Just a Dream

It’s the next day, and it has been almost a full day since my last illusion. I feel peaceful after I blink my eyes awake and find myself perfectly cocooned in the hotel bed I have become rather accustomed to. I rest my hands over my chest as I decide to lie in bed for a while longer. “We have a show today,” I happily think to myself.

I can sense that my body and eyes feel lethargic, a side effect of the pills I have to take to keep the dreams and illusions away. I know it’s worth it as I didn’t have a single dream last night, none that I can recall anyways. I let out a large sigh of relief not having to imagine anything horrible ever again. However, I didn’t really like the thought of actually missing out on being able to see her face in a nice dream.

I’ve taken the medication for almost twenty-four hours now, and I had hoped it would only keep the bad dreams away, and allow me to keep the beautiful ones. I know I can’t have it both ways, but if completely dark nights were how it was going to be from now on, I don’t think there is anything I wouldn’t give to be able to imagine her sweet voice ringing in my ears, or her soft skin tickling against mine one last time.

I sit in my lost trance for a few moments, but then shake my wild curls to bring myself back to the real world. I feel crazy obsessing over a fictional person I made up all in my head. I soon throw the warm covers from my bare torso, sending cool tingles up and down my body. I instantly stand from the bed and find some clothing to sort of bundle up in. We’d have to be leaving for Pasadena soon. The thought of having to get ready ignites a fire inside me and I finally feel fully awake this morning.

I open the door of my room and find Liam and Louis playing FIFA. Liam is first to take notice of my entrance into the shared space and his face grows with a big smile. “Mornin, Haz! How was… your night?” he asks with clenched teeth unsure if that was the right question to ask.

I walk towards them and shake my head reassuring Liam he was alright to ask that question. “It was fine. I literally can’t remember anything. Just sleep.”

“That’s great! It seems the medication is already working then, yeah?” Liam’s attention goes back to the large television and realizes that Louis just scored a goal on him while he was distracted. Liam’s face drops open in disappointed surprise. “LOUIS! HEY! No fair!” he shouts as he violently begins pressing buttons to get back at Louis.

Louis’s gleeful expression looks satisfied as he proudly states, “Can’t handle the heat stay out of the kitchen, my friend.”

I shake my head at their frenzied rivalry, catching Louis’s attention briefly. “Don’t forget to take your pill this morning then Harold,” he says parent-like, but not diverting his attention away from the game like Liam’s mistake.

“Yeah, yeah…,” I state tiredly.

I walk from away from them and all the action on the television towards the kitchen area of our hotel room. I grab a glass placed on the counter and fill it with water from the sink before grabbing the small bottle containing several of the little pills that keep the big horrible dreams away.

I twist of the top and pour one into my hand, studying it carefully. I bring it closer to my face and ponder how strange it is that this little thing is what stands in the way and blocks everything that has been haunting my life for god knows how long these days.

I pop the small capsule into my mouth and wash it down my throat with the glass of water I had poured for myself. I place the cap back on the bottle and consider myself officially ready for the day ahead.

My attention quickly floats over to Louis and Liam who just finished up their game. Louis had just thrown his controller to the ground in excitement and is jumping up in down in victory, as Liam remains on the couch shaking his head and states, “You only won because of that one goal. I had you!”

Louis wags a finger in his face, still celebrating, “No way! I don’t think so, Liam!”

Liam folds his arms over his chest in defeat as Louis begins to laugh joyfully. It is times like this I enjoy. It’s simple, but it feels normal and carefree.

However, I decide break the commotion with a question. “What time are we heading to the stadium today?”

Liam looks at the clock quickly for reference. “Erm….I think we could be getting picked up real soon. Better get ready!”

Louis eyes Liam and I quickly, “I call not waking Zayn and Niall up. It’s a difficult task I don’t feel up to today.” He sits on the couch next to Liam and folds his hands up behind his head. “Plus I just won, sooo…,” he trails off with a smug look upon his face.

