Things I Can, Things I Can’t

Harry was staring right at me, but not my face. Oh God. I’m standing in my underwear.

“You could knock, I might be in my underwear or something.” I laughed sheepishly and if I hadn’t have been so intoxicated, I would have been humiliated. Harry had a hand on his hip. The next thing I knew I had two of those very large hands either side of my waist, and Harry.. attached at the lips.

I automatically pushed him off and he stared at me darkly. Then, I pulled him back almost as quick as I had rejected him. I grabbed onto as much of his shirt as I could. We were kissing hungrily. He shrugged off his coat and bent down, hoisting me up and wrapping my legs around his waist. Any thought of Will was long, long gone.

Harry stumbled with me and dropped me onto the bed. He still hadn’t said a word to me, proving the myth that he literally could get a woman naked and underneath him with one powerful look. Wow, I was so drunk. I pleaded with the buttons on his shirt and finally, he was free of it. He had one thick arm either side of my head. He balanced on one as he traced his fingers down the middle of my breasts, to my belly button. I arched my back. I struggled to reach for the buttons of his jeans but his hands quickly pinned me back down. So it wasn’t just in life he liked to be domineering, it was in bed too. My heart was racing as he reached to my back and pulled off my bra.

“Fuck, Annie.”

He admired me, naked all for my knickers. He bent down and kissed my chest, taking a nipple in his mouth. His tongue swirled and so did my head. His kisses went lower and lower, until he reached the hemline of my underwear. He sat up on his knees and pulled my legs up, sliding the fabric off in one swift movement. There was a lurch in my stomach when I saw him reach for his belt buckle. He kicked off his jeans and boxers. At that moment, I realised that we were going to have sex.. I had no idea why, or how it came to this, but we were very soon going to be doing the most intimate thing you can do together. I sat up, my breath heavy. I pulled him down, needing to kiss him again. I felt his length press up against me and I needed it, right away.

He reached down, and his fingers just crept along my entrance. The heavy, satisfied breath he gave told me how turned on I must have been. I threw my arms over his shoulders when I felt him push his two fingers into me. I gasped, not expecting it.

“Harry,” I breathed. “Harry.."

I knew that that was it. He pulled me up higher onto the bed and threw my legs wider. Then, we were having sex. Everything was such a blur. I was having sex with my friend. I liked it. I more than liked it. I felt alright about it.

He sat up and continued to rock into me, placing a hand on my breast and giving a rough squeeze. I was full on panting by this point, and every time he pulled back it felt like I had to beg for minutes for him to give another stroke.

“Ah, fuck, Annie..” Harry’s eyes were squeezed shut and his teeth clenched. He looked unbelievably sexy, clawing onto my thighs, trying to get deeper.

He grabbed me around my ribs and pulled me straight back onto him. The feeling of him push into me so hard took the air out of my lungs. Our noses touched as I rode him as fast as I could, the smell of alcohol strong on our breath. He pushed my hair back with his forearm, grabbing onto it and pulling it lightly.

“Argh, baby, I’m not gonna.. last much longer,” His speech was laboured as he pushed me back and thrust straight back in again. He sucked on my neck, his hips coming at me with more and more force. I felt his back muscles tighten under my fingertips and he groaned heavily. I arched my back to give him as much of me as he needed. I moaned out loud as he finished with a series of hard strokes.

The reality hit me as soon as that sex ended. Nothing would ever be the same about this friendship.

He fell to the side of me, out of breath. I crawled over to him, placing my hand over the butterflytattoo on his front. The whole encounter had sobered me up very quickly. He looked at me and I knew he had even freaked himself out. We both just laid in silence, swallowing what had just happened as if we had watched two strangers do it.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, my head felt like it had been split in half. I was hanging, and badly. I turned onto my back to see it was 6:28. Two minutes before my alarm would go off.

Then I remembered. I had slept with Harry last night. He had let himself into my room, grabbed me and we had sex. A wave of.. what was it? It wasn’t regret.. but it wasn’t relief. I wasn’t happy, but I definitely wasn’t sad.

I think I had just felt like maybe I was just one of the conquests. Now we’d had sex, would we even talk? Maybe we’d go on a date.. did I want that either? My head swam with questions, interrupted by my alarm. I shut it off quickly and hauled myself up. I felt sore and a little bruised as I made my way to shower. Oh my God.. I would see him in an hour and would have to run my fingers through his hair.. and not in the same way I had been doing so last night.

I had no recollection of when he had left, though it didn’t surprise me. I doubt Harry had ever spent a night with a woman after sex. Great, I felt even more slutty.

I tried to reassure myself with all sorts of things while I waited for our entourage in the hotel lobby. It was the twenty first century, it was acceptable, we were friends, friends with benefits, it’s not that weird. The list was endless.

Then they arrived. My heart was swimming in my throat. He came by me and did not say a word. My mouth hung open in shock. He stood there, super nonchalant and listened to a member of the crew speak. Eleanor came over and rested her head on my shoulder, giving me a face that told me how she felt. Then, Harry just turned and left with the others to get in the car to their first event.

Did last night even happen? I was dreading this moment, but above everything this was my job.

“Harry,” I called, sounding squeaky and unsure. He looked up and skulked over to the seat.
“‘Ello."
“Er.. Hi."

He sat on his phone, and didn’t raise his eyes once. Oh for Gods sake.

“So, about last night,” He finally spoke, and it was clear and strong.
“Don’t worry I’ve already forgotten about it it was nothing.” I blurted. Harry’s head snapped up and his eyebrow cocked.

“Right. Yeah. Nothing."

Notes

Ohhhhhhhhhhh MY. rate/sub/comment please!!