I smile to myself, still lying in bed, feeling in the depths of my bones that this was going to be a good day. It’s not hard to say that was the best dream of my entire life. I unbury my hands from my warm covers to look at them. I look back and forth to each one. They are not horrifically colored in red, no, but instead tingle with the feeling of her body wrapped in them. I want and wish it this way every morning.

I shake my head happily as I throw the covers from my body and practically hop out of bed. I find the pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt I folded in my bag the previous morning before heading for the door to the main living area. Before even turning the knob I hear several voices coming from the other side, which is odd as I am hardly ever the last one up these days.

I open the door to see all four of the others greeting me with serious faces, as they are never quite sure how to treat me in the mornings. I smile widely at them still feeling on top of the world after getting a great night of sleep.

“Morning!” I practically shout.

They all exchange odd faces that turn into smirks before looking back to me as I walk towards them sitting at the table. Liam speaks first with a hopeful face, “Good night, I presume?”

I sit down at the empty chair between Louis and Niall. “Best night’s sleep since I can remember!”

Zayn holds my gaze carefully, “Really?”

I begin pouring some juice from one of the containers on the table into a little cup. “For sure!”

“No dreams?” Niall asks.

I tilt my head to the side trying to figure out how I want to word my response. “Well, no. I had dreams, but they were the most fantastic and unbelievable dreams I’ve ever had.”

“Don’t they always start that way though?” Louis asks loudly taking a bit from one of his biscuits.

“They do, but I made it through the entire night before they could take a turn for the worst like usual.” I start dishing food onto my own plate.

“That’s great!” Liam exclaims, clearly happy to hear it after what happened yesterday.

I take a bite of my food as Zayn asks, “Well, aren’t you afraid they’ll like… come back?”

I stare blankly as that hadn’t really crossed my mind. “I dunno.” I say trying to cover my mouth. “I hope not.”

They all look carefully at each other. Zayn puts his fork down and rubs the back of his neck before saying, “We’re all glad you had one good night. Maybe things are looking up…. But we already called for someone to come and take a look at you today. Here.”

“Oh.” I stated.

“They’ll probably arrive soon too.” Niall added.

“Okay.” I said I continued to eat from my plate. I don’t know why I feel upset that I still have to see a doctor about this. It was just one night of nice sleep after all. It doesn’t guarantee I am over it forever. I’d be nice to get a professional opinion just to make sure everything is alright with me.

We finish eating and chat about rehearsals later. We realize that we are all anxious and ready to do another performance since it’s been quite a few days since the last one. We’ve just been doing a lot of promotional interviews and conferences since being in LA, and haven’t had much time to see a lot of the fans. There’s just a special sort of relationship between us and them, and we’ve gotten used to constantly being around them, so it’s been odd week to say the least. I know their worried about me, and that breaks my heart. I realize that I do really need to see this doctor, if not for me, then for them.

Not two minutes after the table is cleared and the garbage is all bagged up, there is a knock on our front door. We all look to each other to see who’s going to answer it, and Liam begins walking towards it. I quickly wave him off as I know it’s most likely the house call doctor for me.

I suddenly fear that there really is something wrong with me as I step towards the door. The others all stand feet away from me as I take a large sigh and shrug my shoulders quickly to calm myself down as I reach for the handle of the door.



One hour later…

I stand in the shower facing the faucet, with my eyes tightly closed and my arms outstretched in front of me leaning against the wall. I bend my head down allowing the water to strike continuously against my shaggy hair, run along my body, and fall down into the drain.

I can’t really believe it, but after meeting with the doctor I have actually been diagnosed with something called nightmare disorder. When the lads wanted me to meet with someone, I didn’t think there’d be something actually wrong with me. I guess this is something that happens to a lot of people all around the world without explanation, one of them being me.

I shake water droplets from my hair as I lift my head looking into the shower head. I bring my hands to my face and rub against my eyelids lightly. I have to take pills now that the doctor prescribed for me. They gave me actual fucking pills that are supposed to help me with my night terrors or whatever they are actually called. I just feel ridiculous because some people in this world are suffering from serious life threatening diseases and I have medication to keep me from…dreaming. I know how awful the dreams are and how they have negatively affected me in my daily life…but I just feel…pathetic.

Even after trying to reason with the doctor that I had a good night’s sleep last night, thinking maybe it’s all over, he insisted I take the medication for a while to see how it helps. I don’t want to take them. I don’t want to be different from everybody else.

