*Harry Styles*

Two days had gone by since my fight with Olivia, and I was still fuming. I had the whole weekend to make up to her, but instead, I chose to sit at home and sulk. What made me angrier was the fact that I even wanted to make up with her in the first place, because she was the one being unreasonable, and if anyone should have had to apologize, it should have been her. But of course, this was Olivia, and the sky could crack, the earth could split, I could confess to some unresolved feelings for Dylan, but Olivia Harper would never apologize to me.

I lay on my bed, replaying our fight in my head. I knew some of the things I said were harsh, but they were also a bit true, and I was sure Olivia knew that. Even then, I felt slightly guilty and angry because I felt guilty.

A knock sounded on the door, and two seconds later, the door creaked open. My mother’s head appeared in the crack, and she smiled at me.

“Louis’ here to see you,” she told me.

I sat up and nodded. “Alright, thanks mum.”

Louis walked in, flashing my mother a brilliant smile and greeting her happily. He let himself get comfortable on my bed, and then looked at me.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

“Hi,” I muttered sarcastically, rolling my eyes and letting myself fall back onto the bed.

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis replied dismissively. “Just tell me why you’ve been acting like this ever since we went clubbing that night. I haven’t seen you since. At first, I thought you’d taken Olivia home and you guys were doing…you know, your thing, but then she staggered back into the club, absolutely drunk. Not that we weren’t…”

“I fought with her,” I told him.

Louis nodded. “I sort of figured,” he said. “I mean, I thought something must have happened, because she looked really sad after that, and then she just wanted to go home. I was the most sober, so I took her home.”

A flash of concern crossed through my mind, and I asked Louis, “Did she get home fine?”

“Mm, yeah, I managed.” He said. “She looked like she was about start crying, Harry. What happened?”

“Louis, she’s the most unreasonable, stupid and stubborn girl I’ve ever met!” I said angrily, sitting up again. I recited the whole incident to him, telling him how I was only looking out for her and that she was making a big deal out of nothing.

“She was drunk, Harry,” Louis started after I was done. “She didn’t know what was going on—”

“Which is the point I was trying to make,” I insisted.

“Yeah, but don’t blame her for getting annoyed,” Louis sighed. “I doubt she could separate right from wrong in that state…”

“Are you trying to contradict me, because I feel like we’re making the same point here,” I pointed out.

Louis chuckled. “I’m just trying to say,” he said, “that that’s her nature. She’s impulsive and stubborn and you know that better than anyone. Cut her some slack.”

“Why would I know that better than anyone?” I questioned.

“She opens up to you way more than anyone. I don’t even think she was this close to Lexi.”

“How do you know what?”

“I’ve seen the way she is with you,” Louis said softly. “It’s different.”

“What?” I frowned.

“She’s different when she talks to you,” he explained. “It’s like her whole attitude changes the moment she looks at you. She’s somehow…nicer.”

“She’s always nice,” I grumbled.

“To you,” Louis smiled.

“She’s nice to you guys too.” I told him. “It’s everyone else she’s not nice to, because they have some stupid notion that she’s a ‘whore’ or something, when she’s really not.”

“You seem to be quite defensive about her,” Louis noticed.

I blushed. “I’m not defensive.” I argued unconvincingly.

“What I’m saying is,” Louis said with a roll of his eyes, “is that we all know that Olivia has a softer side to her that she doesn’t show anyone. Except you. But sometimes, who she pretends to be overwhelms who she really is.”

I remained quiet, not knowing what to say.

“You know, she called Niall this morning,” he said.

“And?”

“And he told me that it seemed like she’d been crying.”

My eyes automatically snapped up to look at Louis. “What?”

“She told him about the fight,” he said. “And she said she felt bad, but she doesn’t understand why you made such a big deal out of it.”

I looked back down, muttering darkly under my breath. I was only looking out for her, making sure she wasn’t left covered in her own sick in some back alley with her clothes strewn all over the place, and how that was ‘making a big deal’, I didn’t understand.

But there was something else under all my annoyance and concern, and I felt like it was time to get it off my chest. Louis was the only person I could tell, because if I couldn’t tell him, then I couldn’t tell anyone. He was my best friend, I was sure he knew me enough to explain what was really going on with me.

“Can I tell you something?” I asked him.

“Of course you can.”

“I was…jealous.”

Louis remained quiet, and I felt slightly embarrassed to meet my best friend’s gaze. I continued staring down at my hands as if they interested me, till Louis finally spoke.

“Of…”

“Of that guy,” I explained. “Whoever the fuck he was. The one she was leaving the club with? Him.”

“Oh.” Louis said.

