I felt content by just sitting near the open bar with a glass of cocktail in my hand as I watched everyone danced in the middle of the hall. They looked just as content as I was; if they weren’t laughing, they were smiling. Somehow, I found happiness in that – maybe it was the alcohol in my system that made me saw things differently but either way, I liked it. I liked living in this bubble of happiness.

“Come on,” he appeared in front of me, taking my half full drink from my hand and setting it on the table at the bar. Confused, I let him took my hand and pulled me to my feet.

“What? Why? Are we leaving?” I asked, sounding frantic as I spoke which caused Harry to chuckle.

“No, we’re not leaving yet. It’s just that,” he paused, glancing over his shoulders to see that everyone was giving him a look that I couldn’t decipher under the low lights. Looking back at me, a charming smile crossed his face, “Every woman in the family couldn’t stop pestering me to dance with you. So we have to dance.”

My eyes widened as I desperately shook my head. All my teenage life, I had tried my best to avoid any events that would require dancing because I knew for a fact that I wasn’t good at dancing – never was, never will. Out of everyone in this room, Harry should have known that.

“No.” I said, reaching out for my glass but Harry had pushed it away from me. His smile was cocky when I glared at him. “I am not going to embarrass myself in front of your family, Harry.”

“You won’t. Come on, babe, just one dance and they won’t put me through hell anymore.” He pouted to show me his feelings about being put through hell by the women in his family. “I’ve told them that you don’t like to dance and they’re not buying it.”

I frowned. “What do you mean they’re not buying it?”

“Just one dance, please? I promise I won’t let you embarrass yourself.” He said, leading us to the dance floor.

“And trip.”

Pausing, he turned around to look at me. “What?”

“Promise me you won’t let me trip.” I stated rather seriously.

He raised his pinky and nodded as we made our way to the middle of the dance floor. Once we were there, everyone smiled at us like they had been looking forward for this moment to come – where Harry would look like a complete gentleman and I would look like a complete arse of a girlfriend for not knowing how to slow dance with her own boyfriend.

Smiling nervously, I put one of my hands on Harry’s shoulder as I interlocked my fingers with his. His warm hand made its way to the small of my back, pulling me closer to him. Leaning down, he whispered in my ear with his low voice that could make me shudder anytime, anywhere.

“Don’t be afraid; just follow my steps.”

With that being said, we began to move, rotating slowly yet easily to the calm music and I mused at how good he was at dancing, and how warm his hand felt like on my back.

“See, it’s not that bad, isn’t it?” Harry cooed.

I looked up and smiled nervously, “I guess you’re right.”

Noticing that I was somewhat still nervous, Harry began to tell me when he started to learn dancing, and in return I had to tell him why I hated dancing. The pointless talk we had while we were dancing made me forget that we were actually swaying to the music until it stopped, until everyone else around us stopped dancing.

Realizing that the music was no longer playing, Harry smiled and leaned down to give me a chaste kiss on the lips. “You were great.” He lingered, his eyes were fixed on my lips.

I knew that look. I knew what usually happened next if he looked at me like that but unfortunately we were aware of the fact that there were so many people around us.

I patted his shoulder to avoid the tension that was building and smiled, “Thanks.”

He rolled his eyes, mumbling under his breath that we needed to get out of this place as soon as possible. And we did; we said goodbye to everyone and we went back to our hotel room.


“I knew what happened between the two of you.”

Isaac’s voice snapped me out of my reverie. I detached my head that was resting on his shoulder and tilted my head back to look up at him who had his eyes fixed on the wall behind us as we moved to the slow music that was getting slower and slower by the end of the night. His voice was dangerously low like he wouldn’t want anyone else but me to hear him. And I was sure no one else heard him.

“What?”

His blue eyes looked down at me and it took every ounce of courage for me not to run away from him. His hand that was on the small of my back pushed me toward him until my head was resting on his shoulder again so I wouldn’t be able to look up at him.

