Fading.

By the end of the week, Harry and I had effortlessly sunk into a routine of texting each other whenever we weren’t doing anything. Texting with Harry wasn’t the same as before. Things had shifted between us and I was aware that this wasn’t normal considering not only we had broken up but he was currently seeing a girl.

However neither one of us wanted to stop – I didn’t want it to stop because it was nice. It was nice to have someone to talk to.

Harry usually texted me the second I stepped inside my apartment after a long day at the office, asking me how my day was. Mostly his timing was great but there were times when he would text me when I was in the middle of a good slumber.

As much as I wanted to curse him for texting me at a wrong time, I couldn’t. I would eventually grab my phone and read his text. Then I would reply it.

There was one night or morning considering it was 2.35 am where he texted me. I was just about to go to sleep since Daisy had kept me up until 2 am just to talk.

Groaning, I aimlessly reached for my phone that was sitting on the nightstand.

I wrote couple of new songs today.

That was all it said. I looked at the watch: 2.36 am. I pondered for a moment, trying to come up with a response. I honestly couldn’t think of one and before I could type a reply to tell him to just go to sleep, another text came in.

Shit, sorry. I didn’t realize it’s late.. Never mind.

Confused now, I typed a response quickly and pressed the send button.

Are u all right there?

His reply was instantaneous like he had been waiting for my text to come in.

Yeah.. Just got back from the studio and now I can’t sleep.

That had happened to him numerous times before. It was either because of the adrenaline that was still running in his blood from recording their new songs – God knew how much he loved recording – or he had just written a really good song and he wanted to talk to someone about it.

I remembered the night when he came all the way from the studio to my apartment just to tell me that he had just written a new song for their next single. It was 1.30 am and I had just gone to bed twenty minutes before. Despite all that, I invited him inside and let him talked about it. I listened to him enthusing about the song until I fell asleep in his arms, listening to his voice that was in a way so calming to me.

Why?

That was a stupid question to ask but that was the only reply I could muster after thinking about it for a while. Compared to Harry, I was slower when it came to replying text messages. He had complained about that before but I shrugged it off, reminding him to call me instead of texting me.

But now as I glanced over at my phone every now and then, I was surprised that he took longer than usual to reply my text. Just when I thought he had fallen asleep and as I was about to fall back to sleep, his text came in.

I stayed late at the studio to write a song for you, about you.

I stopped breathing for approximately five seconds. I knew it was bound to happen; that was what musicians do. They wrote songs about things that happened in their lives but as I read his text over and over again, it hit me that people would be able to listen what he had to say to me, what he wanted to say to me. They could hear the unspoken words that he hadn’t said to me.

And then I replied; I wasn’t thinking, I just wrote.

Oh. You should go to sleep, Harry.

I read it back and regretted my choice of response. I shouldn’t have just told him to go to sleep; he must have thought I hated him for it.

Granted, it was a tender subject. Harry and I had been avoiding talking about our past relationship at any cost though he had tried talking about it – many times before – but I brushed him off hence he never brought it up again afterward.

As much as I wanted to ask him what did he write about me, I didn’t want to push it. A part of me wanted to know, another part of me want to be kept in the dark – at least until the song was out, that is.

I waited a few minutes, never taking my eyes off the screen. When I read his text, I could literally hear him sighing as he ran his fingers through his hair.

I probably should.. Sorry for waking you up. Good night, Sky.

My heart was pumping in my chest and thundering in my ears. There were a lot of things that I could say to him but I chose not to say it - I chose not to speak what I really wanted to say.

Good night, Harry.

It was only when my heartbeat slowed in my chest that I forced myself to return back to sleep since he likely wouldn’t reply to that text. So I set my phone down on the nightstand and rolled over, imagining him lying next to me, talking about the song he recorded in the studio.

*

“I haven’t heard from you in a while, how are you doing, baby girl?”

I cringed at the nickname my mother had given me when I was three. Granted, it sounded really cute back then because I was smaller compared to other girls my age but now, not so much. Tristan always made fun of me and tried his best to embarrass me in front of everyone by calling me ‘baby girl’. Some thought it was cute, some not.

“I’m good, been busy, but good. How are you, Mum?”

I typed the last sentence for the article and sent it via email to Allison so she could print it out for me.

“I think Haley’s pregnant.” She said almost in a hushed tone. If I could take a wild guess, Tristan and his said wife were there, in my parents’ house hence the whisper.

Frowning, I leaned back on the leather chair. “How?”

