Chapter twenty-four

I lied down on our bed, resting on my side as I cried out into the pillow. I knew I was over-reacting, but it didn’t matter; Harry’s words had cut me deep. In retrospect, I never should have brought it up at the restaurant; I should have controlled by feelings better and enjoyed a nice evening. But I hadn’t. Harry had asked me to open up to him, and then got upset when I did. I felt like an even bigger idiot than I had earlier; love was not supposed to be like this. I was supposed to be able to trust him with anything, to want to tell him my every thought, never feel ashamed in front of him. I knew he wasn’t perfect, no one ever is, but it devastated me none the less.

I don’t know how long I laid there, unmoving, but it must have been some time. The sun gradually faded into a rich, red sunset before bleeding out altogether. I didn’t check my phone and I didn’t get up to change, I just stayed there, long after the sobbing had ended, only to be replaced by a quiet, steady stream of tears. I heard the door creak open, the shadow of a person stretched across the floor. I closed my eyes, feigning sleep, still unwilling to discuss anything further tonight. I heard the person walk over to me and felt their warm hand softly brush my cheek. I smelled Harry’s cologne, however it surprised me when he bent down and kissed my forehead, his lips lingering against my skin. I was shocked into stillness; I hadn’t expected this, thinking he would still be angry.

He straightened up.

“I love you,” he whispered, tucking my wild hair behind my ear and wiping away some left over tears. Then, I heard him get undressed, throwing his clothes on the floor and grabbing a blanket from the closet before heading back out into the living room, being careful to shut the door behind him as quietly as possible so as not to wake me. I rolled over and stared longingly at the door. I was still hurt, but desperate for comfort. I would have called my mother, but in my current state, I couldn’t bring myself to remember what the time difference was and didn’t want to wake her. Besides, I needed to talk to someone that spent every day with Harry and I, someone who could give helpful insight. I must have laid there, debating who I should talk to, for over an hour before finally making up my mind. I un-cocooned myself from under the duvet and crept silently to the door where I opened it a crack and saw Harry’s sleeping form on the couch. I walked past him, knowing he was a deep sleeper, and walked out the door and into the hallway. I still hadn’t checked the time, and was clueless as to what it was; all I knew was that it was late. No sound emanated from the other’s rooms, so I resigned myself to heading down to the bar. Without shoes, I walked down to the elevator and pressed the button. The elevator dinged, signalling its arrival, and the doors opened slowly. As they parted, I saw someone standing inside and internally prayed that it was El; she was perfect for providing comfort. To my dismay, it wasn’t El, but rather her boyfriend, Louis.

“Hey there, Love,” he said cheerily before taking in my entire appearance. I no doubt had mascara running down my face, my hair tangled into a wretched state and a hauntingly sad expression adorning my face. He pulled me into his arms immediately. “Love, what’s wrong? What’s happened?” he asked worriedly, rocking me back and forth, his hands rubbing my back.
I felt so small in his embrace, like a child in their parent’s arms. This human contact caused the ache in my throat to return, and tears came rushing back.

“I’m so stupid, Lou,” I choked out.

“No, no, no, don’t ever say that, sweetheart, come now,” he said. I felt him look around, seeing if anyone was near. “We can’t have you out in this state,” he murmured as I tried to stifle my tears into his shoulder.

“No, Lou, I’m fine, don’t worry about it, I shouldn’t have even left the room, I’ll just –”

“Listen here,” he cut me off. “You’re going to come into our room and you’re not leaving until I’ve heard everything, you got it?”

“But El –” I began to protest.

“Sleeps like the dead and won’t hear a thing, so scoot!” he said as he pushed me towards their door.

“Thanks, Lou,” I smiled at him. He kissed my cheek and threw his arm around my shoulder.

“I’m here,” he said simply.

--

We made our way into his room where he set me down on the couch with a thick afghan and a piping hot cup of tea before he sat down opposite me.

“Now, tell Uncle Louis your troubles, darling,” he said causing me to laugh lightly.

“It’s Harry,” I said, looking down into the darkly, opaque liquid in my mug.

“Yes, I figured that part,” Lou said rather sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes at him. Truthfully, I was struggling with this. I didn’t like talking about our squabble him as much as I thought I would. It felt like I was betraying Harry, or at least his trust.

“It feels wrong to tell you,” I sighed and Louis nodded, giving my knee a sympathetic squeeze.

“Then don’t,” Lou said, confusing me for a moment. “But don’t stop me from giving some advice.”He continued.

“Please do!” I exclaimed, eager for his help.

“Harry loves you,” he said simply. I looked at him, waiting for him to say more, waiting for him to say anything really, but he didn’t; he just let his comment hang in the air between us and I felt its presence settling in around me, seething into my mind. Still, I was anxious for him to say something.

“And?” I persisted.

Lou shrugged.

“You just need to know that, and then you’ll understand everything so much better.”

“Louis –”

“Hey now, I’m not finished!”

I sighed loudly, but motioned for him to continue.

“I don’t know what happened, and I’m not asking, but sometimes people say things they don’t mean, no one’s perfect. Especially Harry, he’s nowhere near perfect, believe you me, no one knows that better than I do. But what I do know is that he’d never deliberately say something to hurt you and even when he’s as mad as he could possibly be at you, he still loves you more than anyone else in the world.”

He was right; Harry’s tenderness tonight had reinforced that knowledge.

“I also know,” Louis continued. “That you love him, and you worry about this lifestyle’s effect on your relationship.”

I looked at him in aghast.

“How do you know that?” I questioned him.

He rolled his eyes at me and looked at me as if I were simple.

“He left for X-Factor which destroyed you two; I inferred how that affected you and took an educated guess.”