“You and Harry.” Isaac enunciated each word slowly and my heart lurched at the mention of our names in the same sentence. “I’ve seen pictures of you and him on the Internet, magazine, newspaper – they’re everywhere.”

I nodded, letting the fact that he knew whom I was to public’s eyes registered in my head. I was glad that he didn’t choose to pop out this matter on our first date because I wanted to run away from the title that the public had given to me – Harry’s girl. I wanted to be known as myself, Skylar Spencer, not a girl who used to date Harry Styles. And apparently, Isaac had given that to me. He didn’t acknowledge the fact that I was once Harry’s girlfriend until tonight.

“I saw the way you dance with him just now.”

I could feel the rigidity of his body after he said it and I sighed inwardly. If only he heard what I told Harry, he wouldn’t be standing in front of me let alone would he be dancing with me right now. He would be in his car, on his way back home and he would forget everything about me. And I, I would lose him – I would lose someone that.. I let my thoughts paused there. I didn’t know where we stood but I knew that I liked being around him and I wasn’t ready to let that go – the comfort I felt just by having him with me.

“It looks like both of you have an unsettled business with each other.” Oh he had no idea but I wasn’t about to expose that to him. I liked the knowledge of him not knowing what had actually happened between Harry and I. “I had to take you away from him because his date, uh, Olivia was starting to question me about you and Harry.”

I was glad that he did that because if he didn’t, Harry would have said something that I probably wasn’t ready to hear tonight and Olivia wouldn’t see me as her friend anymore.

I raised my head to meet his eyes and smiled, “Thank you.”

“Thank you?”

I nodded and added, “for saving me.”

He opened his mouth to speak but I didn’t want to hear what he had to say so I did the only thing that came in my mind that could stop him from talking – that could stopeveryone from talking. I slammed my hand on the back of his head and pulled his head down to mine.

When our lips were extremely close to each other, he smiled, just a little smile that could make every girl in the room shudder. I ignored the hesitation I felt tugging at me as I finally allowed our lips met for the first time. His free hand went up to cradle my face as he deepened the kiss and I let him; I let him did whatever he wanted to do when we were kissing.

Isaac didn’t take his time like Harry did when he was kissing me but I didn’t mind about that – not tonight. As our kiss began to slow down, I let my hand fell from the back of his head down to his shoulder and he removed his hand from my face.

With his forehead resting on mine, his breath came in short as he whispered, “Wow, you sure know how to stop someone from talking.”

I burst out into a fit of laughter, shoving him away from me and he stumbled backwards a little just as Olivia came up to us. “I hope I’m not interrupting something,” she said knowingly, her eyes darting from me to Isaac who shook his head politely. “Harry told me you’re on the dance floor so I came here to meet you before we left.”

“Oh.” It was the only answer that I could muster.

My heartbeat increased uncontrollably as I saw Harry walking up toward us, the emotion on his face was impenetrable. Perhaps that was better because if he was to show me what he really felt right now, I didn’t think I would want to know or see. When he was standing next to Olivia, his arm went around her waist like he wanted to secure her and she smiled, leaning into him willingly.

“We already had our day planned out for tomorrow so we have to get going.” She stated as if they had been talking about it. Maybe they had. I pushed away the images of them talking and focused on Olivia who was smiling sweetly at me. “I’ve taken your number from Harry’s phone if you don’t mind so we can hang out someday.”

“Sure,” I nodded, forcing a smile. But I didn’t know if that would actually happen – not that I hated her but that would be awkward. I wouldn’t expect Harry to hang out with Isaac so I hoped Harry would feel the same way about me hanging out with Olivia.

Isaac curled his hand on my side, pulling me towards him as he sensed my uneasiness and I was relieved he did that. I caught Harry’s eyes flashing down to where Isaac’s hand lingered on my side for a few seconds before he returned back to his unreadable expression.

Stepping out of Harry’s grip, Olivia pulled me in for a hug. “Maybe we could give the double date a try, yeah?” She whispered before letting go and went back to stand next to Harry, a smile on her face.