“I was just…I saw them grinding against each other, and then I saw her starting to run her hands all over him and then they were whispering to each other and holding hands and literally running out of the club like they couldn’t wait to fuck each other’s brains out, and I just—” I broke off as the memory brought back that night’s jealousy and anger, and I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down. “I don’t know,” I continued after a few seconds. “I don’t know why I just walked up to them and started yelling at that guy and—I was acting like she was my daughter or something, Lou. It’s weird, and I don’t get it. We’re not…I’m supposed to mind her hooking up with other guys, but that night, I almost lost it. What’s going on with me?”

The question came out with a hint of desperation, because that’s how I felt. I wanted to know what the fuck had been going on with me lately, and why Olivia’s presence had started to make me feel differently. It was as if a part of me sort of figured why, but I didn’t even want my brain to go there.

“Do you think…maybe you like her?” Louis suggested. “Maybe you have feelings for her.”

I groaned softly. “No,” I said. “I don’t want to do it.”

“Why not?” he asked me.

“I don’t want to…Louis, we made it really clear that we won’t any ‘feelings’ and all that crap get in the way, and we’re doing fine. We’re friends, and I love that.” I said. “But if she gets even the slightest idea that I’m…you know, then she’ll want to stop and—”

“You don’t know that.” Louis interjected. “You don’t that she’ll want to stop talking to you and break things off or whatever, Harry. Maybe she feels the same way as you.”

“I don’t even know how I feel, Louis,” I sighed. “It’s all way too confusing.”

“Look, at least call her up and make up.” he said. “She needs you.”

“Does she?” I asked. “Because she thinks I ‘baby’ her too much, and she wants me to leave her alone.”

“You really think she means that?” Louis chuckled. “She needs you, I know that for sure. If you really think about it, you’re the only one she has. Her parents, Lexi, Dylan, her old friends…they’ve all left her, and if you leave her too, then—”

“Then she has you guys.” I suggested.

Louis smiled one of his smiles that indicated that he knew something I was too dumb to figure out. God, I hated that smile. “That’ll never be enough for her.” he said simply.

---

*Olivia Harper*

My eyes opened, and I lay still in bed, not wanting to move even an inch. I wanted to lay there and let a miracle, like an apocalypse, kill me then and there so I didn’t have to face the day.

Because the moment I woke up, I knew what day it was.

“Mum!” I spoke excitedly into the speaker. I kept pacing and hopping around the room, unable to stay still for even a second. “Mum, I won!”

“That’s great, sweetie!” Mum replied, equally excited.

“I thought I wouldn’t, because Ashley was quite good.” I told her. “But I won, mum!”

“I’m so proud of you, dear.” She told me, and I could hear the smile in her voice. “I knew you could do it.”

“You promised me a treat if I won,” I reminded her, grinning from ear to ear.

“Did I?” Mum pretended like she didn’t remember.

“Mum!”

Her tinkling laughter echoed through the speaker, and I grinned. “Alright, alright,” she said. “I’m leaving from work in about five, okay? I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

“Okay!” I replied. “I can’t wait.”

“Me neither.” She laughed. “Bye, baby. I love you.”

That was it. That was the last thing I heard my mum tell me before she was snatched away from me forever. Her last words to me were ‘I love you’, and I’d do anything to have her say it just one more time.

I lay in bed, thinking about all the things I would have said to her on the phone that day if I knew I’d never get to see her again. I’d tell her over and over again how much I really loved her, what she meant to me, and no woman would ever replace her in my life. No one would ever be my mum. I’d beg her to stay in office a bit longer, to not leave on the time she did. Maybe if she’d left five minutes later or five minutes earlier, she’d be the one waking me up this morning, instead of the cold realization that it had been four years since I’d lost the only person who gave my life meaning, my mother, my best friend. I’d beg her to stay, tell her how difficult, how close to impossible every day is without her, knowing that I’ll never hear her talk again, laugh again, scold me again, sing me to sleep again, kiss me goodnight, good morning or any of that ever, ever again.

I don’t remember how I finally managed to get off the bed, but when I finally did, I felt my knees go weak, and fought the urge to slide to the floor. With difficulty, I dragged myself to the washroom, got brushed, took a shower and got dressed.

I wondered how she’d feel, knowing that I was such a mess without her. I had no friends, no one who cared about me, and all of it, all of it was my fault. Harry was right. I pushed people who cared about me away, and I knew the impact it was having on me. Still, I sat back and watched people move on and replace me, not doing anything about it. Soon, Harry would give up on me too, and then I’d have no one.

