*Olivia Harper*

I looked at my dad, unable to understand the sudden change in his expression. He was still holding the phone in his hand, but his expression was blank. He was staring at the wall on which hung the photo of the three of us, but it was as if he was only looking and not really seeing. I ached to run up to him and ask him what was wrong, but I only stood and watched my dad.

The phone slid from his hand and crashed onto the ground, breaking into tiny fragments. He didn’t seem to care, however. His legs trembled and he sunk to the arm chair behind him.

“Daddy?” I asked, rushing to him. “Dad!”

He was crying. Why was he crying?

“Dad!” I repeated. “What is it?”

It took a while for him to focus and look at me, his eyes glassy with tears. “Baby,” he said, taking me by the shoulders. “Liv, we need to—your mum, she’s—”

“Mum?” I asked, fear setting fire to every nerve in my body. “What happened to her?”

“She’s been in an accident.” His voice was shaking. “It’s serious—we need to go now.”

---

The words left the doctor’s lips, but I didn’t seem to hear him. Everything around me seemed to have faded away, leaving only me and the devastating news, alone, all alone. No, this could not be happening. It couldn’t be, she couldn’t leave me. They must have made some mistake. She had to be alive, she had to be here with me. I needed her. How could she leave?

Vaguely, I heard the doctor tell my dad she’d died before they could get her to the hospital, that help arrive a few minutes too late. She’d received massive internal injury, her skull had been crushed, her lungs had collapsed among many other horrifying details. She was gone, and they were ‘sorry’.

She was gone. She’d left me, her promise left broken. I was alone, all alone now, and I didn’t know what to do from here.

I stepped away from my dad, from the doctor, unable to hear more. I stepped away, turned around, and I ran.

---

The doorbell rang loud and shrill, snapping me out of my thoughts. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand, slightly surprised. I wasn’t expecting anyone.

I went downstairs reluctantly, going for the door, and opening the door. I was quite surprised to see him, because he was the last person I was expecting to be here. Especially now, because I honestly thought we were done, he was done with me.

“Dylan?” I asked, shocked.

He smiled, a surprisingly genuine smile. It had been a while since I’d ever seen him wear a smile like that. “Hi,” he said. “Liv, you look like a mess.”

“I…” I sighed, not wanting to explain a thing to him. “What are you doing here, Dylan? I told you, I never want to see you again.”

“I know,” he nodded. “I just want two minutes, okay?”

“Dylan—” Not now.

“No, just two minutes.” He said. “I want two minutes only, and then I’ll leave. Just hear me out.”

“Fine.” I gave in, holding the door, not wanting to let him in.

“Okay,” he said. “Look, Liv, I miss you. I miss us. We were good together. Maybe not so much towards the end, but when we began, you and I were perfect. And I want that back, okay? I want it back, and I think I know that a part of you does, too. I don’t know what the deal with you and Harry is, Olivia. I don’t know if you’re dating, or just fucking for the heck of it, I don’t know. But he doesn’t deserve you, okay? He doesn’t know you like I do, and—”

“And you do?” I fired up. “You know me so well, don’t you, Dylan?”

“Better than he does!” Dylan argued. “He’s only with you for the physical stuff—”

“Kind of like you were, don’t you think?” I asked. “Dylan, In the course of these six months, Harry’s been there for me and helped me out more than you have in the three years you and I were together. You know me so well, don’t you? What day is it today, Dylan?”

“Uh, Sunday?” he said.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s the day my mother died,” I told him. “You never noticed, or bothered to ask me where I disappear every year on the same date, because you don’t notice. Why won’t you admit that you and I were never good together? We’re better off like this!”

Dylan stared at me. “I didn’t…I—”

“Yeah,” I said. “You didn’t. Dylan, I don’t know how many times I have to say it to make it clear enough, but we’re done. We’re over.”

“Because of Harry?” he demanded. “God, Liv, six months ago, you barely knew the guy, and now you love him?”

“I don’t—”

“I think you do.” he said. “You love him. Goddammit, I hope you know how stupid that is. You’re messed up, Olivia, and he won’t ever get that. You’re making a mistake.”

“Get out,” I said savagely. “Leave.”

“Fine!” he said loudly, turning around and walking away.

---

*Harry Styles*

I parked my car and made my way over to her house. She’s asked me to come over, so here I was.

I rang the doorbell, and waited for her to open the door, feeling slightly jittery. I still didn’t know if was the right thing to do. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to see her, and stayed at home. But before I could form a full, proper decision in my head as to what was the best thing to do, I was halfway down the road to her house.