I thought about that for a moment and then nodded.

“Alright, that’s a fair assumption.” I conceded.

He gave me a sassy-know-it-all look before continuing.

“All I’m saying is this,” he said leaning in closer to me. “You’ve found your way back to each other, and that means something. Everyone fights, that’s to be expected, but remember that you two have a strong, palpable, undeniable love, and that love takes work.”

“Wow, that was really poetic and beautiful, Lou.”

“Yes it was. But I’m still not finished yet.”

Of course he wasn’t.

“You need to talk to him, but you also need to listen. What he’s thinking isn’t always clear, and sometimes you need to just listen, which I know can be hard for you.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Thanks for that, Lou,” I muttered sarcastically as I got to my feet. “Should’ve stopped while you were ahead.”

“Oh love, that would go against my nature,” he laughed. He stood up and wrapped me in his warm, comforting embrace, which I melted into.

“Thank, Lou, I really did need that,” I sighed.

“Anytime, now you go work things out, we have a big day tomorrow!”He said excitedly. I’d completely forgotten about tomorrow, the premiere. Great, tomorrow held the possibility of being excruciatingly awkward if things didn’t get sorted out.

“Goodnight,” I said, pulling away, eager to fix things with Harry.

“Goodnight, Sarah,” he said, walking me to the door and quietly shutting it behind me.

I stood there for a moment, bracing myself for the conversation that I had to have with Harry. We’d both been so upset; I was still hurt and I had no idea if he was still angry. I put my worries aside, and walked calmly into our room. I creaked the door open and saw Harry, asleep on the couch; right where I’d left him. He looked so peaceful, as if nothing were wrong with the world, and I didn’t want to change that. I decided that our talk could wait till tomorrow and so I walked past him and into our bedroom. I stripped out of my dress that I hadn’t thought to remove earlier and threw on an over-sized t-shirt before hopping under the covers and bundling them around me. The pillow was still damp with my tears, my eyes no doubt red and puffy and my make-up smudged. I looked over to the empty sheets beside me and choked back tears. I missed Harry; even though he was just in the other room, he felt worlds away.

I wasn’t alone for more than five minutes before the door opened and Harry stood in the doorway, uncertain of whether to enter or not. Without saying a word, he eventually walked across the room and sat down on his side of the bed, his back to me. He was hunched over, and I heard him sigh many times before he laid down on his side, looking straight into my eyes. I knew I had to talk to him, but the words just wouldn’t come; instead I just laid there, looking at him looking at my tear-stained face. He reached out and softly cleaned my cheek with his hand.

“I thought I heard you come in,” he said awkwardly, as unsure as I was as to how to begin. He looked around the room before his eyes fluttered closed. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered through laboured breaths.

“No, Harry, I’m sorry,” I said in a rush. “You go to all that effort to do something lovely and I ruined it, I’m so, so sorry!”

“Shh, darling, shhh,” he calmed me, his arms encircling me. it was the first contact we’d had in hours and I instantly felt better, if just infinitesimally.

“I should never have told you what I was thinking, I shouldn’t have reacted like that!” I continued.

“No, Sarah, I always want to know what you’re thinking,” he breathed in my ear.

“I promise I’ll never bring up marriage again,” I said, ignoring him.

“Love, I wasn’t mad about that,” he said, pulling back to look at my face.

“It sure seemed like you were,” I retorted.

Harry shook his head and sighed again.

“I was mad, yes, but not about that,” he said with a vagueness that irritated my exhausted mind.

“Harry, just tell me, I’m too tired for half explanations,” I whined, my head sinking into the pillow. He looked down, seemingly organizing his thoughts before he met my eyes again.

“I was mad,” he began. “That you needed a proposal to be secure of my feelings for you, that how I feel isn’t enough.” He looked down again, breaking away from my gaze. “On top of that, you didn’t even feel you could be honest with me!” He said, hints of his anger returning.

“I was hurt, okay? You’re right, I have trust issues, and tonight I felt like you didn’t want me let alone need me the way I need you!” I said, becoming defensive. “I was scared of how you’d react to what I was thinking, and as it turns out, I had reason to!” I snapped unthinkingly, Lou’s words striking me; I needed to shut up and just listen. I sighed deeply, releasing my anger. “I’m sorry, I’m snapping at you again when I should be listening.” I replied more calmly.

“I shouldn't have said that, even if you did it would be my fault, and that’s why I get upset about this,” he replied with sadness in his tone. “It kills me to know that you feel that you can’t talk to me,” he said, his voice cracking and breaking with emotion that hurt my heart.

“I don’t feel that way; I know I can always talk to you! I just love you so much, I don’t like upsetting you with my stupid assumptions and imaginings,” I explained, tears springing to my eyes again. He brushed them away as quickly as they came.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart, please don’t cry,” he cooed as he pulled me impossibly closer. “I love you so much, I’m so sorry I make you feel the way you do!”

“Harry, don’t blame yourself, it only makes me feel worse,” I sobbed into his shoulder. We stayed like this for an immeasurable moment, each of us finding contentment in the other’s embrace. I felt an immense amount of comfort as forgiveness flowed between us and purified our minds.

I reached my face up and kissed along his jaw until finally reaching his lips. I hovered just above them, taking the opportunity to stare into his eyes.

“I love you,” I breathed. That was all he needed to hear. His strong hands were gripping at my face, pulling me closer still when close wasn’t enough.

“I love you,” he said in a break between kisses. And in that moment, I knew we were fine.

Notes

Sorry it's been a while, I'm going to try and update a lot sooner this time! Thanks for reading my lovelies, let me know what you think <3 rate/comment/subscribe xx