Carmen's POV

Harry seems to hold some regret about the question he just asked me, but if I'm right about that he doesn't confirm it with words. To say that I'm surprised that he would ask me that is an understatement. He knows exactly how sensitive I am about this kind of stuff, yet here he is asking how many guys I've slept with. I don't get it and frankly, it pisses me off.

"Excuse me?" I ask finally. He blinks rapidly a bunch of times and opens his mouth to speak, but I don't want to hear it. "You're an asshole, Harry."

"Carmen, I didn't mean it like that," he says, following me to my room. I just shake my head and throw my bag on the floor. "Carmen-"

"How dare you," I spit. "You're seriously asking me that? You're the one with the reputation as the campus serial dater!"

"I didn't-"

"What did Paige even say to you?" I ask.

"She..." he shakes his head and takes a deep breath. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. You've never been concerned about this before, why now? What did she say to you?" I fold my arms and wait for something, any kind of explanation for why he's suddenly acting like this. I never asked him about his past, why is he asking me about mine?

"She just said something about you sleeping with a lot of people," he says quickly. He stares at me nervously and after a minute I can't help but let out a humourless laugh.

"And you believed her."

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I even asked you that," he says. He steps towards me and I take a small step back. He looks wounded, but he tries again anyway and it takes everything in me to stay where I am. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not a slut, Harry." I stare up at him and try to hold onto my anger, because he can melt it away so easily with his green eyes and adorable smile.

"I know you're not, I know that." He sighs and runs his fingers through his messy curls, something he's probably done for a thousand times today. "But maybe it's a conversation we should have anyway."

"Well...why?" I ask, folding my arms. It's not like I have a list, but I don't exactly feel like talking about what I've done in the past. It's not messy and I'm not ashamed, I'm just a private person. That kind of thing is something I think I have a right to keep to myself, in my past.

He shrugs. "Don't couples do that?"

My heart starts pounding. Couple? Is that what we are? I hadn't thought about it and I guess that's where this was headed, but putting that kind of label on us and confirming that this is heading to some sort of relationship scares the absolute hell out of me. I've never done relationships. I don't know how this works and I honestly didn't think I'd be figuring it out any time soon..

"I wouldn't know," I whisper. He sighs and steps closer to me again, gaging my response before putting his arms around me, pulling my head against his shoulder. I'm not sure how to react right now or what to be focusing on. Do I try to pick a fight about what he asked me, or do I try to get out of this conversation? Or maybe I should be telling him that it's too soon to be doing whatever it is he thinks couples do. I thought we were going slow. What happened to that?

"Forget it," he says. "I shouldn't have said anything. Paige was trying to screw with me and I let her. I'm sorry, Carmen."

I nod and try to stop the thoughts buzzing through my head as a result of this conversation, but it doesn't work. There are so many things we don't know about each other, and what happens when certain things come out? It's not like I have any creepy skeletons hidden in my closet, but what if he does? What if I open up to him and put myself out there only to get hurt and pushed away by whatever is in Harry's past? What if I can't open up to him and I'm the one that ends up hurting him with my inability to let someone into my life? I couldn't live with that any more than I could live with the heartbreak I know he's capable of.

"Say something," he whispers.

"I...I don't know what to say."

"Can we forget about this?" he asks, looking down at me. I stare at his chest, at the bird tattoos peeking out of his t-shirt. Certainly I can pretend to forget about it, but I highly doubt that I'll be able to think about anything else.

"I should probably do some homework," I mutter. I step around him and reach for my bag.

"Don't do that," Harry says. I sigh and turn around to face him.

"Do what, Harry?"

"Push me away. Just because we had a little fight doesn't mean you quit."

"A little fight?" I repeat. "Harry, you practically called me a whore!"

"I did not!" he shouts back. "I asked you a question. Yes, it was a stupid thing to say and I'm sorry it came out the way it did, but since the day that I met you I never thought you were a whore, Carmen. Don't put words in my mouth."

"I'm not-" I stop and pinch my eyes shut, trying not to let him pull me into this. We're arguing like a fucking couple and that's exactly what I didn't want. This kind of emotional investment is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. These stupid fights that hurt me way more than they should are what I wanted to avoid.

"You implied the same thing about me," he continues. I open my eyes to try and shoot daggers at him with them. "You called me a serial dater."

"You've dated a lot of girls, Harry. Everyone knows that."

"That doesn't give you the right to throw it in my face. Plus, who says that's even true? You just automatically believe what everyone says about me?"

