Mirrors (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

The hug seemed to go on forever, and I was more than satisfied with the way his arms were wrapped around me and his heavy breathing on my neck. But it was, unfortunately, interrupted by my phone ringing. I unwrap my arms from around him but he doesn’t budge, after a second of struggle I just walk with his arms still around me and grab my phone from my bed. I have a text from Sean. Harry’s warm breath leaves my neck and he unwraps his left arm from me and takes my phone.

“Can we have a couple of minutes without someone-“ he looks down at my phone and frowns, “You have a message from Sean.” He says through gritted teeth.
I take the phone from him and read the text.

Sean: I’m on my way to pick you up, about five minutes away, missed you xx.

I gulp and look up at Harry who is till reading the text, he looks at me and then looks away as he pulls his arm away from me and then folds them both in front of his chest. I look down at my phone and text Sean back.

Me: Okay.

I look back at Harry; he’s walked away from me and is standing by the window now. I’ve noticed he isn’t very fond of Sean but I am not going to stop being his friend, I know it will be healthy for me to be friends with someone who is not as involved in Harry’s life, especially if I am going to try and survive just being his friend. He makes it difficult when he keeps getting jealous of Sean, I’m not completely confident about the reason for his feelings and I don’t want to fool myself by lying and saying that he might still have feelings for me.

I walk towards him and I stand a couple inches in front of him, his back is to me and his intoxicating cologne and little bit of cinnamon is drowning my senses. He didn’t always have that cinnamon smell around him and I wonder if I had anything to do with that.

He smells like Harry, and he looks like Harry… My Harry. I can picture the muscles under his jumper and fingers twitch as I imagine running my fingers through them. He turns abruptly, making me jump, and takes a step towards me; I look up at him and our noses almost touch as his head leans.

“I told Sean I’d hang out with him today,” his eyes close and he runs his nose along mine causing goose bumps allover, why do you do these kinds of things? You drive me nuts.

“Do you like him?” he whispers against my cheek.

I close my eyes, “He’s nice, and funny,” I lean into his touch, I know I shouldn’t torture myself like this but my body reacts before my brain does, “he’s just my friend.”

“I don’t like him, he’s a dick.”

I giggle, “You don’t even know him!”

“I don’t like the way he looks at you,” his eyes open and the green orbs make my heart leap.

“That’s funny because he doesn’t like the way you look at me,” I sight as his head leans back away from me, he frowns and bites his lower lip.

“Why the fuck does he care.” He unfolds his arms and cups my cheeks.

“Because he likes me,” I blurt out as I look into his emerald eyes.

He takes a deep breath from his nose, “I know, he better watch it.”

What.

What?

“Harry, I don’t like this,” my mouth keeps speaking without my consent, I slap myself mentally.

“What?” he frowns.

I sight, “You touching me, and talking about me as if-“ I’m still yours, “How are we supposed to be friends when you do that?”

“I’m so sorry,” his eyes close and warm hands stop touching me leaving me cold, he folds his arms in front of his chest and opens his eyes; he tries to smile but fails.

The door to my room opens and Sean walks in with Markie behind him, “Erm, your brother told me I could come in,” Sean says as he looks back and forth between Harry and I.

“I’m gonna go…” Markie says awkwardly.

“Hi,” I wave uncomfortably at Sean.

“Hey,” he smiles and walks over to hug me, “wanna go?”

I look up at Harry, who is having a scowling fight with Sean, I touch his arm with my hand and he immediately looks at me, “I’ve got to go, we can talk later, okay?” I smile.

He gives me the dimpled smile and brings his hand up to brush my hair, “Okay, ba-… Pipes.”

“Let’s go,” I smile at Sean.

“Is it okay of I stay to talk to your brother?” Harry asks as we head out the door.

“Erm sure, goodbye,” why does that keep coming out of my mouth!

His eyes close and he takes a deep breath, “Don’t-“

I look away from him and follow Sean out.

The rest of the month went a little nuts; with Harry and Sean practically fighting to get time to hang out with me I was drained. I was actually glad when Harry told me he was going to Los Angeles for a couple days today and Sean would be going to Ireland for a family event a day after.

Sean is a good friend, I feel like I can trust him, I haven’t told him about my mum, or anything with Harry, he loves to avoid that subject, but he’s fun. He makes me laugh, and he’s nice to me, he reminds me a lot of Niall which is why I can’t picture him as anything more than just my friend… And because of the burning the Harry causes, the fingerprints he left all over my body.

I liked hanging out with Harry again, but I also made sure we weren’t alone, afraid he’d do something torturing but it really didn’t stop him; not one time we were hanging out did he stop himself from wrapping his arms around my waist, brush his lips against my cheek, grab my hand, entwine our fingers, touch my hair. I didn’t mind, physically, but mentally it was driving me insane.

