Fading.

I didn’t allow my tendency to overthink got in between what I was going to do next.

After we were done with two movies, Isaac excused himself to go home, for he would be having an early meeting tomorrow morning with his father. He kissed me goodbye multiple times, wishing he could have stayed longer with me as he lingered in front of my door. When the clock showed that it was past 12.30 in the morning, he eventually left but not before he kissed me once again and reminded me to think about the trip to Manhattan.

“I’ll think about it,” I murmured against his lips.

He smiled and nodded briefly, “I hope it’s a yes.”

“Hey!” I pushed him away from me, laughing softly when I saw his shocked expression.

A chuckle escaped his lips as he shook his head, “Sorry, no pressure.”

I watched Isaac walked away and when I was sure he had left the building, I made a dash to my bedroom. I didn’t want to think twice about this – I was just going to do it.

I put on my jacket since it was chilly outside, grabbed my car key, locked the front door and left my apartment building in less than five minutes. Adrenaline surged through my veins, compelling me to tap the steering wheel anxiously as I waited for the red light to turn green.

What was supposed to be a 20 minutes drive turned into a 10 minutes drive and the next thing I knew, I was waiting rather impatiently for the elevator door to open. When it did, my feet led me down the hallway like this place was mine until I found myself standing in front of his door.

“This is a bad idea,” I muttered to myself before my knuckles made contact with the door. The realization finally dawned on me. It was nearly 1 in the morning and I was stood outside of his apartment, feeling sorry to myself.

I silenced the carping thoughts by raising my knuckles to the door and knocked on it twice. Stepping back, I waited for him to open the door and prepared myself to say what I should say to him in order to fix the situation. I’ve had every word arranged in my mind accordingly and when he stood in front of me, I would be able to say it to him without stammering.

However, I should have known by now that when he opened this very door, which was a barrier between the two of us, I would forget everything.

And that was exactly what happened.

Harry perked his head through the slightly opened door and my heartbeat picked up. His hair was disheveled from him running his fingers through it unceasingly, and his eyes now hooded beneath heavy lids. I must have woken him up from his slumber.

When he realized that it wasn’t a stranger, he opened the door completely. “What..are you doing here?” his raspy voice and face clearly showed that he didn’t expect me to be here.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and took a deep breath, “I came here to see you.”

His face creased, reminding me that this was certainly a bad idea – a really bad one. He didn’t want me here. Why did I think he would want to see me after I had sent him off to spend some time with Isaac? When would I stop being such a fool?

“Go home, Sky.” Harry said hoarsely, rubbing the back of his neck.

Given the circumstances, I should have gone home like he told me to. He was nowhere near happy at seeing me in front of him. No. No. No. I was not going to leave until I’ve fixed what I should fix.

“No,” I replied, “I am not going home, Harry.”

His eyes were wide open now like those of a deer in the path of an oncoming train – I was that train he hadn’t expected coming.

“Go home to Isaac.”

I shook my head, “Don’t push me away, Harry.”

He dropped his hand down to his side, fumbling with his fingers all at while avoiding my eyes. “I’m not pushing you away, Sky.” He replied wearily.

“Then let me in,” I demanded, surprising both Harry and I. “We’re going to have our movie marathon.”

Despite the shocked expression written all over his face, he let me in, muttering something inaudible under his breath. The warmth of his apartment straightaway brought back the memories of when I used to stay here whenever he was in London.

Looking around, I noticed that there was hardly any change in the living room. There were three small pillows on the couch arranged the way I remembered it, and there was a scented candle in the middle of the coffee table. I used to make fun of his scented candles fetish but I secretly loved it when he lighted the candles up – that was one thing that he didn’t know.

“Isn’t it too late for you to be out, Sky?” He said, taking a seat on the couch as he reached for the remote and pressed the replay button.

When I turned to take a look at the television, I realized that he was actually in the middle of watching a movie. He was watching a movie alone, wasn’t he?

That made me felt even guiltier.