I take my hands away from my face and reach for my shampoo. I squirt a quarter size drop onto my hand and put the bottle back on the shelf before scrubbing my hair roughly between my fingers. I push all the thoughts about the doctor visit out of my head, leaving my mind open to think about how perfect last night’s dream was. I am able to close my eyes happily now, and without images of terror and blood.

I quickly finish up my shower, scrubbing my body last. When I am completely finished, I turn the faucet down to stop the water and grab a rather fluffy hotel towel from the bathroom hook just outside the shower. I rub the towel first through my hair before wrapping it around my waist and exiting the shower in a slight better mood than when I first entered it.

Once my body is completely dried off, I slip on a pair of briefs and proceed to brush my teeth thoroughly. I am on my own today with my hair. It’s just a rehearsal day, so Lou has the day off. The bathroom is still warm from the shower and the mirror is covered in condensation. I grab a hand towel folded on the counter and wipe away some of the steam encasing the entire mirror.

My eyes immediately grow wide, my heart does a flip inside my chest, and I drop the towel from my hand when I come face to face in the mirror…with her. Her eyes are large and a beautiful little smirk spreads across her face. Right before I turn around she runs into the shower, behind the opaque colored shower door. My bare feet function for me as I am not able to think clearly. I take a few quick steps to the shower, and almost slip on the damp floor in the process.

I hold onto the door as I peek around the corner. There is nothing. She’s not there. She’s not real. I have to keep telling myself this inside my head. I shrug my shoulders and am about ready to turn back towards the vanity when a drop of thick blood slowly rushing down the shower floor and into the drain catches my eye.

I am barely able to conjure a breath from my throat, but somehow I am able to yell from the top of my lungs as I step back and push my arms out in front of me in attempt to shield my eyes. I’m not paying attention to what I’m doing and my footing is lost on the smooth marble bathroom floor because of all the water. My feet end up over my head and I land hard on my bum with my back tightly pressed against the vanity cabinet, which forcing the bottles and other miscellaneous things on the counter to tumble over and hit me on the head.

My body barely flinches, however, as my hands my hands cover my eyes so I can rub them roughly, rub away the image. I take away my hands and place them on the floor at my sides for support as my body uncontrollably convulses. I realize my hopes of thinking I was over this shatters. I hear fast pace movements from outside the bathroom door and within seconds there is an aggressive knock at the door.

The voice of Liam’s panicked voice sounds in my head as tears begin to wet my face. The door knob twists slightly back and forth as he shouts, “Harry? Harry! Are you alright in there? Open the door, Harry! Please?”

The words don’t process at first and I can’t bring myself to get off the floor. It’s as if my brain isn’t connected to the rest of my body. I don’t have control of anything. I can hear them trying to pick the lock and shuffling about each of my friends trying to get to me, but they feel so distant.

The door, not so soon enough, swings open. I don’t bring myself to look. I can’t take my bloodshot eyes away from the spot in the shower where I swear she had been; the place where her blood had been pouring down the drain.

I suddenly feel how much my body has been shaking as a warm towel is placed around my bare torso and two sets of arms stand on each side of me holding onto my arms, attempting to help me up. It’s not until I am standing up I realize it was Liam and Louis while Zayn and Niall stand close by for backup.

They are able to walk me out of the room and get me into my bed and cover me up in attempt to get me to quit shivering. I notice Zayn leave the room and Niall clean the water all over the floor in the bathroom while I am still unable to say anything. Liam and Louis sit on the edge of my bed and begin to patiently question me.

“Harry, what happened?” Louis asks in a hushed tone.

I can’t respond.

“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Liam asked in a calming voice.

Still have no breath to speak, but fortunately my body is warmed by the covers encasing my body and I am able to relax a little more. Louis is about to ask me another question when Zayn enters the room again. He is holding a glass of water, and something else I can’t see in his other hand.

He speaks, but mostly to everyone else in the room. “I think he should take this now?”

Niall walks in from the bathroom. “It’s probably a good idea.”

Everyone agrees with Zayn, so Niall and Liam help prop me up on my pillow so I am sitting up. Zayn stands in front of me and reaches the water out to me in one hand and I notice a pill in the other. I realize what they were talking about. It must be the pill the doctor prescribed. I untuck my arms from the blankets and reach my weak feeling arms to take them from him. Before I wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with the medication, but now I know there is no use fighting it. If it’s going to help me get to normal again, I had to do it.

