Shattered

* ONE WEEK LATER *

I mixed my sweet tea with my straw, listening to Perrie explain to Eleanor how she should have braided her hair today instead of wear it in a bun. I sighed.

They sat in front of me in the booth. We were in a 50's themed diner called Dynamo Diner. This was the high school hangout for our class after school or on the weekends. We would see everyone in here, considering this used to be the place to be and how small of a town we live in.

I missed these two. I've talked to them on the phone a lot and over text but I haven't really had much time to hang out lately because of my summer job and stuff.

" Did you dye your hair Syd? It looks more blonde than usual." Eleanor snapped me from my train of thoughts as they brought me into the conversation. I took the ends of my hair between my two fingers, examining the color.

" No. It usually gets lighter in the summer anyways." I shrugged, dropping the strand of hair.

" I think it looks really pretty." Perrie complemented me, leaning forward onto the table. I smiled.

" Thanks."

Just then, the waitress came by, giving us our greasy burgers and fries. I missed this food so much. We should start selling it at chumps.

" Would you like a refill on your sweet tea, honey?" She asked me. I looked at my empty glass that I hadn't realized I drank all of. I nodded.

" Please"

She walked away and I brought my attention back to Eleanor and Perrie who were chowing away on their food.

" Are you alright Sydney? You seem really distant." They both asked. I shrugged They had no idea what I've gone through this summer.

" No, I'm just really happy to be here with you guys." I said. It was true. I had allowed myself to go on for too long without my two best friends.

" Well we're happy to see you again too. So, is there a guy in the picture yet?" Eleanor asked. I awkwardly watched as the waitress came up, pouring more tea into my glass.

I immediately thought of Harry.

" Uhm- No. Not really." I said, sipping my fresh drink.

Perrie propped an eyebrow.

" Not really, you say?"

Damn.

" Uh, Not really." I forced a smile. How was I supposed to tell them this? I made out with Marilyn's boyfriend and allowed him to finger me?

" Something must have happened!" Eleanor squealed, getting excited to hear about my so called summer romance. I rolled my eyes and looked around the restaurant and back at them.

" It is just a crush" I waved her off, dipping a fry in ketchup.

" What is his name? How'd you meet him?" Perrie began to bombard me with questions. My eyes widened and I let out a sigh.

" Its complicated."

" Why?" They both asked. " Do you like... really like him? Does he not like you back?"

My eyes stayed focused on my drink as I mixed the ice with my straw. nervous habit I guess.

" Yeah. I do. And as far as I know, He feels the same. Or at least he acts that way." I huffed. My eyes flickered up to their confused faces, then back at my drink.

" Then whats the problem?" El asked. I licked my lips.

" Like I said... Its complicated."

They both leaned back and sighed.

" Well, If you aren't okay with talking about it yet, then I respect your privacy. But sometime in the future, i would like to know what is going on." Eleanor bit into her burger. Releif washed over me.

" Same here, missy." Perrie agreed. I smiled.

" Thank you. Now how about you two?" I asked, changing the subject.

___________________________________________________________________________

I unlocked the front door to inside the living room. I guess mom was at work, and I had no clue where Marilyn was.

My question was answered when I heard giggling from Marilyn's room as I past it in the hall way. Was she not alone?

" I'm glad we're okay now." I heard her say. You could practically hear the smile in her voice. Who was she talking to?

" Me too. You scared me for a while there." I heard a voice say.

I knew that voice from any where. It was that perfect raspy voice of Harry Styles. I froze, Still listening in onto the conversation.

" We're going to be together forever right? Because I love you." Marilyn whispered, but I could still hear it.

I waited, anticipating Harry's response.

" Yeah," He said calmly. " I love you too." I heard him say. I felt like jealousy just punched me in the face. Oh God. If that wasn't enough to throw me over the edge, I don't know what was.

I ran down the hall and into my bedroom, being careful to go unheard.

I had let my guard down. I was so stupid. So fucking stupid. What did I think would happen? Marilyn and Harry would just break up, and him and I could be happy? Ha-Ha, no.

I laid down on my bed staring at the ceiling, as tears began to flow down my cheeks.

Harry had just been using me. Why? Why would he do that? He knew what had happened to me and what I had been through. I felt completely worthless. I'd been thrown around, being used for sexual interactions by everyone.

But I didn't know what was worse... Being drugged and missing it all, or being conscious and totally aware of what was happening.

I was a dumb, worthless little excuse for a girl. Was I not good enough for either of them? Only good enough to put the hard on in their pats back down. I'm such a slut. I wouldn't blame anyone else who thought so too.

I felt lost... I didn't know what to do. I had no one to call or talk to. I couldn't trust anyone. Harry was usually the guy I would talk to, but he got my hopes up. He told me sweet things that made me so happy.

But I should have known. I should have known those were the same lines he told everyone. How many girls is he playing? For all I know, I could be one of many. Poor Marilyn. Her and I always agreed sisters before misters. Damn.

I was done with boys.

But I would've sworn Harry wasn't just another one of those boys... Like he told me on Herman's Hill last week. Everything was a blur but him. He had been the only source of positivedity in my life.

Why was I so upset over this? Harry and I never dated... We never meant anything to each other. He wasn't even my type, nor will he ever be.

There was a knock on my door.

" Sydney? Are you in there? I didn't hear you come home." It was Marilyn.

I wiped the smeared makeup off my face to the best i could and sat up, collecting myself.

" Yes, I just got home." I replied. It was silent. she creaked the door open.

" Are you alright?"

I stood up and began tidying up my room. Something I did when I was nervous or anxious.

" I'm fine."

She walked in farther, revealing Harry behind her. Oh great.

Don't look at him.

" You don't seem fine. What happened?" She asked. So nosy. My heart began to pound as I saw Harry lean against the door frame and cross his arms, waiting for an answer too.

" Nothing," Wiped away another tear at my face.
I could reveal it all now. Let everything out... This was my chance for the weight on my shoulders to be lifted. about everything... The rape.. Harry... My feelings. Or not.
" Eleanor, Perrie, and I were just talking about something... But I just realized I was lying to myself."

She didn't seem convinced. Fuck.

" You know... Girl drama... I'll get over it." I added.

I saw Harry's features soften from the corner of my eyes as I sniffed, looking back up at Marilyn. I had this strange feeling he knew what this was about. He always had a way of reading me like no one else. Marilyn tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, backing up towards the door.

" Alright... Well, when you're ready to talk, I'll be here."

Yeah well, The last person who said that played me.

Notes