Remember When?
Decisions
2:00pm
My relatives were asked to leave for a bit while Lilly and the other nurse, who was named Becky, checked my vitals. Lilly went to check on my mom but Becky stayed and straightened my blanket. "Don't listen to what they say honey. You have the choice. Its yours to make only. Nobody can make you stay here if ya don't want to. Just think about that okay? I don't want ya to feel pressured." She gets a beep on her pager and leaves, kissing me on the head. I move the curtain so I can see my mom. I sit in between our two unconscious barely living bodies. I think over what the nurse said about me having the choice to stay…I wonder if she told my mom the same thing. The choice thing.
"Mom…mom its dinnertime. I made food." I knock on her door. She's been in there for days since Dad left. No sound but the wailing from her crying. I sigh and go back downstairs, making her a plate then going back up. I knock again and try the handle…locked. "Mom come on…you need to eat. Dad wouldn't want to see you like this. Do it for him. Mom…please don't shut me out." I knew why she did though. I have his eyes. And I'm too painful to look at. I hear a noise and the door cracks open.
"I'll take the food. But I don't see the point I don't wan to be here without him." I fight off the tears and try to reason with her.
"But what about me? You would leave me?" That seemed to have snapped her out of it because the next day she was down making me breakfast and driving me to school. She still didn't talk much but at least I didn't have to put her on suicide watch.
I think about those days a lot. I'd like to think she would stay but what if she doesn't know if I will. I look over a her and sigh. She misses him, I know she does. I do too. If she leaves would I want to stay here where I have no parents? I can't imagine life without my mom. She always could cheer me up…give me helpful advice with my life problems…make killer food…teach me new painting techniques. "Mom I don't know if you can hear me but…I understand why leaving sounds good. You would get to see Dad again…I want to see him again too. But promise me this. If I stay…you have to stay to. But if you go…I'll be right behind you. We are a family after all. I love you…I know I didn't say it a lot growing up but I do. I need you still even at the age of 21. I'm still stumbling through life while you are gliding through it. Just let me know if you go…because I will go with you. We'll greet him hand in hand." After my speech my mom's heart monitor beeps…something is wrong. Lilly and Becky come rushing in. Then they rush her out. I run after, anxious to know what the hell is happening. She goes back to the ER. Apparently they didn't sew up something properly and she was bleeding internally. But they fixed it fast. And with in the hour she was back by my side. I couldn't sit there any longer though. The ICU is depressing as hell. So I wander around.
4:30pm
I find myself outside that room where they keep all the newborns. I never had a sibling…so I like watching them peek over and their dads point out their new little brother or sister. I smile watching the kids bounce up and down excited then am confused when some of the kids seem upset. I would've killed to have a sibling back when I was younger…even now. But I have Nicole…and she comes pretty close.
"Hey do you think if my parents died your mom would adopt me?" We were laying out by Nicole's pool, school's out and I still had 2 months until the move to Ireland. I glance over at her.
"I don't know maybe…she does know you are trouble…maybe the system would do you good." I tease her which gets me a towel to the face.
"I'm serious. Then I would get to go to Ireland with you…and we would be legit sisters."
"You plan on killing them off in two months? We are already sisters you dolt. An ocean won't change that. We have a plan." She groans and rolls over to even out the tan.
"I know that…but I don't want to be left here alone! Who will I talk to?!" I just laugh at her and roll over as well.
"Well you still have two months to think about befriending other people."