“She’s just.. I don’t know, she seems so happy and Tristan is on her side all the time, helping her and all that.”

I let out a laugh; my mother was an observant person. Sometimes it came in handy; sometimes it didn’t because she could see everything, even the things that nobody could take notice. “Mum, are you sure it’s not because they’re newlyweds?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s not because they’re newlyweds.” She stressed out, taking a pause before she continued, “I’m a mother, I know how to differentiate that, Skylar.”

It was pointless to argue with my mother. She was always right, anyway.

“Okay, how about you just ask them about it?” I suggested.

My mother didn’t like to pry in somebody else’s business but most of the time she didn’t realized she was actually prying.

Like when I brought Harry for dinner she couldn’t stop asking him about his parents who have split up years ago. She wouldn’t stop until he eventually gave her a clear picture of how his family was. According to her it wasn’t prying, it was her way of getting to know the guy her daughter was currently dating.

I could clearly remember how nervous Harry was when seeing my parents for the first time but nevertheless he did well – he answered their questions the way I knew my parents wanted a guy to; he gave them answers that they wanted to hear from the guy their daughter dated.

“I’m going to do that. Take care of yourself, Skylar. Come home if you can. I miss you.”

Sighing, I replied. “I miss you too. I’ll be home for thanksgiving.”

We ended the call and I returned to my computer screen, reading emails that were filling up my inbox. I replied to emails that were important and ignored those that weren’t important. The task was boring me and just the sound of my office phone ringing made me sigh in relief.

Usually I hated answering calls, but not today.

I said my practiced mantra of answering phone calls as I cradled the phone between my chin and shoulder, typing away at the email on the screen. “Skylar Spencer, what can I do to help you?”

“You know,” a deep, familiar voice answered through the phone, in such a way that I could almost see him smiling, “it’s been a while since I last called you when you’re working.”

I stopped replying the email and leaned back on my chair, trying to look out the glass window but I saw no one. “Is that so?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry and I’m taking you out for lunch.”

I rolled my eyes, shaking my head. I couldn’t help but smile though. I checked the watch and my lunch break was in five minutes. “How can you be so sure I have no plans already?”

“Because I’ve just asked Allison about it and because,” there was a pause before my office door opened, “I’m standing right here.” I blinked in surprise, staring at Bennett as he leaned against the door in his white button down shirt, shrugging and hanging up the phone, a smirk on his face. “Allison said you usually ask her to buy your lunch so let’s not burden her today, yeah?”

I considered about it for a moment, but when my stomach growled, I smiled. Besides, when was the last time I had lunch with him?

“Fine, you win. Where are we going?” Pushing myself from my desk, I hit the sleep button, grabbing my purse and following him out of my office.

We took the elevator to the parking garage, Bennett fishing the keys out to his sleek black BMW. Sliding in the car, he drove us out of the garage. “Lauren’s waiting for us at the café. She’s excited to see you.”

It was then I remembered that I might have agreed to become Lauren’s bridesmaid for their wedding, which was a week away. I was hoping that she had forgotten about it and found somebody else as a replacement but as we walked into the small Italian café and Lauren was waving at me excitedly, I knew she hadn’t forgotten about it at all. She was still counting on me to become her bridesmaid.

Pulling a chair next to his fiancé, Bennett bent down to kiss her cheek before he sat down.

After the petite waitress had taken our orders, Lauren turned to me and smiled – it seemed like she couldn’t get enough of smiling. “I’ve found a perfect dress for you, are you free tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

Lauren clapped her hands, “Great, then we could take you out for dinner too.”

I was about to agree when I remembered that Daisy had made me promised not to ditch the date with Ben’s cousin in the last minute no matter what came up. “I can’t.” Almost instantly, Lauren’s smile faltered. “I have a date.”

Bennett arched his eyebrow in surprise; he knew I hated going on a date especially blind date. “Oh, you have?”

Lauren smacked his arm, “Of course she has, babe.”

Bennett raised his hands in a defensive way and apologized if it came out the wrong way.

“I guess we’ll meet you at the boutique on the afternoon, then? Bennett will text you the address.”

“Sounds good.” I nodded my head, pulling my tall glass of iced tea over to me, sipping through the straw.

Satisfied, Lauren leaned forward in her seat, her eyes shining with curiosity. “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

*

I had rounded the corner twice now, searching for an empty parking spot but I couldn’t find any. I was on the verge of giving up when suddenly I found an empty space behind Bennett’s BMW and so I parked my car there. I turned off the engine and climbed out of my car.

