Fading.

Just when I thought things were getting better, life had a way of showing me the otherwise.

I was beginning to think that moving on wasn’t impossible for me; sure, it was difficult, but it was possible. All I had to do was not to think too much about everything that was going on and that was it, I was fine. I no longer felt guilty for spending most of my time with Isaac, I no longer compared him to Harry and I no longer thought of Harry when I was kissing him. Even when I was sitting alone in my room, my thoughts were consumed by the thoughts of Isaac. Everything was easy, everything was simple – being with Isaac, that is. And I liked it that way.

The more time I spent with him, the more convinced I was that I had made the right decision to give us a try.

“I have to take this call.” Isaac waved his phone in front of me, standing up from the couch.

I nodded and let him talk to his friend on the phone as I reminisced over how good these past few days had been to me, to us. He’d taken me to meet his parents the other day, which went surprisingly well considering how nervous I was to meet them.


“You’re nervous,” Isaac stated, then he reached out for my hand that was on my lap and squeezed it. “You shouldn’t be.”

“Your parents wouldn’t like me,” I glanced over at him who was smiling as he stared ahead to focus on the road.

He shook his head, “Bullshit. I’m 100 percent sure they would like you. Love you, even.”

I couldn’t agree to that. I wasn’t an experienced person when it came to meeting a boyfriend’s parents. I had never met Bennett’s parents when we used to date, for his mother passed away when he was ten and his father remarried hence he didn’t bother to introduce me to his family. The only parents that I had met before was Harry’s parents. Anne was lovely to me but I guessed it was because she was lovely to everyone.

So the thoughts of meeting Isaac’s parents frightened me.

“We’re here,” Isaac announced which only made me extra anxious. Chuckling, he brought our clasped hands to his lap, “Don’t think too much, they’ll like you just as you are.”

“What if-“

“We could go on and on with the what if-s but let’s not do that, yeah?” He leaned forward, planting a soft kiss on my lips. “You’ll do great.”

I nodded and took a deep breath while I watched Isaac rounded the front of his car to open my door. I placed my hand on top of his and climbed out.

“Let’s go.”

Isaac didn’t let go of my hand as we walked up the steps to the door, and before he could knock on it, the door swung open, revealing a woman that looked so much like Isaac. Her blue eyes resembled Isaac’s and her smile looked a lot like his except that hers was missing the dimples. “You’re here!” She pulled him in for a hug, kissing both of his cheeks.

From the way I saw it, they had a close relationship with each other. I suddenly missed my parents.

Turning to me, her smile broadened, “Skylar?”

“Yes,” I smiled.

“I’ve heard a lot about you and I've been telling him to bring you here but he kept on saying me that it’s not the right time.”

Isaac rolled his eyes, used to his mother’s way of greeting people. “You need to work on keeping a secret, mother.”

She laughed softly, “Come on, let’s get inside. It’s getting cold out here.”

When Mrs Miller was ahead of us, Isaac turned to me and kissed my lips. “She likes you.”

“How did you know?” I asked, whispering to him as we trained behind his mother who was leading us to the dining hall.

“I know my mother, trust me.” He said simply, and I believed him. The concept was simple, he told me to trust him and so I did.


However as I had said before, life had a way of proving me that I was wrong. Life had a way of changing things upside down with just a click of fingers. Or in my case, things changed with just a knock on the door.

“I need to talk to you.” His lips were trembling as water streamed down his face from his wet hair.

I stumbled backwards slightly, taken aback by Harry’s unexpected appearance. I hadn’t realized that it was raining outside; there were droplets of water on his black coat and his wet hair was slicked back from his fingers, his face relaxed which most probably didn’t match my shocked face. This Harry that was standing in front of me wasn’t the Harry at the wedding.

“Why?” I was surprised that I could still find my voice after gaping at him.

When he noticed that I was hesitating, he added, “Please.”

Isaac and I were about to watch a movie afterward and I didn’t want to ruin the plan. But what Harry had to say seemed to be important. Looking briefly over my shoulder, I saw that Isaac was still talking a little too animatedly to his friend on the phone and I wondered if it was okay to invite Harry inside. Isaac had nothing against him but he knew a little bit of what happened between us and I liked to keep it that way - I didn’t want him to know more.