I place the small white pill in my mouth and swallow it with a gulp of water that I shakily hold with my other hand. When I am done, Niall takes the glass from my hand.

I am finally able to say something, but all that comes to mind is, “Thank you.”

Liam sits closet to me on the edge of the bed. “We’re always here for you, Hazz.”

“What happened?” Zayn asks with a concerned face.

I take a deep breath, finally being able to. “I dunno really.” I say in a raspier voice than usual. “I thought everything was fine… I just a little upset about having to be prescribed something because I thought I may have been over it…but then I saw her in the mirror.”

“Oh bloody hell!” Louis says in a loud voice. “No wonder!”

I let out a short huff of laughter before continuing. “Yeah…but then I turned around and I thought she ran into the shower, but then there was just blood…rushing down the drain.” I look at any of them. I just stare blankly at the wall ahead of me.

Niall a tad shyly says, “Sheesh… Hazz. I can’t imagine what that must be like. I just don’t understand why the hallucinations are always so horrific.”

I turn my head to meet his gaze. “Yeah. That makes two of us. I dunno. That’s usually how the dreams are, but I think I was more in shock than usual…because I thought I was getting over it.”

“Well hopefully the medication will help with all that now.”

Everyone sort of nods their heads in unison before Liam stands from the edge of the bed. “Well. Why don’t we let you get some rest before rehearsals? Maybe the medications will kick in?”

I don’t really want to be alone, but I nod my head in approval anyways. I don’t really want sleep now that I know it’s not really over and behind me. One by one they leave the room with a sad and concerned look about their faces.

Niall is the last to leave and shuts the light off, leaving me alone in the dark room with only a thin line of silver light streaming in from the window. I nestle down further into my bed suddenly feeling exhausted. Even though I am afraid, I allow my heavy eyes to close as my mind drifted off and away from my body.

I am in the middle of a large and lavishly decorated ballroom. There are happy people dancing in harmony all around me, almost like something out of a movie. I look down at my own body and realize I am dressed in a black suit along with the rest of the men in the room. I wonder why I am by myself in the middle of all this. I don’t recognize a single face of anyone in the crowd.

I am lost in my thoughts when I feel a light tap on my shoulder. I twist around and am met with the most beautiful set of blue eyes I think I will ever set my eyes on.

“Hello there!” she speaks in a cheerful tone.

“Hullo gorgeous.” I respond with a smile across my face. I absentmindedly grab her hand and pull her close as I slid my other hand slides the small of her back. I begin swaying us in harmony along with the music and the others around us.

I twirl her around, making her giggle, and I able to capture the full beauty of her dress. It is black and white with many dashes of jewels strewed about. It stretches over just one of her shoulders while her long brunette hair is curled and placed perfectly over her other shoulder. Her dress makes her blend in with the rest of but she simply and easily is the most breathtaking of all everyone else. I pull her back, even closer to me, as the music slows down further. I bring my face over her shoulder, close to her ear, allowing the wispy pieces of her hair to tickle against my cheek.

I make sure my voice is low so only she can here. “Why is it that every time I see you, you take my breath away?”

I pull away from her face, but still hold her body closely against mine. I like the feeling of her in my embrace. Her beautiful smile is shining and her cheeks turn a few shades of red. She does a scan of the room, taking in the beauty of it all. Her gaze meets mine, and I can see water building up in the corner of her eye. I instinctually take my hand from her back and wipe the tear away from her face, forcing her eyes to close. She looks absolutely serene. When I place my hand its original position, she keeps her eyes closed lightly. I bring my face so very close her hers, and tickle her face with many soft kisses. Her laugh fills my body with joy as I kiss her one last time against her sweet lips.

Her eyes open immediately after I pull my lips from hers. I continue to twirl us around as she brings her face to my ear this time. “I can’t believe you did all of this. All of these people here for this? This… this is amazing.”

I meet her eyes again. “Of course, darling. I’d do anything for you. I love you”

Her eyes shimmer and her face glows with all the colors of happiness. “I love you too.”

Our smooth dancing continues, but I can feel it slipping away. I’m with her and I am so incredibly happy, but I can feel my body lifting away from hers.

