I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days

Lara sat a random bus stop for an hour and stared into space.

What had just happened?

Why had she walked away from him?

She went over the scene in her mind several times, trying to figure it out. Was it the way he expected her to automatically fall into his arms? Was it her unconsciously wanting to make him work for it? In a way she knew both theories were true and she found herself shaking her head. This wasn’t the way she had expected things to turn out.

Lara buried her face in her hands only to hear her phone ring.

“Lara it’s me.” Ben spoke.

Lara held the phone to her ear but did not say a word.

“Can you hear me?” He waited for a moment before sighing. “Listen, I just wanted to say I’m sorry…”

A long paused followed before she heard Ben take a deep breath.

“Come home okay? Claire’s not here… it’s just me. I promise I won’t hurt you.”

Lara found herself distracted by a young couple who walked by hand in hand. They were smiling and looked happy and she wondered what it must feel like to feel so carefree and in love. She absentmindedly hung up on Ben and sat there for a few moments trying to gather her thoughts. A couple of deep breaths later, she then headed home.

Lara knocked on the front door, realising at the last minute that she had forgotten her keys. It wasn’t long before Ben opened up and they stood there staring at each other. She noted his puffy right eye and the mark on his lip and then looked down to see the glass of vodka in his hand.

“I’m sorry.” Ben said as she wordlessly walked to her bedroom. She heard him follow her and finally turned around to face him

“I’m moving out.” She said quietly.

“Please don’t.”

“I have to.”

“You don’t have to do anything. I won’t touch you again…you have my word.”

“But it keeps happening.” Lara replied. “I feel like I always have to look over my shoulder… I can’t live like that anymore.”

“Lara, I’m telling you it won’t happen again.” His arms settled on her arms before he consciously pulled back.

“What about Claire?” Lara asked.

“She left ages ago… and after this I’m not sure if she’s coming back.” Ben said gesturing to
his black eye.

“Good. Maybe she can go back to her husband.” Lara muttered.

“Don’t forget I have to work with her.” Ben pointed out.

“Well don’t blame me for that.” Lara cried. “If you hadn’t come into my bedroom, all of this wouldn’t have happened.”

“What about the missing coke?” Ben asked. “That was a pretty shitty thing to do if you ask me.”

“I’ll pay you back.” Lara said promptly.

“With what?” Ben said.

“Cash.” She said shuddering at the thought of the alternative.

“Well… I don’t see you moving out for quite a while then.” Ben said lightly before heading for the door, leaving Lara to stare after him.

X

“I just need a couple of extra shifts.” Lara said. “Please.”

James contemplated the desperate look on her face before returning to his task of cashing up for the night.

“Aren’t you the one who has called up sick or been late for at last three shifts in the last couple of weeks?”

“James, I know and I’m sorry… it won’t happen again.” Lara said mournfully.
“I hope not.”

“It’s just that I’ve been going through some stuff… I-I was sick…but I’m better now.”

“If I didn’t know you better I’d say you’re on something.” He said his concerned gaze watching her so closely, she lowered her eyes. She knew her silence was revealing, but she was at a loss for words.

“Did you hear what I said?” James said. “What’s he making you do?”

“He’s not making me do anything.” Lara said knowing that James was referring to Ben.

“He’d better not.” James countered. “I can’t stand that guy as it is.”

Lara pulled away and settled on a stool and watched as James resumed his task.

“What about Harry? Are you still seeing him?” He asked.

“Kind of.” Lara responded.

“What do you mean ‘kind of’?”

“He’s away at the moment. He’s in the States…” Lara trailed off.

“Yeah?” James closed the register and picked up his keys from the counter.

“Yeah… I’ll probably see him when he comes back.”

Lara tried to sound convincing, but in truth, the last week had consisted of her ignoring Harry’s persistent phone calls and text messages. Instead she had spent the week struggling through classes whilst trying to scrape enough money to pay Ben. The problem was the total was rising with every extra cocaine hit. Against her better judgment she had stayed with Ben.