I turned back to Harry and was about to tell him to come back again later when I saw him shivering from the cold. He ran his hand up and down his arm to give off some warmth and my heart snapped at that. He had come all the way from his apartment to my place just to talk, not knowing whether I would let him inside or not – he was just trying his luck. And I determined whether he was lucky or not.

Despite the fact that my conscience was screaming at me, I knew myself too well that I could not let him stood outside here in cold when I could have invited him inside.

“Okay.” I relented, granting him an access into my apartment and he sighed in relief.

As we walked down the hallway, Harry suddenly came into a halt just before we could reach the living room. “Isaac’s here.” He mumbled, rather to himself but I heard it all right.

Walking past Harry, I strolled over to Isaac who had ended the call with his friend and was sitting on my couch.

“Everything’s alright, babe?” He stood up, wrapping his arms around my waist as he saw the conflicted look on my face. Squatting down until he was on the same height as I was, he looked straight into my eyes, and then he asked once again, “What’s wrong?”

I didn’t know how to break it to him that I needed him to leave because Harry was here and he wanted to talk to me. In fact, I didn’t want him to leave, I wanted him to be here with me while Harry and I talk but that couldn’t happen. Isaac shouldn’t know whatever that Harry wanted to break it to me tonight.

“You see, Harry’s here and he wanted to talk to me.”

Isaac glanced over my shoulder, his face contorted with confusion when he caught a sight of Harry who was leaning against my wall.

“You want me to leave?”

“No,” I said quickly, horrified that he was about to leave me with Harry alone in my apartment but then again, that was probably for the best. “I mean.. Yes. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to… I’ll text you, all right?”

He nodded. “Okay, text me.” He kissed my lips and pulled away. “Good night, Sky.”

On that note, he left, and I watched him walk to the front door and feel around his pocket for his phone. Once he was gone, I took a look at Harry who had removed his coat but his eyes were squeezed shut and he didn’t look down when I stood in front of him. His shoulders rose and fell in shallow, concentrated breaths, pained frown etched on his face.

I’d never seen someone so distressed, and I knew without a doubt that this was an image that would be engrained in my memory as long as I breathed. This was a guilt I’d carried with me forever, for I’d caused such pain to someone that no matter what happened, no matter what he did to me was still a person that I cared for so much.

He was blocking Isaac and I out, he was driven insane by being in the same room as us.

Keeping my voice low, I called out his name. “Harry.”

His eyes snapped open, looking around to see if we were already alone. When he was sure that Isaac had left, he walked around a bit before he took a seat on the couch.

“Don’t you think it’s too soon for us to move on?” His question took me by surprise but I took a deep calming breath to let him know that his question didn’t affect me like he thought it would.

“We’ve broken up like two or three months ago and here we are, already trying to make things work with someone else when we couldn’t even make things work between us.”

His rather sarcastic statement baffled me, so I remained silence. Come to think of it, he was the first one to show the sign that he was moving on and at first, it killed me but as time passed by, I knew it was probably the best thing he and I should do.Move on.

He took my silence as his chance to continue speaking, “I know what you think. You think I was the first one to move on because I went on a date with Olivia – a date that I didn’t even want to go to – I agreed to it just because everyone couldn’t stop harassing me to go out again! And I was tired of them giving me advices all the time so I only did it to shut them up.”

I understood what he was trying to say but I didn’t want to hear that. I didn’t want him to tell me things that could change my mind; that could make me doubt my decision to move on with Isaac. I shook my head, setting up as great distance as I could between the two of us, “I don’t want to talk about this.” I muttered loud enough for him to hear.

“But I do,” he replied instantly, his voice sounded confident like he had been preparing himself to talk about this. “I want to talk about it. I want to make things clear between us. You’ve said it Sky, things between us are tangled and I want to straighten it out.”

I pressed my back against the wall, crossing my arms in front of my chest as I counted to three while I took a deep breath. If he was fine to talk about it, then I should be. What was the worst thing that could happen, anyway? We were just going to sort our problems out.