Today is the first time I am actually allowing myself to hang out with Harry by ourselves, only because he asked for it since I won’t see him for a couple days. It feels strange hanging out with him in the telly room in my father’s house, who hasn’t found out about our friendship.
I change the channel, and through the corner of my eye, I see Harry scooting slowly closer to me. I smile and he gives up, he stands and just plops back down right next to me, snaking an arm around my shoulders. His other hand comes up and brushes my hair. I pick BBC and settle for a Sherlock re-run.

“Have I told you I really like your new hair?” he whispers as I try to laugh at Sherlock wearing pajamas and complaining to Watson how he blew his brilliant cover.

“Yes, about ten times,” I giggle as I look up at him, his dimples staring me right in the face.

“I fucking love that sound.” He breaths heavily and I close my eyes as his breath hits my face; it smells of mint and… banana? I giggle again and lean my head on his shoulder.

He kisses my forehead and I jump, but he’s unfazed by it as I open my eyes to look at him watch the show.

“So, Birkbeck, will you be dorming there?” he asks without looking at me. I know that if I dorm I’d get to see him even less.

“Erm, no, I’m going back to Nan’s.”

“Does your dad know?” he raises a brow at me.

“Nope, I haven’t told him yet, but I hope he understands that the school will be closer from there, Markie is also thinking about going back.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I mean, he’s having a hard time with dad now; he told him that he’d put the lies he told him behind, but that he wasn’t going to allow him to meddle in our lives.” I said rather confused, “Maybe he tried to get in between him and James…”

“Right,” he kisses my forehead again and I lean into his lips. “Gemma wants to hang out with you,” he says against my skin.

“Really?” I look up excitedly at him, “Why hasn’t she texted me?”

“I forebode her.” he grins quite pleased with himself, I smack his arm and he mocks hurt.

“Why did you do that?”

“I just wanted to make sure we were okay.” His hand caresses my cheek; I lean into it and kiss his wrist, his eyes close and he takes a deep breath.

I’ve tried not to touch him because I thought if I did it would go a lot worse for me. It’s one thing to let him touch me and another to allow myself to touch his rough and soft skin, It’ll drive me crazy if I touch him, I don’t think I will be able to stop.

I’ve missed his touch, not just mentally but physically. My loin burns every time he touches me or looks at me a certain way, and I’d be lying if I said I haven’t had any dreams of his naked skin pressed against mine. I miss him, all of him, and I have no idea how much longer I can live without touching him, and the way he reacts when I do only makes it a lot more difficult to accomplish a longer distance between us.

“Do it again.” His voice is deep and his eyes are hooded, his demand causes my stomach to flip and burn.

“Do what?” I whisper as I look into his eyes.

“Ju-Just kiss… my hand, please.”

I take his hand from my cheek and run my lips along his fingers and his knuckles. I don’t look at him because I’m distracted by his large hand.

“I haven’t been tou-“ the door to the room opens and wrap my hands around his hand, lowering them to my lap.

“What is he doing here?” I turn and am startled by my father’s loud voice and his red angered face.

“Dad-“

“Get out.” He’s glaring at Harry who just rolls his eyes at him.

I frown at my father as I stand up and walk over to him, Harry’s on my heels and bumps into me when I stop in front of my father.

“Dad, no.”

“Since when are you two together again?” he says angrily, he’s only staring at Harry and I gulp.

“We’re just friends, dad.” Harrys palm rest on my lower back, it’s warm and comforting as he softly pulls the hem of my shirt up and presses his palm to my skin making me jump.

“I want him out, there is no need for him to be your friend,” he raises a brow at him and then looks at me, “does he know all that you went through the past three months!”

Harry takes a step forward and I wrap my fingers around his wrists to stop him, I already miss his hand on my back, “Dad, don’t.”

“He needs to go, Piper, now.” He says sternly.

“Fine, I’ll go, but I will continue to see Piper, nothing will keep me away from her.“ my stomach flutters at his words. He grabs my hand and we walk past my father, as we walk down the stairs he entwines our fingers. I open the door and as we step out, he turns me and softly presses me against the wall.

“Can I ask for something?” he says as his forehead rests on mine, his intoxicating breath fanning my face. Don’t ask for a kiss please…. Ask for a kiss please…

“Mmm hmm.”

“Will you come on tour with us before you start school, I want you to come to a show,” darn! He smiles softly as his nose runs along mine.

“Okay, as long as you don’t do that thing where you grab yourself during Better Than Words,” please! I’m pretty sure that wasn’t even close to a whisper, it was so low as his lips where so close to me that I was afraid if I spoke louder I’d crash into them.

“I do that for you,” he winks and I giggle, the smile fades from his face and he stares into my eyes, “I haven’t been touched in almost three months.” I look away not wanting to know about the people he’s slept with, my heart hurts and I take a deep breath. Fucking Kendall keeps posting pictures of her and Harry in London. He nudges my cheek with his nose, “The last time was by you, silly.” He states.