Thinking about her makes me realize she hasn't come to see me! I frown at that…maybe she couldn't get here today…and she's coming tomorrow. Or what if Niall didn't tell anyone hoping it wasn't as bad as it seemed. I get up and look at the babies. All so cute in the sea of pink and blue blankets. I coo at them anyways knowing they can't hear me or see me. Hmm where to next. I still have no desire to see my family sitting in the ICU waiting area crying the tears they held in when they saw me. So I decide the cafeteria it is. Excellent for people watching. I sit down on the edge and see a team of nurses and doctors getting, what I can only assume is shitty coffee. They talk for a bit, discussing their home life and plans. Some talk about V-Day. I lose interest and turn my attention to the elderly patients. From what I gather they are arguing about what style of potatoes is better. I chuckle then really think about that. I mean you have fries, mashed, baked…I like all forms of potatoes to be honest. Old people crack me up. I wander around the cafeteria, looking at the food, which looks gross. No wonder the old people are complaining. I sit back down, bringing my knees to my chest. I let out another sigh. Looking around I see Lilly coming down and getting some shit coffee. A hot doctor goes over and hugs her. I jump up and run over. "Thanks Colton…it's just awful seeing her like that. She's so loud and fun…I really hope she will pull through this." OH MY GOD. This is the Colton she was talking about?! Hot DAYUM. He was smoking hot. Yes work it Lilly. I totally am okay with her using my almost death as a way into this guy's arms. He rubs her back. "I'm sure she will make it. She just done with another round of surgery right? She's on the mend from what I hear." Wait…stop pause rewind. I went into surgery again?! WHAT. THE. HELL. Lilly just shrugs then mumbles she needs to go back up. I agree. I've been away from myself for too long.
7:00pm
I picked up the chart thingy that the nurses always looked at. Says I got a skin graft for my leg, taking some of my left calf and putting on my right leg. It also said that my lung filled up with fluid again so they had to redrain. Other than that though I'm 'on the mend' what a load of bullshit. The nurses have changed rounds. Meaning Becky was replaced by this older woman. She seemed to be about 60. I hear her whispering to the other new girl. "Its just so heartbreaking…at least the guy who did this died on the spot. He was too young too. Report says that the ice caused the accident. Poor Lilly…she's best friends with the daughter. Her family are down in the cafeteria but if something happens to with either the mother or the daughter we have to go get them…its just a damn shame it happened to such sweet people. That's what Lilly said at least. Come on I need a cup of joe." They left. I sit in the waiting room scowling after them. They are glad Matt died? He probably had some sort of mental problem. I should have gotten him help or something…now he's dead. And I'm not doing much better. But my main question is. WHERE THE FUCK IS NICOLE?! I could care less if Niall came but I thought Nicole would be here by now. I mean my goodness. Her best friend is on her death bed! I mean jeez. I get up and notice that the dude across from me is gone. I wonder where he went…I hope he didn't kick the can. Maybe he stabilized enough to get a legit room. I sit down and look around. My mom and I are the only ones still in here. Tethered to machines to help with everything. I have a tube in my mouth to help me breath, tube in my arm putting some more blood in since I've lost a lot. A tube to help me pee, yea how embarrassing. And then an IV. My mom doesn’t need to breathing tube or the blood one. Soon a nurse comes over and takes me off my blood. Which is good. That means I must be healing. Then I hear commotion outside the ICU. I look up and see Nicole arguing her bloody head off with the older new nurse. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SEE HER?!" Oh shit this nurse is in for it.
"Ma'am please calm down, family only right now. I'm sorry. They are down in the cafeteria if you would like to ask them if they would change it." Nicole squints at her then puts on her determined face.
"Oh you can count on that. I'll be back." Then she stomps off. I notice Penny follows her. Oh Penny made it! I love that girl. I follow, if my family doesn't let Nicole and Penny in to see me…I'm going to flip a table or something. We all are in the elevator its silent, Nicole is still fuming and Penny looks tired and cold. She's clutching herself. We get to the cafeteria and you can spot my family easily. They are the depressed looking ones that are just moving food around on their plates. Nana stands up and runs over to Nicole enveloping her into a hug. I smile, way to be Nana! Nicole brings up the bitchy old nurse. Nana frowns and tells her this will be straightened out. She leaves quickly, her determined walk going on in full force. Nicole and Penny ask about my condition, so I get that lovely story retold. Then Nicole asks about my mom, they tell her she's in better condition than I am. She's guaranteed a recovery. While I'm not expected to make it through the night. The odds are against me on that. Nicole and Penny just start crying. Papa hugs them and soothes them. I just collapse to the floor. I'm not expected to make it. I might not make it…Niall and the boys aren't even here yet…oh god if my mom lives but I die…it will kill her.
My relatives were asked to leave for a bit while Lilly and the other nurse, who was named Becky, checked my vitals. Lilly went to check on my mom but Becky stayed and straightened my blanket. "Don't listen to what they say honey. You have the choice. Its yours to make only. Nobody can make you stay here if ya don't want to. Just think about that okay? I don't want ya to feel pressured." She gets a beep on her pager and leaves, kissing me on the head. I move the curtain so I can see my mom. I sit in between our two unconscious barely living bodies. I think over what the nurse said about me having the choice to stay…I wonder if she told my mom the same thing. The choice thing.
