Friday February 21st Continued

Harry’s POV:

“Harry?” her soft voice sounded so fragile and slurred. I slowly turned to face her after closing her door, shock overtaking me at the sight. Her hair was matted and greasy as it stuck up all around her head. Her face was so pale, but her eyes were so dark, swollen, and baggy. She sat on the bed wearing my shirt and sweats that I let her take home weeks ago. Beer, wine, vodka, and tequila bottles surrounded her on the bed. She’s unrecognizable and it’s all my fault.

She smiled at me and was quick to jump to her feet. As she stumbled over to me, I met her halfway and placed my hands on her waist to help her stand. She thought I was trying to hug her and wrapped her arms around my neck in response. I sighed, feeling defeated as she held me tightly and rested her head against my shoulder. She was so happy to see me, even after all I put her through. I don’t get it.

“I knew you’d come back for me.” Her breath may have been blowing against my neck, but I could still smell it’s stench of alcohol, or maybe she just reeked of alcohol. It breaks my heart that she did this to herself. Correction: I did this to her. I can’t crawl back to her though. If I get back together with her, who knows what’ll happen when I break her again? I can’t take that risk.

“Mercy,” I breathed. I pulled her back at arm’s length, continuing to hold her up with one hand as I traced her cheekbone with the other. “I’m not back. I’m here to help you.”

Her captivating smile transformed into a frown as her eyes turned glassy, “You don’t love me anymore?”

“Of course I do,” I croaked. “I love you so much it hurts.”

Her hands trailed from the back of my neck to the sides of my face, “Then don’t leave me again. We’re okay.” She smiled lightly and brushed a few of my curls out of my face. “I’m not mad, I just miss you.”

I shook my head, “I miss you too, but I-“

I was interrupted by her suddenly sprinting to her bathroom. I hesitantly followed her, thinking I made her cry, but instead found her squatted in front of her toilet. She began violently vomiting, so I did what any caring person would do: I walked over and carefully gathered her dirty hair into one hand before soothingly rubbing her back with my other hand.

Once she was finished, I helped her walk over to the sink so she could rinse her mouth and brush her teeth. I flushed the toilet for her, and left her in the bathroom for a minute to find her something comfortable to wear; I don’t want her torturing herself by wearing my clothes anymore. I settled on her green plaid pajama pants, grey tank top, and plain white matching undergarments, bringing them with me to her bathroom and shutting the door behind me. When I looked up at her, I noticed she was already done washing her mouth.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” I pointed to the shower as I set her clothes onto the counter. She nodded but only stood there, waiting for me to do something. I walked over to the shower and turned it on, adjusting it to a satisfying temperature by testing it with the skin on the back of my hand.

Afterwards, I walked over to the frail girl who was leaning her lower back onto the counter for support. I tugged at my sweats she was wearing, staring into her eyes for permission to pull them off. When she nodded in approval, I slowly slipped the sweats off of her legs. She placed her hands on my shoulders to help her balance as she stepped out of them and kicked them away. I stood up straight and removed her hands from my shoulders, only to place them high above her head so I could easily pull my shirt over her head.

The jingle of two necklaces she wore around her neck had caught me off guard. I didn’t notice them before considering they were tucked underneath the shirt, but there they were. She was wearing them; the Lego necklace and the Angel Heart necklace I had gotten her. I tore my eyes away from her for a second to recompose myself. This is something I have to do, give her guidance, but it’s hard when every second I spend here makes me feel guiltier and guiltier.

As soon as I built up enough courage to continue, I scooped her up and placed her into the shower so she was sitting down in it. Then, I sat on the edge of the tub so I could be there to aid her. I didn’t want to rid her of her underwear because I knew she wouldn’t be comfortable with it if she was sober; I’m not sure if she really cares at the moment though. She just really needed a shower. I’m not saying I couldn’t stand her odor, but it wasn’t all that great. Besides, the shower can help sober her up, but I’m not sure it’ll do too much since she’s pretty hammered.

I can’t help but smile at her as she tilts her head back and parts her lips, taking in the feeling of the water hitting her skin. She caught me smiling from the corner of her eye and started giggling her adorable giggle that I’ve missed hearing. After letting her soak up a bit, I instructed her to scoot away from the water. I grabbed her strawberry scented shampoo and squeezed some into the palm of my hand before rubbing my palms together and scrubbing the cleanser into her matted hair. She fluttered her eyes closed and leaned into my touch as I massaged the scrub onto her scalp.

