Mirrors (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

··· HARRY'S POV···

-May-

*SECOND*

I feel the bed shift and open one eye, she slips a pillow into my slightly folded arms and I watch her walk out. Where is she going?

Why would she leave just like that, I don't like seeing her like this. I want her to talk to me but is also know she needs some space.

But I can't let her just walk out on her own, what if she bumps into Marcus.

I throw the pillow and jump out of bed. I don't know exactly where she'd go, but considering she used to go to the beach with her mum I guess that's where she's headed.

I realize I didn't even put on some shoes as I step outside and onto the sand. I walk towards where the argument happened, I know she wouldn't go there but I might as well just check.

My beautiful isn't there, but Marcus is. He sees me and frowns. I'm about to walk away when he calls me.

"Harry, wait." he walks over towards me.

I stand up straight and furrow my eyebrows at him, "Why should I?"

"Because it's about Piper," he says angrily.

"I doubt she'd want you talking about her-"

"She needs time to be with her family, and to figure out what she should do about this whole situation," he folds his arms in front of his chest.

"I'm aware of that, but what are you trying to say?" my tone matches his, I'm not giving him the benefit of the doubt any longer.

"You need to let Piper go-"

"What?" is he fucking crazy!

"She needs time on her own, to figure out her family and herself," I can see a hint of a smile on his face as he realizes his words are sinking in.

Piper does need time to figure everything out. We have different jobs, different lives, I'm older than her in some ways and she's older than me in others, but one thing is for sure: I know who I am she doesn't feel like she does.

"She can't be wasting her time with a stupid boy who is only good at leaving her."

"I-" he's right, I do leave her. And it's the worst feeling ever, but I can't have Piper go through that again and again while she's got all these other bloody things to worry about. It wouldn't be fair.

"She deserves someone better, like that boy Sean who she went out with." I look up and the asshole is smirking.

Sean? I saw some pictures of her and Niall, Bella and Sean on Twitter, and I tried not to let it bother me. But how come Marcus knows about him and I don't?

"I care about Piper. I love Piper." he raises a brow at me, I stand my ground.

"If you care about my daughter, you will let her go. Stay away from her, she doesn't need all the mess you bring."

I do bring a lot of mess. And I do care about her.

"Then maybe she can give that nice Sean boy a try." My stomach pains at his words. I don't want anyone else with her, I don't want anyone looking at her. "And don't make her believe you love her, or she will not move on and be happy the way she's supposed to be."

I scowl and walk away, then start running. The vile, suffocating anger I have for this man has given me all the cowarding strength I need to do this. It has to happen now, because I know that if I wait until I'm gone, or when I come back, I will only drag her into more confusing unhappiness.

-June-

Today we played in Manchester. The crowd was amazing, and I tried to give it my all, but I know they saw right through me. At least everyone else here does.

I unlock my phone and scroll through Piper's timeline, staring at the few selfies she has, and her strange tweets which only I understand. A quote from me but without the quotation marks so people won't know it's a quote, a little comment about something I did, a song lyric, movie titles. But my favorites are the one where she actually lets people into her brain, little thoughts she has that really have nothing to do with anything specific, but relevant, at least to me.

I can ser Lou and Liam staring at me, Sophia smiles warmly at me but looks away, and I thank her mentally for it; I don't want people pitting me for breaking up with the most important person in my world.

"Dude, this has to stop." Niall says as he slumps on a chair next to me, I look up but don't actually look at him.

"Leave me alone Niall."

"Alright mate, but I'm just worried about you," he pulls an arm around me and I let him. After a while I push him away and he leaves me alone to think about sad brown, pleading eyes, grasping small hands, and wet cheeks.


··· PIPER'S POV ···

It’s been about a month, or so I believe.

It’s the middle of June I think, Markie is no longer in school which is what gave me the conclusion that I’ve been moping for too long. I haven’t picked up my phone for anything; I don’t need to, Bella comes occasionally and just either complains or drools over Niall. Nan comes over but doesn’t talk to me; she lets me be my pathetic self.

This needs to stop, I keep telling myself to stop being such a sad human being but I cannot find a damn thing to distract me that doesn’t lead me back to thinking about him.

I haven’t had a real conversation with my father, I keep unintentionally avoiding the subject, although part of me really doesn’t want to talk to him at all. Markie isn’t talking to him either, and I’m glad for it, I was afraid he’d cave in to our father’s “hopeless” pleads.

I get up from the bed and take a quick shower. I’m glad I can manage the normal things, well most; I haven’t had anything to eat since yesterday morning. I’m not starving myself, it’s just I can’t swallow anything, and if I try I swear I will cry.

The annoying thing is, I don’t even know where my tears derive from anymore—him or my father, or even my mum, I haven’t stopped thinking about her either.

I pull on some sweats and a grey jumper, and then walk out towards Prim’s room.

Markie’s door is open and I can see him sitting down on his bed next to James, they’re laughing and holding hands. Markie says something and James has the biggest smile on his face as he fiddles with my brother’s fingers. My stomach churns, I feel a knot at the back of my throat, and I walk away before I see more.

Prim is her crib, sitting up surrounded by pillows while slapping around a soft maraca while laughing hysterically at the noise it makes. Jane is standing by her grinning at her adorable laugh. She looks up and smiles warmly at me and I try to smile back as walk towards the crib. Prim sees me and flaps her arms towards me; I poke her nose and watch her play.

“You know Piper, I gave you some quiet time without interrupting,” I look up at Jane, she’s raising an eyebrow at me, “but it’s been a month, and you haven’t even said a full sentence.” She walks around the crib and pulls me out the door.