“Come on, let’s go.” He grumbled. If I was going with the Harry that I used to know, he sounded like he was desperate to leave this place. That made me wondered why did he come here in the first place.

“You haven’t said goodbye to Sky,” she frowned as if she was expecting Harry to hug me before they left. But when she didn’t say anything else afterwards when Harry looked at her like she was about to grow another head, I was afraid that she really expected that.

Sighing, Harry subtly rolled his eyes. “Fine.”

Funny how it was like two strangers were being forced to embrace. The whole time I spent knowing Harry, I had never thought that one day we would descend into this. I guessed they were right about the theory where lovers turned into strangers after a break up. And God, I hated it.

Harry stepped in front of me, his body language spoke of nothing but awkwardness as he cautiously wrapped his arms around my body. I reciprocated the rather awkward action and smiled at Olivia who was looking at us like she was somewhat happy to see us hugging.

Tilting his head slightly so his lips were close to my ear, he then whispered something that made me shivered involuntarily. I silently prayed that nobody that was still on the dance floor saw it.

“We’re not done about this yet.”

I swallowed the huge lump in my throat and nodded as I backed away from Harry until my back met Isaac’s front. He ran his hand up and down my arm in a calming way but it didn’t calm me at all. In fact, I was even more anxious as Harry opened his mouth to speak.

“I’ll see you again soon, Sky, Isaac.” Harry nodded politely and turned on his heels, leaving the hall with Olivia walking next to him.

I would like to believe that he didn’t mean the ‘soon’ part but if I were to go with the Harry that was whispering in my ear just now, I’d say he was unpredictable.

*

Daisy phoned me along the road to the hospital to remind me that I was supposed to be there in exactly five minutes or she would kill me – that was what she said. The trip would take me at least ten minutes since I couldn’t get out of the meeting earlier than I had to but I wasn’t about to tell her that.

“I can’t believe you talk me into this.” I said, ignoring Daisy’s murderous look that was directed to me as soon as I walked into her doctor’s room.

She was ready to argue with me when an older woman whom I assumed was her doctor came in, smiling at the two of us, “Ah, Ben couldn’t make it?”

Daisy shook her head, pouting slightly in an upset manner.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

Reaching out for my hand, Daisy pulled me nearer so I was standing next to her instead of standing at the corner of the room, looking scared. I could tell that she was nervous but she did a great job at not showing it meanwhile I could feel the temperature around me drop as I watched the ultrasound gel spread onto her belly.

She hissed at the cold contact, gripping my hand tighter. Then almost immediately, the grip on my hand loosened when an image appeared on the monitor. From the corner of my eyes, I could see that her eyes were brimming with tears and her free hand went up to her chest.

“Look..at..that.”

I stared at the monitor in awe; I had never seen something so beautiful, so meaningful before. It was crazy to think that out of the two of us, she was the first one to get a baby. I could still remember the day when she told me that she probably wouldn’t have a baby until she was at least 35; she wanted to have a stable career and relationship before she had a baby but seeing her now, I knew she didn’t need that.

She was happy and that was what mattered. I knew that Ben would take a good care of her – he literally worshipped the ground she walked on.

Both of our eyes followed the movement of the doctor’s fingers as she pointed to the little fingers and feet on the screen. She then began to explain the condition of Daisy’s pregnancy, the health of her baby, and told her the news that she had wanted to hear.

“It’s a girl?” Daisy covered her belly with her blouse since they were done with the ultrasound. Turning to her left, she looked at me. “A girl, Sky, a girl.”

“It’s good to have more girls in the family.”

What did she mean by that? Why was it good to have more girls in the family? Was she related to Ben?

“Right!” Daisy exclaimed like she had forgotten to say something. “Daisy, this is Ben’s aunt, Caroline.”

“Oh,” I looked at the older woman and only then I could pick up the resemblance, “Hi.”

Daisy exchanged a few words with Caroline and when we were out of the room, she turned to me. Her face was brightened by her wide smile – a smile that told me she had something up her sleeves. “I want you to be the godmother.”