The door opened, and I opened my mouth to greet her. But the expression she wore silenced me.

Her eyes were red and puffy, tears clinging to her long, thick lashes. She was only in her pajamas, her hair messy. She seemed to have run her hands through them repeatedly due to distress. She saw me and her eyes widened, and her mouth open slightly.

“Harry?” she choked. “I thought you—what—”

Silently, I reached for her and pulled her into a hug. The moment I wrapped my arms around her, I knew that coming to see Olivia was obviously the better decision. Screw my need to figure things out, or to find a distraction. Olivia needed someone today, needed me today, and I was going to be there for her.

She didn’t cry, though I knew she had been just moments ago. She only hugged me back tightly, and we stood at the doorway for a long time, hugging each other. My confusion, or fight, none of that mattered then. I held her tightly and stroked her hair, planting a soft kiss atop her head.

“Come—come in,” she said, pulling away. “God, don’t stand outside—”

She ushered me in, shutting the door behind her. We sat down on her couch, and I wrapped an arm around her.

“How’re you feeling?” I asked her.

“I’m fine,” she lied. “I didn’t think you’d come.”

“I had to,” I told her. “Lexi told me today is the day—you know, and I just, I had to be here.”

Her lower lip quivered, and I tightened my arm around her. “I’m fine,” she lied again.

“No you’re not.” I said. “Stop it, Harper. Stop trying to act like you’re okay, when you clearly aren’t.”

“I’m—” she broke off. “I just...I miss her, Harry.”

“I know you do, baby.” I pulled her into me, and she rested her head on my shoulder. “I know you do.”

She held my t-shirt tightly in her fist as she cried. “I hate it.” She sobbed. “I hate being without her, I can’t do it. It’s been four years, Harry, and it gets worse every day. I’m supposed to be getting over it, moving on, but I can’t. I need her, and I don’t have her. I don’t have anyone.”

“Oi,” I said slightly. “Shut up, okay? You have me.”

“No, I don’t.” she cried. She looked up, her face stained with tears. “Harry, I’m sorry. I’m always screwing up, and—”

“Shut up,” I repeated. “Just stop, okay? Goddammit, Harper, stop beating yourself up so much.”

She muffled her sobs against my shirt, letting the material soak with her tears. I only held her, stroking her hair and cheeks, her arm, her shoulders. A part of me was scared, because I’d never seen her cry this hard. But I didn’t say anything. I let her cry her eyes out, cry everything out against me.

“I didn’t mean it,” she said, looking up again. “I didn’t want you to go away, and I thought you really had. I thought you listened to me. I have no one, Harry. My mum, my dad, Lexi, Dylan, everyone left me, and if you leave me too, then—” her voice broke, and she stopped.

“I’m not,” I told her. “Going to leave you, I mean. Just—stop crying, it’s okay.”

“Do you remember when Lexi said that my mum would never be proud of me for what I’ve become?” she asked. “I know she’s right, Harry. I’m a mess. I drink and party, I’m a whore, I sleep around with guys—she would never love me, if she knew me now.”

“Don’t you dare say that,” I scolded. “Don’t you dare. Olivia, don’t you think your mother would know the person you really are? Okay, tell me something, okay? Sit up.” I nudged her lightly and she sat up straight, sniffing. I took her small hand in mine, and looked at her “Do you remember that one night I sneaked up into your room, and I told you that you have to stop believing that you’re a horrible person? Do you?”

She nodded.

“Why do you think I said it?” I asked. “Because I meant it. I mean it, Harper. You’re one of the best persons I’ve ever seen. You’re not the Olivia you try to show you are. You’re pretty good at hiding your real self, and no one’s able to see who you really are. But I’ve seen it. And let me tell you something, baby, you’re a wonderful person. Under that tough exterior, you’re still the Olivia your mum knew, and I’m sure that even from up there, if that place exists, she knows that. So don’t you dare say she won’t be proud of you, okay? Don’t let anyone ever tell you that. If your mother knew you today, she’d be proud of you, no questions asked.”

“Sure, you screwed up a little along the way, but don’t we all?” I asked. “You love her, and she loved you. People who love each other like that can forgive each other, Olivia. That’s how it always works.”

“I know you miss her. I know you do. And it sucks that she’s gone, you don’t deserve it. But the only thing that would hurt her now is if she saw how broken you are right now. That you beat yourself up this way every day. You shouldn’t. It will only make her happy to see you happy.”

“I can’t be happy without her,” she said softly. “I try every day, Harry, but I can’t.”

