Clary's POV
I barely slept a wink last night. Well Gracie kept me up most of the night…plus Niall bothered me last night. I came home and my mom was nowhere to be seen. Gracie was up so I let her out, I knew my mom and Maura went off somewhere, hoping that Niall and I would shack up last night. But I just couldn’t do it…I know that he was hoping for something from me…a glimmer of hope if you will. For some reason, I am more than terrified to get involved with him again. I don't know why…maybe it’s the fame…or maybe it’s the fact that I love him so much I couldn't handle breaking up again. Or its the fact that what if he doesn't love me as much as he thinks anymore because I feel like I have changed. I get up and dress in some winter running gear. I plug in my headphones and head on out. I run through our neighborhood, on my way back I pass Niall's house right when he hops out of the car with coffee or something. Okay just keep running…don't look and he won't come over. Sadly that's not the case, I hear my name over my music. "CLARISSA!! C'mere love!" I hate British people and their use of the word love…they toss it around so carelessly. I groan and stop running when I get to the end of his drive. He comes over…I notice he doesn't have his crutches on. I hope Maura slaps him for that. "What Niall?" He's smiling and slowly walking over.
"Coffee? I got you your usual…oh and what time are we heading out?" I look at the cup he sticks out for me and snatch it before responding.
"Probably around noon…why? Got a hot date with someone?" His smile instantly fades and his brow furrows.
"No. I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out after we get back…" He shoves one of his hands into his pocket.
"Nope not a chance. I have work tomorr--" He cuts me off.
"Yea at noon. Come on…just for a little bit. Maybe Haz can come over?" I groan and rub my head. Honestly I am so tired…so I really don't want to hang out tonight.
"I don't know depends on if I feel better." Shit…should not have said that. Here it comes…
"You don’t feel good? You shouldn't have ran if you felt bad! Come on we are going right inside your house. Jesus Clary…what's bothering you? Your head, stomach, elbow or knee maybe?" He starts dragging me towards my house during his rambling. I just go along because there is no point in arguing. We are greeting my Gracie, I move to let her outside but Niall stops me. In one swift motion he picks her up and goes out with her. I take off my shoes and sit down, slowly sipping on my drink. I could fall asleep right now if I wanted to. I check the time and its already 10am. Ugh not enough time for me to nap and pack up. I hear the front door open and shut, then I hear nails clicking on the hardwood. Suddenly Gracie was up in my lap. I cuddle with her and coo at her. "Aw did you behave nicely for Niall? Huh Gracie? Yea you did." She licks my face and then goes over by Niall who conveniently sat down right next to me. He smiles at pets her then sets her down on the ground. He turns and looks at me. "What Niall? Just spit it out!" I glare at him.
"Why are you doing this?" What? I am so confused…
"I…what?" I look at him like he's on drugs…I really need to pack so I got up to go upstairs. He and Gracie followed me of course. I hear him chuckle once he gets to my room. He sits down on my bed just like old times and watches me pack up. Gracie is just following me around my room, like some duckling. "I should've known you weren't all packed up yet…" I frown and look up at him.
"What is that supposed to mean?!" I act like I am hurt which makes him laugh until my phone buzzes. I look and notice that it is right by the necklace box. Oh shit. Please don't pick it up…please don't. Niall just stares at the box, while I sit on the floor pretending to be very interested in my carpet. "Clary…where'd you get this?" I glance up to see him holding the box and it's open, revealing the necklace he bought me. I open my mouth to speak but then snap it shut, because I don't know how to respond really. I go back to picking at the carpet when he speaks up again. "Clary…did you…did you take this from my house?" I just nod and continue with my interest in the carpet. Suddenly someone is yanking me up off the ground. I look at Niall and he is pissed.
"You are such a hypocrite! You told me to let go of us when here you are clinging to it just as much as me! You still have my sweatshirt I gave you that day out at the cabin because you forgot to bring one along on the boat. I spotted the teddy bear I won you at the fair in your room still. And now this! Why did you take it?! Why are you so keen on keeping us apart when clearly we both still love each other? Tell me why you put on this act of not caring when really you are probably just as broken as me on the inside?" His anger turned into sadness by the end. He snapped the box shut and shoved it into his pocket. Then looked at me for an answer. I took a deep breath before answering.
"Because its just easier this way Niall. And I didn't plan on taking it I was going to look at your place then put it back but I never had the chance. I did plan on getting rid of your stuff soon, I just never had to time to…its just easier for me to act like this because eventually it won't be an act anymore." I say all that looking at my hands and not at him. Then he lifts my head, making stare into his blue eyes.
"Tell me that you don't love me anymore. I need to hear you say it." His eyes were watering up.
"I-I-I can't…I still love you…I think I always will but Niall…we just don't mix well. I mean look at all the stuff standing in our way." He was crying but silently…just letting the tears flow.
"The only thing standing in our way is YOU Clary." He's let got of my face and took a step back away from me. Before he leaves he looks at me one more time. "One of these days…I'm going to get tired of waiting around for you Clarissa." Then he left. I just crumpled to the floor.

