Mirrors (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

"I miss you." he whispers. His warm lips press against my forehead, the heat of his skin is too overwhelming and I have to step away from him.

I don't understand why he's doing this to me now, when I thought I could end up being okay. How can you just say you miss me and even anticipate that I will run back to you, as a friend?

I can't process all of this right now, nothing makes sense, "Not right now Harry, I need time to think." I'm still staring at my shoes when I decide to walk away before he can say anything else, "Goodbye, Harry." I hear him gasp and take a deep breath at my words.

I walk away. I don't know why I keep saying goodbye to him, to hurt him? Because I mean it? Or is it because I want to mean it? I don't know, but it just won't stop coming out of my mouth.

I step inside the van and sit next to Sean in the last row, he smiles at me and snakes an arm around me. Before the car leaves I can see Harry step into the car next to us, his head is down and his hands are in his pocket.

When we get back to the hotel, everyone piles up into the bus for a last ride around the city before they all head to their last destination of this leg of the tour. When I see Lou and Harry walk out of the hotel I'm glad to see that Kendall didn't come down. Before I can even make eye contact with Harry, Sean grabs my hand and pulls me inside the bus, we head to the back, where the large couch is and we all sit around. I wasn't sure about coming, I still need time to think about what Harry said and I won't be able to concentrate with him here, but Sean insisted I accompany him.

Harry sits right across from us, he doesn't look at me, instead he looks at Sean's and my hands. I look down at them myself and feel uncomfortable; his hand is sweaty and larger than mine, and not in a comforting way, like Harry's. I slip my hand away, Sean just smiles and goes back to his deep conversation with Niall about some Irish dish.

"You okay?" Bella whispers from beside me, I didn't even noticed she didn't sit next to Niall, they're probably fighting again.

"Erm," I eye Harry and he's staring at me making my stomach burn, "yeah, great."

"Hey Pie?" I turn to Sean, he'd gotten the nickname from Bella, "Wanna come with me to get some beers from the front?" I nod and follow him out, I can feel Harry's eyes burning at the back of my neck.

"What's wrong with him?" Sean turns as the sliding door closes, he's so close to me I have to lean on the door to give us some space.

"What do you mean?" I whisper.

"Harry he just won't stop staring at you, he looks at you like... I dunno." he leans a hand on the door and looks down at me.

"He asked me to be his friend... again."

He laughs, "Please tell me you're not going to?"

"Erm, I don't know," I admit, "Harry and I... well we have a long history I guess you can say, I've known him for over a year, he was my best friend."

"He broke your heart," he whispers, his other hand comes up and his fingers run along my cheeks making me flinch but he doesn't notice, "and for that I hate him. I know I barely know you Piper, but I really like you and I don't want you to get hurt."

"I can't picture my life without Harry in it, in every way possible he will be in it whether I want him to be or not. He's my best friend, and I think I want him around." it's hard to admit it but it's true, it's sweet of Sean to want me to be away from Harry but it's just physically impossible for me to live like that anymore. I don't want to shut myself out in fear of colliding with him again, I'd rather know that it will happen and that I will be okay, despite my bottomless painful love for him. And if he's willing to give me friendship then I guess I can live with that... right?

"Do you want him back?"

Of course I do! But he doesn't want me back like that...

"Like, the way he wants you back?" he whispers, his hand cups my neck.

"Yes," and no.

"What about the other way?" he's looking at my lips and I'm prepared to actually slap him because I don't need this right now.

"Even if I did, he doesn't love me." I look down at my shoes. His finger tugs my chin and makes me look up at him, in no way does his skin burn the way Harry's does. I don't think I will ever feel about a guy the way I feel about him.

"I could help you move on..." he whispers.

"Sean, I need you to be my friend, I can't do a relationship when I'm still in love with someone else," he smiles a little and nods.

"Doesn't change the fact that I still really like you," he breaths a laugh, "but I'll be your friend... for now." he winks and it feels too familiar.