My phone rang just as I stepped inside the boutique. “You’re not cancelling the date, aren’t you?” Daisy’s anxious tone answered through the phone.

“No, Jesus, calm down.” I rolled my eyes subtly.

Lauren who was listening to a woman that was holding two dresses talking to her waved at me as soon as I came in view. Standing next to her was a younger woman that looked almost like Lauren. It must be her sister.

“Good, where are you?” She asked, sounding more casual now.

I cradled my phone between my ear and shoulder as I gave Lauren a brief hug. “I’m at a boutique. Look, I’ll call you again later.”

“Okay, Sky. I’m so happy you agreed to go on this date.”

Up until now I still couldn’t understand why Daisy was so determined about this. She couldn’t stop reminding me about it every single day, she was even nervous for me as if it was her date.

I pushed the thoughts of it to the back of my mind when a woman came up to me. “You’re the bridesmaid?”

I put my phone back into my handbag and nodded. “Yeah.” She told me to follow her to the dressing room as they had put my dress there.

The dress was hanging on the wall and it was perfect – the dress was perfect but I wasn’t sure if I would look good in it.

“Put it on,” the woman urged me and closed the curtain. “If you need me, call out.” Stepping out of my clothes, I took the dress from the wall and put it on.

Surprisingly, it sat on my body as if it had been made for me. Its satin folds hugged my curves and the cream colored of the dress was a contrast to my pale skin. I ran my fingers through the halter neck that was embroidered with miniature dark flowers and finished, as along all the visible seams, with jet black lace that was supposed match the heels I had to wear. Its light skirt flowed out above my knees, showing my legs.

This was too much; I couldn’t wear this dress.

The curtain was pushed aside; Lauren and the woman previously were standing in front of me, smiling. It was as if I was the one who was getting married.

“I knew it’d fit you!” Lauren exclaimed. Turning to the older woman, she smiled. “We’ll take it.”

“I can’t wear this,” I spoke.

Lauren frowned, “do you want something else then?”

I shook my head, “no, I just think it’s too much.”

“You haven’t seen Lisa’s dress.” Lauren rolled her eyes at her little sister, nudging her shoulder. “Yours is nothing compared to her. Isn’t that right, Lis?”

Lisa shrugged, “take the dress. It looks good on you.” She smiled genuinely though I was a stranger to her.

“I guess I’ll take it.” Both sisters smiled at me and told me that I had made the right choice on taking it.

*

When I emerged from the bathroom, my phone lighted up with a sound that I had set specifically for text messages. With a towel wrapped around my body, I walked across the room and took my phone that was on the middle of the bed.

What do you think of this?

I frowned at the text coming from Harry; he hadn’t texted me since the night he told me that he wrote a song for me.

What do u mean by ‘this’?

I set my phone back on the bed and strolled over to my closet. Daisy had advised me to wear a dress and that was what I was going to wear. Pushing the hangers aside one by one, looking through the dress that I owned, I finally decided to wear the blue dress that I hadn’t worn since last year.

After putting it on, I walked away from my closet. I tried not to walk over my bed and pick up my phone because I had to get ready for my date with Isaac but I couldn’t.

This friendship.. What do you think of it?

I had never questioned myself about it before. I went with the flow; I would go wherever this friendship took us – I didn’t want to think of it. I knew we shouldn’t be texting but I also knew I didn’t want to lose whatever we had right now.

Its nice.

I haven’t told anyone that Harry and I were texting; I just thought it wasn’t necessary for anybody else to know about this. They would think we were trying to rekindle our relationship.

Do you think it’ll stop?

I stared for a long time, my heartbeat steadily increasing. I really didn’t have an answer for that.

I dont know, Harry. Its out of my control. Maybe it will maybe not.

I set my phone down without reviewing the text I had just sent to him and continued on getting ready.

My mind couldn’t stray from the text Harry sent to me just now. Why was he asking this? Did he plan on ending it? Did he now realize that it was a wrong idea to text with me? Did he realize that it was not possible to be friends with me?

Before I could start overthinking, there was a knock coming from the front door.

Taking a deep breath, I focused on my feet so I wouldn’t trip or embarrass myself in front of the person that I had never met before. As I opened the door, I caught a whiff of his perfume – it wasn’t that cheap cologne, it was the smell of perfume that every girl was drawn to. His scent was comforting and attractive.

