Mirrors (A Harry Styles Fanfic)

··· HARRY'S POV ···

Regret. I am drowning in regret as I pull the blanket over me and try to close my eyes for what seems the tenth time on this plane. I have no idea how long we've been up, too afraid to look at my phone. Everyone in here already asleep except for me, I fix the pillow and try sleep once again.

Why? Why do I always leave London? I adore that place, it's my favorite place in the whole world, and I've been to hell of a lot of places around this world. Why I keep leaving it when I should be resting at home could conclude to different thing. I find it easier to have that normal life in Los Angeles, the paps are fucking insane but I manage to hide from them easiest; London is small and there is only a small amount of places I could go, which they already know of. LA is huge, they couldn't possibly know where I'd show up.

Plus, I have friends there, friends I won't see until we have break from tour.

And a girl I won't see who the fuck knows when? I groan in anger at myself. What the hell is wrong with me, leaving her there crying. My heart aches at the memory of her crying, refusing to look at me as I leave. What's wrong with you? The last thing I did was kiss her forehead, why the hell didn't I press my lips to hers, or slip my fingers in hers, or stayed there with her. Why the fuck didn't I stay with her?! Anguish drifting through me as I fly across the world from her, to meet up with my friends.

I promised Dan I'd go to his son's art show before I left, he's a great friend, understands me and treats me normal. His son, David, is also a great mate. I'd feel guilty for missing something as important as his art show. Plus golfing, there's something so relaxing about that sport, clears my mind of all the bullshit around me.

I know even golf won't keep my mind away from thoughts of her. I've never actually left anyone behind, this is as foreign to me as it is for her. This pain in my chest, this longing to be with her has never been so strong before. My arms ache to have her close to me, she's all I've got. She's all I need. And now I'm voluntarily flying away from the most important person in my life. What's wrong with me. I won't even get to see her before heading out for tour, just the thought of that makes my eyes sting. Fucking idiot.

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··· PIPER'S POV ···

Twenty four hours. He's been gone twenty four hours and I haven't managed to have gone more than thirty minutes without crying. The little hope I had in been able to be away from him is drifting slowly, slipping out of my body along with the tears.

It's 9 pm, I've had a third of a bowl of cereal the whole day. I was a zombie at work, escaping to the toilet every so often to weep. Especially when Nick played Story of My Life. He had eyed me apologetically as the song played.

I have two missed calls from Bella, who knows that if I didn't answer was because I wanted to be alone, even though I shouldn't. Five missed calls from Mark, three from my father, one from Nan, two from Nick. Nothing from Harry. I figured he'd be sleeping or something.

I fold my knees, bringing my feet on the couch, I let go of the hem of Harry's shirt and wrap my arms around my knees. I'm trying to focus on the Doctor Who episode, trying to keep my mind away from Harry, as Amy watches Rory disappear from her, my heart is squeezed in my chest. When will I see him again? My phone vibrates beside me but I ignore it, I expect it to vibrate longer but it doesn't. It's a text. I eye my phone after a couple minutes, when the reminder of the text goes off again. I unlock my phone and it opens to Harry's texts, my heart leaps in my chest.

Ponyboy: An idiot. I'm an idiot and I know it. I miss you like hell, and I know it's unfair of me to say it, but dammit I miss you Piper. I'm sorry that I left you there crying, I'm sorry that I didn't kiss you a hundred billion times before I left. I'm sorry that I'm too much of a coward to call you, afraid of hearing your pained voice that would break me into a million pieces. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. Don't hate me, baby. I'm miserable too, I can't explain to you why I can't go back, I just promised I'd be here and I have to. I promise I'll see you soon, I promise I will call you to hear your voice. But know that we will be okay, please, I beg of you my heart, to please abide to waiting for me. Every thought I have is of you. Every word I write in my book is about you, every word I sing. Everytearin my heart from leaving you is vivid in my mind and conscious. I hate asking you to be patient and wait, it's a lot to ask from you, but I love you and the only thing keeping me sane is the desperate need to have you wait for me, to have you at home whenever I go back. I'm sorry. I love you, I love you, I love you. I miss you, and I need to constantly say it, even if it pains me, even if it pains you. I love you xx.

My stomach turns at his confession, my heart being squeezed to almost refraining my solemn breathing. I have no idea what to say other than I love him. That I miss him.
I read the text ten more times before replying.