I stopped walking as soon as those words left her lips. “What?”

“You heard me.” She rolled her eyes. She was right, I heard her but I wanted to be sure of what I heard was correct. “Sky, you’re my best friend and I want you to be this little girl’s godmother.” She rubbed her belly in a motherly way and added, “you know I’m not taking no as an answer.”

“Okay,” I smiled and she pulled me in for a hug.

It was then I realized that she had her life planned out in front of her and I, I was still unsure of what the future had in store for me. The only thing I knew right now was that, I was done lying.

If only it wasn’t that hard.

*

“Sources said that it was a mutual decision, but we wanted to hear it from you: what actually happened between you and Sky, Harry? Why did the two of you choose to end such a wonderful, may I add, relationship?”

I stopped dead on my tracks at the mention of my name, slowly turning around, putting down two glasses on the table and walking back into my living room to make sure that what I just heard was true. I had left the television on while I prepared dinner in the kitchen since Isaac was on his way here but I didn’t know that the boys were on my television.

No one questioned or cared about Harry and I anymore exactly two weeks after our break up. But this woman, she had just asked a question that should be buried long ago, a question that I believed wasn’t supposed to be asked to Harry.

I took a seat on the couch, and watched as Harry’s smile faltered and a frown took over his face for a microsecond before he looked down and shook his head. Niall who was sitting next to him bit his bottom lip, and if I could take a wild guess, I would say that he was trying to change the subject. Then I looked at Louis who was frowning at the woman like he wished she would have taken back what she asked, Liam who was looking at Harry like he wanted to say something to him and then lastly Zayn who was whispering something in Niall’s ear.

Shifting in his seat, Niall opened his mouth to speak but Harry beat him to it which surprised everyone.

“It’s not something that I want to talk about but,” Harry paused, as he shifted his tongue in his mouth, inhaling a deep breath through his nose. His expression was conflicted and I could see the internal battle in his eyes. He could either choose to talk about it or ignore the question that was directed at him.

Everyone seemed to hold their breaths as they waited for him to continue.

The expression on his face told every person in the room that he was uncomfortable yet his voice was surprisingly calm as he spoke. “I’ve written a lot of songs about us that would be in the upcoming album so I guess people could piece the puzzle on what happened.”

Just as the woman was about to ask another question, the doorbell rang and I immediately turned off the television.

Taking a deep breath while fixing my hair, I walked down the hallway that led me to the front door. “Hi,” I said as soon as the door was opened.

I smiled at the sight in front of me; Isaac looked rather casual dressed in a pair of jeans and a black sweater that fit him perfectly. I was so used to seeing him in a suit or a dress shirt that it was sort of weird not to see him in those outfits.

“Hey you,” he smiled, bending down to engulf me into his arms, and then he kissed me chastely on the lips. When he straightened his posture, I noticed that he had a nice bottle of wine in his hand. “I brought this so we could have a drink.”

I nodded and invited him inside.

“It’s so quiet,” he said as he set down the bottle on a table. Taking a seat on a chair at the dining table, his eyes examined my apartment. I knew that his apartment was probably bigger than mine though I had never been there before but Daisy had talked about it once.

“I liked it,” I conceded, taking two plates of grilled chicken with barbecue sauce that I had prepared out from the microwave. I placed one of it in front of him and sat on the empty chair.

Daisy also told me that Isaac had been working with his father since he was seventeen and with the money he had earned, he bought himself a penthouse in Manhattan and an apartment here in London. I had a newfound respect for him, knowing that he worked hard for everything that he owned right now; he didn’t depend on his father who could give him anything he wanted if he asked for it.

“Why?” He arched one of his eyebrows at me while pouring the red wine into my glass and then into his glass.

I shrugged, taking a small sip of the wine. “I guess I just do.”

Isaac nodded as if my answer made complete sense and then he eyed the meal on his plate like it was the best thing he had ever seen tonight, “Looks good.” He smiled charmingly; I stared at his dimples, which looked like they were mocking me just because.

