Just a Dream

I sprawl out onto my mattress leaning with my back against the head board, and with my arms folded around my legs. My eyes feel red and puffy as I rub over them for what feels like the thousandth time. I have only just been able to quit sobbing uncontrollably, because I haven’t gotten the image of thick blood dripping from my hands out of my head, or the images of her.
I try to think of anything else and I am thankful that it was Liam there knocking at the bathroom door back at the studio, followed by the rest of the guys. They had managed to pick the lock, and in due time, to be able to literally pick me up off that bathroom floor and bring me back here to the hotel. I have no clue what I would do without them. They really are my best mates. When we got back here, I was in an even more terribly off mind than I am sitting here now. The images were more fierce and real at that time.

I was carried in by our security guard, Paul. I could tell, even in my crazed state, he was worried about me. He of course knew nothing about what was going on in my head. The lads are the only ones who have at least a little insight about it. After they walked me into here, I am sure they informed Paul and the others of what is going on with me to the best of their knowledge. I hoped they did anyways. I didn’t want people to worry about me more than they should. At least I don’t think they need to be too worried.
I tip back my head, resting it against the wall behind my bed. Not only am I feeling emotionally drained from being scared as hell and grieving a loss I never lost, but now I realize what a fool I made of myself on the set of a talk show. I have no idea how they ended the interview. I can only thank God that it wasn’t a live feed. However, I knew the hand full of fans in the audience took to the media already, and my little outtake was all over the web. I shook my head still pressing it into the wall, thinking about my complete stupidity. I know I can’t help the images, but I just don’t want people to be saying bad things about me when they don’t really understand, or know what is going on in my head.
With knowing it’s a terrible idea, I grab my phone from off the bedside table and open my web browser. I absentmindedly type Harry Styles on Kami Ray. Naturally I am not surprised that there are tons of hits. I randomly tap a link with my thumb and begin to read an article from some website.

What’s Wrong with Harry Styles?
One Direction reportedly performed and appeared on the Kami Ray show earlier today. The group performed, “Something Great,” from their latest and popular album Midnight Memories. During the performance Styles, “didn’t look like himself,” according to one viewer watching from the audience. In the next portion of their time on Ray’s show, Styles was reported having a massive outburst and then fled from the stage. There is no word as to what caused this, but there is much speculation. The remaining members of the world’s biggest boy band were left to wrap their interview short as they immediately were exited from the location and taken back to their hotel.

There is no comment from Styles’s rep. Also no word on how this may affect their tour which resumes in just a few days with four booked nights at the Rosebowl Stadium in Pasadena.
What do you think of Harry’s strange behavior? Let us know in the comments below!


The article is accompanied with a few fan pictures of me right before and while I ran off stage. I examined the pictures and noticed I had some crazed look in my eyes while I looked down at my seemingly bare hands. My heart sinks further, but for some reason I decide to scroll further into the comments.

@Kevin!: I hope this isn’t true!

@DirectionInfection: Harry baby! Noooooooooooo

@MonicaG: If whatever the fuck is wrong with him screws up my tour date, I’ll be pissed.

@LouSass: Harry needs to get his shit together and be happy! He has everything and has no reason to act like this.

@GreenGurl: It was disrespectful for him to run off like that without an explanation!

@HipstaPlease: Boy is going craaaazy!

@RankinUS: He is obviously hiding something, or he is going insane!

The list of comments goes on and on. There must be hundreds upon thousands of them. I knew there was truth behind some of them, but I still feel angered. I wish I knew how to turn the thoughts and images off. I want to be normal and happy for them again. I just don’t know how. I throw my phone angrily towards the other end of the bed, but it ends up falling to the floor. I roll my eyes in annoyance and stand up from the bed.

I leave my phone on the ground and head over to the window to open the curtains slightly. The sun is slowly setting over the city scape. Although I can’t see them, I know there are fans in the not-so-far distance. Even through the closed window I can hear the faint chants of one of our songs. I don’t know how I can be surrounded by so many people who love me, yet feel more alone than ever before.

I am basically lost in thought, searching the world outside my window with furrowed eyebrows when there is a light knock upon my door.

I turn from the window to face it. “Come in.” I say in a hushed and calm tone.

The knob turns and the door opens a crack. I see the familiar face of Niall poking in only his nose. “Are you doing alright, Harry?”

I shrug my shoulders. “Better.”

Niall pushes the door open all the way to reveal all four of them standing there. I give a weak smile as I notice they are all holding some sort of food item in each of their hands. A big grin spreads across Niall’s face. “We thought you might be hungry and in need of some company!”

