Mirrors (A Harry Styles Fanfic)
Chapter 35
*FOURTH*
I don't go back to the bus, instead I make my way around the parking lot to leave through the back. I've never been here so I really don't know where I am going.
As I cross the street, to get as far away as I can from this place, I see Sean crossing opposite me with a small black bag in his hand.
"Hey, where are you going?" he grabs my arm and we stop in the middle of the street.
"Erm... I dunno."
He laughs, "Maybe I should join you, I've been here almost two days so chances are I know the place a little better than you," I've never really talked to him alone, and I wouldn't consider him my friend, but the friendly smile on his face confuses my decision whether to let him come along my sorrow arse or not.
"I just..." I don't know what to tell him, but I know that if he comes along I won't dwell on Harry as much as I would if I were by myself.
"Come on, there's a park two blocks from here, that's where I like to go to... well just hang," he smiles again and puts an arm at the back of my arm to guide across the street. He puts the black bag he had in his hand in his pocket. He drops his hand from my arm once we reach the sidewalk, and I'm glad because I was about flinch my arm from his touch.
It's weird walking with him considering Harry thought I had something with this guy that a barely know. Not that I'm blaming him for Harry breaking up with me, he didn't do anything. I don't even know why the breakup happened, well other that he doesn't love me the way I thought he did, but the whole thing was confusing; fist it was Sean, then the stress I caused him, the worry, something about my family, and then the not loving me.
Seeing him only makes me feel even more blurred. Now, as my mind replays his body standing in front of me after so long, I can't help but notice the way his hands were shoved in his jean pockets. The way his messy hair was pushed back by the bandana, and the piercing green eyes. Sad eyes, followed by bags under them, his whole face looked just tired.
Maybe he misses my friendship, but I can't do that anymore; I can't be his friend, it is physically impossible right now, when I am still in love with him. And I don't think we could ever go back to being friends, not when he hurt me this bad, not when he pointed out I was right about us, not when I think I can't trust him.
Sean doesn't say anything when we reach the small park, I look around the city and realize I haven't been paying attention to its beauty. The trees are big with green and yellow leaves, the park is little island surrounded by big Italian buildings; homes, which structure is vintage and breathtaking. If I'm in Italy I know I should try to enjoy my time here, but I just can't prevent my thoughts from swimming back to him.
I walk past Sean, who was walking in front of me at this point, and head to the closest tree, I'm about to climb it when I realize I could get in trouble since its a park and I really don't know how strict they could be here. So I just lean against it and close eye eyes, I take a deep breath and inhale the smell of the grass and wet soil, exhale and open my eyes. Sean is looking at me, studying my face I guess... everyone seems to do that now.
"Are you okay?" he asks with a small pull of his lips.
"Erm, yeah," that's lie, "well, I will be." I hope.
"Did you see Harry?" he asks as he stands next to me in the tree.
"Yeah." I whisper.
"Niall told me what happened, and honestly I think he's pretty stupid for letting you just like that," I don't look up at him but I know he's looking at me, "and he'd be stupid to even look at someone else." I don't know what he's trying to say but it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, I know I shouldn't be talking to him considering what happened with Harry, but he has Kendall now, apparently.
"I'm so stupid." I lean my head back and rest it on the trunk, I close my eyes and fight a sob warning to escape. Why can't I just get over him, why can't I just stop thinking about him?
"Hey," he pulls my arms to get me to stand away from the tree, "no you're not." I open my eyes and he's looking at me, he's inches away towering me, it feels wrong so I take a step back.
I run my fingers through my now short hair, "I just-" I look down at my shoes.
"I know it will take you a while to be okay, trust me I've been there, but you have to make that decision." his voice is soft and his accent is thick.
I look up at him, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"You have to want to move on." he smiles lightly.
"I do." I need to, it's the only thing I have to be okay, if I don't at least try to move on I will go insane.
"Good," he smiles wide and spreads out his arms, "Fuck him!" he screams and I can't help but laugh at his enthusiasm.
"Erm, okay," I say after a while of just looking at my shoes, "we should go back."
"Yeah," he puts an arm around me, I freeze for a nano second but then start walking. I know I'm being crazy and he's just being nice, but it doesn't feel very right.
The sun starts setting as we walk back to the hotel, the weather is colder and I shiver. Sean takes off his jacket and practically makes me put it on despite my protests.
