Friday February 21st

Iris’s POV:

It’s been so long since I’ve seen his beautiful face, yet the image of him is still permanently in my mind. We didn’t have school on Monday, but I haven’t been going for the rest of the week since I can’t bear the pain. Perrie has told me Harry hasn’t been going to school either which tells me he’s hurting just as much as I am.

Louis spent the whole day with me, the day I called him over. He’d bring me food and drinks, tell me jokes in attempt to distract me, sing to me, and so on. He tried everything, but nothing made me feel better. The next day, all of the girls, including Dakota, Liz, and Riley, came over to “cheer me up”. They brought ice cream and Eleanor brought cookie dough, but I couldn’t eat. I’ve tried eating and it doesn’t help with my pain, so why should I eat? Instead, I sat there and stared blankly at the wall in my room as they all chatted up a storm.

“Well there’s better ways to mend your sadness other than cutting yourself," Louis said.

If eating didn’t help, I didn't feel like dancing, and I wouldn’t allow myself to cut, then I needed some other solution. I thought about how Harry drank when he was trying to cure his pain. As much as I hate the taste of alcohol, I was willing to do anything to make the pain disappear. I know Harry will come back. He loves me. Until then, I just need something for the pain. So I did it, I drank and I drank. Vodka, tequila, and beer. All of the alcohol I hated, I drank.

I won’t leave my room. I sit in my bed, surrounded by bottles, wearing Harry’s shirt and sweats. Around my neck, I hung the Lego necklace and the angel heart necklace he got me, both meaning everything to me. I still have a piece of his heart, and I’m still his Angel.

I stopped crying. All I do is stare at the wall and picture what will happen when he comes back. I will happily wrap my arms around him and kiss him. It hurts without him, but with him everything is better. I’d forgive him. I just need him. Like I said before, he will be back. I know it.

A knock on my bedroom door shakes me out of my daydreams. “Honey?” I hear my dad ask on the other side of the door. “Can I come in?” I don’t answer, only staring back at the wall and taking another swig of vodka. I could feel his stares as he entered my bedroom anyways. “You need to stop drinking,” he stated.

“You don’t get to tell me that,” I scowl at him. “You don’t get to ignore me for years and then suddenly try to be a father.”

I’ve been telling my family things like that all week. Before I started drinking, my mother tried to give me the “there’s other fish in the sea” speech, and I didn’t want to hear it. I only wanted the big shark that tore my heart to shreds. I snapped at her, telling her she can’t be my mother when she never was. My sisters have tried to get me out of bed and out shopping. They said shopping is like therapy. I told them I didn’t want some special fucking treatment from them. I just wanted to be left alone. So now, they all only check up on me and bring me some food since I only have a massive amount of alcohol that I stole from my parents liquor cabinet.

“I know,” he frowned as he hung his head low. “But Baby Girl, you need help. We just want to help you.”

I laughed at his choice of words, “You make it sound like I’m crazy. I’m helping myself by numbing the pain until he comes back to me.”

“What if he never comes back?” he asks slowly, trying to be careful with his words.

“Don’t say that,” I scoffed. “He’ll be back Dad. You’ll see.”

“Sweetie, it’s been five days now. How long do you plan on waiting for him?”

“Forever,” I smiled at him. I’d wait as long as it takes, no matter how crazy that sounds.

“It’s just- I-“ he stammered before another knock on my door sounded. “Come in,” he tells whoever is standing behind the door.

“Hi Mr. Mercer,” Perrie smiled lightly as she walked into my room, followed by Eleanor and Sophia. “Can we talk to her?”

He nodded and waved to the other of the girls before he left the room. All three of the girls stood in a line as Perrie glared at me. Why is she mad at me? Everyone’s so angry at me all of the time.