“What-“

“Markie, watch Prim,” she says as we pass by his room, “Piper, you need fresh air, you need your friends and have some fun, its summer!”

I don’t protest because it’s true, I need to get out of here, away from all the darkness and try to distract myself.

She pulls me into the room I’m staying in, I slump onto my bed as she digs through my closet and takes out a pair of jeans and a white t shirt. If I was my sane self I’d think the idea of Jane picking an outfit for me would be insane, but right now I’m grateful. She hands me the clothes and I smile at her, really smile.

“Thank you,” I tell her.

“You’re welcome, love.” She reaches for my hair and tucks it behind my ear, and I let her.

“Jane?”

“Yeah,” she takes her hand back and gives me an apologetic look.

“I’m sorry,” I look down at my hands,” I’m sorry about everything I did, or didn’t do.”

“Piper,” she puts a hand on my shoulder signaling for me to look at her, “you didn’t do anything wrong.” She smiles and walks out.

I pull on my jeans, and as I’m about to put on the shirt I realize it’s the “Ramones” shirt, the shirt. I toss it towards the closet and keep my jumper on. I pull my hair into a ponytail, grab my phone for the first time and call Nick.

He answers at the first ring, “Hey Piper! Finally you answer my calls! How are you?”

“Erm, I’m… alive.”

“Hardly,” he laughs, and I almost want to laugh too.

“Can I come over?”

“Yes! Daisy is here so it’ll be great, come over now love.”

“Okay.”

As I pull out of the driveway I feel disheartened to leave—I just want to lie in the bed again and sleep, and re-read The Time Traveler’s Wife and my Harry Potter books.

I park three blocks away from Nick’s place to give me some time to walk and think. I step out of the car and let the little warmth London can offer today; I close my eyes and stand for a bit to let the heat hit my skin, my light deprived skin.

As I walk towards Nick’s I ponder whether coming back to something connected to him will be a good idea, I’m not sure I can handle it. For the past month I’ve been trying so hard not to think of him, to not let his dimpled smile creep up on me and torture my every thought, my every breath. I don’t want to come back to his world, a different world where we’d be treating each other differently; where I have to ignore the mention of his name, a picture or image all equally agonizing. I can’t even imagine being in the same room as him again, the thought of it crashes me.

I stop by the front steps of Nick’s house and press the heels of my hands to my eyes, trying to rid of my previous thoughts. I sigh and nock, hoping that maybe he and Daisy left and it would mean I’d have to go back home and lie in bed.

*FIFTH AND FIRST*

I sit on the couch while Nick and Daisy drink wine and she talks about an awful date she had with some guy who apparently is Nick’s friend. I guess involving himself in other people’s love life is daily thing for him.

I close my eyes and drift off to nothing…

"Hu?" I raised my head from my knees an allowed my eyes to adjust to the lighting, how long was I out? 30... 40 minutes?

"I said, do you want something to eat?" said Nick slowly as if talking to a child. I’m glad for his interruption on my trip back down to deplorable, hopeless, Piper.

"No, thanks" I managed a smile, I was going to put my head down again but what good could that bring.

"You haven't had anything to eat all day love" said Daisy, everyone calling me love is staring to fucking annoy me.

"I'm fine," bitterness crystal clear in my voice, I grabbed the remote to the telly from the coffee table and pressed the power button.

"Just order my usual from Nando’s, Nick" Daisy said.

"Alright" he took out his phone and dialed, I could see him attentively watching me as I surf through the channels. He ordered and hung up still looking at me

"Harry Styles, has he moved on from beautiful brunette Piper? Well-"

"Change it!" Nick said startling me. I hadn't noticed I had left it on one of those annoying gossip shows. They said something about Harry... THEY SAID SOMETHING ABOUT HARRY AND ME. Nick tried taking the remote away but I threw it across the room.

"We spotted the curly hair heartthrob reconciling with the always beautiful Kendall Jenner last night in London, holding hands and going to dinner" they proceeded to showing a picture, I saw a glimpse of his dimples before Daisy turned it off.

He’s here. And he’s with Kendall. His words about her having feelings for him spill into my brain like an overflowing sink. He was smiling, that dimpled smile that is mine... was mine.

Nick is wide eyed, staring at me as if I were a deer scared by headlights and was about to run.

"You knew didn't you?" I whispered, at least I think it was my voice.

"Yes" he whispered back. He was studying my face.

"I'm not going to break down you know," I said and looked at him, "I'm done crying" I whispered. I am.

I’m done crying because I now know what I am.

It took me this long but I have come to apprehend my state, it took the image I saw to realize.
I am heartbroken.

I used to judge people who said they were heartbroken because I know that feelings are wavelengths from the brain. But when someone you love irrevocably hurts you so much that your brain can't function, your lungs don't either. It becomes hard to breathe and your chest hurts, a pain I've felt once before and I don't wish upon anyone. The pain where you try to gasp for air but you fail; to try and grasp the sanity still left in you. And all the pain you feel in your head that affects your lungs, starts affecting your heart and truly does begin to hurt.

I’ve been drowning in heartache since he left me.

Part of me was naive to think that Harry and I were at a stage where I was irreplaceable, but watching the truth unravel in front of me is like not breathing at all.

My heart is broken and it won't ever be the same; the best I can do is mend it and maybe my mind will be sane.


First, you think the worst is a broken heart
What's gonna kill you is the second part
And the third, is when your world splits down the middle
Fourth, you're gonna think that you fixed yourself
Fifth, you see them out with someone else
And the sixth, is when you admit that you may have fucked up a little

Notes