Just as Liam rolls his eyes and stands to wake the other two up, Zayn pokes a sleepy face out of their dark bedroom. “No need to wake us, lads. You’re horrendous shouting did that earlier.”

Louis smiles to himself. “Alright then. Jobs done!”

I can’t help but laugh as Zayn and Niall tiredly mope into the room. Niall lets out a large yawn. “What’s for breakfast?”

“You missed it.” I say jokingly.

Niall’s face grows wide and uneasy. “No way!”

Liam shakes his head at me and states, “Harry’s kidding. We are eating down at the stadium today. They will have a sort of smorgasbord of food there.”

“Thank god,” Niall says as he slumps down on the couch, almost falling asleep again.

Zayn stands close to me. “How are you today, Harreh?”

I figured this was how my life was going to be since more people know about my situation and that I’m sort of on medication; everyone asking me if I am alright. I shrug my shoulders and jet my lips out keeping them pursed together. “Yeah. Everything appears to be alright. No dreams.”

“At all?” Zayn asks surprised.

I shake my head with a smirk on my face.

Zayn grabs my shoulder caringly for a split few seconds. “Good to hear you’re alright…” He turns to face the group a bit more, “...because tonight we are going to be SMASHING it in Pasadena.”

We all smile and add to the conversation with our excitement to be here performing in Cali again. I for one feel like it has been ages since we’ve done a show, and I am thankful to be here doing this. After rehearsals yesterday, I know I am ready.

After a few minutes we all retire back to our room to get our things together. I take a shower in the bathroom attached to Zayn and Liam’s bedroom, not wanting a reminder of the previous day’s events. Everything goes smoothly, as I don’t take much time to get ready because our team will be at the venue to get us concert ready for show time. I slip on my usual skinny jeans, a t-shirt, and sunglasses before we are informed that our car has arrived to take us.

Before I know it, we are down the elevator and heading out the hotel’s back door. I can hear chants from the loud crowds shouting from us from both sides of the alleyway. My heart beats happily in my chest, knowing our fans will always be here for us through thick and thin.

We all pile in the large van, and I end up in a window seat as we slowly begin taking off in one end of the narrow side street. My eyes are glued to window as additional guards begin moving the large metal barricades to allow us through to the main street. As many times as it happens, I could never get used to seeing our fans come out in their hundreds to just to get a glimpse of us.

We start to gradually push through the crowd as I begin smiling and looking out at a few fans that are pounding and gleefully smiling at us, even though they can’t see inside threw the tinted window.

It amazes me how much joy we can bring people by just knowing they are somewhat in our presence. My body feels warm realizing they do the same for me. I know I have something to be happy and grateful for when I see just one fan, let alone hundreds and thousands.

I am lost in my thoughts when the lads start pointing out particular people and signs.

“Just look at this one here!” Liam points to a girl outside his window with a sign that reads: You Make Me Strong – My Heroes. We all smile as Liam adds, “I’ve always wanted to be a hero.”

I decide to begin reading signs as well, and look out my own window as we are still trying to slowly push through everybody. There are so many great ones; it’s hard to decide a favorite. Some have our names, others have lyrics, and the rest are just extremely creative.

My eyes continue to scan the crowd, until they are caught by one in particular with my name written in bold letters. I squint my eyes as the sign holder is somewhat farther away in proximity than most others with signs.

My eyes soon adjust and I read:

HARRY STYLES
The World Is Watching You
Don’t Fuck Up

I instantly take my face from the window and look down to the floor of the car, hoping none of the lads noticed it. I don’t want to let anyone down, especially my fans. My thoughts begin to race while heart feels like it could beat out my chest. I know I have to prove myself tonight.

Niall, who is sitting next to me, realizes my sudden change in emotion. He looks at me carefully and asks, “Is everything alright?”

I head shoots up to meet his eyes. “Uh-yeah. I dunno. It was just…one of the signs. It’s nothing really.”

Niall, along with all the others’, immediately look out the window in search of the sign. Niall spots it and looks at me once again. “Don’t worry about them, Harry. We all know what you’ve been dealing with lately. You’ll show em.” He finishes his words of encouragement with a typical Niall smile, which is impossible to keep a frown in the presence of.

