The Night I Met Harry

So I'm waiting. I'm seated close to the doors. They open and close in near proximity. Chatter echos by as they come and go without order. Germs are spreading, laughter is filling with warmth in the cold afternoon air at the crack of the window. Another late night. I listen as they go by. The sound of people matches no other. The bins are close. Nothing's in them but half eaten lunch and recycled paper. I'm sure they're staring but I haven't looked up. I don't blame that, it's been awhile. I smile quietly to myself as I finish up. I feel the presence of those around me yet I don't feel my own. Tick tock. It's nearly 8 and we're still here. I have at least a half an hour until the time will resume in my life. She's buzzing about in my mind like flies on a hot summer day....I tried to fill thoughts of calling them with thoughts of not. She's fine I think while glancing up briefly with the sound of the stapler. It's been awhile since I've been among my fellow co-workers and I love my job... it's just that missing her gives a bad taste to the experience.
--
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I hear her cry and all I can think about is the countless things that I could have done wrong. I feel like such a mom when I hold her close, protecting her small frame from the draft of the outside world. He's out grocery shopping and I get a feeling of absence in this big house. I think about how abruptly things have changed in my life and how now there's no going back. I wish I still didn't think about my past life but having that hindsight viewpoint always had a way of putting things in prospective to me.

She's sound asleep and I don't want to put her down but I must. The emptiness is more severe when I do so and my arms immediately hug around my frame after tucking her in. I head out of the room with the monitor once she's settled, back to the kitchen as I yarn and check the frig for a bottle count. I sigh and head to where the pots are up in the cabinet and grab the largest. Harry had found it out at the store for me. You could practically hear echo whenever conversation was held over it when washing the dishes or some other task. I began rinsing the pot thoroughly and the bottles just briefly before sitting them in the space of the pot. It's filled the top with filtered water and placed on the stove. The fire's on high now. I yarn again, pulling the baby monitor close and heading for the living room. I stop when the phone buzzes against the cool countertop, the sound of metal meeting marble becoming a thing now. It's like everyone, even older relatives I was never aware I had wanted nothing more than to be apart of my life now. It was great having people to help in anyway they could. Her room was already overflown with generous acts of kindness from both Harry and I's side of the family, and something about that provided me with warm inside. I cherished the thought before taking a deep breath and picking it up quickly from the surface, sliding to accept.

Danny:
"I'm coming now."

It wasn't that I was neglecting the relationships I had outside of Harry and RIley but I could see how it could feel that way. I shifted on my feet, looking down at the patterns of the floor in thought.

Winter:
"You know I don't mind. But you can't hold her this time, I just sat her down."

There was a sigh from his end as my eyes became blurry with fatigue. Just then my fingers gripped at the tea kettle and sat it gently on the front burner to boil.

Danny:
"I never get to. I haven't even seen her cause you're never around anymore."

I so didn't do my homework for this conversation right now. I could barely hang on to the topic.

Winter:
"Come over, Danny. You should, really. Harry's going to work for the night once he drops off some groceries."

He didn't at all allow room for hesitation.

Danny:
"...I'm starting the ignition right now."

--
I sip the tea after passing his cup across the table. My thumbs dwindle around each other as they often do when my minds someplace out of reach of my body's vicinity. He stares while I tried keeping my eyes open. It becomes easier as the caffeine from the warm drink replenishes my stream.

Danny:
"You're still so pretty... I-mean. I'm just saying, not being a creep or anything." ‎

I laugh a little taking it as more of a joke than a reason to get defensive. But hey...why not?

Winter:
"Was that suppose to change?"

I'm kidding. I hopes he knows that. I take another sip as he continues with silence.

Winter:
"I'm kidding. Gosh, you know I don't talk that way. I honestly don't even think I'm all that-"

Danny:
"Which is another reason why you are." At some point I realized this change in direction.
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Winter:‎
"Thanks Danny, next subject."‎
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He huffs getting up and sitting instead on the cushion of the sofa just beside me. I was surprised the disturbance hadn't caused my tea to garnish me.

Danny:
"Shut up. I'm you're mate, not you're father."