I swear, sometimes I feel like he can read my fucking mind. As I realize what he says I blush and suddenly become interested by the Rover parked a few feet away from us. He kisses my cheek, I lean into him and my hands wrap around his neck, I rest my elbows on his shoulders and allow my fingers to tangle in his hair, I’m glad he’s not wearing a beanie or a bandana.

“Fuck,” he says against my cheek, “I have to go, ba-… Pipes.” I close my eyes and take in his sent for a last time.

“Okay.” I let go of his hair and smile at him, “Let me know when you arrive, okay?”

“I will,” he kisses my forehead, grabs my hands and kisses my knuckles, I grin at him, and I don’t stop grinning as I step back inside the house.

I grab my phone from the side table, I have a few calls and messages but presently ignore them. I type in a message for Harry.

Me: I will.

He doesn’t answer until forty minutes later, when he’s home I guess, or airport, maybe he had his luggage in his car ready to go.

Dimples: Will what, baby?

My stomach flutters.

Dimples: Sorry, Pipes.

Me: I’ll go on tour to watch a show.

Dimples: THANK YOU!

Me: OKAY!

Dimples: BRILLIANT!

Me: FUCKING FANTASTIC!

Dimples: Hahaha, I think we’re overusing the “!”

Me: YES! Hahaha.

Dimples: Maybe “!” will be our “xx”

Me: !!!

Dimples: Well, I !!! you more.

Wait, did he just tell me he loves me… yes… no… fuck.

Me: Not likely !

Dimples: Very likely !

My phone rings as I read Harry’s reply and it’s Sean, I decide to answer since I’m sure it’s not the first time he called.

“Hello?”

“Hey Pie!” he says excitedly into the phone.

“Hi Sean,” I laugh at his excitement, “what are you doing that’s got you so happy.”

“Nothing, just up in the air, hey wanna go to dinner tonight at Nando’s? Just the two of us yeah!”
I laugh, “Sure,” I say before I can think about my answer enough, “Erm, Sean?”

“Alright good, I will pick you at seveeen, byeee baby.” And he hangs up.

I ponder whether asking Harry if Sean just asked me on a date and I said yes, but I know he will not like the question, nor that I agreed to it.

So Sean doesn’t think this is a date, I keep the ripped black skinny jeans and white sleeveless tank top I have on. It’s 5:30, so I decide to change my wedges into my boots, take off my jewelry and make up, only leaving on my mascara. I even pull my short hair in a ponytail and I don’t hold up the loose strands with pins. I feel bad for doing this to Sean, but I don’t want to lead him on, I know he likes me but I can’t do anything about his feelings when I’m still in love with Harry.

--------------------

I walk back towards the dressing room with Sean Lou and Gemma, who has her arm around mine, I’m still smiling from the boys singing You and I. My stomach flips at the memory.

“I’ve missed you,” Gem says, “I’m glad you and Harry are talking again, mum’s glad too.” She grins at me.

“I miss Anne, and her cooking, and her lemonade,” I giggle.

“You should come over when we’re back, hang out at my place and maybe we could go for a weekend to Holmes, or she can come over?”

“Yes please,” I’m so happy that I have all these people in my life; if Harry and I had something like that happen again my world would flip upside down… again.

Gemma lets go of me and runs up to Lux who comes out of the dressing room with Tom. Sean grabs my arm to pull me back from entering with everyone else.

“What’s up?” I ask concerned.

“Nothing,” he smiles, “I just wanted to talk to you without those two around, or Harry.” he says, I smile and smack his arm.

“They’re nice.“

“Lou is, but Gemma obviously doesn’t like me,” his hands come up and grab my waist, his touch making me feel uncomfortable.

“Sean, I-“

“Shh,” he leaves my waist and grabs my face.

“Sean, don’t.” I look him in the eye so he knows I’m serious but his are closed. “Sean-“ his lips press to mine and I try to push him off, to move my face away from him but he doesn’t budge, “Sean. Stop.”

“Hey! She said stop you asshole!”

Seconds later, Harry’s hands pull me by my waist and Sean is grabbed by Niall. I look up at Harry and He’s fuming, staring at Sean as if his eyes could combust him into flames.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” He screams at Sean.

“Fuck off Styles! You don’t even care about her,” his hands slip around my abdomen, holding me closer to him, “you told me you don’t love her but you have this sick idea you own her!”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Harry screams at Sean, I look up at him and look at him asking if it’s true, he shakes his head as he runs his fingers through his hair.

“Alright Sean! That’s enough,” Niall pulls him towards another room.

I look up at Harry, his eyes are wide and his grip has softened around me, “Piper, I swear-“ I pull away from him.

I need time to think, I can’t believe Sean did that, I trusted him. And what he said about Harry; the larger sensible part of me knows that’s not true because of the way he looked at me, but there’s still the torturous side that tells me Harry doesn’t love me. I walk away, where? I don’t know, but I do know that Harry is following me and I won’t ask him to stop and leave me alone.

Notes