"Mom…mom its dinnertime. I made food." I knock on her door. She's been in there for days since Dad left. No sound but the wailing from her crying. I sigh and go back downstairs, making her a plate then going back up. I knock again and try the handle…locked. "Mom come on…you need to eat. Dad wouldn't want to see you like this. Do it for him. Mom…please don't shut me out." I knew why she did though. I have his eyes. And I'm too painful to look at. I hear a noise and the door cracks open.
"I'll take the food. But I don't see the point I don't wan to be here without him." I fight off the tears and try to reason with her.
"But what about me? You would leave me?" That seemed to have snapped her out of it because the next day she was down making me breakfast and driving me to school. She still didn't talk much but at least I didn't have to put her on suicide watch.
I think about those days a lot. I'd like to think she would stay but what if she doesn't know if I will. I look over a her and sigh. She misses him, I know she does. I do too. If she leaves would I want to stay here where I have no parents? I can't imagine life without my mom. She always could cheer me up…give me helpful advice with my life problems…make killer food…teach me new painting techniques. "Mom I don't know if you can hear me but…I understand why leaving sounds good. You would get to see Dad again…I want to see him again too. But promise me this. If I stay…you have to stay to. But if you go…I'll be right behind you. We are a family after all. I love you…I know I didn't say it a lot growing up but I do. I need you still even at the age of 21. I'm still stumbling through life while you are gliding through it. Just let me know if you go…because I will go with you. We'll greet him hand in hand." After my speech my mom's heart monitor beeps…something is wrong. Lilly and Becky come rushing in. Then they rush her out. I run after, anxious to know what the hell is happening. She goes back to the ER. Apparently they didn't sew up something properly and she was bleeding internally. But they fixed it fast. And with in the hour she was back by my side. I couldn't sit there any longer though. The ICU is depressing as hell. So I wander around.
4:30pm
I find myself outside that room where they keep all the newborns. I never had a sibling…so I like watching them peek over and their dads point out their new little brother or sister. I smile watching the kids bounce up and down excited then am confused when some of the kids seem upset. I would've killed to have a sibling back when I was younger…even now. But I have Nicole…and she comes pretty close.
"Hey do you think if my parents died your mom would adopt me?" We were laying out by Nicole's pool, school's out and I still had 2 months until the move to Ireland. I glance over at her.
"I don't know maybe…she does know you are trouble…maybe the system would do you good." I tease her which gets me a towel to the face.
"I'm serious. Then I would get to go to Ireland with you…and we would be legit sisters."
"You plan on killing them off in two months? We are already sisters you dolt. An ocean won't change that. We have a plan." She groans and rolls over to even out the tan.
"I know that…but I don't want to be left here alone! Who will I talk to?!" I just laugh at her and roll over as well.
"Well you still have two months to think about befriending other people."
Thinking about her makes me realize she hasn't come to see me! I frown at that…maybe she couldn't get here today…and she's coming tomorrow. Or what if Niall didn't tell anyone hoping it wasn't as bad as it seemed. I get up and look at the babies. All so cute in the sea of pink and blue blankets. I coo at them anyways knowing they can't hear me or see me. Hmm where to next. I still have no desire to see my family sitting in the ICU waiting area crying the tears they held in when they saw me. So I decide the cafeteria it is. Excellent for people watching. I sit down on the edge and see a team of nurses and doctors getting, what I can only assume is shitty coffee. They talk for a bit, discussing their home life and plans. Some talk about V-Day. I lose interest and turn my attention to the elderly patients. From what I gather they are arguing about what style of potatoes is better. I chuckle then really think about that. I mean you have fries, mashed, baked…I like all forms of potatoes to be honest. Old people crack me up. I wander around the cafeteria, looking at the food, which looks gross. No wonder the old people are complaining. I sit back down, bringing my knees to my chest. I let out another sigh. Looking around I see Lilly coming down and getting some shit coffee. A hot doctor goes over and hugs her. I jump up and run over. "Thanks Colton…it's just awful seeing her like that. She's so loud and fun…I really hope she will pull through this." OH MY GOD. This is the Colton she was talking about?! Hot DAYUM. He was smoking hot. Yes work it Lilly. I totally am okay with her using my almost death as a way into this guy's arms. He rubs her back. "I'm sure she will make it. She just done with another round of surgery right? She's on the mend from what I hear." Wait…stop pause rewind. I went into surgery again?! WHAT. THE. HELL. Lilly just shrugs then mumbles she needs to go back up. I agree. I've been away from myself for too long.
