Sunday February 16th Continued

Iris’s POV:

I barely got any sleep last night as I tried to wrap my mind around everything. It all makes sense now: why Harry has been so stressed out lately. What’s confusing is that you’d think he’d be okay now that I know everything, but he’s still upset. Why is that? It can’t be because I didn’t say a word, can it? Can you really blame me though? That was a lot to take in after such a horrible night.

What’s weird is that he didn’t even try to convince me he has changed. In my eyes, he’s a better man than he used to be. It’s obvious that he doesn’t really feel the same way. Maybe that’s why he’s so upset. He doesn’t think he’ll ever change.

I slowly got out of bed, fighting my need to stay cuddled under my blankets. My eyelids were heavy and I couldn’t stop yawning as I walked over to my dresser and pulled a t-shirt and jeans out of a drawer. As tired as I was, it was hard to sleep knowing the man I love is hurting. I just need to see him. I need him. He needs me.

I slipped out of his comfortable clothes and threw them onto my bed before placing my clothes on. I walked into my bathroom and brushed my teeth and hair, ignoring my baggy eyes. I tied my hair into a messy bun and skipped applying makeup since I didn’t really care about how I looked. I walked back into my bedroom and slipped my Ugg boots on and placed my phone into my pocket before leaving my dark room.

I guess the sun was just coming up, meaning it’s only been like six hours since Harry walked out on me. It’s so early in the morning. I was just happy no one was awake to question me about my night or why I looked so shitty. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed an apple before writing my parents a note that I was going to Harry’s and leaving it on the counter for them.

I couldn’t wait to hold him in a warm embrace and tell him how much I loved him over and over. I know deep in my heart that I wouldn’t stop loving him for something I wasn’t around for, especially when there’s no reason to. I wouldn’t even leave him just because he shoved me towards the cops, which I should still be mad at him about, but I can’t be mad at him. I was supposed to convince myself not to forgive him easily, but now that I know why he did it, it’d only be stupid to push him away because of it.

As I reached his street, I wondered if he was even awake. It’s only seven in the morning, and he’s got to be exhausted from last night as well. I probably wasted my time walking over here.

I learned I was wrong as I approached his house. I found the curly-haired boy sitting on his front steps with his face buried in his hands. As I got closer to him, he lifted up his head to find the source of the footsteps. He looked as awful as I did. His eyes were as baggy as mine, and his hair looked like he kept balling his fists with it since it stood in scattered clumps. I bet he didn’t even try to sleep last night.

“Hey,” I shot him a half-smile as I sat down beside him. He didn’t say anything, only returning his face against his palms.

I started to wrap my arms around his waist, only for him to shrug them off. “Don’t,” he hissed as he looked up to glare at me. Is he mad at me? I could tell he sensed my shock as he groaned and ran his fingers threw his clustered hair. “Look,” he threw his hands downwards so they’d dangle off his knees. “I think we’d be lying to ourselves if we said we’re gonna last.”

My heart dropped to my stomach hearing him say that. “But I came here to-“

“Make up with me? Tell me you love me?” he interrupted with a sigh. I swallowed hard, trying to hold back the countless tears that were threatening to spill out at any second. “Iris, you’ve got to admit we haven’t been getting along lately.”

“Yeah, but we just have different opinions on things,” I feel a tear roll down my cheek which I quickly wiped away.

“No,” he dragged the word. “You argue with me about everything.”

“You mean like you’re doing right now?” my voice was at a low growl as I tried to hold back my sobs.

“I told you to change your shirt,” he snapped, ignoring my question. “The fucking shirt with ‘sirens’ on it. I told you to change it but instead you stood there arguing with me. Then, there’s Niall. I’m fucking telling you he likes you. You may not like him, but he likes you. I can see it. Then, I tell you we shouldn’t go to that prick’s party, but you insisted that we should go anyways. Then you tell me I should trust this Robin guy that my mum is dating. You can never just take my side on anything anymore, it’s driving me insane.”

I rubbed my sore and heavy eyes before defending myself. “So what if he likes me? I don’t share those feelings, and he and I love you too much to do that to you anyways. Harry, Niall and I would never betray you like that. As for everything else, you dislike that I don’t necessarily agree with you all of the time. I’m sorry I won’t change my mind. We had fun at that party, regardless of what happened and your mom, she deserves to be happy.”

“You’re right, she does deserve to be happy,” he stood up and scratched the back of his neck as he scowled at me. “But she doesn’t need a man to make her happy. Just like I don’t need you.”

My eyes widened, and at this point, I couldn’t hide my cries anymore. “How could you say that, Harry? We’ve been through so much together and we’ve been at each other’s sides through it all. Now, you’re just going to throw it away? Like I don’t mean anything to you?”

“We’re no good for each other, Iris. One of us was bound to get hurt eventually.” I swear I spotted a glimmer of sadness in his eyes before he swiftly looked away from me. “It’s just better this way.”

“It’s better to hurt me when I never wanted to hurt you?” I furrowed my brows and sniffled. “Stop feeding me such bullshit, Harry. Why are you doing this?”