“Yes, Sky, I’m watching a movie alone,” he said matter of fact. “It has become a habit to me,” he shrugged.

I sighed, hating this feeling of guilt I felt in my heart – I knew I deserved to feel this way but Harry didn’t; he wasn’t supposed to watch a movie alone.

I cautiously took a seat next to Harry on the couch, grabbing the opportunity to study his face since his eyes were trained solely on the television; I knew he wouldn’t be aware of the fact that I was staring at him - he was so into the movie.

He looked fatigued and sleepy but above all of that, I could see the familiarity in his face each time he – we – watched a movie. I found it fascinating at how easy it was for him to allow himself to be absorbed entirely into the movie, which was one of the many reasons I loved about him.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered loud enough for him to hear above the sound coming from the movie.

A deep sigh escaped his lips and he paused the movie, “No big deal, Sky. I’ve been doing this since we..broke up.” He dragged his long fingers through his messy hair, still avoiding my eyes.

Harry had continued our routine, whereas I had completely stayed away from watching movies on Wednesday night ever since we broke up because I couldn’t bring myself to evoke unforgotten memories of what we used to share. Harry however found comfort in reliving our memories.

We were two utterly different people but it worked.

“Anyway, are we going to watch the movie or not?” He asked, breaking the silence between us.

“You don’t want me here,” I pointed out, ready to leave if he said yes. My palms started to sweat as I waited for him to say something, anything.

He ran a hand down his face and shook his head. Then, he finally looked into my eyes. “No, Sky. I want you here but what would Isaac think of this?”

So that’s what it was all about.

“For what I know, he’s asleep right now.” I replied. Now it was my turn to avoid his eyes. I wasn’t exactly lying, Isaac was probably sleeping right now but I didn’t think I would tell him about tonight.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

When I looked at him I saw that his face didn’t show any trace of hesitation, which led me to believe that he was fine with this, “If you’re okay with this, then I am.”

I nodded, smiling a little as he restarted the movie so we could watch it from the beginning. Apparently he had watched this movie twice – once when he was on the tour bus and once when he stayed over at Niall’s house. He told me what I could expect from the movie then before we knew it, we were conversing with each other comfortably.

Although his eyes were fixated on the television the whole time, he didn’t fail to answer my endless questions about the movie. If it was anyone else, they would have told me to ‘shut up’ or ‘just watch the movie, Sky’ but Harry answered my questions without a single complaint.

When the first movie ended, he got up from the couch to insert the next DVD that he chose from his DVD collection. I didn’t realize how much I missed this routine of ours until tonight and I forgot how nice it was to be close to him until he wasn’t next to me.

“I picked this one randomly,” he said and returned back to his seat next to me.

Throughout the movie, my mind couldn’t focus on anything else besides the way his fingertips danced on my skin unwittingly. He would go from tracing circles on my shoulder to rubbing his thumb over my shoulder. His touch sent shivers down my spine and my mind into frenzy but I tried to remain calm, hoping that he was so into the movie that he hadn’t realized I had just shuddered at the way his fingers brushed softly against my skin.

“Are you okay?” He casted a confused glance at me and I held my breath.

“Y-Yeah.” I managed to answer.

Harry didn’t seem to believe me but as I pretended to pay attention to the movie, he dropped the subject with a sigh.

The movie went on for about two hours and much to my dismay, I had less than three hours left to sleep before I had to leave to work.

“You can sleep here,” Harry mentioned.

I shook my head; I could drive home and I could still get at least two hours of sleep before work. But instead of telling him that, I told him that I didn’t have change of clothes since I had taken them out from his closet.

“Uh,” he bit his bottom lips, appearing to be nervous about something. “There are some clothes for you in the drawer if you want, uh, need to wear them.”

My brows puckered in confusion. I thought I had cleared all of my clothes from his place. “How?”

“You forgot to take the ones in the drawer. You only took your clothes from the closet, remember?”

Yes, I did remember that. I had completely forgotten that I had kept some of my clothes in his drawer since he came home unexpectedly that night – the night where he wasn’t supposed to catch me cleaning up his closet.

