The Night I Met Harry

The day had spent quickly. We sat into the couch of the living room, lights deem and calming around us. Her fingers swiped along the pages as she explained to me the memories associated with each picture behind the plastic. Her tone told me a lot about her.. or a lot about how she'd been feeling now. I could tell she missed those times with an adorably small and curly head Harry flashing his intense dimples to the camera. I couldn't get over the image of him so innocent and bright eyed. Stories he'd tell me about the relationship he had with her over the past few years had caused me to grow sore inside. I knew that he loved her...but it sort of hurt to know that he lacked something that every person in life should have with their mom. She talked on with the same smile, informing me of how important it was to record every living moment in your child's life. The creases that formed on each side of her with the expression resembled his with the occasional laugh. In that breath, I thought about his dad and how neither of them had mentioned him much. Still, even with my relationship with Harry, I didn't know if it were my place to pry. So I wouldn't. Her words had ceased as she opened her arms to me to fall into. It was a warm feeling like a hot tea in the winter time...comfortable and indulging like his around me. She smelled of lavender, but the brand of her laundry detergent lingered in and out. It brought me excitement to know that we were on different terms now. Better ones…

Harry:
"Shouldn't you be going now?"

He communicated to our equal surprise. He was stood there in the frame of the opening just in front of us. I was released from her as she processed his words slowly and made her way up.

Harry:
"I mean...I know you said you have that thing, and it's almost eight."

Anne:
“No, it’s fine. You’re right.”
She said before turning to address me.

Anne:
“It was nice spending the day with you, Winter. I'll call sometime."

If I knew Harry well enough, she probably wouldn’t be. I don’t know why he held this spec or weirdness when it came to anything involving her.
Before I could interject how rude I felt he was being, she was grabbing her things and quickly heading for the door. I almost didn't want her to, but the sound of the door clicking in place had made it official. They didn’t even acknowledge each other or hug one another goodbye. I looked over to where she was seated just a short while ago, grateful that she had left the book of Harry's childhood behind. His head was placed in my lap as he stretched across the couch in a tiring manner. His eyes closed as if immediately expecting me to place my fingers in his hair as often I did.

Winter:
"Why the hell did you do that? It was mean."

Eyes were popped open in surprise but there was no way he hadn't picked up on that.

Harry:
"What? What did I do?"

I didn't want this to fuel into an argument so I thought for awhile before opening up.

Winter:
"You all but told her to leave, Harry."


Harry:
"No, she said she had a meeting or something. I was just reminding her,"

Winter:
“Who has a meeting at eight in the afternoon?”

Harry:
“Her words, not mine.”

No use dwelling on it now, I guess.

Winter:
"Sure. Okay."

I urged him upward from me so I could merge myself from the seating position but was stopped quickly.

Harry:
"Would you stop running from me.”

Winter:
"I'm not mad; I'm just going to draw."

Harry:
"Which means you're mad...stay with me."

My stomach was out a little too far to straddle anyone's lap but I guess he was missing that memo.

Harry:
"…Please. We just stopped arguing."

Why did he have to bring that up? It felt kind of bad to hear. I hated seeing my friends with guys they never emotionally seemed to get along with, but it had never occurred to me that I was that girl.

I was so jealous of his smooth stomach hard against my fingertips as I felt in thought.

Winter:
“…am I that bad? I mean, I know I annoy you from time to time. And I’m sure you hate it and think I’m a bitch when I don’t listen to you. I’m really moody…I feel it too, it’s just not much I can do about it.”

He clutched his hands around mine in a silent disagreement.
Harry:
“I never think that…and you don’t annoy me, ever. Don’t say that.”

Winter:
“Not even a little?”

Harry:
“The only thing I rather not deal with is other people in this relationship.”

Mason.

Harry:
“…As long as we stay away from that, I can never really stay mad at you. It’ll be like ten minutes in and then I just want to kiss you again.”

His attention was back to my stomach as I savored our little chat. It was always great hearing his side of things.