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Niall's POV
I get to my place and see that both of our moms are in my living room. I just speed right past them up the stairs. I get to my room and just let it all out. The past four years without her were bad but this is worse. She loves me…she said she always will so what's stopping her? Her own fears, that's what's stopping her. I look at the picture that was once in the frame. I fold it up and put it in the necklace box. But before I did that I wrote something on the back. I think someday I will give this back to her. Maybe on a day when I have finally let go of all hope of us getting back together. Maybe when I have finally moved on. But hopefully when she realizes that we won't be happy unless we are together. But until then I plan on keeping this close to me. I finish up with my last minute packing, mostly homemade food from my mom. I hear a knock on the door so I go down to see Clary standing there in a new outfit. Her hair was up in a bun and she had her leather jacket on. I just grab my bags and go to her car but she rips them out of my hands. "Go get your crutches Horan." I frown but go get them. When I get back she is in the car and on her phone, talking to someone. I get in and she ends the conversation, "Yea…no I got to go. Yea I'm free tonight. I'll call you when I get back. Yep okay." She doesn't say one word, just put the car into reverse and then we were off. It was a long silent ride to the ferry. A couple of times I tried to start a conversation but she just turned up the music, trying to drown me out so I stopped. We got to the ferry place and returned the rental car. When I got on the ferry I was swarmed by fans. I lost sight of Clary so I was looking around in panic. I couldn't see her red bun anywhere…it also didn't help that she was short. I was swarmed until the ferry security came and helped me. "Thanks mate. Do you know where a short redhead went? She's my age…blue sweatshirt, leather jacket, really beautiful?" They just point to where Clary was, she was on a bench looking out of the window at the water, a coffee mug in her hand. I breathed a sigh of relief then went over to her. I saw our bags under her seat, she didn't really look up when I sat down. I watched her as her eyes danced around the window looking at the view slowly passing by. She started rummaging through her purse for something then pulled out a pen and grabbed a napkin. I have no idea what she was doing, probably drawing. I decided to look out the window but every so often I would catch her looking up at me. "Clary what are--"
"Don't move, just go back to how you were." I look at her funny then she waves her hand. I turn but not before taking a quick look at the napkin. She was sketching me looking out the window. I smiled a bit then went back to how I was. After what feels like forever, she finished right when we docked. She folded it up and stuck it in my pocket then whispered in my ear. "For later." Then grabbed our bags and went to find my car. I somewhat followed her but the fans stopped me. So once again I am trying to find her in a crowd of people. One fan just tapped me on the shoulder and pointed. I saw Clary and smiled thanking the girl. She guided me to where Clary was. I take a picture and sign something for her. Then she asks me something before leaving. "Who is she? You love her a lot. I see it in your eyes." I gape at this young girl. She's easily 16 or 17. She smiles then waves over at Clary, who waves back but looks at me in confusion. Then the girl leaves. I hobble over to Clary and hop in. I am lost in my own little world the drive back to my place. Maybe I have sealed my fate, I love Clarissa and I don't think I will stop until the day I die. We pull up and I see Barbara waiting in my lobby. Dear God could this get any worse today. I hear Clary laugh. "What is so funny?" I sink down in my seat and scowl.
"Looks like you have a stalker too! Although she's prettier in the magazines. Lets go say hello!" Before I could grab her to stop, Clary was already out of the car, my bag in her hand. I groan and get out too then hobble after her. I get there only to see Barbara push past Clary and run out tears on her face. Clary seemed unfazed though and just pressed the elevator button. "What the hell did you do?" I look at her while a smile danced on her lips. We get to my floor and I let her into my place. She still hasn't told me what she said to Barbara…not that I'm complaining because she may have just gotten rid of my massive problem. But still why make her cry? "Hey where's the bathroom?" I just point to it. She sets her purse down and goes down the hall. My hand flies to my pocket and I pull out the napkin she drew on. It was just a picture of me…then I noticed writing on the back.

Truth is…I miss you.
All the time.
Every second.
Every minute.
Every hour.
Every day.

I just stand there…holding on to the napkin like my life depended on it. I hear the door open so I shove it back into my pocket. Then I feel the necklace box. I take it out and put it into her coat pocket that was by her purse. She comes over and I study her trying to pick up on anything. But I still wanted to know what she said to Barbara. "Okay come on Clary what did you say?"
"I didn't say anything. I went over to tell her that you were coming in soon. Then she started asking all these questions then burst into tears and ran off. She thought you moved on and were dating me now. She ran off before I could tell her no. So yea. I have to go…meeting up with someone." She had on her jacket and threw her purse on. She hugged me quickly then left. I pulled out the napkin again, memorizing the note. Who was she meeting up with? I wasn't going to get much sleep tonight, I already knew that.

Notes

Oh man oh man...okay some questions to keep ya thinking until the next update!

What did Niall write on the back of the picture? Who is Clary meeting up with? Will they every come to terms with their feelings?

So my little brother and I are watching Bambi...and I forgot how cute it was...and I have all three of our cardboard cutouts right now. Just ahhh...

~Annie xxx