Things I Can, Things I Can’t

You know when you’re avoiding something and willing it not to come around, it’s always gonna come around faster.

We had a little less than a week in Holmes Chapel before we headed back down to London for a New Years Eve party hosted by Alexa Chung, thanks to Harry being friends with that ‘it’ group. Luckily I would have all the boys there because I wouldn’t know anybody otherwise and I’d feel incredibly not famous enough.

The time Harry and I had just spent together, just answered all of the doubts and questions in my mind. I hadn’t charged my phone in four days. I hadn’t spoken to anybody else but him and his family. I didn’t want to. I had no interest in Twitter, Instagram, my text messages, nothing.. I was completely wrapped up in him. Our days were spent donning wellington boots, big coats, walking in fields that stretched for miles, lying down in them, talking in them, freezing from the cold in them. Neither of us cared about anything. As much as I loved spending time with his family, Harry and I hardly saw them because we were either going on days out together or spending them under the warmth of the covers in Harry’s bed. We probably watched ten movies in that time period.

I couldn’t explain my sudden change in behaviour, it was just like there was a clearing in my mind and everything just clicked. Even when I turned on my phone for the first time in days, and saw three messages from Will, my heart didn’t so much as tug. I didn’t even think twice about ignoring them - although it was clear to me Will knew I was seeing Harry as more than a friend.

Annie, sorry to keep messaging you. I know I’m the last person you want to talk to. I know you’re with Harry, it’s all over the magazines and our mutual friends have been talking.. Annie I love you, I always have and will. I wish you nothing but happiness, and wish it was me that was with you. I hope he gives you everything I couldn’t, and have a happy new year together. Will x

Nah, I didn’t even buy any of it. Frankly, I didn’t care. I deleted the messages, and his number.

Although Harry and I were spending the best times together, it was undeniable that throughout this time there was a silent, grey cloud looming over us. We would be apart for three months. That’s a third of a pregnancy.. that’s a whole season. I tried my best not to think about it, as we made our way back to London.

“Harry, I have nothing to wear.” I sighed, sitting on the floor in his bedroom on New Years Eve. I contemplated going home, but for one, I didn’t want my family to meet Harry so randomly and shortly. I hadn’t even told them about him, yet. And besides, I knew I had nothing worthy of a celebrity party to wear back at my house.

Harry joined me on the floor, sitting behind me and pulling me up from behind to rest against his chest.

“Well, what size are you?” He spoke and his deep voice vibrated against my back.
“What are you, going to lend me something of yours? I don’t think I can wear a tartan shirt and a fedora to this party, Harry.” I laughed.
“No, silly. We can get you something.”
“I don’t have time to go out. The shops will close in an hour.”
“We’ll have something delivered here.” He said, speaking into my hair. My head fit perfectly under his chin. I tried to look up at him so he could see my perplexed face.
“What kind of lightning fast delivery service do you know about?”
He chuckled. “I’ll call and have some options brought to you. One of the stylists from the tour will definitely have something.” I went to protest about money, and he knew I would. “And, we can loan them, so they don’t cost anything, before you complain.. even though I’d be happy to buy you something."

I was quiet for a moment. For some reason his comment brought up something for me - in three years of being with Will, he had never offered to pay for more than dinner, or a box of chocolates on my birthday, or a cuddly toy at Christmas. Harry was, yes, over extravagant when it came to showering people with gifts, but anything I needed.. anything I wanted, Harry would insist to pay. We had even been shopping for toiletries for me in Holmes Chapel and as I went to pay Harry thrust his card in the cashiers face before I could even begin to protest. He was a protector, a carer, in every sense of the word.

“Is that a yes then?” He chuckled, moving his head to the side so I would look at him.
“Yeah, sorry. I just had a thought.”
“About?”
I turned to face him. I shook my head, and kissed him. “Just, you."

* * *
Harry had already been ready for an hour or so. The boys had all used his house as a meeting point and were currently enjoying a drink or two in his kitchen while they waited for me. I just slipped on the bangle Harry had bought me for Christmas, treating it like my baby because I had never even held something so expensive let alone owned it. I smoothed out my dress and took a deep breath, grabbing my bag and joining them downstairs.

The boys all went silent when I walked in, and I felt extremely vulnerable. They all gave a smile, first at Harry, as he walked over to me, and then at me.

“Jesus Christ, Annie. Where have ya been all my life.” Niall said, pretending to pick his jaw up from the floor. Harry stepped back and smacked him in the chest, and they all laughed.

I was nervous about arriving at the party, but I needn’t be. Nobody minded me too much, and everyone was friendly enough. Alexa herself was drop dead gorgeous, and I felt insecure until she complimented me on my outfit.

Since I didn’t know anyone, I made a point of staying with Niall, while Harry circulated the party with his friends. Louis had brought Eleanor, Zayn had brought Perrie, and Liam had brought Sophia. Niall had been seeing a lot of some model, but for one reason or another she’d not be joining us tonight.

Harry would join me at points in the night, but of course I didn’t begrudge him seeing his friends. It was only at around quarter to twelve, for the countdown, Niall and I tried to round everybody together.

“Stay here with the boys,” I said, sitting a wasted Niall down. “I’ll find him."

I didn’t know this house very well, but it was big. I saw Nick, who had given me a lift from the airport.

“Hey, Nick. Have you seen Harry?”
“Hiya love!” He smiled warmly, but drunkenly. “Yeah I think he was in the conservatory, going out into the back garden.”
“Thanks Nick.” I patted him on the shoulder and made my way out there.

The conservatory and the back garden had emptied as everyone rushed inside to find their loved ones for the countdown. I looked at my phone. I only had ten minutes left to find him, and I really, really wanted to count it down with him.

I rounded a corner of the home, but just as I was about to, I saw a very tall, slender figure, and another very tall, more masculine figure, standing next to each other. I had found Harry, that was for sure.

But I had also found someone wrapping themselves around his neck, and it definitely wasn’t me.

Notes

:OOOOO
i’ll probably do a double update! don’t want to leave you hanging for too long :)
thanks for the votes/coms/subs! x