When I looked up, I met a pair of dark blue eyes that were already looking at me with a hint of smile as the corners of his eyes wrinkled. His short light brown hair was styled to perfection though it was slightly messy from him running his fingers through it.

“Skylar Spencer?” His voice was deep, but he didn’t have that accent that Harry had. As his face broke into a smile, I noticed that he had dimples – they weren’t as prominent as Harry’s – but I could see it. That added sweetness to his attractive face.

Daisy was right; he was really good looking but in a way, I couldn’t stop comparing him to Harry. They were completely different though their heights were probably the same.

I stopped myself before I could go any further on comparing both of them. Maybe this was what Harry felt when he went on a date with Olivia.

I nodded and stepped out of my apartment, closing the door behind. “Isaac Miller?”

He let out a chuckle and it was a beautiful one, “Yeah. Are we ready to go?”

“Yeah, we are.”

Isaac let me walk ahead of him as we got into the elevator, which I thought was very gentleman of him to do that. There was nobody else but us in the elevator and it was completely silence.

Clearing his throat, Isaac looked down at me. “Blue is a good colour on you; it brings out your eyes.”

I couldn’t remember when was the last time I blushed but as he looked at me with that intense gaze, I knew without looking into a mirror that my face flushed bright pink. “Thank you.”

A chuckle came from him, “you’re not used to getting compliments, aren’t you?”

Smiling now, I shook my head. “Nnno, not really.”

The elevator doors opened and he let me walk in front of him again as he pointed to me where his car was parked. Daisy was right; he really was rich.

I was expecting a quiet car ride but it was the complete opposite. He asked me several questions on how I met Daisy and in return I asked him what did he think of her.

“I think she’s the kind of girl that gets whatever she wanted. Her way, that is.” He said with a chuckle. For someone that hadn’t known Daisy all his life, he could describe her and it wasn’t wrong at all. Daisy really was that kind of girl.

“Where are you taking me, by the way?” I asked, hoping I didn’t sound too curious.

“Ahhh, Daisy did tell me that you’re not a big fan of being kept in the dark.” What else did she tell him? “I’m sorry to disappoint you but I will have to make you wait.” He glanced over at me, arching his eyebrow at me, “in the mean time, we can talk to kill the time?”


“Sushi?” I looked out the window to see that Harry had parked his car in front of a sushi place.

Harry shrugged and took his key out of the ignition, “Niall suggested that the best spot for a date is this place.”

“Are you Harry or Niall?” I teased as he rolled his eyes, opening the door to the passenger side.

I liked sushi but I wasn’t a big fan of them mostly because I didn’t know how to use a chopstick but of course, Harry didn’t know that.

“Reservation for Harry,” he said to the man dressed in black shirt standing behind a tall table.

Nodding, the man led us to our seats that were at the end of the room. As expected, he chose the secluded seats. Harry and his privacy.

Harry ordered everything and when the waiter had walked away, he looked at me, smirking. “Is there something you want to tell me, babe?”

I shook my head, feigning innocence. “No, what are you talking about?”

“Okay then.” He shrugged it off and we continued talking about our day.

When the sushi arrived, I realized that sooner or later Harry would realize that I wasn’t good at using chopstick.

Harry took his chopstick and dug in for the sushi; he was good with it. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Yeah, I’m going to.” I picked up the chopstick while Harry looked at me like he was waiting for something to happen. The corner of his lips turned up and I knew that he knew it. “Fine, I don’t know how to use a chopstick.”

Instead of laughing, Harry put down the set of chopstick he was holding and grinned, “thought so.”

“I swear to God, this is the worst idea ever.” I huffed.

“I’d say I’ll never listen to Niall again but he gives a good advice sometimes.”

Leaning forward, he took my chopstick from my hand and taught me how to hold it the proper way. When I tried and failed, Harry laughed. “Let me just feed you, yeah?”

I looked around, worried that people would see us.

As if reading my mind, he spoke. “Who cares if they see us? They would think I am such a sweet boyfriend.”

I rolled my eyes, “trust you to still think about your reputation even when you’re on a date.”

“Remind me not to bring you out for sushi again.”


It wasn’t a sushi restaurant.

“Mr Miller, it’s nice to see you here.” The older man greeted Isaac as soon as we stood in front of the restaurant. It seemed like they had known each other their whole lives from the way Isaac pulled him in for a hug – a manly hug where a pat in the back was involved.

“Please, just call me Isaac. Mr Miller is for my father,” he said, smiling after he let go of the man. The old man reciprocated his smile, nodding his head.

