Remember When?
Long Hard Night
8:00am
Its been boring staying up watching the nurses change shifts. Watching them stumble out to the cars. I didn't sleep…I feel tired but I can't sleep. This state is really killing me. My lamp is still flickering, and my body is still mimicking it. I died a grand total of 3 times over the course of the night. But I held in there. So I made it through the night against the odds. My mom is still in a coma next to me but she's doing much better. They are thinking about moving her to a room on a different level. Separating her from me. I don't want that to happen though. What if she wakes up and thinks I died? I frown at that thought. Becky is back, she came in at 6am. She talked to be and said that she was super happy to see me still here and that she hoped I rested up. I wish…man I could use some caffeine. I see my group come in, damn they clearly did not sleep well. Then I see him. I stand up and run over to the window pressing my hands against it. Niall James Horan. I see the rest of the boys plus El and Perrie. Nicole and Penny go over and tell them everything that the social worker explained about my deaths over night. Niall gets even paler if that's possible. Nicole asks him something and he shakes his head. Everyone comes in but him. WHY THE FUCK ISN'T HE COMING?! Everyone goes over by me, I hear El and Perrie sob. Their boyfriends comfort them. I wander back over. Still confused as to why Niall didn't want to come in as well. I sit down on the edge of my bed while Harry holds real me's hand. They don't say anything but just sit there for a few minutes. Finally Harry breaks the silence. "Hey Clary…um I don't really know how this sort of stuff works. But I'm glad you're still here and you held on so we could see you. We miss you an awful lot already. So please come back home. Anyone else like to add?" Everyone shook their heads. After about an hour of listening to Perrie prattle on about the wedding, Eleanor talking about moving, and the boys telling me about the tour. Which I highly doubt I will be able to go if I live. They get up to leave. I wait for Niall to come in but he doesn't. Becky comes in and checks my vitals again. I think she has a sick sense for this stuff because she looks at me and frowns, "Don't be thinking such things love. He loves you very much, he just needs some time to get a hold of himself. You know men…they don't like to show they are weak in front of us. They was going to take your mom away from you but I said no. They should stay together. Lilly agrees, she's such a sweet girl. She's at home resting for a few hours then she will be back. Everything is looking good though. You made it through the rough part…smooth sailing from here on out." She smiles then walks away. I sit there stunned. How did she know I was thinking all that. Can Becky sense me somehow? If so she needs to tell Niall to get his ass in here. I sit there and stroke my mom's hair singing her some of her favorite songs. I feel like I'm helping. Plus I don't have to look at myself and it kills time, keeping me distracted from the fact that my boyfriend has yet to see me.
12:00pm
Everyone went down for some crappy cafeteria lunch food, except Niall. Honestly if I wake up and remember this…I will give him some shit. I do look better than I did yesterday. My skin has lost the gross green tint to it, so now it just looks like snow. Makes my freckles stand out more than usual this time of the year. I stare out the window…its started to snow again. Just a light fall though…its really pretty. I always loved snow…
"Daddy! Daddy! Lets go build a snowman!! Oh please please!" six year old me is bouncing around the family room in our Wisconsin home. My mom is laughing in the kitchen while she gets dinner ready. My dad was on the couch. I remember this home, and it’s the closest one to my heart. It wasn't big, just one level with a basement for storage. Obviously it had all the newest features for that time. But we had a big backyard where my dad would play football with me. I leapt on him and started bouncing on his stomach. "Okay Clarissa! Okay! We will build a snowman before Mommy gets done with dinner." I smile then run to get ready, which included so many layers. My dad helped me put on my shoes and snowpants. Then we headed out. I jumped into a mound and made a snow angel. "I love the snow Daddy."
"I love how happy it makes you princess." Then we made a huge snowman, my mom came out at took a picture then we had dinner and watched a Disney movie. The usual weekend routine at the house.
