Things I Can, Things I Can’t

I rolled my eyes scrolling through my twitter mentions. Probably around 15,000 death threats. The magazines had photographed us together so many times that fans had turned it into girlfriend drama.

Beijing was incredible. It was getting closer to Christmas, and everyone was in high spirits. We had two weeks of China and Japan, two weeks of Australia, and then home, and back to the US in the new year.

One thing wasn’t in good spirits, though. That was mine and Harry’s relationship, or lack thereof.

Harry never stayed the night with me anymore. In fact, we hardly spoke. When we did speak it was laboured and awkward. Everyone had noticed the change, and everyone thought it especially strange, because they knew nothing of the night we had spent together.

I guess the whole thing must have bothered me more than I thought. I don’t know what I expected out of Harry.. maybe an explanation for randomly coming to my hotel room and banging my brains out. Maybe a few dates. Maybe a relationship, even a casual one. I definitely didn’t want what was happening to happen.

I sat, bored on the side of the stage waiting for the guys to soundcheck. I had actually enjoyed getting up and coming out to work for a period of time, but now I dreaded it.

“Ey up little one!”
I turned around. “Hey, Louis. What you doing?”
“Nothing.” He sat down next to me and threw his legs over the side like me. “What’s up with ya? You’ve not been yourself. What’s up with your little love bird as well, he’s just had a moan at me. He’s a bastard lately.”
“Lovebird? Harry?” I scoffed. “We aren’t speaking.. really. Just er, grown apart I think.”
“An you can’t lie to me.”

I looked up at him sheepishly and he was smirking, knowingly. Oh God.. Harry must have told him.

“You’re forgetting that my room was right next to yours in Moscow. And the walls are paper thin.” He shook his head. “Look, I know you had sex. I know you did, Harry hasn’t told me but I just know. What I don’t know is why you’re both acting so weird about it!”
I toyed with the idea of denying it, making up an elaborate lie.
“It was just a one time thing, there was nothing in it.”
“Is that why you’re both miserable, and saying two words to each other, and avoiding each other at all costs?”
“It’s just awkward, I guess.”
“Well you could be really old fashioned and talk to him about it?” He joked.
I shook my head. “Louis, I appreciate your.. concern, but it’s all in the past. I’m going on a date tonight, actually."

Louis was over dramatic when I told him that. Asking all the ins, and outs.

“He’s just this guy.. he works for management, his names James..”
“The one with the dark hair and the tattoo on his arm?”
“Hm.”
“And Will?”

Will. Will, Will, Will. I’ll be the first to admit I might have fucked up, there. I had received a text from him a few days earlier, asking if I was dating Harry. I quickly assured him no, and then we got talking.. and then he invited me to spend Christmas with him. And I didn’t say no, exactly..

Christmas was a strange time in my family. I had my mum, dad and brother. However, Christmas was always spent at my grandmothers in Poland, where she originated from. My family had all booked to go there this year, but I wasn’t sure of my schedule, and I was still with Will. So I told them to book up and I’d spend Christmas Day with his family.

However, now there was no Will. So I had no options. I could book the flight to Poland, but I knew I’d be on call for any appearances the band had to make up until Christmas, and honestly.. I just didn’t fancy being in a huge family environment.

“We speak, occasionally. I don’t know.” I sighed. Louis gripped me in a small hug and jumped up.
“Well, I’m off to go and sort my life out before the show. You cheer up, alright?"

I nodded and watched him skulk off.

* * *

“Harry. Harry!” I felt someone punching me in the shoulder and jolted awake from my cat nap on the sofa in our dressing room. I was ruined by the jet lag and fell asleep at random intervals.

“Get out of it, Louis. I need some sleep.”
“You won’t want to sleep when I tell you what’s going on.”

I cursed and rolled onto my side, zipping up my coat further.

“You’ve got to sort it out with Annie, mate.” He shook his head, and Niall came and sat beside him. I was nervous about what he was going to say, especially now we had an audience. “Well, there’s interest.. from other sources.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“What are we talking about? How Harry loves Annie still?” Niall perked up. I punched him and he swore loudly.
“Some guy from the management, he’s asked her out on a date. And, she’s talking to her ex."

What the fuck? Was she putting it about or what? I felt myself grow angry, but calmed myself down remembering that having sex meant nothing to her. So it should mean nothing to me, just like it always has.

“When’s she doing that then?” I cleared my throat. “And why would I give a shit?”
Louis didn’t bother answering me, he just sighed deeply. “Can you just drop that act, for a second, please. You both like each other and honestly you’ve both been hell to be around so why don’t you grow a pair and just ask the girl out."

I didn’t reply. I didn’t want to say anything that might incriminate myself. I didn’t know how much he knew.

“Just ask her to go for dinner or something after the show. See if she’ll cancel for this random guy.”
“I don’t want to go to dinner with her, why would I wanna?” I asked, testing his reactions. Louis and Niall both sighed and rolled their eyes.
“Quite honestly mate, I heard the sex and if it was as good as it sounded, I would treat her to dinner just for the sake of it.” Louis joked.

I wrestled him to the ground, and Niall burst into laughter behind us.

***

I watched Annie blow dry my hair and tried to push what Louis had said to the back of my mind. However, me being me, I had to say something.

“What are you doing tonight, Ans?” I asked, pretending to still look through Twitter to calm my nerves. I saw her face in the mirror, filled with shock that I’d actually spoken to her.
“Erm.. I’m gonna go for a drink with my.. friend.” She said, quietly and avoiding my eyes in the mirror. “What are you doing..”
“Nothing, let’s go for dinner.”

I think I saw her have a heart attack, then. I must have seemed insane, not talking to her for over a week and now I’m asking her to dinner.

“Well.. I have plans.” She said, regaining her composure.
“Cancel them.”
“I can’t..”
“Cancel them and let’s go to dinner, Annie.” I felt like I was commanding her, now. I pretty much was. She looked at me shiftily.
“Why?” She said, turning her back so the others in the room wouldn’t hear.
“Because I want to talk.”

I could tell by the look on her face that she was waging a war in her head.

“Fine."

Notes

A filler, for you my friends.
vote/sub/comment !