··· HARRY'S POV ···

They've been out there ten minutes,ten fucking minutes. I can't stand the way he looks at her, and how easy it is for her to let him touch her. I know he likes her, I mean how could he not! She's fucking beautiful! But I don't like it, she's mine.

No she's not.

She probably hates me now, that's why she won't give me a chance, how can you not see how much I love you? It fuels my anger to know that she's outside with him. He won't take his fucking eyes from her, he wouldn't stop looking at her at the venue when she wouldn't look at me from across the room.

Blonde fucker.

The only blonde I care about is Niall. But he's a brunette so I don't think he counts.

He's a real git, that's what he is... little shit.

I know she still loves me, but she refuses to even be my friend, and I can't blame her; I wouldn't want to be my friend after I lied to her. I'm sure she still thinks I don't love her, but I can't be honest about my feelings to her right now, she has too much going on. And maybe I shouldn't have asked for her friendship, but I just couldn't handle it anymore; her being far away from me... even in the same room.

Piper comes back inside with a couple beers and she hands them to Niall, she's not wearing her jumper and she's got a tee shirt that fits her big, that didn't fit her big before...now that I really look at her face I notice that it's slimmer; her cheeks aren't full like before, and she's got bags under her eyes. Her belly is smaller, her breasts don't look the way they did before when she wore a tee shirt; they aren't crushed against the fabric. Even her fingers are slimmer. I don't even begin to wonder if I've done this because I know the answer.

I close my eyes and run my fingers through my hair, tugging as much as I can so I don't fucking cry, to try and rid the knot in my throat, I can't believe I let this happen. I shouldn't have been away from her for so long, I'm not letting her push me away anymore, I'm getting her back because she's all I've got. She's my future and I won't let her be miserable right now, I know I make her happy so I have to start acting like it.

I want to be with her for as long as I can, I've given her the space she needed to figure things out with her father, I thought in this time I'd let her go but that's not happening, it's time I take her back because I can't breathe without her. Not being with her is a thousand times worse than being with her but being miles away. At least back then I knew that I would be going back to her, that if I texted she'd answer, that if I called I could really hear her voice and not how it has been haunting me for the past two months. All I had to worry about then was remembering to ask how she was and if she was okay, but now I know she's not okay and I can't do anything about it, I haven't been able to.

I rest my elbows on my knees and lean down to cover my face with my hands. I can see her looking at me through the cracks between my fingers, her brown eyes concerned and her fingers twitch as if wanting to reach out and touch me. There might be other people in this room talking and laughing, but all I see is her, and all she sees is me, and I know she feels it. And I miss her, she's inches from me and I miss her. I uncover my eyes and rest my chin on the heel of my palm while my other hand runs my fingers through my now long hair, and I stare into her eyes waiting for the dreadful moment that she looks away. But she doesn't, and in that moment all I can think of doing is giving her what's hers; my smile. My heart skips a beat and I gasp in the middle of taking a deep breath when her lips stretch into a living smile and her eyes look away and down at her hands, and I can't stop grinning.

That smiles was all I need to survive the next few days before I go back home and can actually see her and talk to her again.

I watch her as Sean, Lou, Josh, Louis, Liam, Zayn, Niall and Bella hug her before she boards her plain. When she looks at me my heart is a little hopeful that she will at least smile.

"Bye," she mouths and waves. I can't help but frown at her as she walks away without a hint of a smile.

------

It's been two days since I saw her wave goodbye to me, I haven't texted to ask if I could see her but I figured I could show up at her house (when her dad's working of course) and not give her the option of turning me down. I know it's low, but I'm desperate.

I step out of the jet and find that Sean and I are the only ones left behind to grab our luggage. He scowls at me as Paul hands me my bag, who then takes the box where I carry my clothes to be put in my car waiting outside.

I don't know what this prick wants, but if he thinks I'm letting him take her away from me, that's not happening.

"I think you should stay away from Prim."

That git! Who does he think he is telling me what to do, "Was that your idea, or was it from the woman who happens to still be in love with me."

