Umm… Okay?
Author: jayme x
Rate: 1

Did your fanfic originally start as a text message to a friend? Because heey gurl the grammar – well it kind of sucks. It’s not so bad that someone can’t read it, but you’re missing a lot of key punctuation, spelling, and capitalization. Then, sometimes you draaawww ouut the words liiikkee thiss. Please don’t do that anymore. I get why you would do that if you were writing a text message that’s in the story, but you just throw those extra letters in sometimes – don’t. The structure is also pretty boring because the most complex sentences you have are super simple compound sentences. Without the diversity of sentence type, the sentences are really choppy and make the fanfic look unsophisticated (not that fan fictions are supposed to be sophisticated but still).

My reaction to the rest of the fanfic is, “Um… Okay?” so if that is what you were going for then you are spot on! Only, that’s not such a good thing. For me, your fanfic lacks a story to tell. So she met 5SOS at her job (that she’s not very professional at) and Luke is into her, Calum is kind of into her, and it’s not really that big of a deal. Everything is all sunshine and rainbows. Now what?

A really good story has some sort of lesson to tell, a point to get across, if you will. You don’t necessarily have to know what exactly you’re trying to get across, but you do have to have some sort of problem that has some sort of solution by the end. Sunshine and rainbows? That’s not really a problem. There’s really no point in the story yet.

I can see how the problem might be several guys liking her and her having to choose one, but that’s overused. Even though what you have now is completely boring, there’s so much potential for what could happen if you start giving the story a meaning.

Overall, though, I’m not a very big fan of the fic. Sometimes sunshine and rainbows are good, but when it comes to reading, every story can use some troubled waters.

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If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.

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