The Night I Met Harry

It had been awhile now since our split and the numbness of my personality was just beginning to restore itself. I had done well in just being there for Riley and remaining as solid as I could without mentally shutting down as I often do. But I was still getting use to things this way. I honestly didn't yet know if this was easily something one could get use to. I had yet to get over just how quiet the house could be. It was quite hard to feel like I wasn't home alone after the babysitter left. Days were longer but my inner thoughts seemed to have silenced themselves with time. Her crying was the only thing that filled the halls from time to time. I turn off the water and ring out her washcloth before finishing up. She doesn't like the part when I wipe her face so the bathroom rung of disapproval.

Winter:
"I know. I know, I'm sorry. We're done."

I speak softly so she calms. I learned a little earlier on that the draft was another thing that wasn't exactly favorable, but I don't think it was for anyone. Allison crosses my mind as I apply lotion and dress her gently. Surely she's walking and speaking in sentences by now. The vibration cuts the thought short and I collect it quickly before it rattles her.

Winter:
"Yea?"

It's muzzled between my chin and my shoulder so I'm able to find her pacifier.

Harry:
"I'll be there in five, okay?"

Winter:
"Alright."

Its found and she seems enthused to take it. I snap her in snugly into the car seat and pull the bag over my shoulder when I hear the door bell.
Shes sat down gently to free my hand for the door knob...I always take a breath to brace myself before pulling...

We stand there for a moment in each others presence. The force of the outside air pushes his scent toward me and my hair back from my shoulders. I break away from the staring to hand her over.

Winter:
"Well um- I made bottles for the rest of the day, they're in there. And there's more formula in the center fold, okay..."

A total of three times now and still there's just silence. It doesnt at all bother me.

Winter:
"...Alright then."

I mumble before going to shut the door.

Harry:
"Actually um..."

I stop myself, wishing that he would rather just turned to leave.

Harry:
"...I was wondering if we could talk."

I rub at my arms as the chill blows in again. I look down to insure she's properly covered. A crease in the blanket causes me to bend over to smooth it out so she's concealed from the outside air.

Winter:
"Is it about her?"

Harry:
"...no, not exactly."



Winter:
"Then I don't see what there could be to talk about-"

Harry:
"Please."

It was a word I hated but always seemed to conform to. I couldn't seem to see exactly what there was to converse about ...things were over now and that's how it was meant to be. I'd be moving in a few weeks time and I'd have a fresh start away from the things that constantly reminded me of him and the times we spent together. It was bittersweet but I could handle myself...life didn't stop just because now we had.

Winter:
"A few minutes, alright."

I'd rather not but it would get my daughter out of the cold.

He stepped in behind me and closed the door. He's dressed as always, nothing different there. What I did notice though was the creases and amount of dark circles that hovered beneath his eyes on each side. They were sluggish and I could tell he hadn't successfully slept in awhile. I wondered if him taking her was the best idea.

Winter:
"You can come back and get her tomorrow if you want..."

Harry:
"Tonight's fine...Why do you ask?"

I rummage with my shirt to give me something to do.

Winter:
"You just seem a bit tired is all. And she's kind of been cranky today..."

I allow it to linger until he thinks of something. It takes him awhile but eventually he replies.

Harry:
"It's okay, I'm alright."

Winter:
"Okay well, I should probably tell you that I plan to move really soon so...I'll give you all of the paperwork and everything. I just keep forgetting to mail them, I'm sorry."

Harry:
"Moving? ...moving where?"

Winter:
"...I found a place closer to my mom's and to work and everything, so that's always great."

Harry:
"...oh..."

His stance in the situation isn't hard for me to read but I choose rather to ignore it.

Winter :
"I just thought I'd give you a heads up, you know. Before I make any final decisions."

His eyes are pacing the floor where he's propped the car seat and his hand moves to hold the area between his eyes after closing them.

Winter:
"Harry?"

He doesn't seem to have heard me but I'm certain he has. He then holds the wall behind him to support himself against it there for a moment.

Winter:
"Hey, you okay?"

I ask out of concern that he'd pass out before me. He doesn't exactly look himself now, and I can tell there's a few pounds missing from his frame. I step forward worrily.

Harry:
"Yea, yea. I just- probably should have eaten something."

Winter:
"Well, there's plenty in the frig if you want any. I can get you a water if-"

Harry:
"I'm not exactly hungry but thank you."

What? That made no sense. I can't seem to hide the fact that he's really scaring me. And letting him get behind the wheel of a car wouldn't be the best idea. I didnt want his company...but I had to do something. We weren't together anymore but for her we'd have to at least develop some sort of friendship from this. When to better attempt it than now...

