Remember When?
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Clary's POV
My mom was already driving us to the airport, to head back to see him. My dad. I called her early this morning telling her how I needed to see him, she said that she wouldn't mind paying him a visit either. I keep on replaying Niall yelling at me. Yelling at me about something I was already very aware of. I don't know what's wrong with me…any girl would kill to be me. To have Niall Horan's undying love. And yet I can't say it back. I don't know why…I feel really strong about him…but love? Would I say my feelings were love? No I wouldn't say that. I know I have said it but that's because I knew that's what he wanted to hear. I've seen what love does to people…it builds them up but when you lose it…it tears you apart and takes years to heal. I saw it firsthand when my father passed away. And now my mom is finally back…after what? 9 years she has finally moved on. Not in that sense but she is no longer a shell of the person I knew growing up. The winding roads can be slippery but we have a good car so I'm not worried. Mrs. Horan was taking care of Gracie, the little runt has grown a lot since I last saw her. Mom keeps going on and on about how great it is to have Gracie, gives her something to do outside of work. Then suddenly everything goes black for a bit.
I blink and see that I'm in the middle of the road…where's the car? Where's mom?! I look around and see two cars. I run over to the other one. The driver is on the road, brain splattered everywhere. I recognize him…holy shit its Matt! Matt is dead? Oh no…I have a sinking feeling in my gut I run over to our car, I don't see my mom. "Mom?! MOM?!" I yell but nobody responds. How did I survive? I see another car pull up and instantly call the ambulance. I run over and tell the man, "I can't find my mom, please help me look!" But he walks right past me. Like he can't hear me. Holy shit am I dead? Shit I have to save my mom…she can't die. Heading towards the cars, probably telling them how many people. I continue my search. I go over to the side of the road. And that's when I spot her red hair, crumpled in the ditch. I run/ tumble down the slope. I look at her, god there is so much blood. But I see she's breathing. Oh thank god. The guy comes over and that's when the ambulance gets there. We were close enough to Dublin so that's a relief. I then see them pull me from the wreck. Wow I look like I am dead. I run over leaving my mom as another team starts on her. My right leg's skin is torn off…I can see my bone. My face is all cut up and bruised, some skin kind of peeled off…no bones showing though. I hear the brown haired lady prattle off more, "Several broken ribs, a collapsed lung, many broken bones in her limbs…we need to get her and the other woman back ASAP." Holy shit there is no way I can make it. Collapsed lung?! That sounds no good for me. The lady turns back to me after we all loaded into one ambulance. My mom was in the other, Matt was in a body bag…still at the scene. She sweeps some of my hair away, "Stay with me honey…fight…" Fight? How the hell do you fight a collapsed lung and a broken body?! I sit there looking at my body. I guess I'm still alive…so I'm in this suspended state I guess. We get to the hospital. Which was very nice looking, I wonder if Lilly is somewhere in there. While I was gazing, the medics were rushing my frail body to the ER along with my mom's. I snapped out of my gaze and quickly followed, barely making it to the elevator. I look over at my mom's body…she was a little better looking than me. But her hands…they were all tore up. I instantly knew that she would be upset over that. Her life came from her hands…what good is an artist without their hands? She was so pale that her hair, like mine, looked redder than ever. She seemed years younger. I felt sad but no tears came. I reached out to touch her face but the door popped open and she was rushed away. I don't care what happened to my body, I followed my mom's wake. In the ER, the doctors were fighting over music. Like hello my mom is on her death bed! Fucking help. They just put on Radio One. I relax and watch them remove shards from my mom and sew up everything that needed to be done. They had to remove her spleen though. Some nurse came in saying they needed another doctor for the other patient. I knew they were talking about me. So one left and my mom was wheeled out. I didn't even bother to open the door figuring I would just float through it. Wrong I smacked into it. The hell is this nonsense! So I grumbled but opened the door, peeking into windows trying to find where the surgeons were attempting to mend my body. That's when I see Lilly. She's waiting on the outside talking to a social worker. I move closer, I see she's been crying. I peek over her and see why. God that is a lot of blood. I'm losing blood and they are putting more in me. I watch as my heartbeat line flattens. They jump into action. I hear Lilly yelp and cover her mouth. I come back to life and they just continue operating. Taking liquid out of my lung and setting some of the broken bones. I turn to Lilly who has calmed down. "Here call this number. It's Niall Horan's…he's Clary's I mean Clarissa's next emergency contact…since her mom…" The social worker just nodded. She was a thin thing, short brown hair with some grey in it. It was pinned back in this tiny ponytail. She looked tired and I wouldn't blame her it was only…I looked around for a clock. Shit it was noon already. The flight left an hour ago. I want to tell Lilly to contact my grandparents and Uncle Kurt. The social worker seemed to have read my mind.
