Shattered

I was a nervous wreck. I had to face Harry at work today. I don't even know why I was so nervous, its not like Harry knew what I had been upset about. I just needed to push It away.

I unlocked the back door to Chumps and walked in. I was the first one here. Thank God. I set my purse down on the counter and climbed up onto a barstool. I didn't want to do anything today, besides lay in bed and maybe take a run to clear my thoughts.

But for right now, the only thing I had to clear my head was a cigarette.

I fished through my purse until I found the small box and matches. should I? I should. Harry usually isn't here for another twenty minutes on Mondays.

I put it up to my mouth and lit the other end. It felt so good as I inhaled and exhaled.

I took this time to think.

Why did It impact me so much when Harry told Marilyn he loved her? They're dating, I should expect that, right? Its not like Harry would ever leave Marilyn for me, and Its not like I would betray my sister and be with him. I guess those questions lead up to my follow up questions,

Why did I care for Harry so much? Was it because he helped me when no one else did? Or was it actually him, himself?

I had no clue.

I couldn't handle all of this. I don't know how to deal with being raped. It makes you feel like complete and utter shit. On top of that, Harry leads me on. Did he lead me on? Or I had just imagined these things?

Like, way to make me feel better about myself.

Maybe that was it. Maybe Harry had only acted like he liked me because he wanted me to know that I was more than just some girl to rape, but in reality, he would never have anything to do with me.

Oh my God, that was it. It's quite embarrassing if you think about it. Someone pretending to like you just to make you feel better about yourself. ugh. I'm a complete waste of space.

I ran my fingers through my hair and took another puff.

If I could I'd be crying right now. but I cant, and I don't know why.

Isn't it so sad when you get to the point where you are all out of tears and all you can feel Is the numbness in your straight face?

I heard the back door open and shut and before I could put my cigarette out, in came Harry.

He just froze and stared at me as I smoked there in the bar before him.

" Harry..." I trailed off.

He look really nice today. actually presentable. He had the usual black skinny jeans but instead of the usual black or white tee, he had on a navy blue plaid shirt. His hair was quiffed up instead of a beanie or bandana on it.

( Y/N: The way he looked in the Midnight Memories video )

I loved when he actually looked nice. It made him hotter than he actually is.

" Oh my God Sydney." His deep voice spoke. His eyes immediately went to the small stick between my two fingers.

He rushed over to me, taking it, and putting it out in the ash tray we had out for people who smoked in here.

" I've already told you that I don't want you smoking!" He yelled. I stood up.

" Well you aren't my mother!" I slammed my hands onto the counter of the bar.

" I bet your mother wouldn't like it If she found out the only child of hers with a future is smoking." He challenged. I shrugged.

"doesn't matter. what's she going to do? Its not like she'd cares.no one does." I muttered the last part.

" What?" Harry asked. I shook my head. I couldn't be here right now. not with Harry yelling at me like this.

" I have to go. I can't do this right now." I slung my purse over my should and walked around the bar towards the back door.

" Woah, wait, where are you going? " Harry caught up to me and grabbed ahold of my wrist.

His hands were so large they could wrap around my small wrist twice maybe.

" Somewhere. Anywhere but here." I quickly snagged my arm back but his grip is too strong and tight, I barely even budged.

" Why?"

I closed my eyes in attempt to calm down, and took a deep breathe.

" I cant do this right now." I sighed my eyes are still closed,

" Do what?" He asked.

" I don't have the... strength or willpower to fight right now. Please just let me leave." I begged. I've never been so desperate in my life.

" No." He pulled me back. Finally, tears.

And lots of them. They all streamed down my face as harry pulled me into his warm, good smelling chest.

" Please Harry, Just let me leave." I begged, not even bothering to fight against his chest, knowing I wouldn't win.

" No. You cant leave me."

Notes