Carmen's POV

Airports have become the bane of my existence. My whole life has been one constant period of waiting until I have to come back to this dreaded place. It doesn't matter what city I'm in, only that they all have planes that take my Dad further away than I can comprehend for far too long each time. White floors and white walls and white airplanes and uncomfortable chairs make my stomach turn to knots, my heart heavy with sadness. My father is all I have, all I'll ever really have and he's never here.

I can't be angry, though. He's doing something honourable and he's risking his life for others and there's something to comfort me somewhere in there. I know he's not leaving because he doesn't love me, but that doesn't make it any easier. My entire life I've needed him, but he's always helping someone else. I was really angry with him when I was in high school, but I never told him that. He would just feel horrible and I could never do that to him.

"Dad, you'll try to call me more, right?" I ask, his arm around my shoulder with my head leant against his.

"I never stopped trying, Carmen. But I will. I'll call or text or write or email or something more often."

"It's just nice to know you're not dead or in prison or something." I try to joke, but my throat tightens and I have to close my eyes to keep from crying. He kisses the top of my head.

"You'd know if something happened to me," he says quietly. "You know that. No news is better than bad news."

"I hate waiting for it, though," I explain. "All the time, whenever I don't hear from you for a few weeks I stare at my phone waiting for you to call or for someone else to tell me you're not coming back."

He sighs. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I know you don't do it on purpose."

"That doesn't make it less shitty."

"Dad!" I laugh and look up at him. He always gets mad when I curse.

"It's an appropriate time to use it," he defends. I laugh and it quickly turns to tears, my chest tight and heavy. "I'll be back for Christmas, remember?"

I nod and try to smile, since I know if I talk more I'll just start bawling. The flight attendant calls for his flight back to his base in Texas and my whole body feels like ice. He looks at the gate and then back at me.

"That's me," he says quietly. I nod and we both stand, his arm still over my shoulder while we walk towards the plane entrance. He sets his bag down and hugs me tight and I feel like he's trying to hold me together.

"Be safe," I whisper shakily. "I love you."

"I love you too, angel. So so much." He kisses my head again and rubs my back. "Take care of yourself, don't skip school. Lots of leafy greens."

I laugh through my tears and shake my head as he lets me go. I need to get out of here before I break down completely. He never sees that and I won't let him. He needs me to be strong, and that's what I have to try to be.

"I had a stern talking with that Harry kid," he says.

"What? When?"

"Last night when you were in the bathroom." Harry came over for dinner and we all played cards until early this morning. It was really fun. "I told him that if he hurts you I'm going to bring a whole tank over here to blow him to bits."

"Dad, oh my gosh." I laugh and shake my head at him, wiping tears from my cheeks. "You're so embarrassing."

"He's a good guy," he continues, now serious. "Don't push him away, okay?" I nod and hug him once more. "I'll be back for Christmas, okay?"

Christmas. That's a whole two months.

"I have to go," he says quietly. I nod and step back from him and he puts his bag over his shoulder. "I love you, kiddo."

"Love you, Dad." He backs away with his boarding pass and stands in the line to get on the plane. When he gets past the last checkpoint he looks back and waves to me. I give him the best smile I can muster and wave back, but as soon as he turns around again I'm almost running through the airport. They have special passes for military families so we can go through security with them, and it also means I don't have to go through any security on my way out. When I get to the check-in area at the front of the airport I worry about getting a cab since I can hardly see through my tears. People are probably staring since I'm bawling my eyes out, but I don't care. It doesn't matter.

I step outside and put my arms over my stomach, trying to cover the hole that's digging its way through my soul. The thought of losing my Dad, of that being our last conversation..it makes me want to break in two so at least part of me can go with him. I can't stand the thought of him never coming home. I wouldn't be able to survive that, I know it.

When I look up at the road to see if there's any cabs waiting, my heart almost stops beating. Harry is leant against one of the giant cement columns with his phone in his hand, scrolling through something on his phone casually with one hand in his pocket. Is he here for me? No, that would be...

He looks up and his brow instantly creases. Before I understand it I'm running towards him and throwing myself into his arms. One of his arms wraps tight around my back, his other hand on the back of my head, smoothing over my hear in an attempt to comfort me. I hide my face against his neck and try to stop my crying, but I can't. He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't have to. This is enough.

"What are you doing here?" I ask finally, my hands on his shoulders. He lifts his hands to either side of my face, thumbs swiping my cheeks to rid them of tears.