“But you will,” I said. “Eventually, Harper, you’re going to have to let go. And that doesn’t mean that you’ll stop caring, or stop loving her. No way. That only means that you’re going to accept the fact that just because she’s not here with you, doesn’t mean that she’s not with you at all.”

She looked up at me, her blue eyes still swimming with tears. Then slowly, she cracked a smile. It was tiny, devoid of much emotion, but it was still there, and I was relieved to see it. I stroked her cheek softly.

“Where have you been all my life, Harry?” she asked me quietly.

I chuckled, though her question sent butterflies soaring through my stomach. “Well, technically in your school,” I joked, “but you were too damn popular to see me.”

She shook her head and let out a watery chuckled, reaching out for me. I wrapped her in another hug, burying my head in her sweet smelling hair. God, what was happening to me? What was going on?

She pulled away lightly, her hands fisting my shirt. I was about to let go of her, when she did something that surprised me.

She kissed me.

We’d kissed more than often. We did it all the time. It was something I was used to. This was our thing, this was what we did. So why was I surprised?

Because this kiss was different than anything I’d ever shared with her. Usually, our kisses were rough, hungry, desperate and sloppy as we clawed each other clothes off, frantic and impatient to get naked and have sex. But this kiss was so much more different, that I couldn’t think straight.

Olivia’s hands slid into my curls, tugging at them gently, her lips moving with mine. I grabbed her waist and pulled her to me, holding her tightly, never wanting to let her go. Her hand stroked my cheek, and I tilted my head to deepen the kiss. I let my tongue brush pleadingly against her bottom lip, and she opened her mouth to let me in. Her hands tightened in my hair as a small whimper escaped her lips.

I pulled away, my mind and heart racing. I looked up at her, eyes impossibly wide. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly with every breath she took, and she hadn’t let go of my hair yet.

We’d never just kissed before. Our kisses were soon followed by meaningless sex. But here we were, sitting, just kissing.

“I…” I was the first to break the silence, though I wasn’t sure how brought myself to do it. “Should I get you something to eat?”

Good question, Styles.

I started to move, but Olivia caught the collar of my shirt and she was kissing me again. It was the same again, slow, gentle, but this time it contained an unfamiliar fire, a layer of desperation as her hands tightened around the material and she pulled me to her. I could feel her need searing the kiss. She pulled away, our noses brushing as my lips parted to let out my soft pants. For the first time in a while, I found it hard to read Olivia’s eyes.

I pulled the neck of her t-shirt down her shoulder, easing her bra strap down, placing soft, open mouthed kisses on her skin. My hands trailed over the material of her thin shirt, her chest, her stomach. I fiddled with the hem, wanting to feel her skin against mine. But I also knew that there was a possibility that she might not want to do this today. So I only looked up at her questioningly.

Olivia reached for her shirt and pulled it over her head, tossing it behind her. She pulled me in for another kiss, but I pulled away.

“Harper, are you sure you want to do this?” I asked. “Now? Look, I—”

“Please, Harry,” she begged softly, tears streaming down her face. “Please.”

So I pulled her in quickly, crushing her to me quickly as I kissed her, undoing her bra and letting it fall to the floor behind her. I palmed her breasts in my hands, trailing my hands on her silky skin, feeling the small nubs harden under my touch. She sighed, and I looked up at her.

“Shhh,” I whispered, brushing her tears away with my lips. “It’s okay. Don’t cry.”

I kissed her, and she wrapped her legs around my waist. I carried her to her bedroom, as she broke the kiss to gently bite and suck on the skin of my neck, our bodies pressed together. I kicked the door shut behind me, and fumbled with the lock before securing it.

I gently laid her down on the bed, pausing to take my own shirt off. I hovered above her and pulled her in for yet another kiss, my hands travelling to the hem of her pajama bottoms. I pulled them hem with one finger, before letting it slap gently against her skin, and she whimpered. I let my hand slide on, cupping her over the soaked material of her underwear. Gently nudging her face to the side with my nose, I peppered her throat with kisses, letting my fingers apply gentle pressure to her core. Her hips lifted slightly against my hand. I pushed the crotch of her underwear aside, and caressed her folds gently. I let my tongue flick across the valley between her breasts, kissing down her stomach, before reaching the hem of her bottoms. I pulled them off, tossing them behind me. I hooked my thumbs in the hem of her underwear, sliding it down her legs, and letting it fall behind me.

I bent forwards, my head between her thighs. I let my hands skim the silky skin of the insides of her thighs, my lips placing soothing kisses on the skin. Just before I reached her sex, I sunk my teeth into the flesh right next to it, and she moaned slightly.

