Fanfiction 101
The mentally brave
The mentally brave
Author: raylee
Rate: 7
The title was the first flaw I noticed. Although intriguing, it would look much better with capitalization. The mentally brave -> The Mentally Brave. The same goes for all of your chapter titles. Not only is it proper (because they’re all technically titles), but it also looks better.
Your character descriptions need to sound better. Grammar rules apply to everything; so don’t skimp on the little details (ever detail is important!).
Although not required, nor necessary, you should consider spacing out the paragraphs with a whole line of space like I have done. It makes the paragraphs easy to depict and your story easier to read.
Your spelling was adequate, but the dialogue (as far as I have read, which isn’t very far yet) needs some work. After saying a statement or command (aka a normal sentence with a period at the end but as in talking), you need to add a comma before saying ‘she said’ or something like that.
E.g.:
(Instead of)"I have something for you" I told her as she let me go.
(You should have written) "I have something for you," I told her as she let me go.
I did catch a quite a few sentence fragments and wrong verb tenses. Make sure your sentences have a subject and a verb in them and that the verb is in the right tense (past, present, or future). Also, try to transition into different scenes or events better, because one minute it’s Monday, and the next minute it’s Thursday of next week (not literally but hopefully you get the idea).
Now, enough with the grammar; let’s get to the general story (aka: the plot). In a sense, your plot did involve supernatural abilities and ideas, and even though I’m not a big fan of supernatural shit, I decided to keep reading. Lizzie reminded me of an older version of Matilda, but with a love interest. Then, everyone having special abilities reminded me of X-men (haven’t watched that movie in a while, but I loved it).
The story really reeled me in though, and it’s pretty hard for that to happen unless you have a mystery or are really good at linking backstories and subplots together, which you are – amazingly too!
I’m still reading the story to finish it up to your most recent update, but when I get there, I’m hitting subscribe with hopes that you will work on the grammar. I can’t wait to read more!
If you found this review to be disappointing, I'm can't say I'm sorry. As I said, I am a brutally honest person, or so people tell me. If you would like me to take this down, I will, just ask me. Don't bitch about it either; I don't care what you think, I'm just telling you what I think. Don't get mad, you asked for it. Don't rate this badly just because you don't like what I say. But on the off chance you like what I'm telling you, I'm glad you could learn something from me.
Author: raylee
Rate: 7
The title was the first flaw I noticed. Although intriguing, it would look much better with capitalization. The mentally brave -> The Mentally Brave. The same goes for all of your chapter titles. Not only is it proper (because they’re all technically titles), but it also looks better.
Your character descriptions need to sound better. Grammar rules apply to everything; so don’t skimp on the little details (ever detail is important!).
Although not required, nor necessary, you should consider spacing out the paragraphs with a whole line of space like I have done. It makes the paragraphs easy to depict and your story easier to read.
Your spelling was adequate, but the dialogue (as far as I have read, which isn’t very far yet) needs some work. After saying a statement or command (aka a normal sentence with a period at the end but as in talking), you need to add a comma before saying ‘she said’ or something like that.
E.g.:
(Instead of)"I have something for you" I told her as she let me go.
(You should have written) "I have something for you," I told her as she let me go.
I did catch a quite a few sentence fragments and wrong verb tenses. Make sure your sentences have a subject and a verb in them and that the verb is in the right tense (past, present, or future). Also, try to transition into different scenes or events better, because one minute it’s Monday, and the next minute it’s Thursday of next week (not literally but hopefully you get the idea).
Now, enough with the grammar; let’s get to the general story (aka: the plot). In a sense, your plot did involve supernatural abilities and ideas, and even though I’m not a big fan of supernatural shit, I decided to keep reading. Lizzie reminded me of an older version of Matilda, but with a love interest. Then, everyone having special abilities reminded me of X-men (haven’t watched that movie in a while, but I loved it).
The story really reeled me in though, and it’s pretty hard for that to happen unless you have a mystery or are really good at linking backstories and subplots together, which you are – amazingly too!
I’m still reading the story to finish it up to your most recent update, but when I get there, I’m hitting subscribe with hopes that you will work on the grammar. I can’t wait to read more!
If you found this review to be disappointing, I'm can't say I'm sorry. As I said, I am a brutally honest person, or so people tell me. If you would like me to take this down, I will, just ask me. Don't bitch about it either; I don't care what you think, I'm just telling you what I think. Don't get mad, you asked for it. Don't rate this badly just because you don't like what I say. But on the off chance you like what I'm telling you, I'm glad you could learn something from me.
Notes
1/7 reviews going up. I will be messaging all of the authors whose stories I am posting shortly after all of the finished reviews have gone up :)
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16