Transatlanticism

When I woke up in the morning, Harry wasn't in bed. The room was dark because of the closed curtains that reached the floor. The only thing breaking the dark atmosphere was a ray of sunlight peaking through one of the windows, the one that was opened. I heard the birds singing outside and the light wind blowing through the trees, moving the branches, composing a peaceful symphony. I closed my eyes and decided to just capture the moment.
“I saw you there, darling.” I heard Harry’s soft voice and I opened my eyes to see him standing in the doorway, leaning on the doorframe. He smiled and I smiled, but his wasn’t as relaxed as mine and it seemed as if he had something on his mind.
“I made some breakfast so come out when you’re ready.” He turned around and walked out. I heard his heavy footsteps echo through the flat and then I didn’t hear anything at all.
I got up picking up Harry’s shirt and putting it on my naked frame. I buttoned it up and went to wash up. I wondered what it was that he kept thinking about. I noticed the slight changes in his voice, how he always sounded so spent, and the changes in how he carried himself. He was lately tired all the time and he spent too much time worrying about his looks, something he never did before. But sometimes he wouldn’t shave for days, like for example now. Something was up with him, and I knew it, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Maybe I should wait for him to come to me. Maybe I should ask him about it.

I walked into the kitchen and saw two plates on the counter, but Harry wasn’t there.
“Harry?” I called and heard some shuffling from the living room. He walked behind me and hugged me, giving me my morning kiss and took his plate. I did the same and followed him into the living room. We sat on the couch and ate our food in silence.
“This is actually really good.” I smiled at him and he returned it. After that we didn’t speak.

He picked up our plates and disappeared into the kitchen, returning into the living room and sitting next to me.
“We can watch TV, if you want.” He offered politely and gave me the remote control.
“Actually, I wanna talk a bit. If that’s ok.” I pulled my knee up on the couch and rolled my body towards his. He starred at the wall in front of him resting his arms on his knees and folding them under his chin.
“I don’t think I want to talk.” He whispered and I looked at him, clearly confused.
“Why?” I asked and he smiled at the ground.
“Because whenever we talk, it’s over,” He looked at me, his eyes were full of sorrow, “and I don’t want it to be over, God knows I don’t but...”
I froze.

He’s about to end it.

“But?” I asked, my voice almost high pitched. He closed his eyes as if he was contemplating on weather he should or shouldn’t but when he opened his eyes, they were firm and he made his decision. Suddenly I felt so small sitting there in his shirt.
“I-I have to. I thought that I could but, I don’t have the right to pull you down with me.” He took my hands in his but I just stared at him.
“Harry...” I started, “What changed? I mean, did I do something, because if I did I can-“
“It’s not you, gorgeous.” He interrupted my sentence and hugged me tight, pulling me up on his lap and kissing my hair. “It’s never you, don’t think you did anything because everything you ever did was perfect, you’re perfect.” He sighed heavily.
“Then why do you want to end it? A couple of days ago you were asking me to move in with you and now you want to break up? I’m sorry, I’m just confused.”
He grabbed my hand and placed it on his chest. He kissed me and I felt his heart race under my fingertips.
“Do you know why I can’t control it when you’re around?” he asked suddenly and I shrugged, shaking my head.
“Because it’s yours, Brooke. It just wants to get to you. If it could, it would rip through my skin.”
“Harry...”
“It’s all yours. I am yours. Everything I own is yours.” I kissed him and he kissed back. It was the most passionate kiss we ever shared. We poured all of our feelings, the ones we’ve bottled down for the longest time, in that one kissed. His hands tangled themselves into my hair and mine locked around his neck.
“I’m in love with you.” I started, “I’ve been in love with you for a while now. I just never knew wanted you to know that because I didn’t want you to wreck me. There’s nothing in this world that can destroy me but you. And there is nothing I want to destroy me in this world but you.”
Harry closed his eyes and I caressed his cheek with my left hand, holding his left hand in mine.
“I know.” He looked shocked at first and I smiled reassuringly, “I know that there’s something that is torturing you and I know you’re having a hard time right now and I understand. I know what it’s like and I want you to know that, whenever you want to talk about it, I’m here for you. You don’t have to push me away because I’m not having second thoughts about us. Hell, if moving in with you is what you want, I’ll do it. Because, honestly, It’s just a matter of time when it will happen. I’m in this for life. So don’t even think about pushing me away or dealing with this on your own because it’s not happening.” I grabbed his face and kissed his nose jokingly, and he smiled into it. His eyes were glossy.
“You don’t understand.” He sighed
“Then help me understand. Whenever you’re ready, sweetie, whenever.” I kissed his lips once again and squeezed his hands.
“I love you, you know that, right?” he whispered, eskimo kissing me.
“I do. And I love you too, never forget it.” I kissed him and he kissed back.
“And by the way, when I said I wanted to talk I meant like what interesting movie did you see recently talk and not like I wanna break up talk.” I tapped his nose and he laughed, sticking his tongue at me after doing so.
“It’s just that...” he started, “What is happening... I mean, what I’m going through, is quite serious. And I don’t want to pull you down, but I really don’t want to do this alone. But if you choose to stay, everything changes. I’m giving you the chance to run away.” His face and tone were serious and I nodded my head.
“I’m with you. For better or for worse but you have to tell me what it is.”
He took a deep breath and I felt my body stiffen. It was almost as if I could feel my own heart beat and every second that passed seemed like a century.
“I’m dying, Broke.” He whispered.
“What?” I chocked on my own words, not quite talking him seriously.

“I have cancer.”

The next thing I felt were the hot tears on my cheeks and his hands letting go of mine.

Notes

I really thought about giving up on this story, but then I saw your comments and decided to continue. So, hope you enjoy it.

Love, H.