Only when I was hungry at the point of almost fainting did I decide to go downstairs. I didn’t want to face my dad today, knowing that he didn’t care about today, because some snooty bitch was enough to fill the void my mum’s death had left in his heart. I reached downstairs to find that no one was home. A small sticky note on the refrigerator said that dad and Linda had gone out to visit some friends, and they’d be back only late at night.

Great, I thought to myself. Of course he didn’t remember, and he didn’t even care.

I gulped my breakfast down, and though I was hungry, every bite I swallowed tore at and burned my throat. After I was done, I only dumped the utensils into the sink without bothering to clean up. I wanted to visit the cemetery, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Not yet.

Without realizing I was doing it, I reached for my phone, lying on the table, and dialed the number.

“Hello?” His deep voice was familiar and soft, but slight hesitant at the same time.

I was suddenly on the verge to break into tears, and I bit my lip and took a deep breath, trying to get myself to talk.

“Hello?” he repeated because I hadn’t replied yet. “Olivia?”

“Harry,” I said, my voice trembling slightly.

“Yeah?” he asked me.

“I…” I didn’t know what to say to him. I’d asked him to leave me alone, I’d told him I didn’t want to see him, along with other things that I remembered vaguely, but knew I shouldn’t have said nonetheless.

“Are you okay?” he asked me, and I knew he could sense something was wrong in my voice.

“I…I don’t—can you come over?” I asked. I needed him to be here with me, because I didn’t think I could go through the whole day alone.

“Harper, I…” he seemed hesitant. “I don’t know, I…”

“Okay, it’s fine.” I said quickly. “I—I’m sorry. I’ll…I’ll see you, yeah?”

I heard him sigh on the other end of the line, and I fought the urge to cry again. “No, listen—”

“It’s fine.” I repeated. “Bye, Harry.”

I hung up before he could get another word out, and then put my face in my hands, letting the tears fall down my cheeks.

---

*Harry Styles*

I looked at the phone, a horrible uneasiness spreading through my veins. Olivia wasn’t exactly the happiest person but I didn’t think I’d ever heard her sound this way. Her voice shaking and thick with tears, and she sounded…broken. I wondered if all of this was because of her fight, but somehow, I didn’t think I was so important in her life that she’d have to sound this miserable.

I didn’t want to see her.

A part of me was still angry and upset with her, but now I mostly didn’t want to see her because I was confused. Louis’ conversation should have helped me, but instead it had made me only more confused. I wasn’t letting my mind trade dangerous waters, where there ever a possibility of the two of us…

That would not work, would it?

Even so, I felt terrible for refusing to meet her. Whatever it was that had made her sound like that must have been quite terrible, because I didn’t think I’d ever heard her sound like that.

My hand reached for my phone, as I contemplated calling her back. But my eyes widened when my phone buzzed, indicating that someone was calling me. I checked the number, but it wasn’t Olivia’s.

“Hello?” I spoke into the speaker.

“Harry.” Lexi said from the other end of the line. “I think you’re busy, but I—”

A distraction was what I needed, and Lexi had presented herself as the perfect one just in time. Quickly, I seized the opportunity.

“I’m not busy, babe.” I said quickly. “Why would I be?”

“You’re—I figured today, Liv would…” she mumbled.

“Liv would what?” I asked curiously.

“Aren’t you guys like best friends now?” she asked me. “I thought…”

“Thought what?”

“Well, I thought you knew.” She said. “It’s her mum’s death anniversary today, so I thought you’d be with her…”

“What?” I asked, sitting up straighter.

“Yeah, she’s a mess on this day.” Lexi told him. “I usually stay away from her everytime. She needs a day to get over it.”

“Oh.” My mind was whirling. I wondered if that’s why she’d called me. Maybe she only needed a friend to be with her on such a terrible thing, and I…

I’d refused her.

My stomach was guilt with thick, and my earlier plans to take Lexi out seemed to evaporate. I only wanted to hang up and go over to Olivia’s house and make sure she was fine, thought I doubted she was.

“Yeah,” she said. “Well, since you’re not with her, I was wondering if you wanted to come over for a bit. We could hang around at my house, my parents aren’t there.”

I knew exactly what she was hoping to turn this visit into, and I hesitated before answering. I knew that if I went to Olivia now, things would get only more confusing, and that going out with Lexi would give me the time and space I needed.

I knew what I had to do.

Notes

this is sort of like a filler, idk, and i'm not too happy with this, but i've been suffering from writer's block. HOWEVER, chapter twenty has some good stuff coming, so don't hate me too much! this was only a build up for what is to come.

PLEASE VOTE, SUBSCRIBE ANC COMMENT! thankss! xx