He squatted down to my height before wiping some of the tears from my face with his fingertips. “You really shouldn’t cry over me. It’s not like you’re losing much anyways.” With that, he stood up and walked into his house.

I brought my fingers to my cheeks that he touched, longing for his warmth to return. I began sobbing once I realized his warmth will no longer be around me. He will no longer be near me. For he and I are done. We’re over. It’s all over.

---

I sat in my empty bathtub, wearing Harry’s clothes and crying nonstop. I was fighting for air between the sobs as I stared at the knife that laid in the tub with me. When I got home, I immediately took it from the kitchen and ran up the stairs without saying hello to anyone in my family. They were all busy because Derek was over, so for once, I actually don’t care that they didn’t notice my tears.

I threw on Harry’s clothes, wanting to smell his cologne again. I placed on the angel heart necklace he got me, wanting to think he still loves me. I was panicking about how he’d never be around to stop me from cutting anymore. I taunted myself, climbing into the bathtub so I was sitting across from my worst enemy. As much as I wanted to cut the pain away, I made a promise to myself and to the man I still love. I won’t cut. I can’t.

I texted a dear friend to come help me. Not Niall though. If I called Niall, then Harry would never come back to me. I can’t be around Niall anymore. I need to distant myself from him so Harry will love me again. Does he even still love me?

“Iris?” a beautiful voice called for me as he knocked on the bathroom door. I didn’t answer him through my cries, so he came right into the bathroom. “Are you decent?” I looked up to find the brunette covering his blue-green eyes jokingly, but I didn’t smile. When I didn’t answer him, yet again, he uncovered his eyes. They went from somewhat smiling, to utter shock as they scanned between the knife and my hiccupping body.

“I didn’t do it if that’s what you’re wondering,” my lips trembled with every word. “I want to, but I didn’t.”

Louis frowned and slowly took the knife out of the bathtub. I watched him place it into the sink before he towered himself over me and leaned against the side of the tub. “Flower, what happened?” his voice was flooded with concern as he stroked the back of my hair.

I curled my lips and blinked to allow more tears to flood down my cheeks, “Harry left me.”

“What?” he pouted.

I whimpered, “He told me everything about the arrest last night. This morning I went to talk to him about it, and he broke up with me.”

I watched his chest fall as he let out a loud exhale. He kicked his shoes off and climbed into the tub with me, sitting in front of me with one of his legs propped up. “Flower, Harry is being…” he paused to search for the word in his head.

“A douche?” I softly laughed as I sniffled.

He chuckled, “Yes, a douche.” His expression became more serious than I’ve ever seen him. “He was like this before you came around; like when he got arrested. He pushes people away, scares them off, and gets pissed at the world for everything. I’m guessing he’s pushing you away now that you know the truth.”

“I don’t think he loves me anymore,” I admitted.

“There’s no doubt in my mind that he loves you,” he shot me a sympathetic smile. “It’s just that his criminal record makes him think he’s this awful person when he’s really not. Maybe he just thinks you could do better.”

“He told me I wasn’t losing much,” I cried. “I lost my whole world, Lou.”

Louis climbed out of the tub and scooped me into his arms. He carried me into my bedroom and placed me onto my bed as he laid down with me. I rested my head onto his chest as his body laid next to mine, and his fingers ran up and down my arm.

“I know it hurts now, but it’ll get better,” his voice soothed me as it vibrated in his chest.

“I’ve been through a break up before, Lou,” I stated. “It’s just that it’s never hurt this bad.”

“Well there’s better ways to mend your sadness other than cutting yourself. Normally, girls get a carton of ice cream and stuff their faces with it. Usually after that, they complain that they’re getting fat and I’m like, ‘Gee, I wonder why.’” I giggled at his words. “You know, Eleanor told me after her last relationship, cookie dough was her best friend.”

“Can’t that make you sick?” I snickered and wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand.

I felt him shrug underneath me, “Yeah, but that didn’t stop her. She still goes back to it when we fight.”

“I cannot imagine you fighting,” I said honestly as I tried to picture it in my mind. All I can see is Eleanor snapping and then they both would bust up into laughter.

I wish it was that easy with Harry. I wanted him so badly to be the one I was laying with in my bed. I wanted to run my fingers through his soft curls, taste his sweet lips, tangle his strong hand with my tiny one, hold him tightly and never let go, wake up to his breathtaking smile that’s highlighted by his beautiful dimples, hear his raspy voice that sends chills down my spine….

I want him back so badly.

“I’m so sad that he’d push me out of his life,” I started crying again, and Louis wrapped both of his arms securely around my waist as he held me closer to him. “It’s all too much, Lou. I miss him too much. It hurts too much. I need him too much.”

How could he just leave me like that? How could he hurt me like this? What was he to gain from this? I hate this so much. I feel so betrayed. This time, he really hurt me and I don’t know how to help myself. How will I ever get back on my feet? How will I ever trust someone like that again? Harry literally ruined me this time. Knowing that only makes it pain me more.

I don’t want to move on. I just want him. I want the person who hurt me most, but he doesn’t want me.

It’s not fair.

Notes

I'm sorry it's super short. I didn't have a whole lot planned for this chapter. The next chapter will be longer, I promise.

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