The Night I Met Harry
Trust Issues.
I'd just gotten off from work and I'd been stuck in traffic yet again. I stare blankly ahead as I tried remembering the things he had instructed me to pick up from the grocery store. He'd been feeling a lot better now thanks to my mom’s advice and I hoped he'd be well enough for the double date this weekend. There was no way Cate would allow me to postpone it again. I sat in silence as my mind wonder the things that now occupied my life. There was something that lingered in the back of my mind lately and it was becoming a chore to keep it there. I wasn't sure about any changes in my body these days but I was certain I should have gotten my period last week. I thought about it only briefly before I could allow myself time to fret. I had a doctor’s appointment coming up anyway, so I'd just put off thinking about it until then. I gripped the steering wheel as the traffic began to let up, bringing me back to present life. I grabbed my phone, dialing Harry, and putting it on speaker. I listened as the sound of the phone ringing filled the car. It surprised me to get his answering machine and I decided to hang up rather than leave a message. My mom once told me that these days if someone didn't answer you it was because they didn't want to. I silently hoped it didn't apply to this situation.
--
Milk. I didn't remember him mentioning it but the last I'd checked he had very little. I pushed the handle of the cart as I thought about being here with him before. My life was different then and it was amazing what a little time had done for me. My hands grabbed a carton of eggs as I continued to the next aisle. I glanced quickly at a guy up ahead who's hair resembled what Scott's use to be. I remember faintly running my fingers through it on occasions when he had bad days. Though we were once close I didn't feel bad in saying I never missed him in an intellectual way.
I looked the shelves over as I witnessed him turn around and proceed to draw closer. It was Scott. It was definitely Scott. I felt held to the spot. The air had suddenly gotten a bit thinner. He'd saw me standing here and I tried my best not to lose it. No doubt there'd be a scene if he'd been in the mood to tell me how bad of a person I was...again. I faced the shelves in hopes he'd go away but the act was unlikely. Closer he'd moved until he stood right beside me. He'd chosen to face the shelves just as I was, I assumed in a mocking manor.
Scott:
"Hi, Winter."
His voice was just as I remembered it. It seemed almost a lifetime ago I'd heard it last but my memories served it well.
Winter:
"Hi."
I didn't turn toward him, choosing rather to continue my search for whatever item I'd forgotten the moment I'd realized it was him.
Scott:
"So... are you going to look at me or are we going to admire the shelves together."
I didn't at all sense anger in his tone. It wasn’t weird either, but I chose to tread the conversation lightly. My feet turned me to face him reluctantly, knowing the last thing I'd wanted to do was come off as rude after everything. He turned to mirror my motions, his eyes gazing into mine like it had before. The intimate action caused me immediate discomfort. We stood there as he continued without a word as if doing was okay now. But now...I wasn't his. He looked at me as if we’d never met. As if the paralyzing things between us had never happened. I hadn’t believed I’d ever see him again, and a part of me neglected to feel pain because of it. He looked great, piercing blue eyes as always with eyelashes that battled the length of mine. I wondered how he’d been doing… he lingered in my mind often times I’d been arguing with Harry. And I wondered how things could have been. If I’d never gone to the club that night and chosen to stay home with him instead. I shook it off, blinking quickly as I realized my reason for ending us. We lacked that something that I’d ever only gotten from Harry…I don’t know if I’d ever be able to explain that part of me to him. It wasn’t something that could simple be explained.
Winter:
"I should continue my shopping."
I grabbed the cart, pushing it forward as I heard his footsteps after me.
Scott:
"Just wanted to talk Win."
I felt my fingers squeeze the handle of the cart tighter at his expression. He never called me that; Only before when we were intimate. Why was he doing this? His footsteps hadn't stopped, causing mine to quicken in reaction.
Winter:
“I don’t really want to talk, if that’s okay.”
I felt extremely uncomfortable even thinking of him and now he'd been there in front of me.
Scott:
“So you can cheat on me, but you won’t even talk to me while you’re with him.”
My walking slowed increasingly until I’d come to a complete stop. That’d struck a nerve I wasn’t sure I had until then. He moved closer toward me as I stood cold and still. It wasn’t okay for him to say these things to me anymore. We were done, I was healing and now the wound had grew uncovered again. My stomach felt sick as I waited for him to continue his lecture. Surely I would be avoiding this market from now on.
Scott:
"I’m sorry, okay.”