As we reach the bus I decided not to go to the concert; the less I see Harry the better. We walk in and Zayn is running towards the door.
"Shit, I'm late guys, you coming?" he leaves before we can even answer.
"He's always late to rehearsals," Sean laughs.
The last day in Spain Bella convinces me to, at least, go to the venue the boys are playing in. I'm sitting in the dressing room with Sean, luckily we got here when the boys were already outside, minutes from starting the show.
"So, flying back to London tomorrow?" Sean asks from the seat next to me on the couch.
"Yeah."
"They only have one show left, why don't you stay," I look at him and he's smiling. He's kept me company the past few days when Bella and Niall would be by themselves when the boys wouldn't be working, I guess I can consider him a friend. Right?
"No, I want to go home already and try to get some classes at Birkbeck, my father said he knew some people that could help since I didn't apply when I was supposed to." I know I'll get in, I had great grades in college.
"I'd wish you'd stay to keep me some company," he winks at me and puts an arm around me.
I smile lightly at him, "I'm sure Niall and Bella would love to have you around," I laugh.
"Fuck me, I don't want to be around those slobbering fucks," I laugh louder now, "plus they're fucking bipolar; one minute fighting the next making out." we laugh again but I stop; they have been fighting a lot as well, and Bella doesn't really want to talk about. It's weird between them, I can't really tell what's going on half of the time.
I look up at Sean, who stoped laughing, and he's looking at me. I look down at my hands, he does this a lot: just stares at me, I try to ignore it by looking away but I still feel him looking at me. The hand that isn't resting on my right shoulder come up and pushes some of my hair behind my ear, I look up and smile a bit at him; he tends to do that too. His eyes close and next thing I know his lips touch mine.
"Sean!" I push him lightly and stare wide eyed at him, I don't know why he kissed me, I sure as hell didn't tell him or do anything to make him believe it was okay to do that.
"I-I am so sorry Piper," he runs his face with his hand, "I-I don't know why I'd did that, I mean I do know I just... I'm sorry I... that was really fucked up of me." he turns and looks down at his knees.
"Sean, I can't-"
"No, I get it, I was stupid," he puts his face on his hands.
I place a hand on his shoulder, "I can't... not right now, can you just be my friend?" Why did I say "not right now"? I can't possibly be with someone when I'm still in love with Harry. I don't even feel like that about Sean, even the kiss didn't feel right; his lips weren't soft nor rough, it was strange.
"Yeah of course," he looks up wide eyed and wraps his arms around me in a tight hug, I hug him back. "I'm sorry Piper,"
"Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong." I say as I pull away.
"If I do that again please slap me," he says sincerely and I laugh. "Seriously, chances are I will try to do that again, you're just too beautiful to not get lost in you." I try to smile and half laugh, but the awkwardness is still in the air.
"I'm gonna go get something from the vending machines outside," I say after a while.
I don't really want anything but I just needed to walk out. As I turn the corner I bump into someone.
"Fuck, sorry!" I say, I look up and raise a brow, of course you're here and I bump into you.
"Well, look who it is," she says with an insincere smile.
"Kendall."
"Piper, what are you doing here?" She asks with a smirk on her face.
"Supporting my friends."
"Oh, and that's why you're sitting outside in the crowd?" She raises a brow.
I could my arms, "And you are."
"That's different, I told my Harry I'd wait for him in the dressing room." My Harry. Fuck me.
"Whatever Kendall, I don't care." I walk past her and head to the restroom.
"I'm sure you don't, that's why you look like you want to punch me in the face," she laughs.
She's right about one thing; I really want to punch her.
I manage to not look at Harry when they all come back, he sits in one of the couches with Kendall and Lou. I sit with Sean and Zayn while they talk about some video game.
As everyone starts leaving, I wait to be the last one, I tell Sean I'll see him outside in the car. As I step out of the room, Harry is leaning against a wall, he's wearing the custom black ripped jeans, a white t-shirt, and his green eyes stare into mine. My stomach hurts at the look of him.
"Piper-" he walks towards me and I take a step back.
"Harry," I stretch a hand out and he stops right when it touches his chest, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Is it because I touched him?
"Piper, can we please talk?"
"What is there to talk about?" I can't look away from his eyes, and my hand won't leave his chest.
"I can't- Piper I can't, for the love of God, not have you in my life."
What.
What?
His fingers run through his hair, his free hand comes up and rests on top of mine.
