Waking up the next morning was difficult. My alarm had been set for 8 A.M, with Lou dropping Lux at the house shortly after. Lou was never usually so hectically busy, but she’d landed a great job on Fashion Week, and they had told her that she would be needed for two days or so.

I pulled Harry’s sweater on that was draped across the back of the chair in his room. One of his larger ones, it reached almost to my knees and was doused in his cologne. I took in the scent, squinting down at his sleeping frame. The room smelt strongly of alcohol, and he had clearly come home and passed out. I hadn’t even heard him slip into bed. I sat beside him and he awoke with a startled look on his face.

“Oh..” He said, realising it was me. “Oh.. Ohhhh..” He groaned, realising his hangover.

Harry pulled a fluffy pillow to cover his head. I sighed and patted him on his lower back.

“Lux is coming soon,” I said, and with my statement came the realisation that I needed to sort a few things of my own out.

Harry pulled the pillow from his face and looked at me. His cheek was smushed against the mattress, making his eyes uneven. He batted the lids a few times, looking like he was trying to focus on me. He rested a large hand on my thigh.

Realising little sense would come from Harry for a few more hours, I made my way downstairs. The kitchen was a mess. A box of cereal had been discarded across the counter, a pint of milk sat out beside it. I shook my head, quickly tidying it up. We might live like grown ups, civilised, in an expensive home with expensive things, but at times like this I realised how young we were. I couldn’t think about that, for too long, because it filled my head with worry.

Imagine getting pregnant now. I already felt like I had a child - Harry.

The doorbell chimed and I hurried towards the sound. Lux peered up at me from the step, clutching a mini-handbag. Lou stood behind her, with her overnight bag. She placed a kiss on my cheek.

“I love you, thank you for doing this!” I could tell she was in a hurry. She leaned down and placed a wet kiss on Lux, and hugged her tightly. “Mummy will see you soon, alright? Sorry Annie, wish I could stay longer.” Lou peered back at her waiting car.
“Lou, go and do your job! I’ll call you if I need anything. Harry’s here, anyway. He should know what to do."

Lou nodded and kissed us both a couple more times before running back to her awaiting driver. I crouched down to meet Lux’s height, watching the car drive away. She looked at me expectantly and I picked her up, taking her inside.

“Shall we go and wake up Uncle Harry?” I smiled down at her, and she nodded in excitement.

---

I stared down at Lux, playing blissfully in the park near the house. We had been out to run some errands, including that awful one that needed to be done, without being noticed. Only now had some paparazzi started to surface. What was so interesting about this set-up? Lux, and me, sitting in a park. I swear they waste their time on us.

I took hold of Lux’s hands and bent down to bring my face to hers. I nuzzled on her nose. “Want to go home and watch some movies with me, Lux?”
Although she probably wasn’t completely understanding me, she nodded every time I asked her a question. I smiled and brushed her hair out of her eyes, redoing her pigtails. Slowly, we made our way back to the house.

Harry had been bedridden all morning with an awful case of the hangover, but had finally made it to Fashion Week. As a guest, I doubted he would see much of Lou. I wondered, as I looked down at Lux, who was slowly making her way through a yoghurt and feeding the table as she did so, whether Harry would go to another party that evening. Then I wondered, bizarrely, what would happen if we had a child together at this age. There’d definitely not be any partying. Or maybe Harry would carry on partying.. visions of me with dark black circles under my eyes, nursing a tiny infant crossed my mind. I shuddered.

I stared at the test, willing for it to disappear or maybe take itself. I shoved it back in my bag. Lux stepped down from the chair she was on and came over to me, holding her arms around my waist.

“You sad.” She said, thoughtfully. I smiled, placing my hand on her hair.
“I’m okay, princess.”

---

Lux made for perfect DVD viewing company. She brought her thumb to her lips and fell asleep around eight o’ clock, tired from her exciting day. She rested on the couch, her head against my leg. I felt myself daze in and out of sleep, but willed myself to stay awake. It was almost eleven and Harry still wasn’t home.

I picked up Lux, and carried her to Harry and I’s bedroom. I had already told him to take the spare room, just for the time being while Lux was here. I wanted to totally fulfil my duty as full-time babysitter. Harry cursed. “I feel like I’m in a sexless marriage! Kicked out of bed by a toddler!” He joked. Little did he know that comment stayed with me.

I made sure that pillows surrounded the little blondie that currently took Harry’s side of the bed, making sure there was no way she could roll over and fall out of the bed. I watched her, still as asleep as she was downstairs. Everything is so blissful, when you’re a kid.

I stared at the drawer on my side that housed the pregnancy test. I had planned to take it straight away and put an end to my (probably uncalled for) worries. But I couldn’t. Something in me didn’t want to know.

I made my way back downstairs, and channel-hopped for a while. Eventually I fell in and out of sleep, only to be woken in the early hours of the morning by Harry, clambering into the room I was in. I noticed someone behind him, and recognised it to be Louis. Harry flopped down, straight on top of me. The stench of the alcohol almost made me run for the bathroom. Louis pulled Harry back as quickly as he could, making me realise that he was the sober one.

“Jesus Christ, Harry, be careful of her!” Louis tone was protective. I stared at him, and for a moment it was like he knew something might be up, but of course he didn’t. “Sorry, Annie. London Fashion Week has some crazy parties. I tried to bring him home in one piece."

“It’s fine,” I sighed, pushing Harry into an upright position. He gave a giggle that made him sound no older than Lux.
“I love you, so I came home. Did you know that? I came home.” He smiled, his eyes bloodshot. I looked at Louis, and he shrugged. I looked back at Harry.
“Do you want me to help you take him to bed?” Louis asked.
“I don’t need to be carried mate, I’m fine.” Harry said, sounding a little more with it.
“Its fine, Louis.” I nodded. “Thanks."

Louis nodded, embracing me in a small hug at the door. When I re-entered the room, Harry had fallen asleep. I shook my head and placed a blanket over him, feeling like I was babysitting another child.

When I got back into our room, I checked on Lux. Still fast asleep. I got into bed, and stared straight at the ceiling. I looked at the little girl next to me. I don’t know what overtook me, but I almost ran into the bathroom, test in hand. I felt compelled to know the truth. My hands were making all the actions, opening the box, getting ready to do it. My mind was numbed. It was screaming, cringing at the thought of knowing something so huge, but my hands just wouldn’t stop. I placed it on the side, and stood like a statue staring at my watch.

Harry and I hadn’t even been together a year, and in the time we were together, we argued like fucking crazy most of the time. We had already been plotted against, split up, tricked, and crapped on by the media. Harry was at his peak, all the friends, money, fame and parties he could ask for. I was always there, beside him. Life was blessed for both of us.

My eyes fell back down onto the stick that lay across the room. I glanced in the direction of Lux, a prime example of what could be facing me when I picked up that test.

I edged closer, and picked it up.

Notes