Fanfiction 101
His or Mine?
His or Mine?
Authors: Chance_sky, Missesonedirection94, & OneDirectionGal23425
Rate: Unrated
The grammar looks good, but you need to work on writing dialogue correctly. For example when you write, “Um. Put that one in the middle sweetie.” My mom says, the period at the end of the dialogue should be a comma and my before mom needs to be written with a lowercase. If it’s the same thing but with an exclamation or question mark, just make ‘my’ lowercase.
More Examples:
“Hey honey. I think were just about done here. Right Sky?” My dad directs towards Skylar.
“Yup! Were done in here Mom.” Sky says to our mom.
à
“Hey honey. I think were just about done here. Right Sky?” my dad directs towards Skylar.
“Yup! Were done in here Mom,” Sky says to our mom.
The description is nice, but too much description can be boring. Sure, you have a nice dialogue to detail ratio, but the description gets kind of boring when all you’re doing is naming what color things are.
As for your plot, I can’t say whether I like just yet. You only have 3 chapters up, and it’s a best friend story. I’m not going to go out on the limb and say that it’s going to be like every other best friend story where they fall in love. Even though it’s basically there in the summary, the story has so much potential to be something that isn’t “mainstream.” That’s why I gave you guys and unrated rate for this story.
I think you have a good start, though. You’ve got a really nice setup for the story so far, so right now it’s just a matter of how you decide to put out with the story.
Overall, it’s too soon to tell if this story will be good or not, and that’s all dependent on whether you decide to go mainstream or make it your own. I think you and your coauthors can really make this story original and not some cliché story where the best friends fall in love. I think I’m going to subscribe, and maybe later when you have a few more chapters up, I can give you another review for the story if you want.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
Authors: Chance_sky, Missesonedirection94, & OneDirectionGal23425
Rate: Unrated
The grammar looks good, but you need to work on writing dialogue correctly. For example when you write, “Um. Put that one in the middle sweetie.” My mom says, the period at the end of the dialogue should be a comma and my before mom needs to be written with a lowercase. If it’s the same thing but with an exclamation or question mark, just make ‘my’ lowercase.
More Examples:
“Hey honey. I think were just about done here. Right Sky?” My dad directs towards Skylar.
“Yup! Were done in here Mom.” Sky says to our mom.
à
“Hey honey. I think were just about done here. Right Sky?” my dad directs towards Skylar.
“Yup! Were done in here Mom,” Sky says to our mom.
The description is nice, but too much description can be boring. Sure, you have a nice dialogue to detail ratio, but the description gets kind of boring when all you’re doing is naming what color things are.
As for your plot, I can’t say whether I like just yet. You only have 3 chapters up, and it’s a best friend story. I’m not going to go out on the limb and say that it’s going to be like every other best friend story where they fall in love. Even though it’s basically there in the summary, the story has so much potential to be something that isn’t “mainstream.” That’s why I gave you guys and unrated rate for this story.
I think you have a good start, though. You’ve got a really nice setup for the story so far, so right now it’s just a matter of how you decide to put out with the story.
Overall, it’s too soon to tell if this story will be good or not, and that’s all dependent on whether you decide to go mainstream or make it your own. I think you and your coauthors can really make this story original and not some cliché story where the best friends fall in love. I think I’m going to subscribe, and maybe later when you have a few more chapters up, I can give you another review for the story if you want.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16