Claire's POV

As I sit alone at the funeral home beside my mothers lifeless body, I can't help but tear up. I came early so I could lose myself in private and be 'strong' later when everybody else shows up to say their goodbyes and offer their condolences. I need to get my goodbye out now by myself because after today, every part of her really is gone forever.

"Hey mom." I chuckle, resting my hand on top of hers inside the casket. "I know you can't hear me but I really wish you were still alive." I release a shaky breath. This is harder than I imagined it would be. "I know your life wasn't easy and that things were hard but I really wanted you to stick around for me." I sniffle, now sobbing.



"It was a lot easier to be silly and make people smile when you were alive and I don't know how I'm gonna do it anymore... I just hope you're ok now." I lean over and kiss her stiff and cold forehead. "Bye mommy, I really loved you." I whisper, pulling away and sliding down towards the floor. I pulled my hair out of the bun I tried so nicely to put it in this morning and let it fall down the sides of my face. It's so much easier to cry and break down when you're alone. "I'll miss you so much." I choke out, as if she could hear me.

After around 15 minutes, I could hear the front doors of the funeral home opening and closing and familiar voices coming from the hall. It's time. My body finds it way back up and into a standing position and I wipe under my eyes really well to make sure no one can tell I have been crying. I make my way over towards the room filling up with family members and close friends, all with sympathetic and devastated faces.

"Claire, come here." Alex calls me over to him, and I oblige. He's standing with Mark, my father and a tall, busty blonde woman dressed in a solid black dress.

"Claire, this is my girlfriend Andrea. Andrea, this is my daughter Claire." My father introduces his slut of the month to me, and I feel enraged. He just had to make moms death about him, didn't he? Fucking selfish bastard.

"Hello dear, it's so lovely to meet you! I'm incredibly sorry about the loss of your mother." She gives me a pity side hug and I can't help but roll my eyes.

"The pleasure is all my fathers." I smirk and his demeanor immediately changes. "I mean really dad, you brought your new girlfriend to moms funeral? Have a little self respect next time." I scoff angrily and walk away, followed by Mark and Alex. I assume they aren't too fond of her either.

The three of us stand at the door to greet visitors which include neighbors, co workers, distant cousins, and old and new friends.

"This blows." Mark whimpers, and Alex and I immediately wrap ourselves around his big arms. I love my brothers and I hate to see them break down like this which is exactly why it's better to keep everything to myself.

"It's gonna be alright man, we're here for you." Alex reminds him, and I kiss his cheek as everyone makes their way into the room to say whatever needs to be said.

"Are you coming Claire?" Alex asks me as I step outside into the fresh October air to take a breath.

"Just a minute, I'm gonna greet any," my eyes spot a car pulling up, a familiar car, "any last minute visitors." I smile weakly at them as they make their way inside. My feet immediately rush towards Zayn's car, but I slow down when I notice who is in the front seat.

"Hey Claire." Zayn smiles, entering inside with Miss. Edwards right beside him. The only relief I have is when Harry's car pulls up right behind them and the rest of the guys come of his back seat.

"Hi guys, thanks for coming." I smile, shaking Zayn's hand in a teacher-student way, but Miss. Edwards pulls me immediately in for a hug.

"May God bless you, love. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss." She whispers, patting my back. "If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here." She suggests, and I imagine myself snapping her neck right here right now.

"I'm fine but thank you so much Miss. Edwards, you're the best." I muster up a fake smile as she walks inside. Zayn tries to give me a compassionate smile or even an explanation, but I ignore him and decide to greet Harry, Niall, Liam and Louis instead.

"There she is!" Liam shouts, coming up to me and throwing his arms around my waist. "How are you holding up, love?" He asks with concern, and I peak over at Harry who has a pretty relaxed demeanor.

"I'm actually doing really well." I lie, and move on down along the line to greet Niall, Louis and Harry.

"We just wanted to stop by and offer our condolences." Harry smiles softly at me and without thinking, I immediately pull him in for a much deeper, longer hug than I had originally offered him. Something about him just makes me so weak, someone who I don't want to me on the outside but appear to be on the inside.

"Thank you so much for being here." I whisper as the other three make their way inside. I pull away and look up at him, his green eyes staring deep into mine and his hair pushed away from his face in the most lovely way.

"Of course, Claire." He whispers, keeping his forehead close to mine. I take one long, shaky deep breath and look at the doors that await my hidden tears and broken memories.

"I guess I have to go in there." I sniffle, tilting my head back to stop the tears.

