Blinded Souls
Author: DirectionDreamer
Rate: 3

There weren’t too many grammatical mistakes, so just be sure to go back and edit thoroughly before you upload.

I really like the idea of a story about a blind kid. I’ve only ever read one other fanfic where the character was blind, but it turned out to be a bust when she could text using her iPhone… Honestly, it’s kind of the same for yours. The idea is brilliant, but you really have to put yourself in a blind kid’s shoes. You can’t have a blind kid just wandering around the school trying to find his classroom unless they have a guide, guide dog, or one of those walking stick thingies that the three blind mice from Shrek have. I’m actually not too sure how a real blind person would get around, but I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t just wander, and other people wouldn’t have that happen either.

I think that a story with such a condition for a character needs to be more thought out and researched in order for it to be realistic. If you can make it more realistic and likely to happen, then you’ve got a great story in your hands.

In nonrelevance to the main ‘blind’ story line, the dead parents and car crash storylines are really mainstream, but I do like that Liam takes him in being his step brother and all. I’m kind of curious to see what you do with the other key characters in this story because you’ve only got a few chapters up.

Speaking of characters, however, I noticed that you have quite a lot of characters on your character list. I get that you need to have the basic characters and a few of the other characters that play a part, but do you really need a picture for all of the teachers, and the substitute? Keep it simple; stick to the major characters, or the characters that are really important throughout the entirety of the story.

Overall, you have a great story in your hands, but you need to make it a bit more realistic. I won’t be continuing to read the story, but if you decide to go back and fill your feet in a blind person’s shoes, let me know. :)

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If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.

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