“Okay.”

His face turned into a hopeful one as he looked at me but that could have just been me fantasizing about it. “So you’re staying?”

I nodded, “If that’s okay with you?” I knew he was okay with it but I just needed a confirmation. Who could have known he might change his mind and thought that having me here wasn’t a good idea?

He smiled genuinely, nodding his head, “Of course it is, Sky.”

I returned his smile and my eyes darted from the door of his room to the couch. But before I could open my mouth to say something, he cut me off.

“You take the bed, I’m fine with the couch – it’s comfortable.” He patted the couch to prove his point.

I shook my head, not agreeing with him. I was a guest and I should be the one to sleep on the couch. Besides, it’s not like I would go to sleep anyway. I just needed a place to lie down. “No, I’ll take the couch.”

Harry shook his head and stayed put on the couch, “Sky, just take the bed please?”

I wished he hadn’t said ‘please’ so I could easily say no. “Fine,” I agreed, turning on my heels and made my way down the hallway to his room.

Everything in his room stayed the same except for the sheet – he had changed it. He still had that picture on the nightstand – the picture I had given to him alongside the note that I wrote myself.

“You can borrow my t-shirt if you want to,” He called out from the living room and I yelled out ‘okay’ back to him.

I paused in front of the nightstand and grabbed the frame from the nightstand. The photo contained of two people with their eyes on each other, their heads leaning in to each other, and their lips were only an inch away. The feelings captured in the photo were strong and real – a proof that they were once a strong lover. They were content and so happy.

And that two people were us.

Turning it over, I saw that he had slipped the note I wrote for him behind the frame. I carefully took the small paper and unfolded it.

For my Harry,

“She was a broken porcelain doll and he'd cut himself trying to glue her back together.”

First of all, I wanted to thank you for everything. Before you, I was lonely and broken and you were happy and content; I was cold and bitter and you were warm and sweet. I know this sounds ridiculous, but you saved me in a way that I don’t think I could explain. I’ve had my fair share of falling in and out of love but with you, everything was different.

You brought love to a whole new level. Your love felt like home, something I hadn’t ever felt before you because in all senses of words, YOU are my home, Harry. I know I don’t deserve you but I’m SO glad you didn’t realize that because if you do, I don’t know what would happen to me but I know you’d find someone better in the future. As of right now I wished we could stay like this for as long as we could.

I love you, Harry, I really do love you. So much.

Your Sky.

“That small note changed my life,”

His voice gave me a shock. Shooting a glance over my shoulder, I saw that Harry was leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed in front of his chest; his eyes were fixated on the small note in my hand like he was trying to read it from where he was standing.

“That small note you wrote made me realize that you’re it, Sky. There was no one else for me anymore. It made me realize how much I love you and no one could tear us apart.” Except ourselves.

I hadn’t realized that he had closed the gap between us, for I was too scared to move. I focused on my breathing that was starting to turn into uncontrolled gasps and spurts.

“You’re scared,” he stated, as his eyes went down to my hands that were shaking unconsciously.

I dared myself to look up at him and sure enough he was already looking down at me with his infamous intense gaze that could send shivers down everyone’s spines. Then unintentionally, my eyes moved down to his lips – his plump, soft lips that I loved and missed so much.

I wanted to feel his lips against my lips so that I wouldn’t be able to forget them for as long as I still breathed. I wanted to remember the way he took his time to kiss me; I wanted to remember the sinful taste of his lips again.

I knew Harry could sense what I was thinking about because the next thing I knew, he was leaning in, his eyes were focused solely on my lips – my trembling lips. I wasn’t going to do anything to stop him, not tonight, because God knew how much I wanted this, and how long I had been waiting for this to happen again.

Every night I dreamed of the way his fingers laced with mine, his nose pressed behind my ear, his smile against my neck and the warmth of his lips when he kissed me. It was a sweet dream yet it was also a nightmare, for each time I woke up, he wasn’t there and none of those things would happen, not again.