I nudged her clit with my nose, letting my tongue explore every inch of her, on the skin of her core, between her folds, across her clit. She squirmed, her hands fisting my hair as she pushed my face further into her. I hooked her thighs above her shoulder as I thrusted my tongue in and out of her, keeping my eye on her the entire time. She tossed her head from side to side, mewling as I sucked on her clit, pushing a finger inside her. I stretched her to her limit, adding more fingers as I went by, my tongue flicking her tongue furiously, driving her to the edge. But before she could come, she tugged at my hair and pulled me upwards. I pulled my fingers out and climbed up to face her.

“Kiss me,” she pleaded. “Please, Harry, please kiss me.”

So I did. I kissed her, letting her taste herself, gently soothing the skin of her waist with my hands, my knee pressed to her core. She rubbed her sex against my knee, moaning against my mouth, her hands gripping my face tightly.

I pulled away briefly to undo my pants, my need for her becoming unbearable. I let my pants and boxers land on the floor behind me, and positioned myself at her entrance.

“Baby,” I whispered. “Stop crying, please.”

I wiped her tears away, easing myself into her. We both gasped as I slid into her, her tight, warm, wet walls clenching around me. I let out a shaky groan, my eyes closing as I bit my lip to stop myself from coming then and there.

“Move,” she whispered. “Please.”

I obeyed. I moved within her, but unlike my usual, fast, quick pace, I kept my thrusts slow and deep, trying to reach every part of her and make this last as long as possible. Our chests were pressed together, and I wanted to be as close to her as possible. I kissed her; her mouth, her cheeks, her jaw, her neck, her shoulder, thrusting into her, my breath coming out in pants. I’d never felt like this with her, so good, so close, and I wanted to find a way to make this last forever.

I paused to hook her legs above my shoulder, the position providing me with a different angle that allowed me to go in much deeper than before. She cried out, and I grunted at this new angle, my thrusts picking up slight speed. I knew I wasn’t going to last long, and I bit my lip and clenched my stomach to prevent my orgasm, wanting Olivia to get there first.

“You feel so good, you know what?” I panted in her ear. “So, so good, baby, God, you drive me crazy. Come on, come for me, I know you’re there. Let go, I’ve got you. Yeah, baby, oh fuck, dammit, so, so good, God—

”I can’t—God, Harry, I’m so close, shit—”

I gave her a particularly hard thrust and she arched her back and cried out. “That’s it, baby, come on.”

“Oh, Harry,” she groaned, arching her back, her mouth falling open as toppled over the edge and came with a sharp, loud cry of my name, her eyes rolling back into her head, her fingers digging into her shoulder.

Her walls clenched around me and I followed right after her, gravelly groans tumbling out of my mouth as I shot my load into her. “That’s it baby, yeah. God, God, you’re amazing. Fuck, fuck, yeah.”

I collapsed on top of her, chasing after my breath. I buried my head into her neck as we drifted down from our highs.

I pulled away, looking at her. She was looking up at me, her cheeks wet with tears but her eyes somehow dry. I kissed her cheek softly.

“Will you stay with me?” she asked quietly, her voice shaking.

“Of course I will.” I told her, getting off of her to unfold the blanket lying at the end of her bed. I draped it over the two of us, and then lay down beside her. “Come here.”

She scooted over to me, and I wrapped my arms around her. She rested her head on my chest, and I could feel her breath deepening. I stroked her back with my free hand, the other holding hers.

“Go to sleep, okay?” I said softly. “You need it.”

“Don’t leave me,” she pleaded.

“I’ll be right here when you wake up.” I promised her. She sighed, and relaxed next to me, and I felt her slipping into oblivion. But she surprised me a few minutes later by speaking.

“Thank you, Harry.” She said softly. “For coming here today. I needed you.”

“Always, baby.” I told her.

She didn’t talk again, finally asleep.

What we’d shared today was different than anything I’d ever had with her. Slow, passionate, almost loving—that’s how this had been. There was no urgency today, we’d taken our time. She wasn’t tearing at my skin, she wasn’t screaming my name. But it was still the most amazing experience I’d shared with her—with anyone. It was almost as if we’d made love.

And in that moment, as I watched her sleep next to me, all my confusion went away. Whatever it was that I needed to figure out, I’d done it. I knew.

I wasn’t falling for her. No.

I’d already fallen. I’d fallen hard, and now there was no going back.

Notes

it's almost ending, and now i'm quite sad. however, i would like to take this opportunity to announce my upcoming fanfiction: DANGER. you can go and check out the summary on my tumblr (here), and vote and comment of wattpad (here)! please do vote!

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