··· HARRY'S POV ···
*SIXTH*
Her hand is warm under mine, as I wrap my hand around it she closes her eyes and breathes deep. Her hair is short an a different color, but she still looks beautiful as ever. I don't blame Sean for looking at her the way he did when we were in there.
"I know you probably hate me, and you should," but I can't stay away from you forever like he asked, I love you too much. "But I cannot stay away from you as much as I try, you're my best friend," and I love you.
"Harry-"
"Please, Piper look at me?" I raise her chin with my finger, her eyes open and she's crying, "Hey, no, don't cry," I take a step towards her but she stops me with both hands on my chest. I just want to wrap my arms around her, kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her lips.
"You can't say that," she says, "every time I think I'm okay you do something! Either get back with Kendall, or show up out of nowhere, and now this!"
"What? I'm not back with Kendall! Baby, I was never with her," she flinched at the nickname, "Kendall is here because, well... I wasn't paying attention when they told me why she was coming, something about new album and publicity," I was too busy looking at your pictures on my phone.
"I can't Harry-"
"Tell me you don't miss me." I wrap my other hand around hers.
"I can't say that, but I also can't just be your friend again."I don't want you to be my friend.
"Can we try?" I take a step towards her and she doesn't stop me. I want to touch her hair and kiss her.
"Harry-" I lean down and rest my forehead on top of hers.
I know I fucked up, and I know I should be telling her everything and the real reason why I broke up with her, but I don't want to hurt her more than I have. I'm sure she fixed things with her family and I don't want to ruin it, but I can't pretend like I'm okay with her away from me. And if the only thing she will accept from me is friendship, then that's what I will give her... for now, because it is painful to not press my lips to hers right here and now.
"I don't know if I can handle that Harry," she whispers, "it's too hard for me." I know baby, but I love you and I just can't live like this anymore.
"I miss you." I whisper, I press my lips to her warm forehead but she takes a step back. I've lost her.
"Not right now Harry, I need time to think." she doesn't look at me.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
Fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little
I don't go back to the bus, instead I make my way around the parking lot to leave through the back. I've never been here so I really don't know where I am going.
As I cross the street, to get as far away as I can from this place, I see Sean crossing opposite me with a small black bag in his hand.
"Hey, where are you going?" he grabs my arm and we stop in the middle of the street.
"Erm... I dunno."
He laughs, "Maybe I should join you, I've been here almost two days so chances are I know the place a little better than you," I've never really talked to him alone, and I wouldn't consider him my friend, but the friendly smile on his face confuses my decision whether to let him come along my sorrow arse or not.
"I just..." I don't know what to tell him, but I know that if he comes along I won't dwell on Harry as much as I would if I were by myself.
"Come on, there's a park two blocks from here, that's where I like to go to... well just hang," he smiles again and puts an arm at the back of my arm to guide across the street. He puts the black bag he had in his hand in his pocket. He drops his hand from my arm once we reach the sidewalk, and I'm glad because I was about flinch my arm from his touch.
It's weird walking with him considering Harry thought I had something with this guy that a barely know. Not that I'm blaming him for Harry breaking up with me, he didn't do anything. I don't even know why the breakup happened, well other that he doesn't love me the way I thought he did, but the whole thing was confusing; fist it was Sean, then the stress I caused him, the worry, something about my family, and then the not loving me.
Seeing him only makes me feel even more blurred. Now, as my mind replays his body standing in front of me after so long, I can't help but notice the way his hands were shoved in his jean pockets. The way his messy hair was pushed back by the bandana, and the piercing green eyes. Sad eyes, followed by bags under them, his whole face looked just tired.
Maybe he misses my friendship, but I can't do that anymore; I can't be his friend, it is physically impossible right now, when I am still in love with him. And I don't think we could ever go back to being friends, not when he hurt me this bad, not when he pointed out I was right about us, not when I think I can't trust him.
Sean doesn't say anything when we reach the small park, I look around the city and realize I haven't been paying attention to its beauty. The trees are big with green and yellow leaves, the park is little island surrounded by big Italian buildings; homes, which structure is vintage and breathtaking. If I'm in Italy I know I should try to enjoy my time here, but I just can't prevent my thoughts from swimming back to him.