I think back on that stuff and it feels like a lifetime ago. I would do anything to go back. I didn't even hear Niall come in until the curtain made a sound while he closed it. I whirl around and gape at him. He just stands there a couple of moments. Looking at my limp body, I am suddenly very aware of all the tubes and how shitty I look. I want to cover his eyes or something. He moves the chair so he's sitting down right next to me. He grabs my hand and runs his thumb over my knuckles and strokes my hair with the other hand. "Hey baby…I know you are probably very angry at me for not coming in sooner…but I…I couldn't handle seeing you this…when I feel like I could've stopped this from happening. I love you so much Clarissa. So much. Seeing you like this hurts me more than you'll ever know. I might as well be hooked up like you because that's how it feels. Everything hurts. When we got here and they told me about yesterday and how you…you died a lot. I broke down. I couldn't believe my Clarissa was in this state. Because some jackass wasn't paying attention. Listen to me baby…I love you…so please stay, come back to me. If you stay…and you don’t want to be…with me anymore…I'll let you go…because at least you'll be alive still. You'll be with your mom still. There a whole bunch of people here who still need you. So please just come back home. I miss you…I miss your goofy laugh, the way you talk with your hands, how you pay attention to every single detail. I miss my best friend…I love you. I know I've said it a lot…but I just want you to know that I do. I will always love you…until the end of time Clarissa." He stops talking and lets out a small sob. I want to just reach out and touch his face, wipe away his tears. But now more than ever I realize that I need to wake up. I have to wake up. He looks at me again. "You know even now you're still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I had so many plans for us…I was…I was planning on marrying you Clarissa. Getting a big house and filling it with kids and memories. Because I love you more than words can show. I think about you more than you could ever know, until forever this will be true, because there is no one I would ever love the way I love you. Just please come back to me baby. Please there is nothing else in this entire world that I want more than for you to just come back to me. That's all I want right now, to have you right beside me in bed at home, safe and sound Clarissa. But right now you need to come back to me…" Tears were running down his face. He gets up to leave. God he looked so broken…and beaten. I don't want him to go, I won't let him go. Not now…he just got here. No Niall please stay! I love you Niall…please don't go…don't leave me.
Its been boring staying up watching the nurses change shifts. Watching them stumble out to the cars. I didn't sleep…I feel tired but I can't sleep. This state is really killing me. My lamp is still flickering, and my body is still mimicking it. I died a grand total of 3 times over the course of the night. But I held in there. So I made it through the night against the odds. My mom is still in a coma next to me but she's doing much better. They are thinking about moving her to a room on a different level. Separating her from me. I don't want that to happen though. What if she wakes up and thinks I died? I frown at that thought. Becky is back, she came in at 6am. She talked to be and said that she was super happy to see me still here and that she hoped I rested up. I wish…man I could use some caffeine. I see my group come in, damn they clearly did not sleep well. Then I see him. I stand up and run over to the window pressing my hands against it. Niall James Horan. I see the rest of the boys plus El and Perrie. Nicole and Penny go over and tell them everything that the social worker explained about my deaths over night. Niall gets even paler if that's possible. Nicole asks him something and he shakes his head. Everyone comes in but him. WHY THE FUCK ISN'T HE COMING?! Everyone goes over by me, I hear El and Perrie sob. Their boyfriends comfort them. I wander back over. Still confused as to why Niall didn't want to come in as well. I sit down on the edge of my bed while Harry holds real me's hand. They don't say anything but just sit there for a few minutes. Finally Harry breaks the silence. "Hey Clary…um I don't really know how this sort of stuff works. But I'm glad you're still here and you held on so we could see you. We miss you an awful lot already. So please come back home. Anyone else like to add?" Everyone shook their heads. After about an hour of listening to Perrie prattle on about the wedding, Eleanor talking about moving, and the boys telling me about the tour. Which I highly doubt I will be able to go if I live. They get up to leave. I wait for Niall to come in but he doesn't. Becky comes in and checks my vitals again. I think she has a sick sense for this stuff because she looks at me and frowns, "Don't be thinking such things love. He loves you very much, he just needs some time to get a hold of himself. You know men…they don't like to show they are weak in front of us. They was going to take your mom away from you but I said no. They should stay together. Lilly agrees, she's such a sweet girl. She's at home resting for a few hours then she will be back. Everything is looking good though. You made it through the rough part…smooth sailing from here on out." She smiles then walks away. I sit there stunned. How did she know I was thinking all that. Can Becky sense me somehow? If so she needs to tell Niall to get his ass in here. I sit there and stroke my mom's hair singing her some of her favorite songs. I feel like I'm helping. Plus I don't have to look at myself and it kills time, keeping me distracted from the fact that my boyfriend has yet to see me.