I feel like I’m bathing a child, but it didn’t bother me one bit. Just to be able to see her, touch her, and assist her one more time makes me happy. I know I caused her so much pain, but I feel like getting back together with her won’t make anything any easier. I’m still going to be fearful of blowing up around her. I just don’t want her to be another person who looks at me like I’m some sort of monster. It’s painful enough knowing my own friends and family can’t handle being around me at a time like that. I don’t get how they can look at me that way and still tell me I should be with Iris. I can’t put her through that any more than I already have. It sucks, but it’s the right thing to do in order to protect her.

After rinsing her hair out, soaping the bare parts of her body down, and washing the soap away, I turned the shower off. I pulled her towel off of the hook on the bathroom door and wrapped it around her cold body. I helped her step out of the shower, immediately rubbing my hands on her shoulders afterwards to create friction.

“You need to change,” I stated, pointing to the clothes that I had placed onto the counter earlier.

“Can you help me?” she pouted. I was kind of hoping I wouldn’t have to since I brought her a clean pair of undergarments. I caved in anyways, letting out a deep sigh as I nodded to her. “Turn around,” I drew a circle in the air above her head with my index finger. She let out a small giggle and spun so she was facing away from me. I carefully and cautiously unhooked her bra which she shrugged off her shoulders, allowing it to plop the floor. I reached behind me for her clean bra and hung in front of her. “Put it on, and I’ll hook it,” I instructed.

Next thing I knew, she spun around on her heels so she was facing me. I quickly tilted my head up to stare at the ceiling like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“You can look,” she chuckled and wrapped her arms loosely around my neck. Well, she’s definitely still drunk.

I brought my head down so I was staring her softly in the eyes, “You don’t want that, Love.”

She nodded vigorously with the silliest smile plastered to her face, “Maybe then you won’t leave me.” It’s like she stabbed a dagger through my heart and twisted it. I can’t let her guilt me into this. Be strong, Harry.

I rested my fingers under her chin so I could stroke her cheek with my thumb. “I’ll wear the blindfold and goggles if I have to,” I teased, referring to the time she did that when I fell in her shower.

She snickered a little before finally taking the bra from me and placing it on for me to hook together. Once we finished that, I grabbed her hands and placed them on my shoulders. My eyes stayed trained on her’s as I hooked my fingers in the bottom of her panties and slowly pulled them down. After she stepped out of them, I slid her fresh ones on. I was proud of myself for never looking down, but then again, it wasn't hard to when I knew deep down that I was doing something she’d want.

I helped her dry her hair before getting her into her pajama pants and tank top as well. Like a little girl would, she handed me her hairbrush and begged me to brush her hair. I swear she must’ve drank a whole fucking river of alcohol. I sat on the edge of the tub, allowing her to sit in my lap and I ran the brush through her wet hair.

“I’m sleepy,” she yawned at the end of her sentence.

I lightly smiled and ran the brush through her hair one last time, “Well, I’ll have to get you to bed then.” I was happy she was now clean, and her hair was no longer a tangled mess, but I’m sad because once she’s asleep, I know I’ll have to go before I’m tempted to stay. I know that once I get home, I’ll be an emotional wreck, but it’s for the best. I truly believe what I’m doing is the right thing to do.

I placed my hands on her waist and had her stand up so I could stand as well. I placed her hairbrush onto the counter before braiding my hand with her’s and leading her out of the bathroom.

She stopped walking halfway to her bed, “I’m hungry.” I chuckled at her sudden change of mind and turned to face her amused expression. I wonder if she has a feeling I’m leaving and is trying to stall, but I don’t mind.

“Then I’ll have to make you something,” I changed my direction so I was facing the bedroom door.

“Okay Prince Charming,” she giggled and wrapped her free arm around my neck from behind me. Prince Charming, huh? “Give me a piggyback ride down stairs.”

“So demanding,” I joked. I squatted down anyways, allowing her to jump onto my back with a squeal and wrap her arms securely around my neck. I placed my hands under her thighs to keep them in place on both sides of my waist, and then I stood up to continue the walk through the house. Walking down the stairs was kind of hard since her hold around my neck was blocking my chin from tilting down, so I couldn’t necessarily see the steps.