Winter:
“She’ll be born soon. And I’m nervous but…I think I know what I want to do.”

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to whether or not I wanted to have her naturally, with all respect given to my medical issues. I don’t think it was until now after the visit with his mother that I was certain what I really wanted. He waited while placing his palms underneath the fabric to give contact with my skin. I knew he had been waiting for this answer for awhile now.

Winter:
“Naturally.”
I didn’t know whether or not he had approved initially from the lack of reaction but I kept patience. He shifted a bit, urging me up so we were sat right beside one another. I was given the impression he was in one of those serious moods since there was a delay in response.

Harry:
“And you’re sure?”

I nodded without hesitancy as I watched him. There was a moment where he placed both hands to his face, letting me know this hadn’t been the answer he’d been hoping for.

Harry:
“…Do I even have a say?”

Winter:
“Of course, Harry.”

Harry:
“Then I don’t think that you should.”

Winter:
“I can do it.”

Harry:
“You don’t know that. And it scares me to think about. I’ve been losing sleep now that we’re counting down.”
He got up to pace slowly in front of me. I twirled my thumbs in habit while waiting for the rest of it.

Harry:
“I worry about you. I just want you to be safe.”

Winter:
“So…the answer’s no?”

I bit at my bottom lip as the pacing slowed and the air seemed to return back to normal.

Harry:
“I don’t want you pushing, no.”

It probably wasn’t the time for it anyways with the few slip ups I recently had and everything. Maybe it was just best to go along to get along, and just listen to him for once.

--
The room was dark and unseen to the eye as I pulled myself up against gravity and placed my back to the headboard for support. I looked to the clock on Harry’s side of the bed to see that I’d only slept a few hours before waking. A horrible feeling had decided to brew beneath my skin and in the pit of my stomach in unison. It was like that feeling you got during you’re period when you just felt gross or simply like a rainy day.

Harry’s POV:

I lifted my head from the pillow when I heard it. My instincts kicked in to reach for her immediately when I realized something was wrong.

Harry:
“Hey.”

I felt to the side of the bed to click on the light to better see her. She tried concealing her sobs by covering her hands to her face and turning away from me. I didn’t quite understand what it could be at this hour but that had only made me more alert. I removed myself from the bed to walk around the foot and pull gently at her wrists for her cooperation.

Harry:
“What’s wrong, babe? Talk to me.”

I spoke softly so that I wouldn’t upset her further. I took her into my arms, cradling and caressing places where skin had been bare. It honestly broke me to see her cry; like suddenly whatever pain that something had caused her had grown to be a part of me. I had never been so close to someone this way in my life and her feelings were something I took seriously.

Harry:
“Baby, please.”

I removed her long hair from her shoulder to provide me access to kiss there. She had finally pulled her hands away but her eyes wouldn’t fix on me.

Winter:
“I’m sorry I woke you. God, I know you’re sick of me.”

Harry:
“Stop it. I love you. I told you not to say that.”

Winter:
“I’m sorry.”

She seemed to tear more now. And I couldn’t help but feel like I was handling the situation incorrectly.

Harry:
“Don’t cry, sweetheart. Tell me what happened. Why are you crying?”

She placed her palms back, letting her hair conceal her.

Winter:
“That’s just it. I don’t know.”

At first the confusion had come to me in waves…but the more she went, the more I seemed to understand. I remembered the talk I had with her doctor with one of our first visits after finding out about her pregnancy. He warned me, or informed I should say, about all the things I shouldn’t remain in the dark about for the nine upcoming months of raging hormones. To be honest I had to be one of the lucky ones because for the most part, Winter had always been herself. Her personality with all the highs and lows was definitely intensified specifically when it came to arguments. But besides that and her appetite being a little stranger, that had to be about it.

Harry:
“It’s okay.”
Still, I couldn’t get over how adorable she was. Everything about her was something I was attracted to and maybe I did when we first met, but I had no shame in that now. She was so beautiful still while crying here in front of me. Her stunning skin seemed to glow with vibrancy the longer she carried Riley, and her thick eyelashes bat attractively up at me as they grew damper now. I never thought it was possible for her to appear any more gorgeous than she was already…but she wore pregnancy well.