Me: I miss you. I love you. And I understand. I wish your lips were with me, your hands and arms around me. My soul will keep sane as long as I know you're okay, that you love me, and that you miss me. Remind me of it as you please, I don't care that it hurts. It's an agonizing, loving, feeling to know you miss me as much as I do, Harry. I know I will see you soon. I am fighting to be okay, and I will wait for you for as long as I have to my love, I don't care, as long as you come home to me. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone.

I press send, I realize I've stopped crying, his words calming me even though his body isn't next to me. I see he read the message, I feel as if I should've said more. Seconds later I have another text from him:

Ponyboy: Thank you my heart, I hate making you sad, but I promise you that you will be happy with me. I will make everything possible to make it so, baby.

I feel myself breath normal for the first time in hours. I know the emptiness he left, his absence will haunt me for as long as he's gone. And I know that the longer apart we are the harder it will be to be okay, but we will be okay, I know we will.

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Three days since he left, and it's becoming harder on me. It's Thursday afternoon, and Nick and his close friend, Daisy, are at my place talking about some party tonight. I stare blankly at the television, an old episode of How I Met Your Mother is playing and I try to pay attention, to maybe laugh a bit.

"Piper," Nick calls out in annoyance.

"Hmm," I say without turning to him, I know he's scolding me for my state.

"I said, when are you getting ready, you look like shit babe, you can't go to the part like that," I turn to look at him, he's got a brow raised disapprovingly, "you're not even trying."

"I don't want to go."

"Oh, to hell with this!" Daisy stands from beside me and pulls me by my arm. I protest, asking what she's doing as we head to my room.

"Sit," she commands as we reach my make up table, which is lacking materials but really couldn't care less, I oblige to her demand after her terrifying stare. She smiles and flips her dark hair back. Her face has light make up but it suits her, she's already very pretty and doesn't need it.

I stare at my plain reflection. There are bags under my eyes from staying up late to talk to Harry, even if it was just a good night, I anticipated hearing his raspy voice in my ear. My cheekbones prominent from lack of eating. I run my fingers through my hair and sight in annoyance at my appearance. Nick appears behind me and smiles warmly at me. I try to smile but it comes out flat. Harry didn't breakup with you! You're acting pathetic! I miss him like hell, but that's no reason for acting like this, he'd hate it if he knew. I hope no one tells him. I know I should be going to this party, it will serve as a distraction but I can't bring myself to be excited.

Nick takes my hair in his hand and pulls it nicely up. I see Daisy going through my closet from the mirror. I hand Nick a hair band from a drawer and watch as he pulls my hair into a high ponytail, how he knows how to do this? We will never know. I try to really smile this time, but it still comes out sad and depressing.

I stare at my neck, picturing Harry running his tongue along it, his stubble leaving his trace wherever he's touched. His large hands running through my body like electric waves. His lips along my jaw, torturing me. I have this pull, this extreme pull to him even though he's miles and miles apart, and I wonder if that's the reason for it, and I wonder if he feels it too.

Daisy comes over and turns my chair around, ridding me of my Harry daydream. I close my eyes as she applies make up to my fucked up face.

"Babe, you have to come tomorrow with me to the hair salon, that sad expression on your pretty face, and that dark hair only makes you look dull, no offence love," she said sweetly, her voice assuring me that she meant her offer in no demeaning way.

"Seriously Pipes, " my heart skips a beat at the nickname Nick used, "you need a makeover, plus Harry will love it" he whispers the last part, worry in his voice. I know I must seem so weak to him, just the mention of his voice having a toll on me.

I miss him, but we will be okay. I have to keep reminding myself.

Once she's done, they both leave to give me some time to change. She picked black skinny jeans, a white t shirt and my denim jacket. I mentally thank her for not picking something crazy, then again there's nothing crazy in my closet. The outfit reminds me of Harry and I smile, imagining him wearing the guys version of this minus the jacket. I dress and pull on my brown boots, smiling to myself, remembering his perfect brown dirty boots.

A drink is handed to me by Cara, the Cara. She wears a sweet smile, but if I was a complete stranger to her previous actions to Harry I'd almost believe it. I know she doesn't like me, and I don't care.

"So, how's Harry?" a sly smirk ghosts her lips as she brings the translucent cup to her lips, wide eyes laughing at me. Her voice loud so I can hear her over the music, but still venomous.

"Great, how's... well damn, sorry, I have no idea who you're dating," I say loudly, I bring the cup up to my lips and look away from her, smiling triumphantly to myself.

