Alter ➳ h.s

t w e l v e
awkwardness
ember

Sitting on a plane next to Ben for a few short hours was one of the worst decisions I’d made in a long time. We didn’t talk and I asked for the window seat. He smelled good but it only made me feel worse. “I do it all for you,” Ben said to me while I sat next to him in the car. Josie had a separate ride, even though I didn’t want her to. “I do everything I do for you. And I know you need a reminding of that. The other night was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“You didn’t do anything. It’s me. I’m tired, will you take me home?” He nodded at my request. I told him that I’d call him later, even though I knew I wouldn’t. Harry called a few times, but I couldn’t answer. When I walked through the door with my bags, everyone was gathered in the living room. Jason was laid across the couch, on his phone, while Mom and Dad were laying on the floor, watching a movie that Jason wasn’t paying attention to. “I’m back…?”

“Em!” Everyone rushed up and hugged me, but I wasn’t feeling too happy. “You owe us an explanation.”

“Why?”

I sat my bags down and sat on the floor, “Because you’re all over the news for being out with Harry and holding each other and yelling at the paparazzi, but you’re photographed coming back here holding hands with Ben. What’s going on?” Jase asks.

“Nothing. Harry is a friend. Ben and I are fine. I’m tired, can I go upstairs and not be bothered?” They all nodded and I took my things upstairs and took a long shower. I found myself throwing my onesie into the back of my closet, it reminded me of Harry. I wanted to tell him that I enjoy his company. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t allow him to know how I felt and that my love for Ben was still strong. I found many texts from Harry:

I’m sorry, call me

are you back home?

safe?

ok?

call me…

I miss you

That’s about the part where I knew he started drinking, because his texts got progressively worse.

you make me happy, you know

everything’s ok when you’re around

doc says it’s cause you’re a good effect on me… I think it’s cause I want you to be with me

you’re beautiful

I want you

I stopped reading. “I know you said you wanted to be alone, but we need to talk,” Jase’s voice traveled through the cracks of the door. I invited him in afterwards, he closed the door behind him. “Okay, tell me everything.” So, I did. I trust Jase, he’s not an ass of a brother, nor is he excessively protective. He’s just the nice one. “So do you truly like this Harry guy?”

“I don’t know. I-Yes. It’s just so hard with his mental issues and constant mood changes plus the bullshit with Ben. So I’m trying to ignore them both. It didn’t work out much since I came back with Ben. But still.”

“Stop ignoring Harry. I understand that you may be upset with him, but he cares enough to apologize. Harry has a spine, he’s not afraid, unlike Ben. Just let it go. If you wanna leave Ben, leave him. If you wanna stay with him, stay. But don’t drag Harry along, he seems like an okay guy.”

“I absolutely hate it when you’re right.”

“I know. Now call Harry.”

“Okay,” I agreed.

I never called him.

You see, I'm partially positive that it's simply a "girl thing". Like Harry has said, I do love Ben and I like Harry, he's nice and sweet. But you don't just fall out of love. It doesn't happen that easily. I didn't not call Harry because I was upset, I didn't call him because I didn't love him.

➳ ➳

The next day came along like the way I fell asleep. Slowly and gruesome. My eyes barely twitched when attempting to sleep. I couldn’t stop thinking about Ben and Harry and how I totally cockblocked Josie and Liam. I felt bad. But that didn’t stop me from getting up for work to see Julia. “I hate you for not taking me,” she said after a few hours.

“I figured you wouldn’t want to go,” I explained; cleaning the dirty tables and waiting for a customer to order. “Josie would constantly be with Liam, and I spent my time with Harry, mostly.”

“So! It’s California! With rich guys on one hotel floor, I could find anything or anyone to do!” An elderly couple looked at her from afar, “Oh, shut up and drink your tea.”

“Julia! Anyway, I’ll take you with me when Josie and I go in a few months. Just us girls.”

“Oh God, what happened?” She sat down and began counting her tips of the day so far.

“N-Nothing. Harry and I won’t be speaking for a little while… or ever.”

“Harry? As in, Harry Styles? Woah, you’re, like, super cool,” the girl I was waiting on commented. Then she ordered a salad, wasting everyone’s time. She was probably just eavesdropping. “Oh, there he is, he’s so hot.”

“Julia, turn that up!”

The television was of a live interview with all of them, they looked nice. Harry and Liam seemed distracted, but fully-rested, even though I knew that wasn’t the case. “And I have a question for you, Harry,” said the interviewer.

“Go right ahead.”

“These pictures and a certain video was taken of this girl,” a picture of Harry and I showed up on the screen, along with others. Us buying things, holding hands, walking, etc. were all on the screen. The whole coffee shop stared at me. I started hating Michigan more in that instant. “Is there anything going on?”

“Well, uh. I’m not sure. There’s a certain… complication, at the moment. We’re not exactly talking right now, but it’s all good. She’s back home and safe, I’ll get in touch with her. We’re just really... I don’t have time for a relationship, at the moment,” was his way of saying he didn’t have time to try someone who was in a relationship already. “She’s great, though. Nothing to seriously worry about. Again, we have the tour and all, and she has her own life, so we just don’t have time. Absolutely nothing to worry about.”

And that’s all he had to say about me. “Em! You’ve had your official television debut. How do you feel?” Julia interviewed me now, everyone was watching.

“Shut up. Ben’s going to kill me and my parents will be pissed.” I looked out the window at an angry Ben, “Speak of the Devil.”

Notes

I normally give myself a one chapter window in case I'm behind, but I'm already behind. I'm just tired after nine months of school, lol. I'm working on thirteen. I took out some parts of the story just to slow it down. Only the night at the hotel with Ben, he didn't hurt her or anything. He just left when she told him to stop, that's all. Go find me on wattpad for a short story that is now finished called Written Letters. My username is: @noceur

luv ya cute faces, jazz x