I finally pried her hands away to slide her legs to the side of the bed where I could rest between them. I pecked the tears away, trailing them downward toward her neck where she loved the attention most.
Harry:
“You’re so beautiful, you know that.”

I tried removing her mind from the place it current held residency and focus her attention more to me.

Harry:
“I never really told you this…but that’s why I never brought you around my friends much. I mean they’re great, but I would always know what they were thinking.”

I hooked my palm just around her jaw so I knew she was hanging on to my words. The tears had seemed to grow less frequent so I assumed I was headed in the right direction.

Harry:
“You know I’m selfish like that…And I cannot wait until you’re my wife. You’re going to be my wife, right?”
I hovered over her lips with mine allowing the words to set in where I wanted them. She nodded into it and I could feel her arms resting near where my boxers met my waistline.

Her eyes were such a vivid green now that it was hard to glare away from. Her breathing had slowed and I felt accomplished in knowing that I held her attention now. I moved the edges of my fingertips up and down her smooth legs, knowing she’d feel that tingling sensation at a constant up her spine. Hopefully that was sure to keep the tears away. She laid her head into me just to my heart and I knew the beat sounded calmingly against her head. I wiped the hair back from her forehead to peck there, rubbing her back gently like a small child. After awhile of silence I still continued. I would never know what it would be like to be a pregnant female but hopefully I was of some help to the side effects.

Harry:
“You okay, love?”

She nodded just slightly as her eyes fell shut against my bare chest.

--

Winter’s POV:

It was the last doctor’s visit before the actually birthday and Harry had stood by my side while Dr. Horan examined the monitor. He had some extension of the machinery pressed firmly against my bare bump with some sort of substance of a gel texture in between.

Dr.Horan:
“She’s perfect. There shouldn’t be any complications.”

It was more than music to my ears to hear, even given the fact I wouldn’t have her naturally the way I had wanted. Our hands were linked tightly and I watched him as he studied observantly what the doctor had been doing. Several months ago, this entire thing would have been really bizarre for me to experience. But I had been embracing the stages before becoming a mother fully.
Dr.Horan:
“Now that doesn’t mean the vitamins stop. You’re set to continue them until we see each other again, alright.”

I listened attentively as always, adding nods where I should and just enjoying the moment. Now that we had cleared everything with him for next time, I felt more comfortable knowing Harry would be right beside me.

Dr.Horan:
“Alright. You’re all done for today. And I’ll see you guys next week.”

We finished up a little quicker today than usually days but I was just glad to be out of the chill of the facility.

Harry:
“Are you nervous?”

He kissed the backside of my hand while opening passenger side door of his car for me. We had been spending a lot more time together since the talk and since I’d taken some time from work for the last few steps of the pregnancy. I definitely noticed how sweet he was being in that time period, but for the most part he was always great to me.

Winter:
“I’ll be fine as long as you’re with me.”
--

I could feel the air passing my lips as I slowly drew in and let go of the air. The table wasn’t comfortable but I wasn’t sure if any table was. The drugs were slowly diminishing the contact I had with reality. I felt out of touch the longer I laid there under the fluorescence. Things were being communicated verbally among the many people in the room but I was too nervous to care. Not nervous for me…or even the situation. But nervous for her. I gripped at the sheets as a draft tickled my neck. He stood there beside me, the sound of hospital machinery making it’s constant resonance in the background. He spoke soothing words to me. My forehead was pecked every now and then but after about an hour I’d realized there was no set pattern to that. He rubbed my head back again. My hand had squeezed hard against his as I felt a cold feeling pierce my lower body before fading off into the distance. He had better not leave me alone. Not to get the phone, not to pee, not even when told. Because I wouldn’t let go…I wouldn’t.

My name was mentioned repeatedly as I focused on the words passing his lips from his tongue.