I laugh taking humor into my veins, that is until I spill the contents of the mug all over me. At first I react. The burn of the hot water seeming penetrating my skin. Seconds there after I realize no skin is bare, and I pay my lack of scarring to the respect of Harry's comfy sweatpants.
I get on my knees quickly with a towel to quickly clean up the remainder that managed to fall in a heap on the floor.

Danny:
"I got it, I got it. Winter, just go rest."

I ignore him, cleaning it up completely before standing with intention to head for my cleaning products.

Danny:
"Did you hear what I just said? Go."

I stood there with my eyes to him. The tainted fabric was in one hand and the remote that fell with the rest was in the other. Nothing about his appearance had much changed since I saw him last...but respectfully that wasn't very long ago. One thing I could definitely say I withheld from doing was cutting my friends out the way I had with my past relationships. I learned that it all seemed to work out if all of us were friends to some degree.
He hovered taller, though a distance away. His arm lifted so that his hand could signal me int he direction of the stairs where Harry and I's bedroom was just down the hall. I dropped the things where they were as my body began to fizzle out it's last it of energy and carried myself foot by foot up the stairs.

Winter:
"Baby monitor's on the counter. If you have any problems just come and get me."

Escaped my lips without much thinking involved.

--
I was sprung upright. The light of the room sent me in an infused panic as I took a turn immediately to where the monitor was usually sat. I was snatched from the covers by my fingers as the feeling of worry inflamed me.

Danny:
"Calm done."

I turned immediately at his voice, fright coming and going quickly. He sat in the chair just across the room with her nuzzled into a bundle of blankets in his arms. Somehow I didn't know what the day was or even how many had gone by since my lids last saw light.

Winter:
"I'm sorry, Danny. Why didn't you wake me? ..Wait. Where's Harry?"

A smile is on his lips. Strange that I felt little humor in my state right now.

Danny:
"Where do I start.. um. I don't know where Harry is, no one ever came in. Uh, B. I wanted you to get some rest. She didn't fuss so why would I wake you? And lastly, just calm down you don't need to apologize."

My fingers rub in an upward motion against my forehead. I feel tremendously like I just recovered from something.

Winter:
"...Alright...please tell me you fed her."

Danny:
"Of course..."

He points to two empty bottles on the nightstand table.

Winter:
"You didn't put them in the microwave right."

Danny:
"Warm tap."

Relief is welcoming me.

Danny:
"...Is it normal for him not to come home or?"

Why didn't I realize that error the first time he'd said it. I thought to myself as my eyes fell quickly on everything at a constant around the room. What the hell was that about?

I moved toward the window to see his car spent from the driveway. My feet carried me away back to where my phone was to see no missed calls or texts...from him anyways. I felt both worry and anger at the possibilities of this behavior.

Winter:
"And you're sure he didn't stop in at all?"

Danny:
"That would require the front door opening right? Cause I was in common area until a few minutes ago."

Sarcasm wasn't my favorite at the moment.

Winter:
"I ask because he's never done that..."

I sort of let that dim on the last part. He's studying me again the way he does and I head for the bathroom to refresh.
--

She's nuzzled into my shoulder as I pat gently against her back for comfort while she burps. The phone rings on speakerphone for awhile until I hang up before the beep occurs.

Danny's gone upon my insist, and the house is quiet with just the two of us again. That happens for awhile until the turn of the front doorknob catches my attention. I know who it is because besides my mom, no one else has a key. And she would have called first.

I don't say a word when he enters into the air of our home. I sit her down in her car-seat slowly as not to wake her. My attention is given.

Harry:
"I'm sorry, okay?"

I don't look up but rather fix the fabric of my clothing with care.

Winter:
"Me too.

My first thought isn't to question him because I'm not his mom. Relationships were different to me. It was about giving someone everything though you owed them nothing. I wouldn't ask or be‎ a pest about it because I didn't want that. I stand quickly with intention of getting an extra blanket from the closet but my head swims with fog. I reach for the chair for stability just beside me. I feel his arms around me in the same breathe.
‎
Harry:
"You need to eat Winter."‎
‎

I couldn't remember when I had last between caring for her and my sleep deprivation. And it wasn't that I didn't want to...It was just something to add to my to-do list.

Harry:
"Come on. I'll make you anything."‎
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Notes