12:00pm
Everyone went down for some crappy cafeteria lunch food, except Niall. Honestly if I wake up and remember this…I will give him some shit. I do look better than I did yesterday. My skin has lost the gross green tint to it, so now it just looks like snow. Makes my freckles stand out more than usual this time of the year. I stare out the window…its started to snow again. Just a light fall though…its really pretty. I always loved snow…
"Daddy! Daddy! Lets go build a snowman!! Oh please please!" six year old me is bouncing around the family room in our Wisconsin home. My mom is laughing in the kitchen while she gets dinner ready. My dad was on the couch. I remember this home, and it’s the closest one to my heart. It wasn't big, just one level with a basement for storage. Obviously it had all the newest features for that time. But we had a big backyard where my dad would play football with me. I leapt on him and started bouncing on his stomach. "Okay Clarissa! Okay! We will build a snowman before Mommy gets done with dinner." I smile then run to get ready, which included so many layers. My dad helped me put on my shoes and snowpants. Then we headed out. I jumped into a mound and made a snow angel. "I love the snow Daddy."
"I love how happy it makes you princess." Then we made a huge snowman, my mom came out at took a picture then we had dinner and watched a Disney movie. The usual weekend routine at the house.
I think back on that stuff and it feels like a lifetime ago. I would do anything to go back. I didn't even hear Niall come in until the curtain made a sound while he closed it. I whirl around and gape at him. He just stands there a couple of moments. Looking at my limp body, I am suddenly very aware of all the tubes and how shitty I look. I want to cover his eyes or something. He moves the chair so he's sitting down right next to me. He grabs my hand and runs his thumb over my knuckles and strokes my hair with the other hand. "Hey baby…I know you are probably very angry at me for not coming in sooner…but I…I couldn't handle seeing you this…when I feel like I could've stopped this from happening. I love you so much Clarissa. So much. Seeing you like this hurts me more than you'll ever know. I might as well be hooked up like you because that's how it feels. Everything hurts. When we got here and they told me about yesterday and how you…you died a lot. I broke down. I couldn't believe my Clarissa was in this state. Because some jackass wasn't paying attention. Listen to me baby…I love you…so please stay, come back to me. If you stay…and you don’t want to be…with me anymore…I'll let you go…because at least you'll be alive still. You'll be with your mom still. There a whole bunch of people here who still need you. So please just come back home. I miss you…I miss your goofy laugh, the way you talk with your hands, how you pay attention to every single detail. I miss my best friend…I love you. I know I've said it a lot…but I just want you to know that I do. I will always love you…until the end of time Clarissa." He stops talking and lets out a small sob. I want to just reach out and touch his face, wipe away his tears. But now more than ever I realize that I need to wake up. I have to wake up. He looks at me again. "You know even now you're still the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. I had so many plans for us…I was…I was planning on marrying you Clarissa. Getting a big house and filling it with kids and memories. Because I love you more than words can show. I think about you more than you could ever know, until forever this will be true, because there is no one I would ever love the way I love you. Just please come back to me baby. Please there is nothing else in this entire world that I want more than for you to just come back to me. That's all I want right now, to have you right beside me in bed at home, safe and sound Clarissa. But right now you need to come back to me…" Tears were running down his face. He gets up to leave. God he looked so broken…and beaten. I don't want him to go, I won't let him go. Not now…he just got here. No Niall please stay! I love you Niall…please don't go…don't leave me.
Notes
Here ya go! Finally Niall arrives. I know a lot of you were getting angry that he wasn't there. So I hope this chapter didn't disappoint you! :)
So if you guys have a twitter I would love if you would follow my imagines account @imagineif1D5SOS it would be awesome! :) Yep and as always feel free to comment on this story. I love the comments that have coming in! It makes me so happy that you guys love this story/characters as much as I do. So I survived my first week of classes as a sophomore in college. God I am so old. I hope everyone has a killer weekend!
Until next time
~Annie Xxx
@redheadedbeauty
Yeah he is ... I wanted to save the picture that's why i asked but thanks
4/11/15