Winter:
"Listen umm...you should stay for awhile, I was just about to order anyways... And if you decide to we can talk about whatever you'd like,"

I feel myself forcing it and it's all I can seem to come up with so on the spot.

Harry:
"Okay,"

--

He's eating rather slowly but I'll make certain that he finishes before leaving.

Winter:
"So...tell me how things are with you. I'm going to be honest, I'm a little worried."

Harry:
"Why?"

Winter:
"Well you're her father, I think I should know these things."

I tuck my hair behind my ear while sipping my water.

Harry:
"I'm okay."

Winter:
"Why aren't you eating? ...I thought that was my thing."

I smile so that it's welcoming more so than an attack.

Harry:
"I do, Winter. I just find that I don't have much of an appetite most days, you know. But I'm working on it... How's your health?"

Winter:
"It's better, I'm doing great actually. I just had a check up the other day...why haven't you slept Harry?"

His attmept at getting me off the topic of him isnt going to work.
He places the fork down and draws his attention away. There's definitely a lot that's different that I notice the more I inspect. He seems quite drained of life...and he hasn't smiled once since me opening the door for him. The question goes unanswered and I'm beginning to realize that I know the answers already. I'm sure he doesn't eat very often for the same reasons I don't...doesn't sleep simply because he can't or his conscious won't allow it. Once upon a time I fell asleep to the rhythm of that heart beat every night...and that's something I wasn't able to get from the pillows alone.

Winter:
"What did you want to talk about?"

Harry:
"...us, Winter."

Winter:
"What about it?"

Harry:
"What are we doing? There's no way this is going to work longterm for either of us. You can't possibly believe that."

Winter:
"It's done."

Harry:
"How many times do you need me to apologize? I'll do it, I'll do whatever you want. I just- I can't live like this...without you."

Winter:
"I dont want to talk about it. And I'm not angry at you anymore, but you made your choice."

Harry:
"No. It was a mistake...and I hate myself for it...I always will."

Winter:
"...take another bite."

His eyes focus on me and I can detect he doesn't like the change in subject. Nevertheless he follows my instructions. I watch as he chews and takes another sip of his drink.

Harry:
"She's growing and we're missing that experience together. That doesn't bother you?"

Winter:
"Everything about this bothers me, okay...but what can I do?"

Harry:
"You can try."

She starts to cry, and he moves to go for her.

Winter:
"I'll warm the bottle."



She's over his shoulder in the blanket and he whispers soft, soothing things to get her to calm. It works as it always does for him while he slowly paces and bounces her gently. He pecks her small lips and I look away as I feel myself melting at the sight.

Winter:
"It's pretty late. You should take one of the rooms, I'll watch after her while you rest."

Harry:
"I can't rest okay...no need to try. It's worst than not sleeping at all."

I fall in the mute as another thought crosses my mind, I'm making sure it's best before opening my mouth. After everything I still find myself feeling bad for him...restlessness was something I'd never wish on anyone just because it played a part in so many other aspects of life.

Winter:
"What if..."

Shit, I'd so regret this. But looking at him I feel somehow responsible for why he hasn't been enjoying life. Why couldn't I just understand that he wasn't my problem anymore?


Winter:
"I'm there with you..."

He turned to look over his shoulder at me still seated there against the countertop.


--

She's sound asleep and I place her in the bassenette beside the bed. He peels off his first layer of clothing over his head to reveal an undershirt. I'm grateful he doesn't remove it to avoid me feeling uncomfortable. He's laid into the pillows watching as I approach the bed. He remains on top of the covers, another thing I appreciate as I climb beneath them. I take a deep breath before laying myself into his chest and snuggling into place. My eyes close for a moment with fatigue as my body tells me I'm at home now.

Winter:
"Try to sleep Harry."

I don't deny him as his face buries in my hair with an exhale. He holds me close and I just stare into the darkness blankly. A few minutes in and I can hear a subtle snore, letting me know that this hadn't been for nothing. I'd rather this was done on a place much less intimate like the couch but in doing that I could have run the risk of him not sleeping at all. His chest rose and fell at a constant rate and after awhile I drifted as well.

--

11am and he's still sound sleep. Riley seems to have slept in as well given her late night so I don't move in fear he'd awaken. I knew he needed this so I'd stay glued here until the mission was done. In the meantime I again stare around to the now brightly lit room to my many possessions that still lined the dresser. I'd be packing them soon. The room was free of his things which made it seem only half lived in now. Being separated was a bit of a process but I'd been through a degree of this in my lifetime before...