"Your Dad called me," he says quietly. "He asked if I'd be here to pick you up."

I close my eyes and try to calm down, try to stop the crying. He puts one arm around my shoulders and pulls me against him again, my arms around his waist. He starts leading me away from the hell that is the airport and there is no one else I would rather have here with me. Except maybe my Dad, but that's kind of the reason I need someone right now. I don't even think Liam could give me the kind of comfort Harry does.

"He'll be back soon," Harry says.

"I know," I agree in a small voice. "But it doesn't feel that soon."

"Yeah." He sighs and looks down at me while we wait for a stoplight to change. "I'm sorry, Carmen. I don't know how to...I'm not sure how to help you."

I can see the struggle in his eyes, trying to figure out what to do in this situation. He thinks I need something from him, but I don't. I just need him to be here.

"You help me," I admit quietly. His lips press to my forehead and he sighs.

"Good." He starts walking again and I feel like I'm clinging to him for life, but he's holding me together right now. Maybe I don't have to do that for myself anymore.

---

"I don't want to go home," I tell Harry. He nods.

"Great, where are we going?" He smiles at me and looks back at the road.

"The gym."

He nods and the rest of the car ride is silent. My body feels tired from crying and being sad, and I can only think of one thing that might make me feel better. It's probably not something Harry wants to do, though. He pulls up to the school anyway and I already feel guilty.

"Thanks for everything," I tell him. I push the door open. "You don't have to stick around if you don't want to."

I step out and swing the door shut, kind of hoping that he'll follow me. I don't hear him, though, and I can't help but feel disappointed. It's not until I get to the doors that I hear his door open and close and when I turn around he's jogging over to me, his hair held back by a green bandana.

"I just had to tell Lily I couldn't see her today," he explains. He holds the door open for me and my face instantly drops. What the fuck is he doing hanging out with Lily?

"Great," I say sarcastically. All of my sadness is temporarily replaced with jealousy and embarrassment and annoyance at the whole situation. I never should have let myself do this, I had to have known he would be hanging out with other girls. That's just my fucking luck, isn't it?

"Carmen, hang on," he says. He grabs my arm and makes me stop walking. "We're just friends, I told you that at the poetry slam."

"Yeah. I get it. We're probably 'just friends' too." I take my arm out of his grip and keep walking towards the gym. I don't want him here anymore. I don't want his pity and I don't need his comfort. I don't need any of it.

"Fuck, would you slow down for a minute?" he asks, jogging to catch up with me again. I keep walking fast and he keeps pace with me easily. "Carmen, it's not like that."

"Not like what?"

"Whatever you're thinking, I don't know. You're pissed and I don't get why. I'm here with you, aren't I?"

"Yeah, you are. Now."

"What does that mean?"

"You're here now, Harry, but what about in a month when this gets old for you? What about when you meet yet another girl that throws herself at you and gives you a way easier time than I do? I'm not-"

"Okay, stop." He pulls me to a halt again and puts his hands on both my arms. "I don't know what else I have to do to show you that I'm not going anywhere. Trust me, if I thought this was too hard or it wasn't worth it I would be gone by now. I know you better than you think, Carmen, and I'm not going to work my way into your life only to leave again."

"You're not?" I ask quietly. My emotions are just all over the place today and I can't even keep track of them.

"No, I'm not. I would never do that to you," he assures me. He drops his hands. "When I finally get to see the real you, why would I want anyone else?"

I bite the inside of my cheek against a threatening smile and breathe a small sigh of relief. I'm not sure where he came from, but I'm not complaining. He's the first person since Liam that's actually tried this hard to be part of my life. And I've given Harry a harder time that Liam; I just kind of ignored Liam for a while, but I was outright bitchy to Harry. Yet here he is.

"Sorry," I finally manage. "I don't know why I'm being so crazy."

He laughs softly. "You're cute when you're jealous, you know."

"I was not jealous," I retort defensively. He just smiles at me, so I roll my eyes and keep walking towards the gym.

"It's a very human emotion," he taunts. "There's no need to deny it."

"Not jealous," I repeat, pushing the doors of the gym open. I have a key for the storage closet, which isn't exactly allowed, but with all the extra time I spend in here I managed to convince Austin to get me one. I go over to the the ball rack and when I come back out Harry is just standing in the middle of the court. The net is up for practice later today and he's just looking up at it.

"That's pretty high," he says. I laugh and stand beside him at the attack line. "How high can you jump?"

