Things I Can, Things I Can’t

Poor James. He looked totally crestfallen when I had to slyly get out of the awkward date I had agreed to. I didn’t even know why I had said yes in the first place. I think I was just trying to get my head off of Harry, and Will, and onto some other poor, unsuspecting victim.

The invitation to dinner was one that I was far too curious of to turn down. I didn’t want to look like an easy target and say yes, but at the same time it was ridiculous to think that we could just never talk about what happened again. Another show went by and Harry and I had made no formal plans, so I guessed I would just see him back at the hotel and we would go from there. It was getting late, probably around 11p.m. before I got a text from him.

Harry
ello, sorry i had to pop out and get a few things, come down to my room now

Get a few things? What would he need to get if we were going to dinner? This boy was a constant source of confusion. I sighed and picked up a sweater from my suitcase and threw it on. Should I just knock and wait outside? Would we be chilling in there? I was kind of regretting my decision to cancel on James now.

“Come in, it’s open!” I heard that northern twang and felt a stab of nerves. I walked in and Harry was sitting on the edge of his bed, still in his coat, flicking through the TV.
“Hi.” I said, feeling like a sore thumb as I swayed slowly on the spot awkwardly.
“Hi.” He smiled.
“Where did you want to grab dinner?” I asked, biting my thumb.
“Well, actually..” He stood up and emptied his coat pockets and threw it onto the bed. He rubbed his hands together and picked up a bag from the table.

I walked a bit closer and cocked my head to one side.

“This,” He held the plastic carrier bag up. “Is dinner."

I took the bag from him and what I saw inside instantly made me laugh.

“Beans. You bought beans and bread.”
“Everyone loves beans on toast.” He said, arranging the table in his room so there was a chair at either end. He grabbed a magazine and newspaper and set them as place mats. “Although I’m afraid we only have one fork, and one spoon to eat it with, but.."

I sat down at the table.

“Better than any date the wardrobe man could take you on, eh love?”
I rolled my eyes. “He’s your managers assistant, Harry, not the wardrobe man.”
“He’s a knob, whoever he is.”

Harry picked up the tin of beans and put two pieces of toast in the toaster, and some beans in the microwave. I sat awkwardly while he served my‘dinner’ on paper plates.

“So any reason why we’re eating beans on toast in your hotel room and not at a five star restaurant?” I said, taking a mouthful.
He laughed himself and nodded, looking down at his food. “Well, actually, I thought why bother with frills, I’ve already seen you naked.”
“Harry!” I felt my cheeks burn and I nearly choked.
“I’m joking, I’m joking!” He set down his fork and brought his hands together into a fist. “I just thought.. things have been so awkward lately, if I maybe just, stripped it back.. took it back to how it used to be.. then maybe we would be able to sort it out.”

I felt a sudden urge to hug him. It was so true. I felt more comfortable in this room than I would in any high class restaurant with preying paparazzi waiting outside.

“And don’t forget, we are in China. It took me a good hour and a bit to find Heinz baked beans. I had to google map it and everything..”
I gave a small laugh. “Well, it’s much appreciated. Thank you.”
He shrugged.
“Why are you doing this, though?”
“Louis told me about your date, and.. that you’ve been talking to Will, when I specifically said don’t.” He chewed harder at those last few words.
“It’s none of your business.” I blurted out, but instantly regretted it because that was unfair.
He looked at me in disbelief. “Yeah. You made that clear, thanks.”
“What do you mean?"
“Well you basically said I was just a shag."

Oh God.

I played with the food awkwardly, losing all appetite now we were arguing again. “I didn’t say that.”
“Well I went to say something nice to you, and you were like ‘it was nothing bye’” He was raising his voice now. “So I thought why bother.”
“Well that’s the impression I got since you’ve slept with most of the female celebrity population so I thought I might as well save myself the embarrassment!”
“Well I don’t normally spend every night with most of the female celebrity population, talking to the early hours, watching films, spooning and sleeping with them Annie.” I could tell he was about to lose his temper.

He had a point.

“Well what are you saying?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.
“I’m quite clearly saying, well, oh for fucks sake Annie! I’m trying! You know what I’m fucking trying to say.”
I shook my head fiercely. “I don’t because you act so fucking weird all the time, like you hate me.. then you randomly break and enter into my room to have sex with me?”
“Because I LIKE you Annie, I quite clearly like you, because otherwise I wouldn’t have gone to so much effort to get close to you. I could have walked out onto the street and picked up the first girl I saw.” He had stood up now, and ran a hand through his hair. “And I’m sorry I’m so shit at it, but it terrifies me because I’ve never started something with someone that wasn’t based on sex."

I sat quietly, feeling like I may as well have ‘IDIOT’ written on my forehead. He sighed and pulled his chair closer to me.

“Do you still love Will?”
“What?” I breathed.
“Answer the question, Annie.” He demanded.

I paused.

“Knew it.”
“It’s hard, Harry, it’s not like I can just switch off my feelings.” I felt my eyes prick with tears, stupid tears. I so badly wanted to give myself fully to Harry, but I’d be a liar if I tried to.
“Well, I’ve put myself out there, and I wish I didn’t, now.” He stood up again and paced the room. “You’ve used me.”
“Harry, I haven’t!”
“Well you have, Annie, I took you to dinner with my mum and sister! I told my sister I might like you, like a fucking prick! I sacrificed my own happiness to be with you everyday when you first found out about him doing that."
I was crying now. “You’re not getting it, I do like you Harry, I feel the same, but-“
“You just feel the same about Will as well.” He shook his head. “Just fuck off then, go on. Let him have you back and treat you like shit again."

His voice was full of so much anger and hate that I was overcome.

“I’m going. I knew this was a bad idea.” I said, my voice weak. I picked my things up, hoping he would stop me. Apologise. Anything.

“Oh, whatever Annie. Bye then."

Notes

i hate arguments.
vote/sub/com please, should update asap