Dr.Horan:
“We’re almost done, Winter. You’re doing great.”

I felt that my breathing was controlled but with the meds it was hard to tell if I was breathing at all. I took note of his words but felt I’d been letting go of the things that kept me here and aware. It felt like a daze. The ceiling seemed to open and close slowly the longer I lie there. My lungs burned with something, but I wasn’t sure why this time was different. I didn’t gasp for air or panic like a maniac. Probably the drugs…

Harry:
“I’m right here.”

He replied with the last squeeze. Poor Harry, his hand was probably blue by now. I couldn’t feel. At least not anything on my lower half. Nothing about this seemed like real life. More of a dream that sometimes you’d have of white lights and blurred faces.

I tried to remember to breathe but honestly it was becoming easier and easier to forget. This was like nothing I’d ever experienced in life. I didn’t hate it because of what it meant. But if I could just have five minutes from the high, I think I’d feel better about it.

Dr.Horan:
“A minute more and you’re parents, I promise.”
I wanted to say that I felt the excitement but I felt nothing. I wanted to tell them about the breathing thing, or at least ask if this was supposed to be happening but I just couldn’t. It was like I had no control of it. I had no choice but to do what the medication was meant for. But something was wrong…it had to be. I squeezed against Harry’s hand again in communication but I felt myself slipping from consciousness. I felt that if I did so again that I’d go black…but then I saw her.

Somewhere along the pale-white ceiling my brain had conjured images of her asleep in her crib. Again, and she was teething now. Craving everything against her gums but the things that were supposed to be. Again, and she was taking her first steps. Not to me, but to Harry. The sight was beautiful, though it wasn’t there. It didn’t hurt or feel uncomfortable, just like falling asleep after a long day. I felt the tears brim the border of my eyes and I’d felt the oxygen slowly refusing excess to my body.

Harry’s POV
I didn’t know whether to watch or pass out as I watched Riley become a step more tangible than before. I rubbed against Winter’s hand gently as she continued her aggressive grip despite that her work had been done. The sound of new lungs filled the room along with the traffic and fast pace movements of the staff. Blood and things unnamed to me held my attention until her grip had grown lighter.

Harry:
“She’s here. You did so good, Winter.”
I’d taken my eyes from the small ball of life covered in scarlet to look down at her. Urgency struck my body when she didn’t move or respond to the praise I’d just given her.

Harry:
“Winter?”
I called, gently pulling her face to me for a reaction.

Harry:
“Niall, something’s wrong.”

Worry held me again when I’d realized her color had been draining. I felt my face grow damp, though I wasn’t sure yet what was going on. The room continued to fill with noise and the sound of meeting Riley but I questioned if she’d heard it. My hands had shaken her a little forcefully than I’d originally intended but my need for her to give me a reaction was becoming great. My limbs had grown numb when I heard it. It was a sound I’d only heard in movies…A sad sound tied with a line stretched across the width of a black hospital screen. I stood there out of body, out of mind. My fingers made constant contact with hers in the hopes she’d return the favor to me. Nothing. Nothing at all as I stare at her. Beauty. But her fingers were colder than normal. Arms had pushed me away, creating distance between us both. I wouldn’t look away until I saw some sign that she hadn’t just left me here.

Dr.Horan:
“Harry, Please! Listen to me.”

My face was yanked forcefully to pull my ears to where he was.

Dr.Horan:
“You have to go out now. Go down the hall with Riley. Go.”

I couldn’t feel. Different arms had pulled from behind me. The ringing of the machine had still played in the background and in the crevices of my brain as his blue eyes stung to me.

Dr.Horan:
“I need to help her, Harry. I’ll come and get you when everything’s done but you have to go.”
I was pulled out completely and the door closed in front of me. I watched it still, unhealthily now. I heard sounds, of what I wasn’t sure. I stood feet planted a part as I tried to piece together what had just happened…because I didn’t think it had gotten through yet. It surprised me that my legs still held me up. Minutes had gone and still I waited for the white doors to open so I’d see the pretty face I lived for…after today I’d live for two of those.