"Does she have any other immediate family?" Lilly looked at her for a moment then told her my grandparents' names. She also apologized for not knowing that number. But the social worker, Karen, waved her off.
"Its quite alright Lilly. I will manage. You should head back to where you are needed. Clarissa is in good hands." Lilly looked one last time through the window then left with Karen. I like Karen, she seems kind enough…could use some more sleep. But I think her job just drains her. I go into the surgery room. I look at my hands, they are the only thing on my that looks unharmed by the accident. Which I still can't wrap my mind around…Why would Matt do that? Then I realized he did mumble something about if he can't have me then no one will one time at Starbucks. I didn't tell Niall about it. Well now look at me…I should have said something. After about another 30 minutes of watching them sew up my organs and stomach and other places around my body. They finally take me to the ICU. And Lilly is there waiting. She is still in her scrubs. She sits down next to me and brushes my hair back. "Hey there Cap…Niall is on his way…so are your grandparents and aunt and uncle. You know funny thing happened to me before you came here, this guy, I told you about him. He said he had a feeling tonight was going to be crazy. I thought he meant like a weird case not crazy like never would I have imagined seeing you like this. But hey its okay. I know you'll pull through. You just hang in there okay Clary? I have to go but I asked to be put with you and your mom. You're going to need a friend to talk to…its boring here sometimes. Trust me on that one." She smiles and squeezes my limp hand before getting up and talking to my mom. I hear her talking about fighting to stay with me. And stuff like that. Going on about funny things. Lilly was great, she could always talk. Another nurse comes in and checks my vitals. I see my grandparents come in, along with Uncle Kurt and Aunt Kristen. Lilly lets them in. They go to my mom first. I look at all of them, Uncle Kurt is silently crying. I've never seen him cry. Of course I suppose seeing your sibling attached to IV's and a bunch of other things would do that to you. Aunt Kristen was rubbing his back, but letting him shed tears. Nana looked like she was going to puke. Papa was the rock. He kept his emotions deep down. But I could tell that seeing his daughter like this was painful for him. I just want to hug all of them and tell them that it will be okay. The nurse that checked my vitals told them that talking to them helps…but nothing to make them upset. Like how could I get upset? I'm UNCONSCIOUS! Nana looks at her, the nurse and frowns. "You think they can hear us?" The nurse shrugs.
"That's the theory. I'll leave you alone. The daughter is on the other side of the curtain." Everyone comes over and Aunt Kristen runs out when she sees me. Frankly I don’t blame her. She always spoiled me growing up.
It was a summer's day over in Ireland. My dad and mom were out riding, I was too young to ride the trails so I got to hang out with Auntie Kristen. She was pretty like my mom, but the dark kind compared to my mom's fair. I liked her though. Uncle Kurt recently married her. "Clary you want to go riding too don't you? Adventurous are we?" I smiled and nodded at her. She smiled back at me and took my hand. We walked down to the pasture and she helped me up on a horse. It was a black one that I picked out. She was very pretty. Auntie Kristen tied a leader on and lead me around the pasture. I technically wasn't allowed to ride unless Nana was present. After we got done we headed back. Hand in hand, Auntie Kristen whispered to me, "Don't tell ya parents okay sweetie? That will be our little secret." We had many more secrets in the years to come.
I listen to the prattle on about the ranch and how my horse, Belle, was doing. A true champ is how Papa put it. Then continued to say she must've learned that from me. I don't know what to make of this. Aunt Kristen eventually returns, but still looks a bit green. She sits down and takes my hand gently rubbing her thumbs over my knuckles. I want to feel it, but again I'm unattached. That's the only way I can explain this state I'm in. I can't feel a thing, physically and emotionally. Which sucks because all I want to do is curl up and cry but I can't…I don't feel the need.