Why was he apologizing, I still wasn’t sure. I looked down at the floor as always when trying maintain a mental balance.
Scott:
“To be honest, I knew you'd be here... You always come Tuesdays after work."
I winced at the thought of him planning this purposely. I didn't understand my feelings in that moment, or what he was doing. I needed to know because this part of me, the one with Scott, was let go after Harry. That was just the way things were.
Winter:
"Five minutes."
And I was regretting that already. I watched him as he took the cart from me and began to push it slowly in the direction I’d walked. It was so weird. I still didn’t know why Harry hadn’t answered me…and come to think of it, this was the first he’d done that.
Scott:
“What’s his name?”
This casually conversation was the last thing I needed. I didn’t want complications anymore.
Scott:
“Just tell me his name.”
I stayed quiet. There was absolutely no way I was having this conversation with him. No way I was telling him about Harry, when thanks to Danny he’d probably already known.
Winter:
“I’m going now.”
I tried regaining the cart to my disadvantage. He’d grabbed my hand, but my impulses had already pulled it away. I was leaned against the shelf in a similar way I’d remembered being with Harry here.
Scott:
“I’m not allowed to miss you?…after everything, I should hate you... But I don’t.”
He was too close now. His face leveling to mine for a reaction I was unprepared to give.
Scott:
“You’re beautiful…as always.”
I pushed him away aggressively before grabbing the cart and storming away. I squeezed my eyes shut when I was sure he hadn’t followed me. Deep breathes were taken until I’d gathered myself…and I’d wished Harry were here.
Harry's POV:
Harry:
"You have to leave now. If she sees you she's going to kill me."
Jessica:
"Tell your girlfriend to relax, we're just friends right."
She moved toward me slowly, and I back. I felt myself reach the wall as she took complete advantage of the corners limited space. Her hands grabbed for mine intertwining them, and placing herself against me before I snatched away.
Harry:
"You have to stop this. You know I love her."
Jessica:
"I know you love what I do to you."
I sighed deeply, walking toward the living room and sitting on the far side of the couch. I couldn't imagine what reason I had for letting her in. We'd been friends for forever and a part of me wished we could go back to that. I still didn't comprehend why she didn’t understand that now. I'd only want Winter in that way...in every way.
Just then she'd climbed atop me; a position we'd before been no stranger to, but surprisingly now I wanted no part of this. I pushed her off trying my best not to be too aggressive but her taunting was beginning to anger me.
Harry:
"Jessie stop. You have to go. Now."
It was like I’d said nothing at all.
Jessica:
"It can be like before…she doesn’t have to know, I won't tell if you won't.”
Her arms were held around my neck and I felt her fingertips roam toward the hair that lay there. I quickly grabbed them and place them forcefully by her side.
Jessica:
“A kiss and I’ll leave.”
Harry:
“You know I can’t.”
Jessica:
“What has she done to you? Why her? It didn’t matter if you had a girlfriend before.”
It was more than true, but I could never imagine doing that to Winter. There’s no one else I’d rather have.
She sighed in defeat. But I knew this wasn’t over. She held her arms out in motion for me to hug her. Her eyes were a light brown, her hair slightly curled; different then when I’d saw it last. It had never been this complicated between us until Winter came along. In a way it was kind of my fault we weren’t how we use to be…but I wasn’t sorry. I moved in reluctantly in hopes this would get her to leave. I was more than certain that Winter had been confused about me avoiding her call; it stung a little that Jessie was the reason why. All she wanted was for us to end and I wasn’t going to give her the chance to make it happen. Her hands snugly held around my neck, as she embraced me. The close contact felt alien but I received the hug.
Winters POV:
I wondered who's black crossover had been in his driveway. This was the first I'd known of anyone but myself coming here for him. The bags didn't weigh as much as I'd thought after tolerating Scott and I's heavy conversation. I threw it to the back of my mind wanting right now to only see Harry after a long day. I shuffled to the correct key, sliding it in its slot before turning, and opening the door.
