. My feet are blindly carrying me through the house and when I get to the back room I find a table set up for beer pong along with a group standing around it. At the opposite end? Carmen. Carmen playing with some fucktard that lives with Craig.

"Harry!" she shrieks suddenly. She pushes past some people and runs around the table towards me, throwing her arms around my neck. "Hi!"

"Uh, hi." She keeps holding onto me and people around us start staring. "What are you doing here? Are you drinking?"

"Drinking?" She laughs and leaves her arms around me when she pulls back enough to see my face. "I'm already drunk."

"Drunk? You're...Carmen, you're not supposed to be drinking." If they do a check any time soon for her volleyball team she'll get suspended, possibly indefinitely. She shrugs and reaches up to push my hair back from my face for me.

"I know," she says simple. "But fuck it."

"Carmen-"

"Do you want to play?" she asks. "We're not done yet, but I'm about to win."

My eyes float over to the guy she was playing with, some asshole staring at me like I fucking stole her. She's mine, anyway. He looks like a horny college kid and a drunk Carmen alongside him is the last thing I want.

"Yeah. Yeah, okay."

"Okay." She takes my hand and tugs me to the end of the table. After another two shots her team wins and the guys gives me a disgruntled angry glare before walking away and leaving me to play with her. She babbling on about how annoying that girl Paige is and it's baffling me that she's drunk and that she's acting so normal around me. Like nothing ever happened.

"So, you're sister called me."

I almost spit out my drink when she says that. "What?"

"Yeah, she said she and your Mom have been trying to reach you but you haven't been answering your phone," she explains, taking her first shot. "Why are you ignoring her? That's kind of mean."

I take my shot and shrug my shoulders. "I've been busy."

"Harry, you're not that busy."

A laugh bubbles up, something that doesn't happen too much anymore. "Fine. I'm low on minutes."

She nudges me with her shoulder and I look down at her. Her blonde hair is a little frizzy and she's wearing a little more dark makeup than she normally does. She's still beautiful. "Harry."

"So serious," I joke. She rolls her eyes and catches the ping pong ball the girl on the other side threw. "Seriously, Carmen. Why are you here? Austin the giant fuck would be pissed."

"Austin is perfectly nice," she says, pointing a finger in my face. "Don't be an ass."

"Fine. But he won't be happy if he finds out."

"He won't find out," she says simply. She lines up her shot as she continues. "I've been doing this every weekend."

"What?" I half-shout. She throws the ball and sinks the shot, throwing her hands up in the air with a happy look on her face. "Carmen, what the hell are you doing?"

"Relax." She rolls her eyes. "Throw the ball."

"Carmen, you're not allowed to drink for a reason. If you get caught-"

"Don't worry about me, okay? Damn, Harry, don't go all father on me," she practically yells. "It's not your job to worry about me anymore!" She huffs and pushes her hair away from her face, eyes staring into mine before she shakes her head and starts walking away.

"Where are you going?" I call after her.

"I don't want to play anymore," she calls without looks back.

"Great," I mutter. The girls across the table look annoyed as hell, so I just put the ball down and walk away so they can play with someone else. I wasn't really expecting to see her tonight. Obviously things are far from awkward between us, but she doesn't seem to need me around as much. Some things don't change; I always cared more anyway.

Instead of going back in I head out to the back deck. It's cold as fuck but it's better than the stuffy smell of beer and weed inside. A few months ago I would have loved coming to a party like this, but I just don't give a shit anymore. Maybe it's just a phase or maybe it's because of Carmen, but either way there are at least a hundred other places I'd rather be.

"Are you bored too?"

A girl stands a few feet down from me, a cigarette in her hand and smoke blowing from her mouth. She's kind of short, wearing dark jeans and a leather jacket, dark brown hair falling down to her waist. She's got dark eyebrows that really stand out, framing eyes that are shadowed from the night. She seems pretty.

"Yeah," I say finally. "I guess so."

"My friends dragged me here," she says in an annoyed tone. "What about you?"

"Same problem."

She laughs a little. "Nice. I'm Nicole, by the way."

"Harry." She nods and tosses her cigarette out onto the patio below us. "Do you go to the university?"

"No, I dropped out last year. Not for me."

I nod and shove my hands into my pockets, not sure how to respond to that. This was a little unexpected, talking to another girl like this, but I guess it's normal now. It's silent for a moment or two and she doesn't seem bothered at all by it.

"Can I have one?" I ask. She gives me a once-over and pulls the pack of cigarettes out of her pocket, holding it out to me. "Thanks."

She gives me her lighter to used and slides everything back into her pocket. "Sure. You look really familiar."