My mom was already driving us to the airport, to head back to see him. My dad. I called her early this morning telling her how I needed to see him, she said that she wouldn't mind paying him a visit either. I keep on replaying Niall yelling at me. Yelling at me about something I was already very aware of. I don't know what's wrong with me…any girl would kill to be me. To have Niall Horan's undying love. And yet I can't say it back. I don't know why…I feel really strong about him…but love? Would I say my feelings were love? No I wouldn't say that. I know I have said it but that's because I knew that's what he wanted to hear. I've seen what love does to people…it builds them up but when you lose it…it tears you apart and takes years to heal. I saw it firsthand when my father passed away. And now my mom is finally back…after what? 9 years she has finally moved on. Not in that sense but she is no longer a shell of the person I knew growing up. The winding roads can be slippery but we have a good car so I'm not worried. Mrs. Horan was taking care of Gracie, the little runt has grown a lot since I last saw her. Mom keeps going on and on about how great it is to have Gracie, gives her something to do outside of work. Then suddenly everything goes black for a bit.
I blink and see that I'm in the middle of the road…where's the car? Where's mom?! I look around and see two cars. I run over to the other one. The driver is on the road, brain splattered everywhere. I recognize him…holy shit its Matt! Matt is dead? Oh no…I have a sinking feeling in my gut I run over to our car, I don't see my mom. "Mom?! MOM?!" I yell but nobody responds. How did I survive? I see another car pull up and instantly call the ambulance. I run over and tell the man, "I can't find my mom, please help me look!" But he walks right past me. Like he can't hear me. Holy shit am I dead? Shit I have to save my mom…she can't die. Heading towards the cars, probably telling them how many people. I continue my search. I go over to the side of the road. And that's when I spot her red hair, crumpled in the ditch. I run/ tumble down the slope. I look at her, god there is so much blood. But I see she's breathing. Oh thank god. The guy comes over and that's when the ambulance gets there. We were close enough to Dublin so that's a relief. I then see them pull me from the wreck. Wow I look like I am dead. I run over leaving my mom as another team starts on her. My right leg's skin is torn off…I can see my bone. My face is all cut up and bruised, some skin kind of peeled off…no bones showing though. I hear the brown haired lady prattle off more, "Several broken ribs, a collapsed lung, many broken bones in her limbs…we need to get her and the other woman back ASAP." Holy shit there is no way I can make it. Collapsed lung?! That sounds no good for me. The lady turns back to me after we all loaded into one ambulance. My mom was in the other, Matt was in a body bag…still at the scene. She sweeps some of my hair away, "Stay with me honey…fight…" Fight? How the hell do you fight a collapsed lung and a broken body?! I sit there looking at my body. I guess I'm still alive…so I'm in this suspended state I guess. We get to the hospital. Which was very nice looking, I wonder if Lilly is somewhere in there. While I was gazing, the medics were rushing my frail body to the ER along with my mom's. I snapped out of my gaze and quickly followed, barely making it to the elevator. I look over at my mom's body…she was a little better looking than me. But her hands…they were all tore up. I instantly knew that she would be upset over that. Her life came from her hands…what good is an artist without their hands? She was so pale that her hair, like mine, looked redder than ever. She seemed years younger. I felt sad but no tears came. I reached out to touch her face but the door popped open and she was rushed away. I don't care what happened to my body, I followed my mom's wake. In the ER, the doctors were fighting over music. Like hello my mom is on her death bed! Fucking help. They just put on Radio One. I relax and watch them remove shards from my mom and sew up everything that needed to be done. They had to remove her spleen though. Some nurse came in saying they needed another doctor for the other patient. I knew they were talking about me. So one left and my mom was wheeled out. I didn't even bother to open the door figuring I would just float through it. Wrong I smacked into it. The hell is this nonsense! So I grumbled but opened the door, peeking into windows trying to find where the surgeons were attempting to mend my body. That's when I see Lilly. She's waiting on the outside talking to a social worker. I move closer, I see she's been crying. I peek over her and see why. God that is a lot of blood. I'm losing blood and they are putting more in me. I watch as my heartbeat line flattens. They jump into action. I hear Lilly yelp and cover her mouth. I come back to life and they just continue operating. Taking liquid out of my lung and setting some of the broken bones. I turn to Lilly who has calmed down. "Here call this number. It's Niall Horan's…he's Clary's I mean Clarissa's next emergency contact…since her mom…" The social worker just nodded. She was a thin thing, short brown hair with some grey in it. It was pinned back in this tiny ponytail. She looked tired and I wouldn't blame her it was only…I looked around for a clock. Shit it was noon already. The flight left an hour ago. I want to tell Lilly to contact my grandparents and Uncle Kurt. The social worker seemed to have read my mind.