“Yeah, sure!” I say, glad they are being so thoughtful, and also knowing they would probably force feed me if I refused anyways. They all stumble into the room, each growing with a smile as they set down their plates on the long dresser in my room. I walk over and see there is quite an abundance of choices. “Is this all for me?” I laugh quietly.

“Are you insane, mate?” Zayn states jokingly. “This is a lot of food.”

“It’s not really that much.” Niall insists.

We all shake our heads at Niall’s comment and begin dishing ourselves from the food we have been provided with. I don’t feel terribly hungry, but I still load up my plate with chicken and dumplings along with a large pile of mashed potatoes and gravy. Even though there is a table and chairs outside in the main living area, we all sprawl out in my room. I sit on the edge of the bed next to Niall, Louis takes the only chair in the corner, while Zayn and Liam sit on the floor closest to the window. The food doesn’t taste quite as well as it does back home, but I’ll admit it’s still pretty damn good…especially since I haven’t had a thing since earlier this morning.

When we are about half way through eating, Louis is first to speak in between bites. “Harry… we were just sort of wondering if you wanted to kinda talk about what happened today?”

I finish chewing while I study each one of them with a firm look. I can tell they are even more concerned than earlier today even. I swallow the food to the back of my throat and nod my head slightly. I place my fork down on my plate and hold it steady in my lap as I begin to talk. “Well you all know about the dreams I’ve been having…” I trail off to get that confirmation from them. When they are all nodding their heads slowly at me I continue, “…today…I’m not sure if you know, but Something Great is a song I wrote about the dreams…”

Liam sets his empty plate to the side and leans back on the floor against his arms. “I kind of figured that, but I wasn’t totally sure.”

“Yeah… so when we were starting the song, I already sort of figured it was a bad idea. I was pretty okay before then, but singing it brought the images back to my head…”

Niall cuts me off before I could continue. “Harry!” He pushes my side with his free hand and a full mouth. “Why didn’t you tell us not to sing that song?”

“We already chose it, and I just thought it would help me get over the whole thing by getting it out of my chest and out into the open.”

“Nice thinking!” Zayn adds in sarcastically in an attempt to lighten the mood.

I look at the ground trying to figure out how to continue. “Yeah… so when we got to the couches and you guys started handling the interview I was almost fine again… but then she asked the relationship question. Usually they just ask, get a few screams from the audience, and then move on…but this was different. She just… kept pushing for me answer. All I could think about was her.”

Liam calmly and as nicely as possible asks, “You know she’s not real, though? Right, Haz?”

I look to the floor again. Yes I know it’s all in my head, but I have never told them that a piece of me thinks there’s a chance she’s real. I shrug my shoulders and reply, “Yeah. I know. It doesn’t make the images feel any less real though.”

“I’m sorry…” Liam trails off.

“No… It’s fine… but anyways… the images were getting intense and then I looked down… and I saw blood… just gobs of blood dripping all over from my hands.” Their faces all grew large not expecting that. “I panicked and I just had to get away from there. So I found the bathroom and realized I was hallucinating. Thank God you guys came and found me.”

“ ‘Couse.” Louis stated with a kind smile playing at his mouth.

“Do you think seeing a doctor would help? Maybe… medication? I don’t know…” Zayn adds on.

I pushed my lip to the side not really wanting to make the situation any more serious, but it may be getting to that point. “Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.”

“We can get someone here for tomorrow before rehearsals.”

My eyes shoot to meet his, because of the words rehearsal. I was going to have to play it normal in just a few days for a crowd of thousands. “I reckon it would be good to see someone before then…”

Niall tapped lightly against my knee, “Yeah, bro. We’ll get ya covered and happy again if it’s the last thing we do.”

“Thanks.” I state as we all laugh lightly.

After we clean up our supper, for the next few hours we change the subject and just chat about funny memories we’ve had thus far on our tour, and how excited we are for the next few tour dates here in California. We are adding a few more special effects to the show, making the stage a little larger, and getting bigger screens for people to see, so it seems as these would be the most entertaining dates of the whole tour.

Also while sitting in my room, we sing song covers of whatever comes to mind while Niall plays his guitar he grabbed from his room. It’s so nice to just sit back with my friends and not have to worry about the weight of the world. We have a great laugh at our own randomness and awful night time voice pitches. Sometimes it’s nice being able to not worry about being judged about the tiniest mistake. When we do stuff like this together, we sing however we want with no expectations.

When it gets to be quite late and we are all beginning to fall tired with heavy eyes, Zayn is the first to stand up. “Well, we should get some sleep. Big day tomorrow boys! We are gonna be smashing it again in just a few days!”