The bags slipped from my fingers as I lost feeling in them. Heat spilled through me in buckets as my body reacted to the sight of him embracing her. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it were any other girl. But it was her. The reason we argued. I stood still though all I wanted was to leave. His lips moved, I assumed to explain himself but I neglected to hear. Maybe I was the one who made the problem. It was the cheater’s turn to be cheated on. As far as I knew, they’d been together every time I’d leave the house. It hurt to ponder. I remember the way I felt when she’d spoken to me on the phone that day. It was like I’d hated her all my life though still we didn’t know one another. It was because of Harry. He was so…beautiful; the kind of guy that you only met in your imagination. He made me feel things I wasn’t sure I could until him. His handsome eyes had become my reason for waking up. Moving against him in the most intimate ways was like a life of bliss. I hated to let her win, but I had to…because to be honest, I couldn’t take the pain I’d once given to Scott. I wonder still how he finds peace with himself…what enables him to sleep at night. I felt the tears… warm and comforting against my cheeks as I watched him come toward me. He was unaware of the places my mind had gone from finally seeing them together. Something registered to my brain when my feet finally began to move; whether hastily or slowly, still I wasn't quite sure. Everything seemed to move in a way that time couldn't control. I was in car, unable to remember the steps it took to get me there. I assumed I’d been the one to lock the door because it didn't give in to his constant attempts to open it. I stare down at the steering wheel. It was damp now as I lay my head against it. His beautiful voice called out for me but my hearing had gone with the rest of me. . I don’t care why she’d been here. I don’t care why he’d let her in, or what they’d done while I’d been at work. Again and again I thought this, to ridden the pain of my emotions. I took deep breathes as tears continued to spill, reaching for my bag for my inhaler I breathed in slowly accepting the substance past my lungs as I waited to come back to the place I occupied in nature. I could hear him yelling at her to leave but I wasn't sure why that was all I could make out. A vibration caused me to snap back to reality as I answer the call before reading it.
Danny:
"Hello? Winter are you okay?"
I convinced myself I'd snap out of it, the quicker for me to leave the driveway.
Winter:
"What do you want, Danny?"
Danny:
"To know what’s wrong."
He still hadn't left the side of the car or ceased his words that were still unknown to me.
Winter:
"I'm fine really. I’m just…not feeling well.”
Danny:
"Is it Harry? Tell me what happened."
Winter:
"I have to go now, I’ll call later or something..."
End call.
I'd hung up the phone and threw it to the passenger seat beside me.
Harry:
"Winter please talk to me. Unlock the door."
Everything in me told me not to press the button to do so. To let him talk to me and explain why he'd prefer her over me. But I was a bad person and from the moment I'd cheated on Scott I'd deserved everything I'd be put through. My hand lingered across the button before pressing it without processing. I hug the steering wheel as I tried to ease the numbness of my emotions...of my body in reaction to it. He opened my door as he continued to talk in a much quieter tone. I still heard nothing. I felt his hands reach in to pick me up, I fought it internally but physically I didn’t move. Funny how life is... The people that can’t hurt you never will, the people who can, will always.
--
My eyes opened reluctantly as I sat up quickly. I swear it was the equivalent to having a hangover but I'd gotten up to leave the room. I glanced to the kitchen as the aroma greeted me pleasantly. I continued my walk to the door when I'd realized my coat hadn't been on the hook.
Winter:
"Where's my coat?"
He moved toward me and I back. I didn't want him touching me, or even thinking about it. I waited for him to reply.
Harry:
"Winter, stop shutting down and just let me explain."
Winter:
"It's self-explanatory Harry. I won't argue. You can have her. Where is my coat?"
My heart felt heavy and sore. I didn't mean any of it but I wanted to hate him… still I couldn’t. Like Scott couldn’t hate me.
Harry:
"She texted me saying she wanted to plan something for Leah's birthday, I said I'd do it myself. She comes and knocks on the door, and I let her in like an idiot. She's talking but not about Leah's birthday. She wants us to be friends, which I wouldn't be opposed to if friends really meant friends..."
He kept going without drawing breath. His voice rising with the annoyance.
Harry:
"She wouldn’t leave unless I hugged her. It was just a hug I swear.”
I folded my arms across my chest as I processed it all. I didn't know what to believe. The possibilities turned my stomach. He didn't come closer, knowing it'd just drive me away. He looked at me pleadingly and patiently. Just waiting.
Harry:
"Move in with me."
My eyes widened with the thought, but I didn’t allow it to let my guard down.
Winter:
“I want to be friends.”
Harry:
“Winter…”
Winter:
“Don’t question it okay. I just need to breathe.”
He stayed quiet as I’d instructed. And I’d left without my coat.