I walk past Sean, who was walking in front of me at this point, and head to the closest tree, I'm about to climb it when I realize I could get in trouble since its a park and I really don't know how strict they could be here. So I just lean against it and close eye eyes, I take a deep breath and inhale the smell of the grass and wet soil, exhale and open my eyes. Sean is looking at me, studying my face I guess... everyone seems to do that now.
"Are you okay?" he asks with a small pull of his lips.
"Erm, yeah," that's lie, "well, I will be." I hope.
"Did you see Harry?" he asks as he stands next to me in the tree.
"Yeah." I whisper.
"Niall told me what happened, and honestly I think he's pretty stupid for letting you just like that," I don't look up at him but I know he's looking at me, "and he'd be stupid to even look at someone else." I don't know what he's trying to say but it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, I know I shouldn't be talking to him considering what happened with Harry, but he has Kendall now, apparently.
"I'm so stupid." I lean my head back and rest it on the trunk, I close my eyes and fight a sob warning to escape. Why can't I just get over him, why can't I just stop thinking about him?
"Hey," he pulls my arms to get me to stand away from the tree, "no you're not." I open my eyes and he's looking at me, he's inches away towering me, it feels wrong so I take a step back.
I run my fingers through my now short hair, "I just-" I look down at my shoes.
"I know it will take you a while to be okay, trust me I've been there, but you have to make that decision." his voice is soft and his accent is thick.
I look up at him, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"You have to want to move on." he smiles lightly.
"I do." I need to, it's the only thing I have to be okay, if I don't at least try to move on I will go insane.
"Good," he smiles wide and spreads out his arms, "Fuck him!" he screams and I can't help but laugh at his enthusiasm.
"Erm, okay," I say after a while of just looking at my shoes, "we should go back."
"Yeah," he puts an arm around me, I freeze for a nano second but then start walking. I know I'm being crazy and he's just being nice, but it doesn't feel very right.
The sun starts setting as we walk back to the hotel, the weather is colder and I shiver. Sean takes off his jacket and practically makes me put it on despite my protests.
As we reach the bus I decided not to go to the concert; the less I see Harry the better. We walk in and Zayn is running towards the door.
"Shit, I'm late guys, you coming?" he leaves before we can even answer.
"He's always late to rehearsals," Sean laughs.
The last day in Spain Bella convinces me to, at least, go to the venue the boys are playing in. I'm sitting in the dressing room with Sean, luckily we got here when the boys were already outside, minutes from starting the show.
"So, flying back to London tomorrow?" Sean asks from the seat next to me on the couch.
"Yeah."
"They only have one show left, why don't you stay," I look at him and he's smiling. He's kept me company the past few days when Bella and Niall would be by themselves when the boys wouldn't be working, I guess I can consider him a friend. Right?
"No, I want to go home already and try to get some classes at Birkbeck, my father said he knew some people that could help since I didn't apply when I was supposed to." I know I'll get in, I had great grades in college.
"I'd wish you'd stay to keep me some company," he winks at me and puts an arm around me.
I smile lightly at him, "I'm sure Niall and Bella would love to have you around," I laugh.
"Fuck me, I don't want to be around those slobbering fucks," I laugh louder now, "plus they're fucking bipolar; one minute fighting the next making out." we laugh again but I stop; they have been fighting a lot as well, and Bella doesn't really want to talk about. It's weird between them, I can't really tell what's going on half of the time.
I look up at Sean, who stoped laughing, and he's looking at me. I look down at my hands, he does this a lot: just stares at me, I try to ignore it by looking away but I still feel him looking at me. The hand that isn't resting on my right shoulder come up and pushes some of my hair behind my ear, I look up and smile a bit at him; he tends to do that too. His eyes close and next thing I know his lips touch mine.
"Sean!" I push him lightly and stare wide eyed at him, I don't know why he kissed me, I sure as hell didn't tell him or do anything to make him believe it was okay to do that.
"I-I am so sorry Piper," he runs his face with his hand, "I-I don't know why I'd did that, I mean I do know I just... I'm sorry I... that was really fucked up of me." he turns and looks down at his knees.
"Sean, I can't-"
"No, I get it, I was stupid," he puts his face on his hands.
I place a hand on his shoulder, "I can't... not right now, can you just be my friend?" Why did I say "not right now"? I can't possibly be with someone when I'm still in love with Harry. I don't even feel like that about Sean, even the kiss didn't feel right; his lips weren't soft nor rough, it was strange.