"You're an arse you know, you might have Niall fooled but not me, I can see right through your cruel intentions."

I laugh, "You're an idiot, if you think I'm going to let you brain wash her with lies about me you're crazy," I laugh again, "she wouldn't actually believe you anyways, she knows me better than your idea of me." Git.

"All you wanna do is hurt her and I'm not going to let you. asshole," he points a finger at me, "you might be rich and famous but you certainly don't deserve someone as beautiful and smart as her."

I don't need him to tell me who I deserve or not, and I definitely don't need him to tell me that she's beautiful and smart, I already know she is... she's fucking perfect.

I scowl at him, "I would never hurt her intentionally, I love her and I am not going to let her walk away from me, good luck fighting her love for me mate because trust me; that will never fade." I raise a brow waiting for him to retaliate but he doesn't. He knows she loves me, and I'm not going to let that change, not even for a second.

··· PIPER'S POV ···

I sit at the dinning table with my father as he finishes breakfast before he heads to work, he's been telling me about his friend Paul from the University and how he'll help me get my classes for the fall semester, he sent in my transcripts and the school was going to consider it, but my father says it's a done deal.

"Thanks, dad," I smile at him, Markie walks inside the dining room, he kisses my cheek but completely ignores my father.

"No problem Piper, I'm glad I could help, and I'm glad you made this decision," he isn't looking at me, he's watching Markie as he heads into the kitchen, "excuse me." he grabs his plate and walks in behind Markie.

"Can we please talk Markus?"

"No." I understand why my brother is mad at him, he's had to put up with a lot of more shit from him than me, and he's forgiven him many times more than I have; it's about time he exploded and let my father know that he can't treat him like that.

My father knows he can't get away with things with me because it's hard for me to forgive him, but Markie is different; he always forgave him, and now he really messed up and Markie can't look past it.

I stand from the kitchen and head over to shower. Seanmademe promise I'd hang out with him today after he gets home from his flight, I think he's living with Niall now since he hasn't mentioned anything about going to Ireland. I'm not so sure about it since I'm sure he's got a thing for me, but it would be nice to stop thinking about Harry's offer for a while and let him and Niall distract me with their drunk stories from Mullingar.

I shower quickly and pull on my high waisted blue jeans, they still fit me big but I know I've gained about one more size, I've actually been eating what I'm supposed to. I pull over a dark green shirt, which still fits me big but I hope it doesn't soon, I actually miss my old body, I don't feel like myself. I put on my black boots and comb my short hair. My fringe is long, halfway down my cheek, so I just brush it to the side; I don't feel like cutting it anymore.

I stare at my reflection for the first time in what feels like ages, I still have bags under my eyes and my face doesn't look like before. Everything that I went through: Not eating, sleeping, barely talking, it wasn't just because of Harry, it was everything that happened that week. It was so overwhelming I didn't know how to deal with it.

Now I know how to deal with it, and I'd like to think that I'm a lot better than I was two months, hell, I'm better than a month ago.

Nevertheless, my feelings for Harry and having a friendship with him are yet to be discovered. I honestly don't know what to do. When he smiled that dimpled smile I love, I swear my heart jumped out of its chest and I had to look away. Everything Harry is confusing to me right now, I love him and he wants to be friends and I'm fighting with myself. One part of me says I'd be lucky to even have his friendship offered, the other tells me to run, to fucking run.And I don't know which I want to do more.

Neither, I want to love him.

I shake my head to rid myself of the torturous thoughts.

Sean hasn't texted whether he's here yet or not so I decide to go hang out with Jane and Prim for a bit. I find them in the backyard sitting on top of a blanket in the grass with baby toys all around them.

"Hi Piper! Say hi to your sissy Prim," Jane grabs her little hand and maker her wave at me while I sit next to her, her hand keeps waving after Jane has let go.

"How are you?" Jane asks as she dangles soft toy keys at Prim, who just opens her mouth and makes weird adorable noises.

"Alright," I sight, "She's gonna be an early talker, aren't we Prim," I grab her, she's a little heavy but I don't mind.