"You can do it and if you can't, you know where I live." He says with a soft smile, placing his hand on the small of my back and leading me inside.

I can't bear to sit and watch people cry and give me concerning glances all day, it's almost too much. However, I have to do this if not for my myself, then for mother. She deserves a proper goodbye and not a spiteful daughter and that is exactly what I will do and continue to do, be strong.



After an hour or so of small talk with Craig, Cassidy and Luke who have been very supportive throughout this traumatic time for me, everyone has now taken their seats and it's time for my speech. Yes, my speech because both of my brothers couldn't manage to grow a pair in time for the funeral so it was left to me. I of course didn't feel like speaking either, so I managed to find a song that displayed my feelings.

"Hi everyone, thank you so much for coming today." I smile at all the sympathetic and frowning faces. "I didn't think I would have to give a speech at my mothers funeral for a very long time, but now I have to so here it goes." I release a shaky breath and look over at my teachers. Zayn is sitting next to Perrie which bothers the shit out of me. He has sad eyes and when I look over at Harry, he is giving me his best smile. I don't know why, but a wave of confidence and pain rushes over me all at once.

"I loved my mom so much, we all did. She was funny, beautiful and as charming as ever. Instead of ranting to you about all the wonderful things she was and did in the past and trying to keep it together, I decided I could play a song that is basically my message to my mom. So without further ado, here it is." I smile brightly, walking over to the iPod that has been playing dreary music the whole time.

In Case - Demi Lovato



As the lyrics ring out, I watch as each line hits certain family members and friends specifically, making them well up in tears. There was not a dry eye in the room and as I listened to the words, my throat felt like it was going to close. I felt the choking up coming and the hot tears forming, so I ducked out of there and through the front door of the building.



As I made my way towards my car, I kicked off my stupid heels and pulled at my hair. Pretending to smile and keep myself poised and presentable just so no one has to worry about or so I can act like I'm fine hurts just as much.

"Claire?" I hear Zayn's voice ring through my ears, and I wipe under my eyes quickly and try my best to maintain the huffing and puffing of air I was doing.

"Over here." I whisper, and the second I see him I rush into his arms. He wraps his arms around my head as I breath heavily into his chest, controlling my tears. I don't want him to see me as a mess.

"Are you alright, babe?" He asks, not letting go of me. I look up at him and nod slowly.

"I'm ok," I respond, "I just needed some air, that's all." I insist and he looks partially convinced. There's a piece of me that wants him to pry the hidden emotions out of me and let me just lose myself in front of him, and then there is another piece that is grateful he doesn't push me like that.

"What can I do to make this better? Is there anything?" He asks, and I look at him with my glossy green eyes.

"Kiss me?" I croak out, and he leans down to press his lips to mine almost immediately. He glides his tongue across my lip and kisses me with passion and lust, not sorrow and sympathy. I need this, I need him. His arms heat my body and ignite the heat inside of me and our kissing grows stronger and harder.

"Zayn." I whisper, and he pulls away to look at me closely.

"Are you ok?" He asks frantically, as if he maybe did something wrong.

"Zayn... I love you." I whisper, staring into his dark, beautiful eyes. I didn't expect to say that, but it literally just fell out of my mouth.

"I love you too, Claire." He smiles, pulling me back into him and continuing the assault of my mouth. Moments later, I hear someone calling Zayn's name and that someone is Perrie.

"Zayn? Are you out here?" She asks and he immediately pulls away. Fuck, I almost forgot that they came together.

"I'm with Claire." He shouts back, never breaking eye contact with me. When Perrie starts walking towards us mouthes 'She made me take her' and I nod, mostly agreeing. I would be more skeptical if he didn't just tell me he loved me.

"Claire love, they're waiting for you inside." She smiles, and I nod, going past them and watching as people exit the funeral home. I smile at Harry, Liam, Louis and Niall as the exit and Harry eyes me up and down.

"Are you alright, Claire?" He asks, noticing the small smile at the corner of my lips.

"I'm perfect." I laugh, heading back inside.

Zayn loves me. He said it back, he loves me. That was the most unexpected thing to happen today and right now all I want to do is push all other emotions aside and focus on that... The one thing that makes me happy is him and his friend Harry.

He loves me, and only me. Nothing else matters to me anymore except for that.

Notes

listen to the song in the chapter, it goes with the situation so well and it's absolutely beautiful.

I hope you guys liked the chapter it took me a while to write hahaha

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