Secrets / Black & White / Playing for Keeps

Being friends with Harry.

Why did this seem like such a foreign concept to her?

Lara recalled the previous time when Harry had offered to be friends with her.

“Let’s just say we’re friends.” Harry said with an air of finality.

“Friends.” Lara repeated. “I remember your idea of being friends used to be really fucked up.”

Harry had looked at her from the corner of his eye and smiled and it had not taken long for the lines to quickly blur. Before she knew it, Lara had found herself at Harry’s apartment.

He had sat down near her and she could see the familiar crinkle on his brow, his green eyes dark with longing. The realisation made her heart start to thump and almost as though it was planned, they both simultaneously lunged toward each other, his lips crashing into hers. Lara fell back on the couch with Harry on top of her in a tangle of limbs and whispers.

“Take it off.” He murmured pulling at her top.

“I’m trying.”

“Take it all off.” His tone grew more urgent as he tossed her top to the side.

Needless to say, it had not been long till they had fallen into a sexual relationship yet again.

Friends.

An involuntary shiver ran up her spine as it dawned on her that they had never managed to stay friends for long. So if that was the case, then why was she in a taxi on her way to Harry’s apartment? She was in a serious relationship with a man she really cared about; Tony had been a calming influence on her and even though she had niggling thoughts about how quickly they had moved in together, she was determined to make this relationship work.
So what was she doing with Harry again?

Lara sighed and settled back in her seat. Maybe it was time for closure. Maybe this was the day she would let Harry know that they should maybe stop seeing each other. Maybe it was best to be friends from afar. He could not keep forcing himself on her. Once upon a time she would have succumbed in a heartbeat. But a lot had happened since then.

Lara could not help but raise her eyebrows slightly when the door swung open to reveal a shirtless Harry standing before her.

“Hey.” He said simply before stepping to the side to allow her in. She watched him from the corner of her eye, the way he absentmindedly ran his hand through his long hair, before picking a piece of lint from his lounge pants. Same old Harry, she thought. Harry without a shirt off was like the sun rising every day. He had always had a habit of walking around with practically no clothes on in the past, and it had never meant a thing. Lara looked up at Harry expectantly.

“Have a seat.” He added almost as an afterthought and she promptly sat down on the couch.

He regarded her for a moment as though he was considering his next few words before turning on his heel and heading toward the kitchen.

“I was just making tea. Want some?” He asked over his shoulder.

“Sure… okay.” Lara responded and before long he emerged a few minutes later with two cups precariously balancing on saucers.

“Sorry.” He said sheepishly as he handed her one and she knew he was referring to the mismatched saucers. “I’ve broken pretty much every saucer I have.”

He sat beside her and they quietly sipped on their tea, avoiding each other’s eyes. It was verging on the uncomfortable until Harry finally spoke.

“I just wanted to say sorry… in person.” He said.

“Harry, it’s okay-“Lara began.

“Can you stop saying that? Can we start being real with each other?” He said and although his voice was gentle, his eyes were intense. “We never really spoke about why things didn’t work out between us. I get that you don’t want to be with me… that’s fine. But don’t you think it’s time we spoke about why? Then maybe we can both move on.”

Lara placed the tea on the table and crossed her arms in response. Harry did the same with the tea, only his hand reached out to gently pull her arms out of their defensive stance.

“Don’t do that. Talk to me… tell me why. What did I do wrong?”

“Maybe I just needed space.” Lara blurted. Harry’s hand still held her arm but he now automatically let go as though he were affected by the words she had just spoken. “When rehab was over and you were back and we were living together… I couldn’t do anything without you looking over my shoulder-“

“I was just trying to take care of you.” Harry frowned.

“Yeah but it wasn’t… it wasn’t helping me… you weren’t helping me. It felt like you were just waiting for me to slip… it felt like you didn’t trust me.”

Harry sat back on the couch, deep in thought as he tried to process what she was saying.

“And then when I started working with Louis,” Lara continued. “It just got even worse… I don’t even know why I’m telling you this… you know how you were.”

“You know how Louis felt about you. It was all over the papers, can you blame me for feeling the way I did?”

Lara recalled how she and Louis had been papped every time they had gone on a shopping trip to source new items for his home. Photos of Louis gazing at Lara with undisguised admiration sparked rumours of a burgeoning romance and the press had delighted in manufacturing stories about them.

Looks like Louis Tomlinson has a Crush!

Where’s Harry? Louis and Harry’s Girlfriend Enjoy a Lunch for Two

“I never felt the same way about him as I did for you.” Lara told him and Harry shook his head.

“Then why did you leave then?”

“Harry I needed to learn how to stand on my own two feet.”

“Don’t bring the money thing up again.” Harry groaned.

“It’s not only the money thing Harry… it was just about getting my own life back. I had wasted the past two years, first with Ben and then with you-“She ignored Harry’s quizzical expression to continue. “From the moment I met you I was made to pretend. I had to pretend to be with you and even when I fell in love with you I had to pretend not to care because you never felt the same way.”

They fell silent as Lara’s words sank in.

“Everything we ever did was in secret. Everything. We snuck around for a whole year Harry. Two years if you count when we first met. And then when we finally got together, it just fell apart.” Lara said. “And now Julian has been trying to make me do it all over again and I can’t. I can’t do this anymore.”

Harry bowed his head as though deep in thought.

“Well then… let’s not do it anymore.” Harry said. “Let’s end it. I said I wanted to be friends with you and I meant it.”