“Give me that,” Perrie commanded as she snatched the vodka out of my hand. I shrugged and pulled out a beer from underneath my pillow. Before I could use my end table to open it, she took that away from me too. Eleanor and Sophia began gathering every beverage off of my bed as Perrie searched under my blankets and pillows for anymore hidden ones. Once they stood before me again, I smirked and reached under my bed for the already opened wine I had hidden under there. I pulled the cork from the top and started chugging it down.

“Please stop,” Eleanor frowned. She’s been so sweet. Her and Louis both. I sighed and hesitantly set the bottle onto the floor. “Thank you,” she nodded.

“You need to stop this,” Perrie snarled.

“Why do you care?” I rolled my eyes. “You’re his friends.”

Sophia sighed, “That doesn’t mean we’re not your friends anymore. We love you, and it makes us sad to see you this way.”

“Yeah well love seems to make us do horrible things,” I shook my head and stared at my lap.

“Come on,” Perrie grabbed my wrist and tried to pull me off the bed, but I didn’t budge.

I snatched my arm back, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“You need to shower!” she yelled at me. “You need a shower, you need to eat, and you need to start taking care of yourself!”

“No!” I fought back. “Not until he comes back!”

“Don’t you get it?! He’s not coming back!” Perrie’s voice got louder. Her words replayed in my mind and a sudden flood of sadness overtook me. Tears began streaming down my face as I sniffled softly. He’s not ever coming back? Does he not love me anymore? Is it all over, for real?

“Perrie,” Sophia’s eyes widened in shock.

“I’m done with this,” Perrie exhaled deeply as she tugged at her hair. “She’s acting like a child. When she gets her act together, I’ll be there for her, but until then, I can’t handle it anymore.” I watched Perrie disappear out of my room with Sophia running after her.

Eleanor walked over with a sympathetic smile and pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry he did this to you,” she said so softly I could barely hear her. “You don’t deserve this.”

“Thanks El,” I sniffled and wrapped my arms around her waist. “You and Lou have been the greatest to me.”

“We really do love you,” I could hear the honesty in her voice as she stroked my hair. “We all do. We just want the best for you.”

I pulled away and wiped some of the tears from my face, “I know. I just…” I paused to let out a few cries. “He’s never coming back, is he?”

I watched her stare at her twiddling thumbs, anticipating her answer. When she shrugged, I couldn’t help but cry more as I laid my head onto her lap. God, I'm such a fucking stubborn crybaby when I'm drunk.

After a few minutes, Sophia appeared, without Perrie, and sat with Eleanor and I. We eventually laid down in a sandwich, me laying in between them. They both had their arms wrapped around me as I had mine wrapped around Eleanor’s waist. I’m just glad they’re not mad at me. I can’t stand all of the anger anymore.

I honestly just can’t stand feeling anything anymore…

---

Harry’s POV:

I’ve probably had about four hours of sleep in all of these days. I miss her so much. I miss her beautiful smile, her glistening blue-green eyes, the taste of her lips, the strawberry scent of her hair, the way she danced around without a care in the world, the feeling of her dainty hand intertwined with mine, how she’d play with my hair, her silly laugh…

I miss everything about her, but I can’t be with her. I shouldn’t have tried to make it all her fault. It isn’t her fault, I just don’t think I’m right for her. Me putting the blame on her is just another reason why I don’t deserve a girl like her. I’m just doing what’s best for her: trying to protect her from me. There’d only come a day where I’d scare her off, just like everyone else. She could do so much better.

My steps are sluggish as I made my way up towards the front door. There was someone I needed to see. I needed to talk to her. The past came back to haunt me, and I needed to put a few things to rest. I rang the doorbell and waited for her face to appear from behind the door.

“Harry?” Riley’s eyes widened in shocked. “You look like hell.”

“I feel like hell,” I stared down at my shoes. “I just need to know. Was it me? Was I the reason you became so cold?” She used to be sweet and caring, but out of nowhere, she became a bully. I just wanted to know if it was my fault.