Fear and anticipation engulfed me, eating me from the inside, filling my body and taking over my mind when I could feel his breath against my skin. However, before his lips could reach mine, he stopped - he abruptly stopped, took a few steps back and closed his eyes. A wounded frown etched on his face as his shoulders fell in concentrated breaths.

“I can’t,” he whispered, shaking his head. I didn’t know if he was whispering to himself or me.

“W-Why?” My voice broke and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

He took a deep breath then he reopened his eyes, looking straight at me, into me. “I’m trying so hard to be a good friend, Sky.”

I could have sworn I felt like I had been ripped apart. This really was a bad idea – coming here to fix things up – it was a terrible idea.

“Don’t get me wrong, Sky.” He began, his voice cracked slightly. “God..” he tilted his head up and stared at the ceiling as if he was searching for help. “You have no idea how difficult it was just now.” He closed his eyes, and clasped his hands together behind his neck. “I promised. God, I promised to be a good friend and what I was about to do just now wasn’t good.”

“No,” I countered. I wasn’t going to let him carry the blame all the time when I was a part of it too. “It wasn’t your faults. I was the one who..initiated it.”

“God, Sky. I want to be the kind of guy that you deserve.”

What was he talking about?

“I won’t kiss you no matter how badly I want to feel those lips again but I won’t,” he shook his head and added quietly, “because you’re not mine.”

My heart thumped against my ribs loudly, and I just wanted to run because running away was easier than having to face this. Or at least, I wished the earth could have swallowed me right here, right now because I couldn’t be here.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

Harry shook his head, “No, don’t be.” He turned on his heels and when his back was on mine, he slumped his shoulders forward and muttered quietly, “Good night, Sky.” Then he exited the room, letting the door click shut behind him.

“Good night, Harry.”

*

I didn’t and couldn’t sleep at all.

Not when I was laying on his bed where I could smell his scent whenever I tossed and turned. When I turned to my right, that photo of us met my sight, which reminded me of good times. When I turned to my left, the bed was empty, which reminded me of how awful every night was without him.


“I wish I could sleep next to you forever,” he murmured, pressing his lips behind my ear and placing a soft kiss there. He thought I was asleep but I wasn’t. “What have you done to me?” He traced his finger from my ear down to the spot that attached my neck to my shoulder and stopped when he noticed I had sucked in a sharp breath. “Sky?”

“Hmm?”

I felt the bed shifted and for a second I thought he was about to turn on the light on the nightstand, but he didn’t. “I thought you were asleep.” He said.

I turned to my side and looked at him through the darkness. “I can’t.”

He closed his eyes momentarily and when he opened them, he turned to look at me. “Why?”

“It’s cold,” I answered, my voice came out small and low.

“Is that what it feels like when I’m not around?” He asked, his voice was equally low.

I held his gaze, nodding my head. “Yes.”

Harry moved closer until his lips made contact with my cheek. It was quiet – too quiet as we laid in the dark. My hands were immobile at my sides as his lips moved to my next cheek then to my nose then finally his lips were on my lips and all of my whirlwind thoughts were silenced by his kiss.

“I wish we could be next to each other every night, baby.” He whispered, hovering over me.

I nodded. “I wish that too.” I could identify what he was going to say next so I continued, “but you’re here now, aren’t you?”

Harry pursed his lips and nodded grimly. He didn’t like it when I changed the topic but he didn’t want to say anything about it – at least not tonight.

“Yeah, I’m here,” he leaned down and kissed my lips before he laid down on his side. “I love you, Sky.”


After what felt like eternity of tossing and turning, I realized that sleep was hopeless for me. I dragged my feet to the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face multiple times to wake me up from my stupor. It was ten past six in the morning and if I was lucky, I could leave before Harry woke up.

The first drawer. That was where he kept all of my clothes. I took the white blouse and black pencil skirt out from the drawer and laid it on the bed. I was in the process of taking my shirt off when my eyes caught a glimpse of a bracelet on the carpeted floor.

