Why is it so hard to say it?

Lara saw the next day and night through the haze of alcohol and anything she could scrounge from Ben.

“What’s wrong with you?” He asked. “Shouldn’t you be going to school?”

“I don’t want to go to school.” Lara mumbled as she rolled onto her stomach in bed. She buried her head in the pillow so she wouldn’t have to hear him ask more questions. A minute later she lazily opened one eye and peeked at the door to see he had left her alone.

When she knew he had left the apartment, she tore into his room and searched around for his stash. She found the cocaine easily, relieved that he had never changed his hiding spot.

She didn’t even bother leaving his bedroom, eagerly snorting the drug. She then settled on Ben’s bed with a half filled bottle of vodka as she felt her heart beat faster and faster. She had read an article that morning online that had sent her over the edge.

Harry Sings New Girlfriend’s Praises

Sky Taylor might have just scored the jackpot. She has not only scored a recording contract with Syco and a possible gig supporting One Direction in the next tour. She may have also scored a new boyfriend in the one and only Harry Styles, who has just revealed himself as the person who first discovered her talent.

“I’d see her busking on the street and I couldn’t help but be drawn to her voice.” He has said in our exclusive interview. “One day it hit me that someone with her talent shouldn’t be wasted and I thought I’d help her out.”

The two have been spotted on intimate dates across London and as far as Los Angeles.

“She’s a really nice girl. And she’s got loads of talent. She deserves every success. It makes me happy to be a part of it.” Harry added.
Talk about a power couple in the making!

A couple.

What had made her thought that she and Harry were a “couple”? Even her drug addled brain recognised that the word couple had to be in inverted commas. They had never really been a couple. Not the way Lara had wanted. The sex had made it feel real for a while, after all she could never be intimate with someone she didn’t love… but then how could she explain her encounter with Louis? She cringed as she took a swig from the bottle.

What did she have to offer Harry? Nothing. They hadn’t even considered her good enough to be his girlfriend even back then, she thought, remembering Julian’s disdain for her. Never good enough, she thought to herself. Never good enough for anyone. And now it looked like Harry thought the same. Maybe Harry was right too.

She drowned her sorrows until she blacked out in the early evening lying fully clothed on her bed. Her eyes fluttered open at the sensation of a hand touching her and she looked up to see Ben standing over her.

“Nice necklace.” He said, lightly touching the heart Harry had given her. She pushed his hand away and attempted to sit up.

“What in the world have you been doing all day?” He asked taking the empty bottle she had carelessly left at her side.

“Nothing.” She mumbled groggily.

“Doesn’t look like nothing to me.”He said with a hint of amusement.

“Go away.” Lara said covering her face with her hand. She didn’t want to look at him and she didn’t want him to look at her. The more she thought about the person she had become, the more she disliked herself. Louis’ face flashed in her mind and she groaned. Ben playfully batted her hand away from her face and she squinted up at him to see his expression turn dark.

“Did you help yourself to my stash?” He asked tweaking her nose with his index finger. “I can still see the coke on your nose.”

Lara felt the bed sink beside her as he sat down and she tentatively opened her eyes to look at him.

“Did you leave any for me?” Ben asked and she could hear his tone sharpen when she did not answer. “For fuck’s sake Lara, what were you thinking?”

“I don’t want to think.” She replied.

“Well too fucking bad. You’ve been moping around here for days now. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Then why all this?” Ben asked, gesturing to the vodka bottle. “What’s upset you?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Lara told him.

Ben stared at her as though he were dealing with a disobedient child.

“That’s not good enough.”

Lara whimpered when she felt his hands close over hers and then pin them above her head.

“Talk to me.” He demanded. Her eyes widened slightly when he straddled her, feeling his weight upon her and unable to move.

“Ben please.” She implored.

“I’m trying to help you Lara.” He said. “Why are you always pushing me away?”

“I don’t need your help.” She said. “Just leave me alone.”

“After what you’ve done today? If I go and check my stash now will I find anything left?”

Lara’s silence gave her away and she watched as his mouth curled up into a smile.

“So what am I going to get in return?” He asked. “What are you going to give me?”

Lara felt her body freeze up, especially when she saw the glint in Ben’s eye. He was an attractive man and yet she felt zero sexual attraction for him. But even she had stepped over the line with Ben in the past. And it was time for it to stop.

“Nothing.” She responded firmly.

“Oh I think you owe me a little bit more than nothing.” He said with a chuckle. His head dipped down to kiss her on the neck, his tongue running over Harry’s faded love bites.

“Stop it.”

Tears sprang to her eyes and although she struggled she found herself still pinned beneath him and unable to move. He ignored her as his mouth covered hers, muffling any further protest. Her mind flashed back to an almost identical incident all that time ago, when an intoxicated Ben had forced himself on her.

“Come on Lara… you’re nineteen years old, not fucking five… now hold still.” He had rasped.
When were things ever going to change for her? Why did she keep putting herself in the same position time and time again? Lara’s tears streamed down her face and she tasted the saltiness as Ben’s hands reached under her shirt and she took the opportunity to grab his arms and try to push him off. His hands instantly grabbed hers, pinning them down again.

“Is there someone else?” He suddenly asked his eyes boring into hers.

“No!”