His grip on me is closer than the one originally taken last night, quite intimate for two people who no longer lived for one another. I don't allow myself to ponder it too much.

Another hour and he's still sound asleep. I pray that when he wakes he's at least a little refreshed and somewhat free of the dark circles that caused me to feel for him. I could tell that Riles is awake likely staring bright eyed and kicking toward the cieling. She didn't fuss which quite surprised me but her soft baby sounds gave me something to do.

Another thirty minutes and I feel his fingers in my hair finally. He gives me one last squeeze before withdrawing himself and sitting upright. I did the same leaning my back on the headboard while he made his way over to pick her up. He definitely appeared well-rested and I felt that my deed was successfully done.

Harry:
"Winter....thank you for that. You have no idea how long I've gone without resting like that."

I didn't have it great either but I'd leave that for me to know. It was taking one for the team but I wasnt sure I could go through it again. The emotional damage was enough. I pushed out from under the covers to go and get dressed for work.



I thought he'd gone and left with her already until I smelled the aroma of breakfast escaping from the kitchen area. I walk over to him, sitting down my bag as he sits the plate in front of me on the counter.

Winter:
"Harry, you didn't have to-"

Harry:
"I'm thanking you...just let me alright."

I check the clock on the wall seeing that I had about thirty minutes before I needed to leave. I position myself up as he placing the dishes in the rack and takes a seat across from me. It's quiet for a moment as I take in how refreshed he appears to be now. I didnt exactly know his lifestyle anymore but I knew it wasn't the best.

Harry:
"So..."

I'm in a state of reminiscence as his french toast compliments my taste buds and I only half hear the next few words.

Harry:
"How are you and Mason?"

Winter:
"He's fine I guess...why do you ask that?"

Harry:
"I hear you're pretty close now."

He sips from his glass but his eyes never leave me.

Winter:
"Not in that way. I'm not yet close to anyone in that way..."

I wasn't sure if he was entitled to ask me these things given our past but he didn't seem to a have any insecurities about it.

Harry:
"And if it was to that point...you'd tell me right?"

Winter:
"That would mean he'd be around Riley, so of course...but I wouldn't worry about that."

It wasn't to be taken wrong because Mason was definitely vocal about whatever feelings he had for me, especially with Harry out of the picture. But I just couldn't see myself in a relationship right now...and even if I could it wouldn't be with someone I'd once introduced Harry to as a friend.

Harry:
"Is that who's been calling you just about every hour since I've been here?"


I nod going along with his interrogation for reasons unknown to me. I'd have to work late tonight for being so tardy but at least he'd have Riley for me.

Winter:
"It's harmless alright...I'm not there yet."

Not that it's any of his business but maybe the communication will bring him a quiet mind when he falls asleep without me tonight. He doesn't seem to buy it much but at least it's left alone. He gets up and heads over for my coat as I withdraw myself.

Winter:
"Thanks for the-"

Harry:
"You don't have to thank me. I told you I'd always cook for you."

I wish he wouldn't say those things to me now. I look down because I'm not sure if staring into those eyes is such a good idea.

Harry:
"Turn around."

He demands and helps me into my coat like a gentlemen. My thoughts began to race to themselves but I know I don't need this before work. He pulls my hair from out of it and though I feel the gesture's too intimate I give him a smile anyways.


Winter:
"I don't want you to be lightheaded that way again so...just make sure you eat something everyday...please. I need you to take care of yourself."

He nods stepping out of the way so I can head towards the door. His hands then finds my wrist as I begin to do so and I feel myself tense.

Harry:
"Just a hug."

I really rather not play this game but realize he could need it more than I did. I walk into it and his arms bared themselves around me. His chin again rested in my hair and I could tell he was savoring the moment.

Harry:
"Have a good day, alright?"

It was embarrassing how at peace I was just being there pressed against him. He didn't seem to want to release me and for the moment I was okay with that. I hated him for ruining this. For not remaining loyal to Riley and I or just simply leaving if unhappiness was the problem. He constantly reassured me that it wasn't but how was I to see it any other way.

Winter:
"Okay."

It spun in my head and eventually had gotten the best of me. I can tell he's able to read this.

Harry:
"...I'm sorry."

And then I'm abruptly brought to reality where things aren't as simple as this hug.

I pull away quickly and and fix together my clothing.

Winter:
"Me too..."

Notes

What has he done this time? You'll understand soon.

Hey to the new subs, and thanks for 200,000 views. YOURE THE BEST.