“Have you.. Have you slept with him?” I could have sworn I heard the sickening crunch of his heart going through a blender but his question did a number of things to me and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like how he was so brave to lay the question out in the open and dare me to answer it. “You told me you’re done lying, so tell me Sky, answer my question.”

“I knew it,” I said, frustration swelling up in my chest. I shouldn’t have let him in. I should have known that whenever he was here, he came to stir things up. He would leave me feeling lost, and not knowing what to do next. “Whenever you came here,something would happen.”

I gulped as I felt heat rose up to my cheeks, remembering that night when we almost had sex if I didn’t stop him, and that night when he passed out in front of my apartment, which led me to sleep next to him throughout the night. Most importantly, I remembered the pained look on his face both times before he left.

“Just answer me, Sky.” He pressed, pinching the bridge of his nose. I couldn’t believe my ears; he still wanted to know the answer to his question though I had made it pretty clear to him that I didn’t want to answer it.

I pushed myself off of the wall and stood in front of him who looked up at me through his lashes like he was preparing himself to hear what I had to say, “You know what, Harry? I take one look at you and I feel so happy just to see you, just to be near you, and with just simple words, you shove the knife even deeper in my heart and I remember how fucking sad you make me.”

He stood up from the couch, his face was a few inches away from mine, and for the first few seconds I could see deep regret flashing in his green eyes until anger took over as he had digested my words. “I make you sad? Have you ever thought how fucking sad you make me?”

I had never thought of it frankly because I knew Harry was a whole lot stronger person than I was. He could take everything that was given to him and he would just accept it. But that’s where I was wrong; Harry wasn’t any different than I was. Our breakup did as much damage to him as it did to me. From what I had been told, he had been isolating himself a lot on tour, joining everyone only when they were about to go onstage and refused to go out for a celebration after their concert had ended, then when he was back in town, he mostly stayed at home. He barely went out with his friends anymore.

He closed his eyes and swallowed, “I couldn’t get the images of you and Isaac kissing on that bloody dance floor out of my fucking head and it’s killing me.” At his last sentence, his voice broke which broke my heart and I took two steps away from him who was concentrating to get his breath steady.

If there were anyone that could broke me by just looking into my eyes, it would be Harry. The second he glanced up and his eyes met mine, I felt like every breath had been knocked out of me.

We were both silent for a moment. The lack of conversation only invited the emotions we had been trying to suppress. A tear rolled down his cheek, which summed up his emotions and I fought back a sob.

“No.”

Harry reopened his eyes; they were glistening. “No?”

“I’ve never slept with him.” I kept my voice low as if someone else could hear us though I was pretty sure that everyone in this block had gone to sleep since it was nearly midnight.

A look of relief passed over his face as he nodded his head, “I’ve never slept with Olivia either.” He said a matter of fact like he knew the question had been nagging me in my mind but I was too afraid to ask and find out the answer to it. “I’m not seeing her anymore.”

I snapped out of my internal battle and looked up at Harry. “You.. What?”

“I didn’t want to play with people’s heart just because I’m unsure of my feelings,” he stated which caused my heart to beat a little faster than usual. Then I wondered if that’s what I was doing to Isaac; was I playing with his heart? Was I unsure of my own feelings? “So I ended things between us before I could lead her on. She deserves so much better.”

Perhaps that was the reason why I hadn’t heard anything from Olivia since the wedding. She had excitedly suggested to me that we should go out for a shopping but that was just it. It didn’t happen.

“Don’t you think it’s unfair that you did that to her?”

“Yes..” He sighed, running his fingers through his hair that appeared to be shorter than the last time I saw him. “But it would be even more unfair if I kept her with me when I couldn’t give her what she wanted.”

I recalled the way Olivia looked at Harry, the way she talked to him, the way she usually leaned towards Harry like she was drawn to him and I instantly hated myself. I hated myself because in some ways, I believed that I was the reason behind everything that happened between them. Olivia deserved Harry because he was a good person, he could love someone like no one could and Harry, he deserved Olivia because she complimented him, they were like a match made in heaven.

“You shouldn’t do that…” I trailed off, fumbling with my fingers. “She really likes you.”

“Well I really love you.”

