Alter ➳ h.s

t h i r t e e n
it’s hard
harry

While sitting next to Liam, who’d fallen back asleep with cheese and ketchup in his hair, I thought about a whole different reason as to why Ember might stay with Ben; he was normal. He didn’t have people following him and millions thinking about him. He had only a select few around him and a couple hundred friends and family members surrounding him, not girls and photographers that come by the hundreds. I found my depression again, as if it were lost, while Liam continued to sleep.

I found leftover alcohol and drank it. Drank it all. Bottles that scattered where ever, I just drank. But I texted her, multiple times knowing that she wouldn’t text back. And that’s what hurt the most, the fact that I knew that she wouldn’t respond. So I scavenged for more to drink. There was nothing left except now dusty spiked punch and bottles of Gatorade and water everywhere. Everyone was hard to step over, sleeping with either food next to their near corpses or hanging out of their mouths.

I woke up Louis and begged him to order more and in his morning voice, he called, “Can I have s-some extra… hold on.” He held the phone to his chest, “What do you want, jackass?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Anything you have,” he said once the phone returned to his ear. “Just put it on the bill, thanks. Thank you, you have a nice morning, Janet.” He hung up. “Your booze is on its way,” and then Louis went back to sleep. But not before being scolded by Eleanor for laying on her and quote, “Crushing my airways.” I opened the window in my room, forgetting that thousands had camped out and could see me.

“Great.”

Louis came behind me. “Dude, what’s wrong with you?”

“Sorry, I forgot they were out there.”

“N-No, not the fucking window. You. I mean, it’s good but it’s bad, too. You’re not depressed and shit but you’re going after a girl with a boyfriend, whom she loves. Don’t do anything stupid. You’ll fuck over all three of you. Just try and control your quick attachment.” Louis went back to a room to sleep again. I’ve known for a long time that I get attached to things too quickly. Which also explains Ellie. But it’s hard to stay away from Ember.

You never worry if she’s smarter or better than you, well, ‘cause she is. And she’s so beautifully wicked. Like, I know she totally went off on me for thinking there was more to her niceness, but she’s crazy. She’s insane. A nobody would never yell at paparazzi the way she did… and it worked. It was very ballsy, if you will, but spontaneous and thrilling. I find her thrilling. With everything she does. That’s why I was smiling widely when I heard my phone ring. My life could suck and it could not be her but my life could actually be nice and it could be her.

When I finally found the phone, I pressed the answer button and just sat there. I didn’t say anything, neither did the other person on the line. I didn’t care to check. “Harry?” Her voice was tired and silky running through the speaker. “Are you there? It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry for yelling, I feel kinda bad. My brother said that I should call and apologize because you seem like a quote ‘okay guy’. So, yeah.”

“It’s okay. It’s fine. I’m sorry for the… attachment.”

“It’s fine, I totally understand. I mean, not your fault, right?” It was rhetorical, so I didn’t answer. “So that’s all I wanted. I hope maybe we can keep in touch. I mean, I saw your interview, that was really sweet. Ben’s mad at me, though. Thinks I cheated, but that’s just life. Again, thanks and I’m sorry.” She wasn’t funny or normal in this phone call. It wasn’t forced but it wasn’t her normal tone, she didn’t sound like she wanted to talk to me.

“Alright. I have an interview in a little bit, actually,” I lied through my unbrushed teeth. The taste of my breath just started bothering me. “So I’m gonna go. Thanks for the apology, I hope to talk soon.” I hung up first, breathing heavily and stuck in the middle of what I should feel.

“That was her. Wasn’t it?” Louis stood back at the doorway.

“Will you finally go back to sleep? Jesus.”

“So it was her. How is she? Liam’s pretty pissed ‘bout Josie leaving. Can’t believe you caused two girls to leave. Like, man, that’s a new record for you.”

“Fuck off, Louis. I don’t need your shit.”

“Actually, you do. We’re friends because you like the smell of my shit. You love everything about my shit, because my shit is your shit. It’s your medicine. Without my shit, you’d probably be dead from an overdose in a subway station in fucking New York. But thanks to my shit, you’re alive and going after a girl you a) just met and b) has a boyfriend. You, my friend, need my shit. Because my shit will help you realize what a dick you’re being to their relationship.”

He continued on saying,“There are other Ember’s in the world. Don’t be so hell bent on being with that one. She obviously doesn’t want you, man. Which is weird. I mean, you are the single most attractive person I know that is so unaware of his own attractiveness. Yet, she doesn’t want you. You know what she doesn’t like you, Harry? You should guess.”

I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek, “W-Why, Louis? Entertain me.”

“Because this Ember in particular isn’t about looks, it’s about love. You know, that thing where you feel like you might explode in flowers and rainbows about a person?”

“I know what love is.”

“No, you don’t, Harry. You don’t and don’t try and tell me that you do. You thought you loved Ellie—”

“Louis, don’t bring that up. You know better.”

“You know that I don’t. I’m a pusher, Harry. You thought that you loved Ellie, but you know you didn’t. You wanted to believe that what you were feeling was love. Harry, you felt manipulated, so you held it in and shielded it with the thoughts of love. That she used you because she loved you. Newsflash, she didn’t love you, either!”

“That’s enough!” I didn’t mean to grab his neck. Just like I didn’t mean to grab Ember. He could still partially breathe but everyone started filing into the room, trying to pull me off of him. Liam and Zayn eventually did, calling me crazy and saying that Louis and I were best friends. I grabbed my phone and jacket. “You want to know another newsflash, Louis? I don’t need your shit. I’d rather be in the subway station than have it.”

“That’s where you’ll be next!” I heard that while getting into the elevator. And for a moment, I felt like I truly was losing my mind, along with all my friends.

Notes

So, this chapter is kinda sucky, but I'm sorry. Oh. My. God. Today was so bad, like my stomach was so bad. Nearly went to the hospital. Crying and heating pads and tea and sleeping and pills finally made it go away but... wow. Let's pray that never happens again. Comment below what you thought of the Louis and Harry fight, will they make up?

love your cute faces x