“Now, how can I not fall in love with you?”

My eyes widened for a fraction, straying from his dimples to look at him to see if he was joking – I was hoping he was – only to find out that he wasn’t. He had said it out of instinct like it slipped out his mouth without him realizing it. I let his words sunk in; feeling like all blood had drained out of me.

“Hey,” he put down the fork and took my cold hand into his warm hand, squeezing it gently. “Did I say something wrong?” His eyes showed clear concern as he gazed into my eyes.

I squeezed his hand back and shook my head, “No, of course not.” My answer didn’t appear to convince him so I added quickly, “Come on, let’s eat. I’m starving.”

“Yeah. Right. Let’s eat.”

Maybe it was just me, or maybe his shoulders really did slump afterwards.

I watched Isaac ate in silence and reciprocated his actions – if he smiled, I smiled; if he laughed, I laughed; if he frowned, I frowned yet no matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to get my mind off that one question that had been lingering in my mind since he said something that I hadn’t expected to hear: would I be able to return his feeling?

Isaac continued to tell me about his trip to Japan a month ago. All the while as I sat there listening to him, I wondered if it was possible for me to give him a part of me when my heart seemed to swell, shrink, break into pieces and even beat for someone else thoroughly.

*

“I’m sorry,” He mumbled, kissing my lips once more before he stepped out of my apartment.

Discombobulated, I frowned at him. “What are you sorry for?”

If there were one person that had to apologize, it would be me. I should have apologized for having someone else in my mind when he was talking or when he was kissing me. But here he was, standing outside my apartment, thinking that it was his faults I wasn’t engaging with the conversations we had during dinner. He thought it was his faults when he lost me whilst he was telling me interesting stories about his business trip.

Running his hand through his short hair, he sighed. “I knew I made you upset and I’m sorry fo-“

“No,” I clarified. “You didn’t. I just..”

“Had something else in your mind?” He finished off my sentence.

Somehow I could tell that he wanted to say ‘someone’ instead of ‘something’ but thinking better of it, he didn’t say it.

I nodded my head solemnly, hating the fact that I couldn’t bring myself to tell him why I was acting odd tonight. “Yeah.”

After a moment of silence, Isaac took a deep breath and cleared his throat. “I really like you, Sky. I am aware that I could never beat Harry-“

That was it. I didn’t need someone else to think that they weren’t enough for me because almost everyone I knew was enough and even better than who I was. Isaac could get whoever he wanted yet here he was, about to go home after having a lame dinner with me.

“No.” I declared. “Don’t say that. You just..” speak the truth, Sky “walked into my life at a wrong time.”

It was true; he did walked into my life at a wrong time. But then again, when would be the right time? I seemed to be so hung up on Harry. I didn’t think I could give my heart to someone else when he still had a hold of it.

“So, is this the moment where you would tell me that you don’t want to see me anymore?”

The whole time I had spent knowing him, this was the first time I saw his vulnerable side. And I hated how it pinched my heart seeing the perplexed look in his blue eyes.

I shook my head, “This is the moment where I would tell you that if you give me more time, maybe we could make it work.”

He smiled, just a little smile at first, but as it grew it pressed his cheeks up and slowly revealed his teeth. Finally the smile reached his eyes, lighting them, causing them to crinkle at the corners.

“The time is all yours, Sky.” He left a kiss on my cheek, and backed away. “So I guess I’ll get to see you again?”

Biting my lip, I assured him that he would see me again. “Yes.”

“Good night, Sky.”

“Good night.” I smiled, waving him goodbye.

That night, as I laid awake in the darkness of my room, I realized that I had just made a decision to move on. I was terrified; loving Harry was the only thing I was good at and I would never know if I was capable of loving someone else just as much as I used to love him.

But even if I could open up my heart to love someone else, I knew it would never be the way I loved him.

I tried to understand this new dynamic between Harry and I; it was not as simple as “you either want me or you don’t.” I knew that and I hated that.

Keeping Harry in my life might kill me. But letting him go would.

Notes

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