The club was rented for someone's party, I don't know who but I'm pretty sure it's someone special. I look around for Nick, I know he left me with Cara on purpose, why? I don't know. From the corner of my eye I see white locks walking towards me, I eye Cara, who is still staring at me, and look back at the party.

Seconds later, Lou grasps my arm, a huge drunken smile plastered on her face. I embrace her longer and tighter than one should, I really need somebody to perk me up, I know she will.

"Lou!" I say in her ear, so happy to see someone who will gladly lead me away from here.
I wave to Cara as Lou grabs my hand and leads me to her group of friends.

As we reach the table, I notice Tom, a girl and guy I don't know next to him, and Niall talking to a guy I've seen somewhere before. Niall notices me walking over and he grins at me, he stands from the table and spreads his arms, I read his lips as they call my name, the loudness of the music making it impossible for me to hear him from where I am. I walk into his warm hug. I sit between him and the guy he was talking to, Lou sitting next to Tom as he whispers in her ear. They're so cute, my mind instantly wonders what Harry's doing. Probably playing golf.

"Piper, this is Sean," Niall says as he points to the dark haired guy next to me, he smiles sweetly as his eyes read my face, his hands extends and I take it.

"Sean Thomas, nice to meet you..." he has a strange accent, I want to say Irish but I'm not entirely sure, it's not like Niall's.

"Piper," I fish for him, his grin is tight then soft, "nice to meet you Sean, how do you know Niall?"

"We went to school together in Mullingar," he says over the music, his blue eyes sparkle at the mention of his hometown, I know what it's like being away from home.Twitter! That's where I've seen his name, in Niall's Twitter.

"Cool," I whisper, sure that he can read that small word from my lips. I turn my attention to Niall, who is now on his phone.

"So, how's Bella?" he looks up from his phone and gives me a crooked smile.

I haven't talked to my friend since the conversation at the coffee shop, I know I should've called back after she called when Harry left, but I didn't want to worry her more. With everything she's battling with her feelings for Niall, I didn't want to worry her with something that would probably make her mad. The fact that she's skeptical about Harry still haunting my thoughts as I think about my friend, I love her but I shouldn't care about what she thinks of my boyfriend, who she barely knows.

"Ella's good," his smile still crooked and worried.

"You guys alright?" I don't want to prowl but I'm curious to know if they're okay.

"Yeah, same old, same old."

I smile, trying to be comforting, his statement doesn't really answer my question but I get an idea. Sort of.

"What do you mean?" I ask curiously, hoping me prying won't bother him.

"Well, we fight, we fuck, we fight and now we're texting," his bold answer surprises me.

"Well, I'm glad you guys can hold a conversation," I laugh lightly, he smiles widely, assuring me that he's happy about it.

"She's giving me a chance, sort of," he raises a brow, "oh, she said to answer her calls."
I bite my lip, "Yeah, sorry."

"Where's Harold?" I frown at his question, sure he would've already known, but then again the boys don't update their plans to each other 24/7.

"He left to Los Angeles," I smile, weakly I'm sure.

"What?!" he frowns, "We're about to go on tour, why is he there?"

"He had some stuff to take care of, he'll join you guys from there." I take a sip of my drink as Niall ponders on the info I gave him.

"Why didn't you go with him?" he asks inquisitively.

I bite my lip, "Job," the nod he gives me making me feel better about saying it. Still feeling guilty for not going with him, I take out my phone from the side pocket of the jacket and unlock it. I open my messages and start typing. I smile at Harry's new contact name

Dimples: I'm sorry for not going with you, I'm sorry I just realized I'm part to blame in our... hurting. I need this job, it's what I've got now, and I don't want to skip the opportunities I get from being there. I know I said I don't like the traveling back and forth but in reality I would not sleep for a week if it meant I got to be with you, even if the jet lag affected my brain cells tremendously. I will, in a heart beat, fly to wherever you are once I'm on holiday. I don't want you to think I wouldn't do anything I could for you. It's killing me to be away from you as I've been falling deeper and deeper in love with you, but I'm positive that as the miles stretch out on us, our love will only be stronger.
In a happier, non melancholic subject because you're away, what are you doing?

I press send, unsure if he'll answer today, or tomorrow for me, but glad I could express my remorseful thoughts. I feel like all we had to say has been said, and I hope dealing with the fact that he's away will be easier to cope with.

Notes

I know the whole texting and other things might look different from the ones before, I'm trying to fix it so they look the same. I will update on Friday :)