"That's what my mum said." she smiles.

"Are you and dad, erm, okay?" Prim grabs my nose and drools, making me laugh which causes her to laugh too.

"Yes... well no, Marcus and I have never been okay, I love him but I'm aware of the horrible decisions he makes." She brushes Prim's short hair and half smiles, "I know he's a good man, and he's got good intentions; he loves both of you, well now three," she pinches Prim's cheek, "and he really is sorry about what he did, and I'm sure he will think twice about lying to you guys ever again."

"Did you ever think about leaving him?" I don't know how Jane and I ever got to this point where I feel comfortable asking her questions like this, but I know she will answer me truthfully.

"Yes," she half laughs, "many, many times, but in the end I still love him and I know I'd be a lot more miserable without him in my life." The irony.

"Are you afraid of marrying him?" I don't why I asked this, but now I really want to know her answer.

"Yes, very; marriage changes people and I've always feared he'd be different if there was a piece of paper holding us together and not just our feelings, or a baby."

The only marriage I saw last was my grandparents, and even they had horrible fights, even days before my grandad died.

"I kind of don't want you to marry him, but not because I don't like you," I say quickly, "because I'm afraid he'll ruin it."

"That makes two of us, marriage has to be taken seriously and most marriages I've seen ... well, don't end up well."

"My parents," I whisper.

"An my parents," she smiles up at me.

"Yours?"

"Yeah, my parents are divorced, but my mother kept the name because, well she's crazy and thinks her 'friends' can't tell she's not with my father anymore." I hadn't realized before that she referrers to her father as "father" like me.

"Oh, I didn't know that."

"Shit, Pipes!" I jump as Markie screams from the door, and Prim jumps while in my arms.

"What, you crazy, you scared Prim."

"Door.. for... you," he gasps as if he'd ran to the door, "told him to got to your room."

"Oh, okay," I smile, I hand my sister to Jane, "it's probably Sean, I left my phone upstairs."

When I walk into my room, Sean isn't the one standing by the end of my bed with his hands in his pocket, wearing black skinny jeans and a light blue/greyish jumper, and the worn out brown boots. I close the door behind me.

"Hi," his raspy voice speaks, I can't bring myself to look away from his green eyes.

I take a deep breath, "Hi."

"I'm sorry, I-I had to see you."

"Okay." He takes a step towards me and I don't move, I feel like I'm glued to the ground, and I'm okay with that.

"I miss you," he stands on his tiptoes and pushes his hands deeper into his pocket, I wish he wouldn't; I want to look at them.

"Hmm."

"Can we be friends, at least?"

At least? Wait what?

"Don't shut me completely out, please? You're my best friend, and I miss you." he takes another step and takes his hands out of his pocket.

"I miss you too," I admit, all of you. "You where so cold." I blurt out and cover my face, I'm not sure if I'm going to start crying but I do know and feel his arms wrap around me, his face burying in my neck as I do the same.

"I am so sorry," he whispers against my skin. I wrap my arms around him.

"I was right, that never should've happened." he smells like cologne and body wash and cinnamon.

"Don't say that, I don't regret anything that happened, except hurting you Pipes," the nickname squeezes my heart and I hold him tighter, he pulls me closer against him and I let him. I start crying.

"Please don't, I'm here now and I'm not leaving you." his hand comes up and tangles in my hair.

"I needed you to be there for me when all that shit happened and you weren't," I sob, "how could you?"

"I'm sorry Piper, I really I am, you have no idea how much I've regretted that, but please forgive me and let me be your friend, let me earn your trust again." I look up at him and see his watery green eyes, he leans his forehead on mine and I know that, despite what happened between us, I trust him.

And I love him, but I will keep that to myself for the sake of having his friendship.

"Yes," he grins and plants a kiss on my forehead before pulling me close again.

"You don't smell like cinnamon anymore," I laugh, he's right; I haven't had any candles. I laugh again and hold him tighter as he does the same.

Notes