We all laugh as everyone else begins to stand up. Louis is first to the door. “Night mates. I have to call El quick yet.” He grins at us all happily before walking out the door to have a nice conversation with his lovely girlfriend.

Liam follows close behind Lou, “I reckon I better do the same.”

Niall has a big grin on his face as looks to Zayn, who still hasn’t left my room. “You have to call, Perrie too?”

A smile spreads across his face at the mention of her name. “Nah. My missus is probably sleeping. It’s the middle of the night where she’s at.” He walks out the door and says, “Night!”

Niall looks at me with a more serious face. “You gonna be alright, Harry?”

I nod my head. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Niall lets a quiet laugh escape before grabbing his guitar and exiting the room like all the others.

I let out a heavy sigh and get up from the edge of the bed to close the door. After flipping off the lights, I then slump over to the curtains and pull them tightly closed. I turn towards the bed and pull the duvet down so I am able to get in. I quickly strip myself of my shirt and pants, folding them up, and placing them in my bags before climbing into the large and empty bed. It’s moments like this I wish I had someone. I hate sleeping by myself. I’m always by myself at night.

I lay flat on my back staring up into the darkened ceiling. I feel apprehensive about closing my eyes. I don’t want another night of being built up and being torn apart at the end. I feel like I can’t handle the strange heart break anymore when I wake in the mornings. I hold my eyes wide open hoping I can keep them for closing, at least for a while.

However, the clock continues to tick on the bedside table to my right. The minutes pass rather slowly. The room is silent. I can feel my eyes getting heavy again. I can’t fight it anymore, and I soon drift off into sleep.

I find myself running at full speed, completely unaware of my surroundings. I have no idea why am doing this. My heart is pounding hard inside my chest, yet a feeling of joy floods throughout the rest of my body. I then catch a glimpse of her face out in front of me through the darkness. I realize what my purpose for running is now. My eyes lock on her figure as her beautiful wavy brunette hair floats behind her while she runs out ahead of me. The sound of her laughter fills the space all around us. I love the sound of her laugh ringing pleasantly in my ears. It brings even more bliss inside of me.

I soon can feel myself catching up to her and she is directly in front of me, but I don’t stop running. I end up tackling her to the ground in a playful manner. My body lands roughly to the side of hers as my arms surround her in warmth. We both take a few moments to catch our breaths as I take in our surroundings. I notice we are in an empty open field of sorts, but it’s nowhere I recognize. However, it doesn’t matter because I am with her. It’s all I really care about.

We both continue to giggle happily as she turns herself lying flat to the ground in my embrace. She turns her chin towards me and she reveals her gorgeous and perfect smile. I notice her wavy hair is sprawled out perfectly on the ground around her face. She looks like an angel. I feel myself wanting to hold onto this image forever.

I am balanced on my side leaning in towards her body and in the moment I decide to bring my face closer to hers. I pause myself for a few seconds while our lips are so dangerously close that I can feel her breath brush against my skin. She lets out a giggle and I take it as a hint. I lean in the rest of the way to kiss her tender and soft lips lightly. I know it wasn’t our first kiss, but now is when I realize it doesn’t take much for my body burn with a blazing passion for her.

I wrap my arms tighter around her as I part my lips from hers, but I keep my face close to hers so our noses are practically touching. I don’t say anything and just look deep into sparkling blue eyes. They are deep… full of stories to be told and wisdom to share. I quickly notice she is looking deep into my eyes as well. I find myself wondering what she sees in my eyes.

I break our eye contact and bring my lips close her ear. I ask her in a whisper, “What are you thinking about?”

I bring my face back to hers so we are once again only a half inch apart. She bats her eyelashes flirtingly a few times before softly replying in a whisper as well, “I love you, Harry.”

That unspoiled world washes away as I blink my eyes awake a few times. I lay frozen resting on my stomach thinking about her perfect lips saying my name and those sweet words. My arms are stretched tightly around one of my pillow and I realize it was just another dream. A perfect dream. I glance around the room with squinted eyes and notice that there is light streaming in around the edges of the curtains from the window. My eyes instantly shoot to the clock. It reads, “8:47AM.” My eyes widen further to double check, but I made no mistake. I really had woken up at a regular time in the morning. I made it through the night without my dream ending in terror. I feel surprise, relief, yet also… confusion.

Notes

Updated! I promise I'll get better about updating in less than two weeks when I am on winter break! :)

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Thanks so much for reading! :)

Also, I am toying with idea of changing the title of this story to Something Great ...I don't know though... We'll see... haha ;)