7:00pm
I picked up the chart thingy that the nurses always looked at. Says I got a skin graft for my leg, taking some of my left calf and putting on my right leg. It also said that my lung filled up with fluid again so they had to redrain. Other than that though I'm 'on the mend' what a load of bullshit. The nurses have changed rounds. Meaning Becky was replaced by this older woman. She seemed to be about 60. I hear her whispering to the other new girl. "Its just so heartbreaking…at least the guy who did this died on the spot. He was too young too. Report says that the ice caused the accident. Poor Lilly…she's best friends with the daughter. Her family are down in the cafeteria but if something happens to with either the mother or the daughter we have to go get them…its just a damn shame it happened to such sweet people. That's what Lilly said at least. Come on I need a cup of joe." They left. I sit in the waiting room scowling after them. They are glad Matt died? He probably had some sort of mental problem. I should have gotten him help or something…now he's dead. And I'm not doing much better. But my main question is. WHERE THE FUCK IS NICOLE?! I could care less if Niall came but I thought Nicole would be here by now. I mean my goodness. Her best friend is on her death bed! I mean jeez. I get up and notice that the dude across from me is gone. I wonder where he went…I hope he didn't kick the can. Maybe he stabilized enough to get a legit room. I sit down and look around. My mom and I are the only ones still in here. Tethered to machines to help with everything. I have a tube in my mouth to help me breath, tube in my arm putting some more blood in since I've lost a lot. A tube to help me pee, yea how embarrassing. And then an IV. My mom doesn’t need to breathing tube or the blood one. Soon a nurse comes over and takes me off my blood. Which is good. That means I must be healing. Then I hear commotion outside the ICU. I look up and see Nicole arguing her bloody head off with the older new nurse. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T SEE HER?!" Oh shit this nurse is in for it.
"Ma'am please calm down, family only right now. I'm sorry. They are down in the cafeteria if you would like to ask them if they would change it." Nicole squints at her then puts on her determined face.
"Oh you can count on that. I'll be back." Then she stomps off. I notice Penny follows her. Oh Penny made it! I love that girl. I follow, if my family doesn't let Nicole and Penny in to see me…I'm going to flip a table or something. We all are in the elevator its silent, Nicole is still fuming and Penny looks tired and cold. She's clutching herself. We get to the cafeteria and you can spot my family easily. They are the depressed looking ones that are just moving food around on their plates. Nana stands up and runs over to Nicole enveloping her into a hug. I smile, way to be Nana! Nicole brings up the bitchy old nurse. Nana frowns and tells her this will be straightened out. She leaves quickly, her determined walk going on in full force. Nicole and Penny ask about my condition, so I get that lovely story retold. Then Nicole asks about my mom, they tell her she's in better condition than I am. She's guaranteed a recovery. While I'm not expected to make it through the night. The odds are against me on that. Nicole and Penny just start crying. Papa hugs them and soothes them. I just collapse to the floor. I'm not expected to make it. I might not make it…Niall and the boys aren't even here yet…oh god if my mom lives but I die…it will kill her.
Notes
Here ya go!! Another update! Woohoo!! Idk if I will be able to update much after this...since I'm moving back up to school. But hopefully I'll get to this weekend! :)
Yep as said I am heading back up to GB (Green Bay, WI) tomorrow. I am so excited. I'm living with Eliza and another good friend, plus a Chinese exchange student in an apartment. We didn't find out about the fourth person until yesterday...so this will be awkward because Eliza, Erin and I are all good friends...then there's her....so I'll tell you guys how that goes. Haha hopefully she's nice...anyways I am working hard core on this story! :) I hope you guys like the update a lot.
~Annie xxx
@redheadedbeauty
Yeah he is ... I wanted to save the picture that's why i asked but thanks
4/11/15