"Does she have any other immediate family?" Lilly looked at her for a moment then told her my grandparents' names. She also apologized for not knowing that number. But the social worker, Karen, waved her off.
"Its quite alright Lilly. I will manage. You should head back to where you are needed. Clarissa is in good hands." Lilly looked one last time through the window then left with Karen. I like Karen, she seems kind enough…could use some more sleep. But I think her job just drains her. I go into the surgery room. I look at my hands, they are the only thing on my that looks unharmed by the accident. Which I still can't wrap my mind around…Why would Matt do that? Then I realized he did mumble something about if he can't have me then no one will one time at Starbucks. I didn't tell Niall about it. Well now look at me…I should have said something. After about another 30 minutes of watching them sew up my organs and stomach and other places around my body. They finally take me to the ICU. And Lilly is there waiting. She is still in her scrubs. She sits down next to me and brushes my hair back. "Hey there Cap…Niall is on his way…so are your grandparents and aunt and uncle. You know funny thing happened to me before you came here, this guy, I told you about him. He said he had a feeling tonight was going to be crazy. I thought he meant like a weird case not crazy like never would I have imagined seeing you like this. But hey its okay. I know you'll pull through. You just hang in there okay Clary? I have to go but I asked to be put with you and your mom. You're going to need a friend to talk to…its boring here sometimes. Trust me on that one." She smiles and squeezes my limp hand before getting up and talking to my mom. I hear her talking about fighting to stay with me. And stuff like that. Going on about funny things. Lilly was great, she could always talk. Another nurse comes in and checks my vitals. I see my grandparents come in, along with Uncle Kurt and Aunt Kristen. Lilly lets them in. They go to my mom first. I look at all of them, Uncle Kurt is silently crying. I've never seen him cry. Of course I suppose seeing your sibling attached to IV's and a bunch of other things would do that to you. Aunt Kristen was rubbing his back, but letting him shed tears. Nana looked like she was going to puke. Papa was the rock. He kept his emotions deep down. But I could tell that seeing his daughter like this was painful for him. I just want to hug all of them and tell them that it will be okay. The nurse that checked my vitals told them that talking to them helps…but nothing to make them upset. Like how could I get upset? I'm UNCONSCIOUS! Nana looks at her, the nurse and frowns. "You think they can hear us?" The nurse shrugs.
"That's the theory. I'll leave you alone. The daughter is on the other side of the curtain." Everyone comes over and Aunt Kristen runs out when she sees me. Frankly I don’t blame her. She always spoiled me growing up.
It was a summer's day over in Ireland. My dad and mom were out riding, I was too young to ride the trails so I got to hang out with Auntie Kristen. She was pretty like my mom, but the dark kind compared to my mom's fair. I liked her though. Uncle Kurt recently married her. "Clary you want to go riding too don't you? Adventurous are we?" I smiled and nodded at her. She smiled back at me and took my hand. We walked down to the pasture and she helped me up on a horse. It was a black one that I picked out. She was very pretty. Auntie Kristen tied a leader on and lead me around the pasture. I technically wasn't allowed to ride unless Nana was present. After we got done we headed back. Hand in hand, Auntie Kristen whispered to me, "Don't tell ya parents okay sweetie? That will be our little secret." We had many more secrets in the years to come.
I listen to the prattle on about the ranch and how my horse, Belle, was doing. A true champ is how Papa put it. Then continued to say she must've learned that from me. I don't know what to make of this. Aunt Kristen eventually returns, but still looks a bit green. She sits down and takes my hand gently rubbing her thumbs over my knuckles. I want to feel it, but again I'm unattached. That's the only way I can explain this state I'm in. I can't feel a thing, physically and emotionally. Which sucks because all I want to do is curl up and cry but I can't…I don't feel the need.
Notes
:)) Here ya go! The next few chapters will be only be in Clary's POV....the italicized parts is the present. The regular parts are flashbacks. Just to tell you for future chapters.
Please please comment! I love to hear what you guys are thinking! :) Anyways I'm busy packing up some clothes for school. Tomorrow I have to do laundry. Blah. Later I am working at my dad's office...which is so boring. I hate it but I get good money for it.
Anyways hope everyone is having a lovely day!
~Annie xxx
@redheadedbeauty
Yeah he is ... I wanted to save the picture that's why i asked but thanks
4/11/15