Bending down, I picked up the delicate bracelet and eyed it cautiously. It was a simple one yet there was something beautiful about it. However almost immediately I put it down on the bed, recoiling away. It could have been Olivia’s and she had completely forgotten about it.

I changed into my work outfit as fast as I could and bundled my clothes in my arms. I looked around the room for the last time to make sure I hadn’t left anything in his room like Olivia had – the bracelet – and to memorize the way his bedroom looked like.

Closing the door behind, I walked down the hallway silently, aiming for the front door.

“You’re up.” His voice rasped. Of course he was awake and he was still wearing last night’s jeans with white t-shirt.

My eyes instantly zoned in on him from the sound of his voice and before I could stop myself, I padded along toward the kitchen where he was standing in front of the counter, making a cup of coffee for me. “Yeah.”

“How did you sleep?”

I shook my head, “I didn’t sleep.”

He sighed, handing the cup to me.

“Thanks,” I mumbled, grateful that he had kept coffee in his house although he barely drank it.

“I didn’t sleep either.”

That being said, I looked up and noticed the obvious dark circles under his eyes, tiredness evident in his eyes. Instead of sipping a cup of tea, he was drinking coffee – black coffee.

“Uh, I think Olivia left her bracelet in your room.” I said, masking the hurt in my voice perfectly. I didn’t know why the thoughts of Olivia in his room bothered me.

Staring blankly at me, he asked. “What?”

“Her bracelet.” I repeated. “On the floor of your room.”

He shook his head, setting down his half empty cup. “She’s never been here.”

This time, I was the one who stared blankly at him. “What?”

“I’ve never brought her here so that’s not her bracelet.”

So it was someone else’s then? My heart sunk into the bottom pit of my stomach at the thought of someone else in his bedroom. Did she love the way he arranged his stuffs in his room? Did she throw away our picture when she saw it?

“Whatever you had in your mind is wrong. The bracelet is.. yours.” He sighed, looking down at his bare feet. “I bought it months ago for you,” he paused, swallowing the lump in his throat and I held my breath. “And I didn’t get a chance to give it to you because I’ve been nothing but shit.”

Luckily I wasn’t taking a sip of the coffee when he told me about the bracelet or I would have choked myself. “Oh.” I set down the cup and gathered my clothes. I didn’t think I could be here any longer – not when the urge to pull him into my arms was about to take over my mind. “I have to go.”

“I’m sorry about last night.”

“It’s fine,” I said, waving my hand in a gesture that said I didn’t mind.

I did mind about it because a part of me – a massive part of me – wished it could have ended differently. Granted, what he did last night was probably for our own benefit. I couldn’t hurt Isaac, but neither could I hurt Harry.

“I’m just trying to be good, Sky.” He stated.

“I know.” I opened my mouth to add something but thinking better of it, I pursed my lips and took my jacket that was lying on the floor of the living room.

Harry followed me there, watching me earnestly. “I wish last night ended differently.”

I sucked in a deep breath. He had no idea how alike our minds were. “But it can’t happen.”

“Yeah,” he let his hand drift into the pocket of his jeans and sighed heavily. “I can’t do that to Isaac, to you.”

I took a step closer to him, holding his gaze. “Why, Harry, why can’t you do that?” I challenged him, which surprised both of us.

I needed the answer just as much as I needed to walk away, leave this place and never come back. The former however was what I needed the most – an answer as to why did he suddenly care about Isaac’s feeling. I thought he didn’t like him, I thought he didn’t care about him.

But then again, we were talking about Harry, the man who would put someone else’s need first even if he had to sacrifice and suffer from the consequences of his action.

He took two steps closer to me as if he was challenging me too. “Because Sky, if I allow myself to kiss you last night, there was no way I could let you go and Isaac could screw himself because he’s not getting you back.” When he noticed my mouth gaped open in shock, he backed away from me and allowed me to walk away.

Oh.

Notes

Dun dun dun!!
How are you doing? I hope you're good, i hope you like this chapter,