--
Milk. I didn't remember him mentioning it but the last I'd checked he had very little. I pushed the handle of the cart as I thought about being here with him before. My life was different then and it was amazing what a little time had done for me. My hands grabbed a carton of eggs as I continued to the next aisle. I glanced quickly at a guy up ahead who's hair resembled what Scott's use to be. I remember faintly running my fingers through it on occasions when he had bad days. Though we were once close I didn't feel bad in saying I never missed him in an intellectual way.
I looked the shelves over as I witnessed him turn around and proceed to draw closer. It was Scott. It was definitely Scott. I felt held to the spot. The air had suddenly gotten a bit thinner. He'd saw me standing here and I tried my best not to lose it. No doubt there'd be a scene if he'd been in the mood to tell me how bad of a person I was...again. I faced the shelves in hopes he'd go away but the act was unlikely. Closer he'd moved until he stood right beside me. He'd chosen to face the shelves just as I was, I assumed in a mocking manor.
Scott:
"Hi, Winter."
His voice was just as I remembered it. It seemed almost a lifetime ago I'd heard it last but my memories served it well.
Winter:
"Hi."
I didn't turn toward him, choosing rather to continue my search for whatever item I'd forgotten the moment I'd realized it was him.
Scott:
"So... are you going to look at me or are we going to admire the shelves together."
I didn't at all sense anger in his tone. It wasn’t weird either, but I chose to tread the conversation lightly. My feet turned me to face him reluctantly, knowing the last thing I'd wanted to do was come off as rude after everything. He turned to mirror my motions, his eyes gazing into mine like it had before. The intimate action caused me immediate discomfort. We stood there as he continued without a word as if doing was okay now. But now...I wasn't his. He looked at me as if we’d never met. As if the paralyzing things between us had never happened. I hadn’t believed I’d ever see him again, and a part of me neglected to feel pain because of it. He looked great, piercing blue eyes as always with eyelashes that battled the length of mine. I wondered how he’d been doing… he lingered in my mind often times I’d been arguing with Harry. And I wondered how things could have been. If I’d never gone to the club that night and chosen to stay home with him instead. I shook it off, blinking quickly as I realized my reason for ending us. We lacked that something that I’d ever only gotten from Harry…I don’t know if I’d ever be able to explain that part of me to him. It wasn’t something that could simple be explained.
Winter:
"I should continue my shopping."
I grabbed the cart, pushing it forward as I heard his footsteps after me.
Scott:
"Just wanted to talk Win."
I felt my fingers squeeze the handle of the cart tighter at his expression. He never called me that; Only before when we were intimate. Why was he doing this? His footsteps hadn't stopped, causing mine to quicken in reaction.
Winter:
“I don’t really want to talk, if that’s okay.”
I felt extremely uncomfortable even thinking of him and now he'd been there in front of me.
Scott:
“So you can cheat on me, but you won’t even talk to me while you’re with him.”
My walking slowed increasingly until I’d come to a complete stop. That’d struck a nerve I wasn’t sure I had until then. He moved closer toward me as I stood cold and still. It wasn’t okay for him to say these things to me anymore. We were done, I was healing and now the wound had grew uncovered again. My stomach felt sick as I waited for him to continue his lecture. Surely I would be avoiding this market from now on.
Scott:
"I’m sorry, okay.”
Why was he apologizing, I still wasn’t sure. I looked down at the floor as always when trying maintain a mental balance.
Scott:
“To be honest, I knew you'd be here... You always come Tuesdays after work."
I winced at the thought of him planning this purposely. I didn't understand my feelings in that moment, or what he was doing. I needed to know because this part of me, the one with Scott, was let go after Harry. That was just the way things were.
Winter:
"Five minutes."
And I was regretting that already. I watched him as he took the cart from me and began to push it slowly in the direction I’d walked. It was so weird. I still didn’t know why Harry hadn’t answered me…and come to think of it, this was the first he’d done that.
Scott:
“What’s his name?”
This casually conversation was the last thing I needed. I didn’t want complications anymore.
Scott:
“Just tell me his name.”
I stayed quiet. There was absolutely no way I was having this conversation with him. No way I was telling him about Harry, when thanks to Danny he’d probably already known.
Winter:
“I’m going now.”
I tried regaining the cart to my disadvantage. He’d grabbed my hand, but my impulses had already pulled it away. I was leaned against the shelf in a similar way I’d remembered being with Harry here.
Scott:
“I’m not allowed to miss you?…after everything, I should hate you... But I don’t.”
He was too close now. His face leveling to mine for a reaction I was unprepared to give.