The smoke feels a little foreign to my lungs, only since it's been a while since I've done this. "Do I?"

"Yeah." She stares at me to think it over and leans against the railing so she's facing me. "Are you a waiter or something?"

"Yeah, my friend's family restaurant."

"Oh, that place down by the high school?"

"Yep, that's the one."

She laughs. "Yeah, that is you. You look ridiculous in that apron."

I laugh and shake my head. "Thanks a lot."

"No, I mean it's cute, but in a pitiful kind of way."

"Are you trying to make me feel better?" I ask, smiling at her. She laughs and shrugs, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"Not really."

"Nicole?" A girl opens the door and we both turn around. Ivy stares at me, then Nicole, then back at me with wide eyes. "Harry?"

"Ivy? What are you doing here?"

"I'm looking for Nicole. What are you doing?"

"Relax, Ives," Nicole says, rolling her eyes. "We were just talking."

"Actually, it's good that I found you," she says, eyeing me suspiciously. "I need your help with something."

"What?"

"Are you smoking?" she asks in a high pitch voice. "Ugh, nevermind. Look, Carmen is...getting a little bit wild. I need you to come help me get her home."

"What do you mean?" I ask, tossing the cigarette on the ground. "What is she doing?"

"Just come see," she says, stepping to the side so I can go in. As I'm walking away I hear her say, "I know you gave him that. You were supposed to quit!"

Nicole's snippy comment is lost in the sound of the blaring music while I search for Carmen. She's not hard to find; standing on the table with a bottle of tequila in her hand, hips rolling to the music with her top riding up a little too much for my liking. All of the guys are staring like fucking dogs and imagining what's going on in each of their minds makes my blood boil.

"Carmen!" I stand next to the table. "Carmen, get down!"

"Hey, Harry," she says simply. "Wanna dance with me?"

"No," I snap. "Get down."

"I'm good."

Are you fucking kidding me. I end up having to climb onto the table to get her down, throwing her over my shoulder and using a chair to step down and carry her outside. All the while she's hitting my back and kicking her legs around to try to get me to put her down, and it's not until we're about three blocks away that I finally do.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" she yells, straightening out her top and trying to tame her hair.

"Me? What's wrong with you?" I yell back. "You're dancing on fucking tables now?"

"So?" She folds her arms. "It was fun."

She's always been sassy but tonight it's to a whole other level of fucking infuriating. Carmen starts trying to walk past me but I put my arm out, hooking it around her to hold her back.

"I don't think so. You're going home."

"Harry, stop it!"

"No." She tries to get past me again so I put my arms around her waist and throw her over my shoulder again.

"Harry!" she yells. "Put me down!"

"I will. In about fifteen minutes when we're at your place."

"You're so annoying," she groans. "Why the fuck do you care, anyway?"

"Because I know you'll regret this tomorrow."

"And that's your concern because...."

"Let's just have some quiet time, okay?"

She mumbles something else and hangs limply from my shoulder without fighting me anymore. She's really not that heavy for being so tall, but after about ten minutes my shoulder is aching and about seven people have stopped on the side of the road to make sure we're okay. As I'm setting her down she shoves at my chest, but she continues walking towards her house instead of running back to the party.

"Asshole," she mutters, folding her arms against the cold. I slide my jacket off and place it over her shoulders, and for once she isn't a difficult little shit about it. For a while neither of us says anything, and I'm wondering just how drunk she is right now.

"Carmen-"

"I saw you talking to Nicole," she says quietly. My heart starts beating faster and she sighs. "She's pretty."

"Umm...I didn't really notice." I scratch the back of my head and avoid looking at her "How do you know her?"

"She's a friend of Ivy's. She comes to the cafe a lot."

"She was..she happened to be out there. I didn't go out there with her."

"You're allowed to talk to other girls," Carmen says. She stops at the end of her walkway and turns towards me. "You broke up with me, remember?"

Drunk. Definitely drunk. Carmen would never be this straight with me. She removes my jacket from her shoulders and hands it to me, no response coming to mind. I guess I did break up with her. Not so I could talk to other girls, though.

"Goodnight, Harry."

She turns and walks to her house, not looking back as she closes the door behind her. I'm left with my stomach in my mouth and a million questions in my mind. Carmen and I have this platonic relationship pretty much down, but it still sucks. And I don't like that it feels so normal. Maybe taking it further in the first place was a mistake. Maybe things will be better this way.

Notes

wah :(

i didnt want to write a depressing chapter about them being sad about breakin up so i just skipped that. this story has had so many depressing chapters i feel.

i kind of have an idea for what to do next...just not sure how long it's going to take :P
anyway i hope you guys like it :)

let me know what you think pleeeease :)