"Don't try to turn this around on me!" I shout. "I'm not the one that started this!"

"I already apologized! I don't know what else you want me to do! I feel like an asshole, it was a dumb thing to say and I'm sorry," he says. He puts his hands up in the air. "I don't know what else you want from me, Carmen."

"I want you to leave," I say simply. He shakes his head. "Harry, just go."

"That's not what you want," he says, stepping towards me. "I know this is a natural reaction for you, but I'm not going anywhere."

"I want you to leave," I repeat, my voice quiet. He comes even closer.

"No," he repeats firmly.

"I don't..." I take a deep breath and he places his large hands on either side of my face. "I can't be this girl, Harry."

"What girl is that?"

"The one that you fight and make up with and take home to your parents and spend all your time with and-"

"Stop," he whispers. I close my eyes and his forehead leans against mine. "I don't need you to try to be anything, Carmen. I like you. Not an idea of who you could be. I don't want you to try to be anything you're not, that's why I haven't pushed anything."

He's right. He hasn't given me a reason to push him away because he hasn't pushed me hard enough. I have no reason for running other than the fact that I'm scared, and even that isn't a good enough reason to me because of this incredible guy standing in front of me. Harry is...amazing. I couldn't have imagined someone better for me and it makes all of this a little easier. Scary as fuck, but a little bit easier than I thought it would be. It's just that I still don't even know if I want this. I don't know if I can have the type of relationship he's envisioning.

"Stop looking for a reason to walk away," he requests quietly. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Why are you fighting so hard?" I ask just as quiet. "Why put in so much effort? I'm not worth it, Harry, and you could have anyone you want."

He sighs and an airy laugh leaves his throat, felt against my lips. He pulls his face away from mine and tilts my head up to make me look in his eyes.

"Whoever told you that you're not worth it is a fucking idiot, Carmen. I'm fighting for you because I want you," he says firmly, his voice quiet and low and all the things I love about it. It gives me goosebumps.

I'm not sure what the burning in my eyes is until Harry wipes his thumb under one of them. His gentle smile draws one to my lips and instead of wanting to cry I suddenly feel like laughing.

"Is it normal to feel this...disoriented?" I ask.

"Maybe." He shrugs. "This is just as new to me as it is to you."

"Right." I roll my eyes. He drops his hands to my waist so our bodies are closer.

"I don't know what you think you know about my past, but whatever I feel for you..." He shakes his head a little. "I have no idea what the fuck is happening to me."

I can't help but laugh and his eyes roam my face as he joins me. There are a million things running through my mind and all of them revolve around Harry. Whenever that happened I wasn't made aware, but apparently that's how it is.

"How was your test?" he asks suddenly, his voice loud. It startles me a little.

"I probably passed."

"Well that's something to celebrate." He smirks and leans down towards me, but I move back at the last second.

"I have a paper to write," I tell him. "I've been putting it off for my test and my Dad, but it's actually due tomorrow."

"Procrastination at its finest."

I laugh and put my hands on his to remove them from my hips. They wrap further around me instead while I head for my desk and when I try to pick up my computer he buries his face in the crook of my neck.

"Harry," I laugh, "When was the last time you shaved?"

"Hmm." He rubs his face against my neck and I laugh more, trying to squirm out of his grip. "Maybe a few days ago."

"You're tickling me!"

He laughs and I manage to turn around, but before I can scold him his lips are on mine and I can't think clearly anymore. For once his hair isn't held back by a bandana, but by a ridiculous ponytail on the top of his head. It's a new look, one I'm not too sure about to be honest. I've never been interested in anyone with a ponytail. How did I have a serious fight with him while he looks like this?

"This," I mumble, tugging on it, "Is a little strange."

"Strange?" He lifts one hand to fiddle with it. "I call it convenient."

"If your hair is too long to be left down, that might be a sign that you should cut it."

"Cut it!" He shakes his head. "You're talking crazy."

"Crazy is-" I put my hands on his shoulders rather roughly and his eyes widen. "Harry! Oh my gosh, please let me cut your hair!"

"Oh no. No, no, no, no, no." He backs away from me to sit on the edge of my bed. I follow and stand between his legs, and the way his hands gravitate to my waist makes me wonder if that's automatic for him now.

"Pleeease?"

"No. No touching these curly locks."

I stare at the little ponytail for a moment. "As long as your hair doesn't get longer than mine."

"It won't."