And now she felt herself sinking deeper and deeper until it was going to be near impossible to escape again.

Unable to focus on more than one thing at once, Lara had managed to put Harry right out of her mind. It took too much of her strength to try and figure out what she should do, and when she did all she could do was think about their last exchange. From the way he had proclaimed his love to the way he snapped at her moments later until she felt compelled to leave.

It had been two weeks since Harry’s departure and the stories had begun churning out immediately. One Direction’s return to public life had reignited all the gossip websites and there were now daily stories, from Harry dating Sky to Louis and Eleanor break up rumours.
That morning Lara had woken up to a story about Harry and Sky’s latest date.

Harry and the boys are in LA for work but Harry has managed to add a little pleasure to the mix. The pop star has been spending time with rumoured girlfriend and fellow singer Sky Taylor.

Harry made sure to place a protective arm around Sky after they were accosted by a crowd of paparazzi outside Craig’s restaurant in West Hollywood.

By midnight Lara lay awake in her bed. Unable to sleep, she tiptoed into the living room only to find Ben sitting on the couch, snorting a line of coke.

“Take a seat.” He said and she automatically sat down, her eyes not wavering from the drugs in front of her. She glanced at Ben to see him regarding her with a glint in his eye.

“You won’t believe who I ran into today.” He said.

“Who?”

“Julian.”

Lara’s blood ran cold at the mention of Harry’s manager.

“Yeah?” Lara said casually.

“He’s still got it in for you big time.” Ben smirked.

“Well what about you?” Lara shot back. “I bet he’s not exactly your biggest fan either.”

“He’s still not too thrilled with me neither smartie pants.” Ben conceded. “All he could do was bang on about how well One Direction are doing now and how Harry’s better off without you.”

“Really?” Lara said casually although she could already feel anger rising within her.

“Apparently he’s fucking that new chick they’ve been promoting… “

The words hit her like a brick but she forced herself to recall Harry’s words.

“Then why did I give my heart to you?”

Lara unconsciously touched her heart necklace and it took her a few moments to realise that Ben was watching her closely. Her hand dropped automatically and she grabbed a cushion, holding it close to her.

“So Harry’s dating again?”

“Dating, fucking, who knows? He always got around.”

“He’s not like that.” Lara couldn’t help but say.

“Yeah? And how would you know?”

“Because I do...well I did.” Lara said trying to sound as though she were talking about the Harry she knew when they were ‘officially’ dating.

“Didn’t he cheat on you?” Ben asked looking at her with amusement. “I remember you crying over that Paige girl.”

“He only kissed her.” Lara murmured.

“Yeah right, like he didn’t tap her when he had the chance.” Ben scoffed. “I know I would have fucked her in a heartbeat.”

Lara made a face before walking out of the room.

The rest of the week passed uneventfully and she realised she had not heard from Harry in days. It seemed as though each day seemed to pass through a blur of drugs and alcohol.

There was one day she could barely get out bed and had missed a class. But then on Saturday her phone rang so incessantly that she felt compelled to pick it up.

“Hello?” She said tentatively.

“I’m outside your apartment block.” Harry said gruffly without bothering to greet her.

“Harry?” Lara asked looking out of the front window. Of course he was not there. Months ago she had given him a false address and she was surprised to hear he had remembered it.

“I’ve been calling you for two weeks and you haven’t answered once.” He continued. “Now are you going to tell me where you live or do I have to press every damn doorbell to find out?”

Lara froze. He sounded angry enough to carry through with this threat. She could just imagine him ringing the bells and asking for her. The thought of someone recognising him and the press grabbing hold of the story frightened her to the very core.

“Harry no, please don’t.”

“Why not?” He challenged.

“Harry I don’t live there.” She said.

There was a long silence and she could almost hear Harry’s brain ticking over, trying to process that new piece of information.

“Then where do you live?” He finally asked.

“I live with Ben.” Lara said softly. “Harry, I still live with Ben.”

Notes