I somehow managed to get us down safely and made my way to the kitchen. I placed her onto a barstool and leaned my elbows onto the counter, “So what would you like me to make you, Malady?”

She brought her fingers to her chin and thought real hard about it, making me laugh. “Oh, I know!” she stated with her index finger in the air. I waited for her to tell me what it was, but she didn’t say anything else.

“Well, don’t fuck with this waiter,” I pointed to myself while wigging my finger.

She laughed, “I want a sandwich.”

“It’s your job to make me one, remember?” I teased, receiving a playful slap on my arm from her afterwards. “I’m kidding. I’d be honored to make you a sandwich.”

“Cheesy,” she giggled.

“I could put some cheese on it if you'd like,” I said jokingly and raised my brows. She just giggled and shook her head at me.

“What would you like on your sandwich?” I asked as I grabbed the loaf of bread from her pantry.

“Peanut butter and banana,” she said without hesitation.

I nodded, “Peanut butter and banana it is.”

I grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl as well as the peanut butter that was in her pantry. I pulled two slices of bread out of the bread bag and placed them on a plate. I took a butter knife and used it to spread the creamy peanut butter onto both slices of bread. I peeled the banana and with the same knife I used for the peanut butter, I cut the banana into small slices. I covered the bread with every slice of banana and placed one slice of bread on top of the other. Finally, I handed Iris her sandwich which she happily ate.

“Want something to drink too?” I offered since I was still standing in the kitchen.

“Milk please,” she smiled. I willingly poured her a glass of milk and slid it over to her. I put the bread and peanut butter back into the pantry before throwing away the banana peel and sticking the butter knife into the sink. I eventually sat down next to her, managing to steal a bite of her sandwich and a sip of her milk. We sat in silence, enjoying each other’s company and shooting each other smiles periodically.

“Satisfactory?” I asked once she finished her sandwich.

She nodded, “Even if it was awful, I would’ve eaten it because it was made by you.” I just gave her a small smile and took her plate to the sink. As I rinsed the plate and knife, I couldn’t help but allow the hurt to overtake me. This is so hard.

I heard her yawn from behind me, and I turned to find her laying her head in her arms on the counter. I dried off my hands with the rag that was sitting by the sink and made my way over to her.

“Come on Sleeping Beauty,” I chuckled and scooped her into my arms. It took her no time at all to wrap her arms around my neck as I carried her upstairs and to her room. I used my foot to pull the covers back before placing her into her bed and pulling them over her.

“Lay with me?” she asked with a small pout playing on her lip. I nodded and kicked my shoes off, pulled my shirt over my head, and slid my jeans off. I decided to clear the bed of all the bottles before I climbed under the blankets with her and laid onto my back. She snuggled up to my side and placed her hand onto my chest, so I wrapped my arm around her waist to hug her tighter to my side. “Sing to me?” her breath fanned against my neck as she rested her head on my shoulder.

It took me a minute to think of what to sing to her, but I finally picked something that would remind me of what’s to come:

Here I am waiting
I'll have to leave soon
Why am I holding on?
We knew this day would come
We knew it all along
How did it come so fast?

This is our last night but it's late
And I'm trying not to sleep
Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away

And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close

Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

I stopped once I realized she was sleeping. I took the time to memorize everything little thing about her: her blonde hair that is drying straightly, her slightly parted pale pink lips, her flawless skin, her once dainty arms that are now somewhat muscly from dancing, the feeling of her against me, the sent of her shampoo, and her small hand that’s rested on my chest.

I hate myself for doing this, but I have to or else I’m gonna do something I regret. I’m doing this because we’d be better off on our own. Knowing this is the last time I’ll hold her made tears fall from my eyes that I tried holding back by staring at the ceiling. I’m so sorry, Mercy.

To my surprise, a small thumb began rubbing my tears away. I looked down at the concerned and exhausted girl that seemed only half awake. “It’s okay, Harry. We’ll be okay,” she smiled before placing a kiss on my cheek. She snuggled back into my side and went back to sleep, leaving me bewildered since I didn't realize she was still awake.

“We’ll be okay,” I repeated her, mostly trying to convince myself that'll be true.

Notes

Sorry it took me so long to update. I'm starting another story and I was trying to finish the first chapter before working on this. That didn't work out since I kept getting distracted and now my cat is sick...fun. Anyways, I haven't posted the other story yet, so don't go looking for it.

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