I soon hear my name being called by a familiar voice somewhere in the distance. I see her gorgeous and perfect smile one last time.

My eyes soon flutter open to see Louis and Niall standing over me. “Harry?” Niall says again.

“What’s going on?” I ask a bit disoriented.

Louis states, “We need to be leaving in just a few minutes for rehearsal, mate. How are you feeling, better?”

I sit up and rub at my eyes for a few seconds before answering. I look to Louis and Niall matter-of-factly, “You know what. I think I do!”

Niall and Louis look at each other with surprised faces. “Really? Niall asks with a typical smile on his face.

“Yeah. I had another incredible dream. Maybe the pills are working already?”

Louis shrugs his shoulders and answers, “Maybe!”

Liam pokes his head in around the corner of the door frame. “How’re we doing in here?”

Louis cracks a smile. “Better!”

Liam smiles at me and then looks to everyone with a bit more serious face. “Good! Alright then. Let’s get going! I am so stoked to just back on a stage.”

We all celebrate with excitement as Louis and Niall exit the room allowing me to finish getting ready, which I wasn’t able to do this morning. I climb out of bed and scramble to find a pair of jeans. When I locate them, I pull them over my briefs. I slip on a plaid shirt, button it up half way, and roll up the sleeves. My boots are right next to my suitcase, so I quickly slip those on as well. I don’t really want to go back into the bathroom just yet, so I check myself in the mirror in my room. My hair looks like a ruddy mess. Not having loads of time, I dig through my bag once again and find a head scarf that I tie around my hair. Once I decide I look presentable I exit my room to find all four of the others waiting by the door with Paul.

“Ready?” Paul asks concerned. He was obviously informed on everything going on. I feel relief that I wouldn’t have to explain in to everyone.

“Yeah. Let’s do this!” I state confidently.

---

When we arrive at the stadium, an empowering feeling runs through me. I finally feel fully awake for the first time in days. I have this huge urge to get on that stage and just give it my all. I walk out on the stage with the lads and just take in all the empty seats filling up the audience. Seeing the venues all setup for us always gives me this incredible feeling, but this time was different. It was even better.

We meet with the sound crew, who give us microphones, and our backup musicians are already ready to begin. We all discuss briefly which song we should start practice with and I confidently speak up, “Can we start with ‘Something Great?’”

They all look to each other with confusion. Zayn tilts his head to the side a bit. “If you’re sure, mate.”

I nod my head. “Yeah. I want to do this.”

A few seconds later the music begins and Liam starts to sing. I look out to the empty chairs and close my eyes. I reopen my eyes when it’s my turn to sing. My voice explodes with energy into the microphone as I picture a sea of people screaming for us, all holding adoring signs.

Practice is usually a time where we goof off, and only half way take it seriously. Not today though, today I’m treating it like an actual performance. As I pour my heart into the song, I am giving it my everything. The others all quickly take notice and do the same. We all stand at the edge of the stage, with power and strength behind our voices. It’s probably the best we’ve ever performed the song.

When Louis finishes the last note of the song, we all look at each other with large smiles. A few Staples Center workers still getting things set up in the audience freeze and begin to clap for us.

Liam practically shouts with excitement, “Alright… now I’m even more excited for tomorrow’s show.”

We all laugh and enjoy the rest of our rehearsal. I realize that being on stage is where I truly feel at home. I imagine a massive number of fans, and I suddenly feel calm. This is what I needed, reassurance that there was something still normal in my life… well considerably normal relative to my life.

When we finish rehearsals, the others all immediately take off for backstage. I linger for a few minutes by myself after handing in my microphone. I sit on the edge of the stage. I just sit and take it all in. I scan all of the seats, half of me expecting to have some sort of illusion. Maybe I’d see her sitting in one of the chairs staring back at me with a smile. Then I would feel joy for a moment. Only a moment. Nothing happens, however. I sit there with my legs dangling for a while with my hands folded properly over my lap for just a few minutes.

When I decide I have sat there for long enough, I get up and exit the stage to find the others. I am surprised by how much better I feel after rehearsals. I also just hope the medication works, and I never have to see that beautiful face blood stained ever again.

Notes

Thank you so much for being patient everyone! I am finally on break! Yay! I hope you all like this update, and thank you for giving this story so much attention so early! It really means a lot.

Tell me what your thoughts are on this chapter, because I love to read your comments! :)
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