"Yeah of course," he looks up wide eyed and wraps his arms around me in a tight hug, I hug him back. "I'm sorry Piper,"
"Don't apologize, you didn't do anything wrong." I say as I pull away.
"If I do that again please slap me," he says sincerely and I laugh. "Seriously, chances are I will try to do that again, you're just too beautiful to not get lost in you." I try to smile and half laugh, but the awkwardness is still in the air.
"I'm gonna go get something from the vending machines outside," I say after a while.
I don't really want anything but I just needed to walk out. As I turn the corner I bump into someone.
"Fuck, sorry!" I say, I look up and raise a brow, of course you're here and I bump into you.
"Well, look who it is," she says with an insincere smile.
"Kendall."
"Piper, what are you doing here?" She asks with a smirk on her face.
"Supporting my friends."
"Oh, and that's why you're sitting outside in the crowd?" She raises a brow.
I could my arms, "And you are."
"That's different, I told my Harry I'd wait for him in the dressing room." My Harry. Fuck me.
"Whatever Kendall, I don't care." I walk past her and head to the restroom.
"I'm sure you don't, that's why you look like you want to punch me in the face," she laughs.
She's right about one thing; I really want to punch her.
I manage to not look at Harry when they all come back, he sits in one of the couches with Kendall and Lou. I sit with Sean and Zayn while they talk about some video game.
As everyone starts leaving, I wait to be the last one, I tell Sean I'll see him outside in the car. As I step out of the room, Harry is leaning against a wall, he's wearing the custom black ripped jeans, a white t-shirt, and his green eyes stare into mine. My stomach hurts at the look of him.
"Piper-" he walks towards me and I take a step back.
"Harry," I stretch a hand out and he stops right when it touches his chest, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. Is it because I touched him?
"Piper, can we please talk?"
"What is there to talk about?" I can't look away from his eyes, and my hand won't leave his chest.
"I can't- Piper I can't, for the love of God, not have you in my life."
What.
What?
His fingers run through his hair, his free hand comes up and rests on top of mine.
··· HARRY'S POV ···
*SIXTH*
Her hand is warm under mine, as I wrap my hand around it she closes her eyes and breathes deep. Her hair is short an a different color, but she still looks beautiful as ever. I don't blame Sean for looking at her the way he did when we were in there.
"I know you probably hate me, and you should," but I can't stay away from you forever like he asked, I love you too much. "But I cannot stay away from you as much as I try, you're my best friend," and I love you.
"Harry-"
"Please, Piper look at me?" I raise her chin with my finger, her eyes open and she's crying, "Hey, no, don't cry," I take a step towards her but she stops me with both hands on my chest. I just want to wrap my arms around her, kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her lips.
"You can't say that," she says, "every time I think I'm okay you do something! Either get back with Kendall, or show up out of nowhere, and now this!"
"What? I'm not back with Kendall! Baby, I was never with her," she flinched at the nickname, "Kendall is here because, well... I wasn't paying attention when they told me why she was coming, something about new album and publicity," I was too busy looking at your pictures on my phone.
"I can't Harry-"
"Tell me you don't miss me." I wrap my other hand around hers.
"I can't say that, but I also can't just be your friend again."I don't want you to be my friend.
"Can we try?" I take a step towards her and she doesn't stop me. I want to touch her hair and kiss her.
"Harry-" I lean down and rest my forehead on top of hers.
I know I fucked up, and I know I should be telling her everything and the real reason why I broke up with her, but I don't want to hurt her more than I have. I'm sure she fixed things with her family and I don't want to ruin it, but I can't pretend like I'm okay with her away from me. And if the only thing she will accept from me is friendship, then that's what I will give her... for now, because it is painful to not press my lips to hers right here and now.
"I don't know if I can handle that Harry," she whispers, "it's too hard for me." I know baby, but I love you and I just can't live like this anymore.
"I miss you." I whisper, I press my lips to her warm forehead but she takes a step back. I've lost her.
"Not right now Harry, I need time to think." she doesn't look at me.
First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
Fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little
I hope you guys see this, the website didn't let me log in to my account anymore and sent me to make a new one, I don't know why but I can't contact anyone. I can't upload the story on here anymore but you are welcomed to read it at Wattpad. I am really sorry that this happened but I can't do anything about it. I concluded that it might have something to do with me changing my username on the website I use to log in, but nevertheless it is still the same email so I don't get it. I am really sorry and I hope you see this.
7/4/14