She sighed and closed the door as she stepped outside to join me. She gripped both of my shoulders and guided me to sit down on her porch swing before sitting beside me. “I liked you so much,” she started and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

“Just tell me,” I demanded with a soft growl. “Just rip the bandage off.”

“Okay, okay,” she waved her hands. She let out a deep sigh and stared at her lap. “So it wasn't just my father. I felt like I was losing you because you were being so distant, especially after your arrest. I thought that maybe if I toughed up and stopped being such a coward, then you’d never leave me.”

“So it was my fault,” I groaned and ran my fingers through my hair. “It’s my fault that you put Iris through hell. Things wouldn’t be so rough for her if…” I stopped myself. If I would’ve just killed myself, her life would be so much easier. She never would've met me and none of this shit would’ve happened.

When Riley didn’t say a word, I decided to speak up again, “You said you didn’t have an excuse for being so rude to Iris before your father was sick. Were you bullying her because of me then too?” I’m suddenly more thankful I broke up with Iris. What if she felt the need to be some snobby bitch just because I’m a stubborn prick? I would never ask her to do that, but it’s possible she would.

Riley shook her head with furrowed brows, “Harry, you and I had only had our first kiss and had been talking at the time. You weren’t scary until after we started dating, which was after the whole Andrew and Iris incident. So no, I wasn’t like that because of you. I honestly don’t know what came over me, and I regret every bit of it. I had so many opportunities to stop and apologize, but I didn’t. It wasn’t your fault, so stop trying to make it seem like it is. I know you, Harry. You’re trying to find reasons to tell her she shouldn’t be with you. Don’t. She loves you, and I never did. I wanted to, but I didn’t. You can’t let her go, Harry. You shouldn’t.”

I propped my elbows onto my knees and buried my face into the palms of my hands. As much as I want Iris back, I just can’t do that. I know I sound ridiculous, but this side of me can get really bad. I’ve lost so many friends because of it. People fear me and steer clear because of it. I just don’t want her to be around for that. I don’t need to put her through that.

“Since we’re being honest here, can I ask you something?” Riley asked after making a popping noise with her lips. Out of curiosity, I nodded for her to continue. “After my father died, why were you so persistent on helping me get back on my feet? I mean, I put you guys through so much, but you were still by my side.”

I gave her a light smile, “I remembered how much you wanted to go to Harvard. I knew your dad would’ve wanted you to continue pursuing your dream.”

“Thanks, Harry,” she grinned widely and side hugged me. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders in return, happily accepting her embrace. “Promise me you’ll at least tell Iris why you really broke up with her? She’s miserable without you.”

“You’ve seen her?” I asked with a puzzled expression.

“Only once since you broke up with her. She didn’t speak at all and stared at her bedroom wall the whole time. Please just promise me you’ll tell her why,” she begged.

“Okay,” I caved in, but only because Iris should know the truth. I should've told her the real reason from the beginning. If I wasn't such a dick, she'd probably be better.

---

I pulled up to my house, to find a blonde sitting on my front steps. Fuck. It’s Perrie. I’ve been trying to avoid everyone this week because I know I’m going to get a bunch of shit from them about breaking up with Iris. I’ve been ignoring their calls, allowing them to leave their angry voicemails that I refuse to listen to. I didn’t want to hear what a dick I am or how Iris and I are “perfect” together. I’m no good for her, and it will always be that way.

Once I put my car in park and turned the ignition off, Perrie was already yanking my car door open. “Turn your fucking car back on and go see her!” she yelled. I looked up at her to see anger and sadness flashing in her eyes.

“Well hello to you too,” I rolled my eyes and unbuckled my seat belt, disregarding her demands.

“You haven’t listened to any of our messages, have you?” she balled up her small hands into fists. “You don’t know how bad it is! The first night, she was sitting in her fucking tub with a knife! Louis had to take it away before she could cut herself!”