“Harry.” Lara said with a humourless laugh. “We’ve never been able to be just friends before.”

“How about we just try?” Harry said. “I’m sick of all the bullshit we’ve had to go through. I hate having to live a lie. I don’t want to live like that anymore.”

They talked and talked, bringing up past concern and issues without hesitation and Lara found herself relaxing for the first time in a long time. It was a liberating feeling to be able to express herself without the aid of alcohol or drugs. There was no need for that kind of crutch anymore. It did not mean her problems were all over, but at least she was able to face them head on.

Once Lara confessed her doubts about where her career was going, Harry counselled her, without losing his patience as he usually did. The subject of her returning to school came up again and Lara was seriously considering it when their phones beeped simultaneously.

“Good old Julian.” Harry murmured as they both read the message. They were expected to attend a meeting on Thursday and Lara and Harry found themselves both agreeing without hesitation. They spoke about how they were going to handle the meeting.

“I feel like a huge weight is about to be lifted from my shoulders.” Lara said.

Harry smiled at her and she could not help but smile in return. The moment was interrupted by the sound of Harry’s phone. She watched as he glanced down and frowned.

“Who is it?” Lara could not help but ask.

“Sky.” He murmured.

“Are you guys together now?” She asked before she could convince herself to keep her mouth shut.

“I wouldn’t say that.” He responded. “We’re friends…”

“With benefits, right?”

Lara took in the rare sight of Harry looking embarrassed. He licked his lips thoughtfully, as if he did not know how to answer.

“I like her a lot.” He said finally. “But I don’t like her that way.”

“Does she know that?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” Harry said amused.

“That’s what friends do, don’t they?” She responded bravely and wiggled away when Harry poked her in the ribs.

“Cheeky.” He said.

Lara could not help but smile broadly at him before checking the time.

“I really have to go.”

“Okay.” He replied reluctantly.

She gathered her bag but did not move from her position on the couch. He had since pulled on a shirt, but was barefoot, his hair long and messy. He did not hide the fact that he was gazing right back at her curiously. If this had happened a year ago, she knew that they would have been all over each other at this point. The whole ‘let’s be friends’ notion would have flown out the window and within minutes she’d be in his bed. But she not only felt calm but a sense of relief that there were no expectations hanging over them.

“You okay?” He finally asked.

“Yeah… I think I am.” She nodded.

He followed her to the front door and touched her arm before she left.

“I don’t want to lose you Lara. Especially as a friend. I want you to be in my life. Always.”

He held her gaze as he spoke the words, his eyes wide and earnest and Lara could not help but nod in response.

“I want the same thing.”

X

They entered Julian’s office side by side and this gesture was enough for Julian to sit up and take notice. Instead of slinking in and avoiding each other at all costs, as they had done in the past, Harry and Lara seemed remarkably relaxed.

He tried to hide his surprise as Harry graciously waited for Lara to sit down first, noting the thankful smile on her face. He cleared his throat to bide his time before he got down to business.

And when he did, he did not mince his words.

Lara was no longer needed, he told them. He had thought bringing her back into the fold would help Harry get his act together but he had been wrong.

“I had obviously not considered the situation properly.” He said. “And I’m not afraid to admit it when I’m wrong.”

Lara and Harry stifled smiles at the earnest expression on his face, only for him to curiously peer over his glasses.

“So I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that we will not be pursuing this any further. Lara you are free to go."

“Just so you know.” Harry suddenly spoke up. “Lara and I are actually happy to pursue this further. Our friendship that is. Lara and I are going to be friends. And we don’t care who knows, even if it’s the press. Who my friends are is nobody’s business, right?”

The silence in office was deafening as Julian sat there processing everything Harry had just said.

“You could barely manage to stay in the same room together. What’s changed now?” Julian asked.

“Dunno.” Harry replied. “All I know is that we’re friends and that’s that. If I want to spend time with her, I will. If that means the whole world has to know about it, then so be it. I’m done hiding.”

“And you’re happy for her reputation to rub off on your reputation?”

“I don’t give a shit about my reputation. People can either take it or leave it.” Harry said. “And the last time I checked, her reputation was way better than mine.”

“Harry-” Julian began sternly.

“And I’m happy to bring this up with Simon.” Harry replied, his voice suddenly calm and resolute. “I have no problem with taking this further.”

Julian regarded him icily.

“So you want to be friends now?” He said. “Okay, you go ahead and be friends… we’ll see how long that lasts. And don’t think for one second I won’t be bringing this up with Simon, because I will. I can’t believe how intent you seem on damaging your career.”

Lara and Harry made their escape not long after Julian continued to bumble until he had run out of things to say. His last words had been delivered coldly.

“One Direction won’t last forever, you know.”

Harry had shrugged his shoulders and still appeared unaffected.

“Exactly. But friendships do.”

Harry and Lara could not help but laugh as they walked out of the building and onto the busy London street.

“Wanna grab lunch?” Harry asked casually.

Lara could not feel but look doubtful, despite the brave front she had been displaying all morning.

“Listen…” Harry said. “You worried your boyfriend’s going to get mad? Well don’t. It’s just lunch…it’s not as if I’m gonna try anything.”

His face softened and he smiled at her affectionately.

“I promise I’ll be good. I know I’ve been an asshole lately, but I’m trying to be good. I swear I am.”

He held out his hand expecting her to take it, but she shook her head in response. Harry smiled and nodded his head as if he understood as they made their way down the street with a small gap between them as they walked.

Notes

Lara and Harry are friends. Good or bad idea? :)