I shrug. "I'm not sure."

"Let me see."

"No," I laugh. That's awkward.

"Come on, I've seen you do it in games."

"Then you should have paid attention because I'm not just going to jump so you can see how high my vertical is."

He rolls his eyes. "Carmen, just do it."

"Oh, now I'm convinced."

He shakes his head at me and I back away towards the ball cart. "What are you going to teach me today?"

"What do you want to learn?" I take a ball and bounce it a few times. I love that he comes in here with me. None of my friends have ever tried to learn to play. Liam understand the game well enough from watching, but he's never tried to play before. Harry is like a curious child when it comes to this.

"Something cool," he says. He shrugs off his jacket and tosses it to the side off the court. "Like hitting."

"You can't hit without a pass, though," I say in a patronizing voice. "So that comes first."

"I don't want to learn to pass. Passing is for girls, hitting is for men."

"Great, so we'll learn to pass then."

He raises his eyebrows and I laugh a little. He suddenly lunges at me and I try to run from him, but his hand hooks around my waist and he lifts me off the ground, my back to his chest. I laugh, a light and happy one and can't remember a time that I ever even smiled on the days my Dad left.

"You'll pay for that," he says. He sets me down and leans down so his lips are against my ear. "Later."

I hope he can't see the goosebumps on my neck. When he releases me I toss the ball at him. His cheeky smirk is plastered on his face and the mischievous look in his eyes makes me curious and a little nervous.

"Toss it to me," I request. He basically throws it at my head, so I catch it. "No, Harry. Here." I hold my arm in front of me and toss the ball back to him, bending my legs a bit. He tosses it again and I put my hands together to make my platform, shrugging my shoulders and lifting my legs to send it back to his hands.

"Now you try," I suggest.

---

"If you're going to miss every time then maybe we should just quit," I suggest, trying not to laugh. He shakes his head and walks back to the attack line. After an hour of passing- which was hilarious- I finally let Harry learn to hit. He's doing his approach well enough, but he can't actually make contact with the ball and it's really funny.

"I'll get it," he says. He gets ready and I toss the ball again, and his fingers just graze it. "Fuck!"

I can't help but laugh this time and he crosses his arms while he waits for me to stop. When I don't he walks over to me, but I hold my hand out.

"No, don't," I say between laughs. He shakes his head and tries not to smile while I catch my breath.

"Show me," he says. He takes the ball from my hands and I shake my head. "Carmen, I've seen you do this before. Just show me."

I refused before because I don't like it when he does this to me. Whenever I show him something he looks at me like I just performed a miracle, and I don't like feeling like I'm showing off or something.

"Don't make me force you," he says. I roll my eyes and walk over to my spot.

"You're already forcing me."

"Damn right I am," he says. I turn around to face him and shake my head at him. "Okay, how high do I toss it?"

"Like I was before."

"How high was that?"

I roll my eyes. "Just throw one and I'll see if it's good." He does so and it falls a little closer to the net than I'd like, but it'll do. I nod and he runs to get the ball again. With my knees already bent and my arms ready, he tosses the ball in the air and I take off for my approach. I can feel the power in my legs with I jump and when my hand makes contact the ball goes shooting down on the other side. When I land Harry is staring at the ball, then at me.

"Don't make a big deal about it," I grumble, walking back to him. I move to get a ball from the rack but he pulls me against his chest and kisses me. In my surprise I barely managed to kiss back and when he pulls away my head feels light.

"Incredible," he mumbles. I put my arms around his neck and kiss him again, and it feels right. Light and happy and easy and I can't remember anything feel this flawless in my life.

---

After practice I race home so I can shower. I don't feel like being in the house after spending so much time at my Dad's place and the aching feeling in my chest goes away when I'm with a certain someone. I pull on some ripped jeans and a loose t-shirt and dry my hair a little before heading down the street to the boys' house. When I knock on the door I mentally curse myself for not wearing a sweater. It's not cold, but it's not exactly warm either.

"Hey Carms," Liam says when he opens the door. He steps to the side for me and Niall and Zayn both wave from the kitchen table. "What's up?"

"I umm..." I look at the living room, but no one is in there. "I was just bored."

"Cool." He goes to the table. "We're just waiting for the pizza to get here."

"Do you guys ever eat anything else?" I ask, sitting next to Zayn. They all shrug.

"Nothing wrong with pizza," Niall says.

"There's something wrong when you eat it for every meal," I argue.