My eyes widened as I looked up at him who had taken two steps closer to me. He put his hand on my arm, and I flinched at the cold contact but other than that, I didn’t move. His hands were always warm but tonight it was incredibly cold like he had been holding onto ice cubes for hours.

“Don’t lie to me, Sky. Don’t lie to yourself. Just listen to your heart. For once, please.” He pleaded as he tucked a hair behind my ear, his hand lingered on my cheek and I tried so hard not to lean into his touch.

Maybe it wasn’t just Olivia that was drawn to him, I was drawn to him, too.

It was not fair that he was using my weakness against me. “Harry..”

“I’m so used to spending my time with you that it feels so fucking weird not to have you with me. I want that back. Tell me you want that back too because I know you do.”

“Ha-“

He put one of his fingers on my lips, shushing me. I looked down at his finger and nodded grimly, scared of what he was about to say. “Please, let me talk and just listen.”

I nodded again and he smiled weakly before he took a deep breath.

“I can’t stay away from you, Sky. No matter what I did, I just cant. I even pictured your kiss with Isaac to stop me from coming here but it failed. Nothing could make me stay away from you. Not when I know that you still love me. Not when I know that you still need me,” he closed his eyes, swallowing, “not when I know that I could keep you warm at night because I know how much you hated the coldness of your bed, not when you wished things could go back to the way it was.” When he reopened his eyes, his eyes were glassy and it broke my resolve. “I can’t stay away from you, Sky. Try as you might, nothing could stop me. And you’re right, it’s a shame that we part.”

I pursed my lips to register what he had just told me. What Harry truly meant was that he wouldn’t walk away, not as long as he knew I was still in love with him. Later, without hesitating, he added.

“I’m yours even if you won’t have me.”

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and tried to come up with something to say but I came up with nothing. My tongue was tied, my feet were frozen to the ground I was standing at; I was completely speechless. This time, the sob really did break free, shaking my whole body until I couldn’t stand on my own feet and I couldn’t feel my limbs.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered before he wrapped his arms around my body to keep me from falling as he kissed my head repeatedly, mumbling words that I couldn’t make out over my muffled cries against his chest. I heard something that sounded like, “You’re my air” and “you got me” and my heart twisted at that.

It was really nice to be in his arms again, to hear his heartbeat that was beating just as fast and loud as mine, but the knowledge that we weren’t together anymore and images of those blue eyes and charming smile kept tormenting me so I pulled away from his embrace.

Sighing, he pursed his lips before he opened them to speak, “I’m not going to force you to break things up with Isaac but I’ll take whatever you could give to me.” He whispered once he was sure I had calmed down.

“W-What do you mean?” I asked softly, having difficulty finding my breath.

One of his hands went up to cup the back of his neck as he rubbed them, looking weary as he did so. It was then I noticed the black circles under his eyes which indicated that he hadn’t been getting much sleep for the past few days, weeks – God knew how long he hadn’t slept well. His lips were raw from being chewed on and his cheeks looked sunken. Then it hit me, once again: I caused that.

“What I’m trying to say is that..” he trailed off, seeming unsure with his own words which made me nervous. “I don’t want to stay away from you but I know I can’t have you,” he enunciated each word carefully like they could break me – as a matter of fact, maybe they could. “So, the best compromise I could make is that..” he licked his lips, then continued, “We become friends.”

I opened my mouth to remind him that we had tried it, and it didn’t end well but he beat me to it.

“I know it didn’t work the first time but I promise you, I’ll try to be a good.. friend.” He gulped, nodding his head as if he was proud that he managed to get the words out. “I want to have you back in my life, Sky. Even if we’re just friends,” he muttered the last part; he didn’t expect me to hear it but since it was much too quiet, I heard it – loud and clear – just the way I could hear my heart thumping against my chest and the blood running in my ears.

And God knew just how much I wanted him back in my life.

Notes

Helloooooo, surprise surprise! This is quite of a short chapter :)
And oh my god, TELL me what you think?
I really want to make this chapter as good as possible, and as realistic as possible, so i hoped i nailed it.
What do you think of Harry? Sky? Isaac? Just tell me everything.