I nod my head a bit unsure as my weak smile quickly fades away. “Yeah. I hope so.”

I feel a hand rest on my shoulder, and glance behind me to see Zayn. “Don’t worry mate. We got your back!”

“I know.” I state happily.

We soon are traveling on an actual road, leaving all the screaming and excited girls from the hotel alleyway behind. The boys begin chatting, but somewhat zone everything out and begin looking out the window again as we pass through the city towards the arena. I love the city. There is always something to do, and interesting people around. Some days I just wish we had more free time when we go places so we could go out and sort of…explore. I don’t really like that I’ve been all over the world, but have only seen the inside of arenas and everything else in passing.

I am watching random people go about their everyday lives, walking the sidewalks when we come to a stoplight. I do a quick scan of our surroundings when out of the corner of my eye I catch a head of familiar wavy, brunette tresses blowing in the wind. I force myself to do a double check, because I think my brain is once again playing tricks on me. When I see that my eyes did not deceive me, I slam my hands and face as close against the window as I possibly can. My heart freezes as I do not believe what I am actually seeing. I see her gorgeous calm face and my breath gets caught up in my throat, but I still am able to shout uncontrollably, “THERE SHE IS!” I shout. “She’s real! She’s real!”

The others I’m sure are giving me strange looks, but I don’t notice or really care. All I can think about is the fact that she is a real living and breathing person. I’ve memorized every part of her, and I would know that face anywhere. That’s the exact face that has been haunting me for the longest time now.

I want to jump out of the car and run after her, but just as the thought comes to mind, the van surges forward, pulling me back against my seat. “No! Please! Can we go back?” I shout as I watch her climb aboard a city bus.

Our driver makes short eye contact with me through the rear view window as I wildly turn forward. He continues to drive as he nervously states, “I-I’m sorry, sir. I cannot turn around. We have a –uh strict schedule.”

My shoulders slump in defeat, and I rub my eyes feverishly not believing what is happening. The girl of my dreams is real and out there. I just saw her, and I probably won’t ever find her again in this city of millions. I contemplate jumping out of the moving vehicle, but quickly forget the idea knowing that would truly stamp me as an insane person.

Louis from the back of the van carefully speaks up over everyone, “Harry… umm… are you alright? Was it another vision?”

“No! She was real! I know it.” I say in a rough tone as my heart bones get the chills and my heart pounds harshly against my chest.

“Are you sure, though? I mean don’t all the illusions feel real to you?” Zayn asks worriedly.

“Yes… but this is different. I can’t really explain it. I just… need to find her again.” I state still thinking about seeing her beautiful face with my actual eyes.

“Harry… I just don’t think you should get your hopes up if you did actually see her. This is a city of literally millions of people,” Niall states.

“Plus we’ve got an important show to worry about tonight, and then for the next few nights after.” Liam informs importantly.

I roll my eyes annoyed, “I know. I’m focused and I’m ready for the shows, but I am in awe that I found her. Why aren’t you more excited for me? I’m going to find her… I’ve never been more certain about anything in my entire life.”

Zayn’s voice is serious, “It’s not that we aren’t excited for you Harreh. It just seems odd that you just happen to see her in passing in the middle of LA is all. It doesn’t seem very… realistic.”

“And doesn’t it…worry you that she may in fact be real if you truly think you just saw her? I mean this is the girl you’ve dreamed horrifically… well…ugh… dies every night as well…” Louis says scratching the back of his head.

My eyes grow wide definitely not wanting to think about that as Liam pushes Louis in his shoulder for reminding me. “I know you’re worried about me… but trust me. This feels right. I’m going to find her. I don’t know how… but I am.”

They all purse their lips and remain silent, obviously not wanting to push me further on the matter. I lean my head back against my seat and close my eyes in attempt to calm myself down a bit. I imagine her that real person walking down the street just as casually as she was, maybe knowing I exist, but having no idea of the amount I already care for her.

Notes