"Not every meal," Zayn defends. "We have cereal for breakfast most of the time."

"How's your Dad?" Niall asks. I ignore the question of how he knows my Dad was here and wince a little when I look at Liam.

"Wait, what?" he says. He looks at me. "Your Dad was in town?"

"I'm sorry, we haven't talked in a few days and I honestly forgot to call you," I rush out. "It's not that I didn't want to, I just wanted to spend all my time with him."

"Okay..." he thinks for a moment. "Wait, weren't you with Harry, though? He said you guys hung out last night."

"Umm...yeah, he came over." Liam's mouth drops open. "He was at my house when my Dad surprised me, so my Dad just kept inviting him." That's sort of the truth.

"What's the big deal?" Niall asks. "Just see him tomorrow."

"He left," I mutter, picking at my nails. I don't want to see the wounded look in Liam's eyes. I guess I have been ignoring him a little this week, but he hasn't tried calling or texting either. He could have if he wanted to.

"Where'd he go?" Niall asks. I'm trying to come up with something that's sort of the truth but mostly a lie so I don't have to tell the guys about him being in the military, but then Harry comes down the stairs. Relief and nervousness rush over me simultaneously and his smiles lights up when he looks at me.

"Hey," he says. "What are you doing here?"

"I didn't feel like being at my house," I reply. He nods and the knowing behind his smile makes my cheeks turn pink. He sits on the chair opposite me and leans his elbows on the table.

"What are we doing?" he asks, looking around. Liam still looks upset, and I hope Harry doesn't make it worse.

"Waiting for pizza," Zayn says.

"Lou!" Harry yells suddenly. "They ordered pizza!"

I hear footsteps upstairs and when Louis comes down the stairs he almost falls on his face. Everyone laughs and he sits down at the end of the table next to me.

"We were just wondering about food," Louis says. "Carmen, lovely to see you."

I roll my eyes. "You're so weird, Louis."

"You get used to it," Harry says.

"I doubt that."

"I take offense-" Louis stops short and looks under the table. "Harry, those are my feet, not Carmen's. Stop flirting with me."

Harry laughs and covers his face with his hands. Louis pats his arm and shakes his head at me while the others laugh, and when I look at Liam he's just glaring at Harry. He's a little more upset than I thought he would be and I'm not sure what Harry has to do with it. If he's going to be upset with someone, it should be me. Someone knocks on the door and Zayn volunteers to get the pizza after everyone piles their money on the table. I already ate, so I have no intention of joining in on this. It's almost eight, so I'm not sure why they haven't eaten yet.

"How was practice?" Harry asks me. His foot actually finds my under the table and I raise my eyebrows. His satisfied smile tells me he knows it's me this time.

"It was fine. Paige was being a brat so we had to do extra suicides." Paige is handful, to put it lightly.

"Don't you have your midterm tomorrow?" he asks when Zayn puts the pizza down. He grabs a slice and I hit my forehead with my palm. Fuck. I completely forgot.

"I have to go study," I groan. I stand up from the chair. "I'll see you guys later."

"Wait." Harry walks over to me, halfway to the door. "Do you need help?"

"No, it's fine. I'm hopeless anyway."

He smiles. "You're not hopeless. I think I still have my stuff from that class, we can study here if you want."

I look nervously at Liam, who seems to be getting out of whatever fit he was in before. Maybe he's just good at only projecting his anger on one person. Me, in this case. Or maybe Harry. I can't be sure.

"Are you sure?" I ask. He's already done way too much for me, and I'm starting to feel like burden to him. How is it I always need something and he never does?

"Yeah, come on." He nods he head towards the stairs. "Oh, wait."

He goes to the table and gets two more slices, then heads for the stairs. As I'm following him Louis shouts something behind us.

"I know you'll need energy up there you two, but you don't have to steal all the pizza!"

I turn and give him the middle finger, much to his pleasure. He makes an inappropriate thrusting motion and I quickly turn around before he can see how red my face is. Harry doesn't pay attention to him, though, and I'm grateful for him not drawing attention to the subject. He swings his bedroom door open and lets me walk in first, then switches the light on. My stomach clenches when I realize this is the first time I'm in his room.

"So...yeah." He steps up behind me, closer than maybe he should. "This is my room."

Notes

so i actually rewrote this cuz the first one SUCKED so yeah i hope you guys like this :)

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ive got two stories, so for the next chapter id like 5 votes/rates please :) we can do itttt!!!!

thanks for reading :) i hope you like it :)