“What?” Pain shot through my chest at the thoughts of her wanting to harm herself again. How could I fucking think I could do this without that happening? Why would I think she’d just be okay? Fuck, why can’t this just be easy?

Perrie growled and stomped her foot down onto the ground, trying to snap me out of my thoughts. “You idiot! She started drinking three days ago and no one can get her to stop! She’s extremely intoxicated and she could get really sick, especially since she barely eats!”

“She doesn’t drink,” I scoffed. This has to be some sort of trick. They're just trying to lure me to her.

“She’s doing it because you used to! Her parents won’t stop her because she keeps telling them they have no right to parent her! They are cowards, like you!" Her words had me steaming. I'm no coward, I'm just trying to help her out just as everyone else is. "And she won’t listen to anyone because she’s convinced you’ll fucking come back! She thinks you still love her, which you clearly don’t!”

“I do fucking love her!” I shouted as my fist collided with the steering wheel, hitting the car horn and making Perrie jump.

“Then just…” she stopped and took a step back, fearing my anger just as everyone else does. “Just talk to her,” she said softly. “Just go see her. Go see what you did, Haz.” I watched her walk away, climb into her car, and drive off.

---

I sat in my car for a good hour, debating whether or not I should drive over to Iris’s place. If what Perrie says is true, I destroyed the love of my life. How can I face that? But how can I not? She needs my help. She needs me, and I just left her. I’m such a fuck up.

I found myself driving to her house after the long battle in my mind. I at least need to get her to stop drinking. I can’t bear the thought of all the pain I caused her, but drinking won’t make it any better; I would know. I just need to help get her in bed if her parents aren’t gonna do shit. I need to stay strong though: no crawling back to her. I can’t put her through anymore pain than I already have, and staying away from her is the only way to do that.

Seeing the way Perrie reacted to my anger only saddens me. The toughest girl I know was scared of me. I’ve never laid a hand on anyone other than my father, but people still don’t know what I’m capable of. I broke a child’s skateboard right in front of him and slashed his mum’s tires. I ran over Trip, the man who forgave me for some fucking reason. Who knows what else I could do? I don’t even know. The last thing I need is for Iris to be around that. No one gets that.

I took a deep breath before knocking on Iris’s front door. Unfortunately, no one answered and the front door was locked. I remembered how their back door always seems to be unlocked, so I decided to try that. I opened their gate to their backyard and walked right in. Once I got to the back door, I slid it right open.

All of the lights in their house appeared to be off, but it was only seven o’clock. They can’t all be in bed or anything. They just left her home alone when she’s drunk? Fucking Christ.

I walked up the steps and turned to face Iris’s room, finding Eleanor laying on the floor in front of Iris’s room, snoring lightly. “El?” I whispered as I rubbed her arm.

“Harry?” she asked in a sleepy moan. She sat up and stretched her arms out, letting out a fairly large yawn as she did so.

“I didn’t see your car outside,” I pointed towards the direction the driveway was.

“Perrie drove Sophia and me here earlier,” she stated as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes. “Liam came and got her about an hour ago, but I decided to stay. I wanted to let Iris’s family relax. They’ve been slaving over her for days and none of them have left the house unless they absolutely needed to. I sent them to the movies and dinner like a half hour ago. They needed a break. So did Iris, that’s why I’m out here.”

“Why don’t you call Lou to take you home?” I suggested. “I can handle it from here.”

She nodded with a small smile playing on her lips, “Thanks.” I helped her stand to her feet, and before I knew it, she pulled me into a tight hug. “If I was you, I’d prepare myself for what I’m about to walk into.”

I frowned and pulled out of her embrace. I stared blankly at Mercy’s door as I listened to Eleanor’s footsteps fade away. I don't know what I'm about to walk into, but I'm nervous as hell to find out. I'm about to look the mess I made right in the eye.

Here we go. You can do this, Harry. I exhaled deeply and placed my hand onto the doorknob, slowly turning it and pushing the door open.

Notes

Cliffhanger(;

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