“Harry Styles?”

I felt her touch against my arm in a manner of comfort, but there was nothing comforting about it.

“Your daughter’s waiting for you.”

Her voice spoke softly as if she’d strike a nerve but I didn’t take offense. She tugged at my arm when I hadn’t followed, urging me further and further down the hall.

“She’s healthy sir. We have her all cleaned up and ready for you.”

My hands were held under the sanitizer dispensary and I was shoved into something that covered the clothing I’d worn to the hospital.

“Sit, please.”

I tried at least following instruction this time. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. I guess because I’d left my cranium back in the operating room. My skin was discomforting around me as she held conversation like what had just happened was erased or somehow unimportant to the current matter.

“It helps if you just focus on her right now, alright? We’re still in the registration process but we’ll let you have her as long as you want.”

I looked but I felt I’d been looking past her. I’d caught every word this time but still remained silent.

“Now, come on.”

Like a puppet, I was pulled into a room with newborns of different variations spread apart. It was quiet. Most were asleep and others just moved unpredictably in their oversized clothing.

“You don’t really belong in here, so try to stay quiet.”

Maybe it was a joke, because I hadn’t said a word since meeting her. I waited while she walked passed a few of them before stopping and adjusting the hat on one. She’d done some technique with wrapping the blanket around her before scooping her up like a paperweight and heading in my direction.

“There.”

She instructed me to sit again and motioned for me to hold my arms as she’d done hers. I remembered in that moment Winter doing that with Allison. The thought had slammed shut my eyes as I tried holding myself together.

“Hey. It’ll be fine. The first time’s the best...after that she’s spoiled.”

I opened them again when she placed her against me and quickly headed for the door.

“If you have any problems just press the button. Don’t call please, you’ll wake them…And don’t worry. Doc knows what he’s doing.”

And I was alone with her…her and a dozen others. She’d felt like nothing in my arms, causing me to fear repositioning and looking down. I remembered the things she’d tell me with Allison about holding her head up at all times. I guess if I did that right there wasn’t much room to mess up anything else. I wondered if not knowing was what kept me holding onto hope. Somehow I had remained in one piece but that was only because of the mere possibilities of what may or may not have happened when I left the room. I pushed it from my head repeatedly, telling myself not to see what wasn’t there yet. Her heart still belt some place in this hospital. And that was what it was until someone told me otherwise.

I’d finally built up the courage to look down after a few minutes of blank staring at the clock up on the wall… and that was it.

It was like I’d met her before. Striking and small in my large hands. It was hard to believe that I had helped make this tiny spec of life…and she was mine. Half mine. I’d never seen anything so effortlessly beautiful. But given who her mother is, I don’t know why it surprised me. Her small features resembled a lot of Winter’s. And her nose…especially her nose. Her eyes remained closed as she yarned, finding comfort in me. The tears tickled my cheeks as I held her warm abundance in my arms. They burned my eyes through the pain. The scent of her had been trying to pull me out of my disconnection to this life so that I could fully be present for this experience with her. But this was too hard. The fact was I loved her already. With everything I had, even though I’d only known her for a short time. That time had grown the longer I sat here examining her under my close watch. But I couldn’t do this without Winter. Any of it. My life meant nothing if my world wasn’t here to share it with me..the thoughts that went into overdrive forced out the tears until I heard the door click open quietly. Shit.

It was Niall in his doctoral attire as before. I couldn’t tell from his expression or through my fogged eyes what he had to tell me because it was the same as always. I grew nervous the longer he stood there simply watching me with her.

Dr.Horan:
“A heartbreaker isn’t she?”

He didn’t smile or offer it as a joke. I felt myself grow nervous and unable to think properly again with this.

Harry:
“Tell me.”

Dr.Horan:
“… sit Riley down so we can talk about it.”

Notes

Hey. I'm still here guys, just heavy school stuff. I've been having those sleepless nights so maybe you'll get another chapter super soon. I miss your comments. Hope you're still reading!