“Is it that guy you fucked?”

“No, it’s not!” Lara cried as he kissed her mouth.

“What the fuck was that for?” Ben yelled when Lara bit down on his lip

“I want you to stop!” She screamed back.

They both heard the front door click open and Claire’s voice call out Ben’s name.

“Shit.” Ben muttered under his breath as he quickly lifted himself up from the bed. Lara sat up on the bed when the door suddenly flung open to reveal a suspicious looking Claire.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Claire cried.

“Nothing. We were just having a chat.” Ben said calmly.

“I’m not blind.” Claire seethed turning to focus her anger on Lara. “So are you guys fucking each other?”

“No.” Lara replied mortified.

“Yeah right, you know you want him. You love playing the little girl lost routine to get what you want.”

“What are you talking about?”

Lara rose from the bed only to see Claire advance toward her and she stumbled as she was backed into the wall.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Claire said. “Keep your fucking hands off him or I swear to God I’ll kick your ass.”

“You can have him!” Lara said. “I never wanted him anyway.” She looked over to Ben for support but all he did was adjust his clothes and wipe away a spot of blood on his lip. Lara shook her head as she snatched her handbag from the chair and turned to leave.

“Yeah that’s right… get out you little slut.” Claire’s venomous words hit her as she rushed to the front door. She heard Ben call out her name and then the sounds of arguing before she slammed the door. Crying so hard she could barely see in front of her, Lara pounded the pavement heading to the only place she knew she would be safe.

X

The door opened and Harry did a double take at the girl who stood there. Lara’s tear stained face was flushed pink, her long hair hanging in her face, her wide eyes staring at him with a mixture of fear and anticipation.

“Lara.” He said huskily.

His arms reached out to circle her waist as he held her close. Lara’s sobs eased as she inhaled his familiar scent and nestled her head on his chest, like she always had. They stood for a minute with Lara’s heavy breathing the only sound to break the silence. The combination of crying and running had exhausted her and so she was relieved when he led her toward the couch. They sat down and Lara settled in his embrace again.

“I’m sorry.” They both said at the same time, and Lara smiled through her tears to see that Harry was also smiling.

“So I guess we’re both sorry?” Harry chuckled. She felt his fingers twirl around her hair before tightening and pulling her toward him, and she could feel his nose in her hair.

“Have you been drinking?” He asked. Before she could answer he pulled back and pushed the hair out of her face, to see her pale skin and red puffy eyes and could not hide the surprised expression on his face.

“Lara, what’s wrong?”

Lara could only blink at him vacantly, not trusting herself to speak.
“Why are you doing this to yourself?” He asked. “Have you taken something?”

“I’ve done a lot of stuff you don’t know about.” She said as the tears streamed down her face.

“It’s okay… it’s okay.” Harry murmured holding her tense body close and pausing for a moment. “Listen… how about I run you a bath? You can relax and maybe you can stay the night yeah?”

Lara nodded mutely as Harry led her into the bathroom. As he filled the tub Lara glanced into the mirror and understood Harry’s concern. The dark circles under her eyes contrasted with her pallid skin and her tear stained face was red. She turned away from her reflection and began to shed her clothes only to catch Harry watching her before averting his eyes.

“I’m even going to add a few bubbles.” He said with a smile as he fumbled with a couple of plastic bottles on the counter. Before long Lara had eased herself into the bathtub and Harry stood at the door.

“I’ll leave you to relax… call me if you need anything.”

He closed the door behind him and Lara lay there, enjoying the comforting warmth of the water. She could feel her muscles relaxing and her breath even out as she closed her eyes.

Half an hour later the water was starting to cool and she stepped out, wrapping a fluffy towel around her body. She felt decidedly calmer as she emerged from the bathroom to hear Harry call.

“I’m in here.”

She entered the bedroom, to find him sitting on his bed.

“I left you something to wear…” He said and she followed his gaze to see a pair of his boxers and T-shirts on an armchair. Lara slipped them on only to feel his boxers slide down her legs.

“Doesn’t look like they fit.” She said and smiled when Harry laughed.

“Come over here you.” He said and Lara instantly scrambled onto the bed and under his arm.

They lay there in silence but Lara couldn’t help but think back to their conversation earlier.

“I really am sorry.” She told him. “There’s nothing going on between me and Louis-“

“Shh… I know. I’m the one who should be saying sorry.” He said. “I’m sorry for doing what I did… I shouldn’t have made you do that with him… and I shouldn’t have left like that… I was wrong…”

“But-“

“But nothing. I thought I wanted to see you and Louis together… but when it was finally happening I- I didn’t like it as much as I thought I would. I mean I was totally wrecked… I had drunk so much… but it didn’t feel the same way as it used to.”

“Louis told me what you guys used to do…”

“He did? Yeah well… threesomes were no big deal back then. But then, I didn’t have any feelings for the girls I was with.” Harry tilted her chin so she was now looking up at him. His brow furrowed and yet his eyes had softened as he spoke slowly, almost as though he were choosing his words carefully.

“What I’m trying to say is… I came home and tried to figure out why it had upset me so much… why was I so bothered… and then it hit me.”

Harry chewed on his lip nervously as he stared into Lara’s eyes.

“I love you.”

Notes