Can't get her head on straight,
But has to try before it's too late

“I love you.”

Lara wordlessly blinked back him.

“Did you hear what I said?” Harry asked and Lara nodded.

“And?” Harry prompted.

“Say it again.” She murmured.

Harry bowed his head for a moment before he met her gaze again.

“I said I love you…”

Lara half covered her face with her hands, allowing the words to sink in.

“You hiding from me?” She heard Harry’s amused voice.

“No.” Lara said shaking her head. She felt his hands on her cheeks, tilting her chin up again.

“Are you sure?” He asked.

“Am I sure?” Lara said. “Yeah I’m sure…. It’s just… you’ve never said that to me before.”

“I came home that night and the whole thing just did my head in… I don’t want to share you Lara. With anyone...”

“You’ve told me that before… but you never told me you loved me…”

“Well I am now.” Harry said now starting to sound a little impatient. “You’re the one not saying it back.”

They lay there in silence in awkward silence and Lara couldn’t help but remember how innocently she had declared her love to Harry all that time ago.

The silence had been deafening as the two stood there facing each other. Harry’s expression gradually transformed from concern to confusion. Lara could only focus on his eyes as they stared at her, a dark green under the street lights. He lips parted as though to say something but no words came out, except for a small intake of breath.

“I don’t know why I just said that.” Lara finally said her cheeks heating up.

She felt his arms wrap around her to hold her tightly against him and she shyly buried her head in his chest and listened to the soft thud of his heartbeat.

“Just when I think I’ve got you figured out.” Harry murmured in her hair.
“What do you mean?” She asked in a small voice.

“I don’t know Lara… maybe I just didn’t expect you to say that.”

She tensed beneath him, feeling the panic she had felt at the party rise within her. She looked up at him unable to disguise the hurt in her eyes.

“Heyyy… I don’t mean that in a bad way, it’s just…” He found himself trailing off, “Well, now I’m just speechless, I don’t know what to say”

Lara didn’t realise Harry had called her name until he nudged her. She turned to see him looking at her closely with a worried expression on his face.

“Lara, you okay?”

Lara paused for a moment, debating on whether to confess what had always bothered her about their relationship.

“I just don’t know what you see in a girl like me.” Lara said. She knew she was ruining the moment, but she could not help it. She had imagined what it would it would be like to hear the words before and her fantasies did not include questioning him like this.

“A girl like you?” Harry asked. “What kind of girl do you expect me to be with?”

“I don’t know.” Lara shrugged uncomfortably. “Girls like Eleanor…”

“Eleanor?” Harry said with surprise. “Why do you think I’d want you to be like her?”

“Oh I don’t know… she’s pretty and confident… she’s like the perfect girl.”

“So perfect that she knows all there is to know about Louis.” Harry said and Lara couldn’t help but smile sheepishly.

“But look at me, I’m a mess. I hardly wear make-up… my clothes are all wrong.” She added.

“Who cares? You don’t need make-up… you’re pretty just the way you are. All this time we’ve been hanging out, you didn’t once think that maybe, just maybe, I like you.”

“I just thought you liked me as just a friend.”

“Do friends do this?” Harry asked, his warm hand snaking its way under her shirt to cup her breast.

“You have weird friends.” Lara said squirming slightly at his touch.

“In case you haven’t noticed, I haven’t had any weird friends like you this past year.” Harry said. “It’s just been you.”

His hand moved to her stomach where he caressed it gently, feeling the way her breath slightly hitched as he climbed on top of her. He licked his lips before lowering his mouth onto hers and soon she was floating on a sensation of his warm hands and slow kisses.

“I don’t want to be with anybody else.” Harry murmured, not allowing Lara to respond as his tongue thrust into her mouth. She could feel her stomach tighten at his words as the kiss deepened, ignoring the nagging feelings at the back of her mind. She opened her eyes and was surprised to see Harry’s eyes watching her as they kissed.

“What is it now?” He asked, noting her sad eyes.

“I’m just… I don’t know… maybe I’m just confused.”

Harry frowned as he lifted himself up from her.

“Confused about what?” He asked with a distinct edge in his voice.

“I-I don’t know.” Lara responded.

“Well then what’s the fucking problem?” Harry sat up on the bed. “You think it’s easy for me to say this?”

“No.” Lara whispered.

“Then why are you making it so hard for me?” Harry said placing his hand on her cheek to make her face him. “I’m leaving for the US tomorrow… you wanna end things like this?”

“Okay so you go the US and then what?” Lara found the courage to ask.

“And then… well we’ll just have to wait and see I guess.” Harry took a deep breath that turned into a sigh. “We’ll just do our thing. Everyone else can fuck off.”

Lara remembered back to the times Harry had made similar statements.

Fuck Julian. We’ll make our own rules.

More memories began to tumble through her mind one after the other.

“What do you want me to say Lara? You want me to tell you I love you? Can’t we just enjoy being together? Why complicate things?”

“I’m just not used to this whole relationship thing. I’ve never really done it before. But I’m trying… can’t you see I’ve been trying?”

“You don’t know anything about love. I mean I’m the first person you’ve ever been with.”

“Friends kiss, don’t they?”

Lara did not realise she had tensed up until Harry squeezed her arm.

“Did you hear what I said?” Harry interrupted her thoughts and she shook her head as if to clear it.

“What the fuck is wrong with you tonight? You turn up at my door crying your eyes out… I tell you I love you and now you’re acting like you don’t know what hit you.”

“I wasn’t expecting this.”

“I thought it would make you happy.” Harry snapped.

“Is that the only reason you said it?” Lara shot back.

“You know what Lara? If that’s what you’re going to be like then forget it. Just forget I said anything at all.”

“Fine.” Lara scrambled off the bed and disappeared into the bathroom. She pulled off Harry’s shirt and slipped into her clothes in record time before making a beeline for the front door.

She could hear Harry’s footsteps behind her as she reached the door knob, only to feel Harry’s hand close over hers.

“Harry, I need to go home. I’ve got a lot of stuff to sort out.” Lara said dreading the thought of facing Ben, but realising it had to be done sooner or later.

“I’ll call you from LA, okay?” He said.

“Is Sky going to be with you?” Lara asked suddenly.

Harry paused for a moment.

“Yeah, they’re sending her along with us.”

“Well maybe you should focus on that then.” Lara said trying not to sound as bitter as she felt. “She’s going to be your new ‘girlfriend’, isn’t she?”

“Yeah?” Harry said, his hand reaching to touch the heart necklace that hung on her neck. “Then why did I give my heart to you?”

Lara did not answer as she opened the door, leaving Harry behind.

Notes

Hope you liked it- let me know what you think :)