Fanfiction 101
New Beginnings
New Beginnings
Author: Luke’s Bae
Rate: 1
Wow.
Okay.
First things first…
Please don’t hit the enter key after every sentence.
It gets annoying.
Like this.
Plus, it makes your sentences sound even choppier than they already are. I’m just going to put it out there: you write like a kindergartener. “I found a stick. I picked up the stick. I threw the stick.” That was a bad example, but that is exactly what I’m getting from you. Choppy sentences look bad, and because they’re short in length, they lack detail (and you could really use some detail). I wanted to pull my hair out from just reading your story like that.
Your choppy sentences also affect your story. None of the ideas are connecting, and there’s no flow to your story. I’m confused as to what is going on with who and what the fuck everyone is feeling. I’m getting a monotonous tone from your story that’s killing all the emotions for any character so when I read that she’s getting angry for Luke kissing another girl even though she met him just yesterday I don’t synthesize with her.
Speaking of that brings me to another point. What I do get from your story isn’t too great either. Girl moves to new school, goes out to party, and gets jealous over boy she met less than 24 hours ago for making out with another girl even though girl told herself she didn’t want to be another one of his one night stands. Oh, and boy is starting to get feelings for said girl that he’s never felt before with all of his other one night stands. Do I even have to explain what is wrong with all of this?
Overall, I did not enjoy reading this story. To be put simply, the choppy sentences basically ruined all aspects of the story.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
Author: Luke’s Bae
Rate: 1
Wow.
Okay.
First things first…
Please don’t hit the enter key after every sentence.
It gets annoying.
Like this.
Plus, it makes your sentences sound even choppier than they already are. I’m just going to put it out there: you write like a kindergartener. “I found a stick. I picked up the stick. I threw the stick.” That was a bad example, but that is exactly what I’m getting from you. Choppy sentences look bad, and because they’re short in length, they lack detail (and you could really use some detail). I wanted to pull my hair out from just reading your story like that.
Your choppy sentences also affect your story. None of the ideas are connecting, and there’s no flow to your story. I’m confused as to what is going on with who and what the fuck everyone is feeling. I’m getting a monotonous tone from your story that’s killing all the emotions for any character so when I read that she’s getting angry for Luke kissing another girl even though she met him just yesterday I don’t synthesize with her.
Speaking of that brings me to another point. What I do get from your story isn’t too great either. Girl moves to new school, goes out to party, and gets jealous over boy she met less than 24 hours ago for making out with another girl even though girl told herself she didn’t want to be another one of his one night stands. Oh, and boy is starting to get feelings for said girl that he’s never felt before with all of his other one night stands. Do I even have to explain what is wrong with all of this?
Overall, I did not enjoy reading this story. To be put simply, the choppy sentences basically ruined all aspects of the story.
If you find your review to be disappointing, I cannot honestly tell you that I’m sorry. Do not let what I say in any way discourage you from writing or anything for that matter. I am just one person with strongly opinionated views on everything. If I made it clear that I strongly dislike your story, do not think that other people won’t enjoy it. There are many other readers with different views than me who will find interest in your story where I may not have. I hope you do take something out of this and improve on and continue your writing, but if you don’t, that’s fine too.
@That_clifford_girl
Hi! I don't normally do this but I'm just gonna get right on it.
It's in my knowledge that this author isn't coming back. Which means your review isn't coming. But! I recently started up a review store so if you're interested you can link your story there.
All you have to do is click my name and follow the form. :-)
12/31/16