"Please let me cut it," I beg. I sit down on his one leg and put my arms around his neck. "Please please please please plea-"

"Okay!" He covers my mouth with his hand. "Fine. But tonight you have a paper to write, remember?"

"I have time."

Harry smiles and it makes my stomach to flip flops, his dimples piercing through my chest. His hand slides slowly up my thigh and my first instinct is to slap it away, but I don't.

"There are much better ways to occupy your time than cutting my hair," he says lowly.

He hasn't even kissed me yet and I feel like I can't breathe. To try to diffuse the tension I reach up to remove the hairband from his curls, and he laughs a little when it falls around his eyes. I hadn't even noticed how long it'd gotten, and now that it's untamed and everywhere he looks years younger. Long fingers push it away from his face and before I can comment on it his hand hooks around the back of my neck to pull my face down to his.

---

"Carmen," Harry mumbles. "You need to sleep."

"I'm almost done." I look at my book and continue typing. I hear Harry stand from my bed and while I try to finish the last page his hands massage my shoulders.

"What time is it?" I ask.

"Almost four."

"What?" I turn in my chair and look up at him. "Harry, you should go home. Go to sleep."

"I'm okay." He smiles tiredly and I laugh.

"Harry, you look exhausted. If you're not going to go home then at least get some sleep here."

As I turn back to my screen I realize what I just offered. I'm going to be in there soon...my bed is big, so we could easily both sleep in there but it doesn't exactly keep in line with the whole moving slow thing.

"Is that okay with you?" he asks quietly. He leans down next to me and tucks my hair behind my ear so he can see my face. When I turn towards him he kisses me. Soft, tired lips move with mine for a moment and when he pulls away I nod.

"Do you want something to sleep in? I have some sweats from my Dad that would fit you."

He smiles. "I usually sleep naked." I reach behind me to hit his chest lightly, and he laughs at my red cheeks. "Where are they?"

"Bottom shelf in my closet."

"Are you going to sleep soon?"

I nod. "When I'm finished."

"What time is it due tomorrow?" he asks, going into my closet to get the pants.

"My class is at three."

"What!" He shakes his head at me and I turn back to my computer when he peels his shirt off. "Carmen, you're sleeping now. Finish it in the morning."

"I'm almost done." I continue typing, but in the middle of a sentence I'm suddenly lifted from my chair. Harry tosses me onto my bed and goes to my computer to save the document and close the laptop. "Harry."

"Carmen."

I roll my eyes. "All I need is twenty minutes."

"Then it'll be easy for you to do before your class tomorrow. How do you expect to play volleyball on no sleep?"

"Is this what it feels like to live with a parent?" I ask, standing and going to my closet for some pajamas. "Because I think you're bossier than my actual Dad."

"Very funny." He yanks the blankets back and lays down on the side closest to the wall, on his stomach with his arms tucked under a pillow. His eyes are already closed, so I quickly take off my shirt and replace it with a much larger one that falls halfway down my thighs. When I kick off my jeans and turn off the light I realize my heart is pounding. I've never done this; I've never slept in the same bed as a guy without having done anything first.

Harry's eyes scrunch up in a confused expression and he reaches towards where I will be sleeping. He opens his eyes and smiles at the nervous stance I've taken beside the bed, my hands folded behind my back.

"I don't bite," he whispers.

"I heard that you do," I whisper back. He laughs quite loudly and lays on his side, pulling the blankets back. That seems to be my invitation, so I crawl in and lay on my back so I'm staring up at the ceiling, blankets pulled to my stomach with my fingers on top, fidgeting nervously.

"Carmen." He places his head next to mine and I nervously turn towards him. "Do you want me to go home?"

I turn onto my side and take Harry's free hand in mine, tracing my fingers over the small cross under his finger and beside his thumb. His patience with me and my irrational fears is almost too much. Most would have given up by now and the fact that he's still here means I can trust him.

"No," I say finally. He laces his fingers with mine and pulls my arm over his waist, drawing me closer. The tattoos on his chest are mesmerizing, and without realizing my fingers gravitate towards them to trace the intricacy. Harry lays his head down and I know it won't take much for him to be asleep. It doesn't take long for me either.

Notes

thought that was gonna be a big one, eh? just a little scare ;) more to come dont you worry.

im going to be working a lot the next few days so im hoping to have some time to update, but if i dont im sorry :(

if i get lots of RATES/VOTES then ill have more motivation....just throwin it out there ;)

thanks for reading everyone :) please let me know what you think!