His eyes found me and his smile grew bigger, “ah and who is this pretty lady?”

“My date for tonight,” Isaac looked at me through his shoulder, “you have two seats saved for us, don’t you?”

“Of course, follow me.”

Everyone looked at us while we walked past him or her to get to our seats, Isaac even waved at them and I could only assume that he knew them.

“This is my uncle’s restaurant,” he explained as we had settled down on our seats. “I worked in this place when I was in college so that’s why I knew some people here.”

A waitress came over to our table to take our orders. She even conversed with Isaac as he asked her how she was doing and when he had placed his order, she walked away. Few seconds later, she was back but this time with a bottle of wine that would cost fortune. But Isaac probably didn’t care; he probably drank it every day.

“A toast for our blind date?”

I nodded and we clunked our wine glass. I took a sip of the golden liquid, savoring its sweet sugariness as Isaac watched me through his glass. His dark blue eyes were burning a hole in me and I tried to find a way to ignore the look he gave to me. It wasn’t uncomfortable nor was it comfortable.

“I’m glad I said yes to this.” Isaac said with a smile.

I was glad that our meal came because I could avoid from coming up with a response.

*

Unexpectedly, the date went well. I had fun with Isaac though it got awkward at times but he could always come up with something to say. His laugh was amazing, his smile was amazing; everything about him was amazing. However I couldn’t help but think that I could never be good enough for him. He was the kind of guy that deserved so much more granted that he was successful and came from a well-known family.

“I had a great night,” I said as we stood in front of my apartment building. He wanted to walk me to my door but I had politely declined his offer.

Looking down at me, he smiled, “I’m glad you did. I was so worried that you would get bored.”

How could someone like him be worried that people wouldn’t enjoy his company? I knew I would enjoy his company completely if Harry hadn’t been lurking in my mind.

“You didn’t bore me,” I replied with a smile. “I might bore you, instead.”

Shaking his head, his dimples made an appearance as he smiled, “No way, I enjoyed looking at your beautiful face.”

I looked away immediately, hoping that in the dark Isaac wouldn’t be able to see my cheeks turned pink.

“You should get used to compliments.”

I nodded. Not because I agreed with him but because I didn’t know what else to say.

“Good night, Sky. I’ll text you.”

I stood awkwardly in front of him, rubbing my arms as I said good night. “Good night, Isaac. Thank you for today.”

Leaning down until he was on the same level as me, Isaac planted a warm kiss on my cheek. “We’ll have to thank Daisy and Ben.”

I took the stairs to get to my apartment and when my door came in view, I saw that someone was sitting on the floor next to it. Confused and slightly scared since it was getting late, I walked cautiously, wishing that he wouldn’t wake up as I opened the door.

However the closer I was to that person, it became clear to me that it was someone that I knew. Kneeling down, I hesitated whether I should wake him up or not.

“Harry?”

No answer. I called out again but he didn’t answer. Panic set in and I put both of my hands on his shoulders, lightly shaking him. “Harry, wake up.”

His eyes opened slowly as if it was a difficult thing for him to do. “S-Sky?” His voice was hoarse and raspy as he said my name.

“What are you doing here?” I sighed, knowing that he wasn’t okay the second I saw his glazed eyes. I took one of his arms and put it around my shoulders. “Come on, get up.”

Harry struggled to get on his feet but eventually I managed to drag him inside and put him on my couch. I stood and looked down at him, wondering how did I manage to bring him inside. Usually when we were asleep and half of his body was on top of me, I couldn’t move him, I couldn’t push him off of me.

“Where.. have.. you.. been?” His voice was deeper than usual and it was a lot harder for me to understand what he was trying to say to me. I kneeled down on the floor next to him so I could hear him better. “You’re wearing.. a dress.”

“Yes, yes, I am. I just got back from a date.”

His head that was lying on the pillow lolled to one side and I could see that he was trying really hard to keep his eyes open. “A date?”

I nodded and got up on my feet. “Go to sleep, Harry.” I couldn’t stay around him for so long; it was really hard to see him like this and not knowing what was the cause.

I changed into my pajamas, took an extra blanket from the drawer and walked out to the living room. Harry’s mouth was slightly open as he breathed out. I covered his body with the blanket and before I went back to my room, I knelt down. “What am I going to do with you?”

“Stay..” his voice croaked out though it was very low. “Stay with me.”

Notes

oh my god, this is probably the longest chapter i've ever written so far! and thank you for reading.