Scott:
“You’re beautiful…as always.”
I pushed him away aggressively before grabbing the cart and storming away. I squeezed my eyes shut when I was sure he hadn’t followed me. Deep breathes were taken until I’d gathered myself…and I’d wished Harry were here.
Harry's POV:
Harry:
"You have to leave now. If she sees you she's going to kill me."
Jessica:
"Tell your girlfriend to relax, we're just friends right."
She moved toward me slowly, and I back. I felt myself reach the wall as she took complete advantage of the corners limited space. Her hands grabbed for mine intertwining them, and placing herself against me before I snatched away.
Harry:
"You have to stop this. You know I love her."
Jessica:
"I know you love what I do to you."
I sighed deeply, walking toward the living room and sitting on the far side of the couch. I couldn't imagine what reason I had for letting her in. We'd been friends for forever and a part of me wished we could go back to that. I still didn't comprehend why she didn’t understand that now. I'd only want Winter in that way...in every way.
Just then she'd climbed atop me; a position we'd before been no stranger to, but surprisingly now I wanted no part of this. I pushed her off trying my best not to be too aggressive but her taunting was beginning to anger me.
Harry:
"Jessie stop. You have to go. Now."
It was like I’d said nothing at all.
Jessica:
"It can be like before…she doesn’t have to know, I won't tell if you won't.”
Her arms were held around my neck and I felt her fingertips roam toward the hair that lay there. I quickly grabbed them and place them forcefully by her side.
Jessica:
“A kiss and I’ll leave.”
Harry:
“You know I can’t.”
Jessica:
“What has she done to you? Why her? It didn’t matter if you had a girlfriend before.”
It was more than true, but I could never imagine doing that to Winter. There’s no one else I’d rather have.
She sighed in defeat. But I knew this wasn’t over. She held her arms out in motion for me to hug her. Her eyes were a light brown, her hair slightly curled; different then when I’d saw it last. It had never been this complicated between us until Winter came along. In a way it was kind of my fault we weren’t how we use to be…but I wasn’t sorry. I moved in reluctantly in hopes this would get her to leave. I was more than certain that Winter had been confused about me avoiding her call; it stung a little that Jessie was the reason why. All she wanted was for us to end and I wasn’t going to give her the chance to make it happen. Her hands snugly held around my neck, as she embraced me. The close contact felt alien but I received the hug.
Winters POV:
I wondered who's black crossover had been in his driveway. This was the first I'd known of anyone but myself coming here for him. The bags didn't weigh as much as I'd thought after tolerating Scott and I's heavy conversation. I threw it to the back of my mind wanting right now to only see Harry after a long day. I shuffled to the correct key, sliding it in its slot before turning, and opening the door.
The bags slipped from my fingers as I lost feeling in them. Heat spilled through me in buckets as my body reacted to the sight of him embracing her. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it were any other girl. But it was her. The reason we argued. I stood still though all I wanted was to leave. His lips moved, I assumed to explain himself but I neglected to hear. Maybe I was the one who made the problem. It was the cheater’s turn to be cheated on. As far as I knew, they’d been together every time I’d leave the house. It hurt to ponder. I remember the way I felt when she’d spoken to me on the phone that day. It was like I’d hated her all my life though still we didn’t know one another. It was because of Harry. He was so…beautiful; the kind of guy that you only met in your imagination. He made me feel things I wasn’t sure I could until him. His handsome eyes had become my reason for waking up. Moving against him in the most intimate ways was like a life of bliss. I hated to let her win, but I had to…because to be honest, I couldn’t take the pain I’d once given to Scott. I wonder still how he finds peace with himself…what enables him to sleep at night. I felt the tears… warm and comforting against my cheeks as I watched him come toward me. He was unaware of the places my mind had gone from finally seeing them together. Something registered to my brain when my feet finally began to move; whether hastily or slowly, still I wasn't quite sure. Everything seemed to move in a way that time couldn't control. I was in car, unable to remember the steps it took to get me there. I assumed I’d been the one to lock the door because it didn't give in to his constant attempts to open it. I stare down at the steering wheel. It was damp now as I lay my head against it. His beautiful voice called out for me but my hearing had gone with the rest of me. . I don’t care why she’d been here. I don’t care why he’d let her in, or what they’d done while I’d been at work. Again and again I thought this, to ridden the pain of my emotions. I took deep breathes as tears continued to spill, reaching for my bag for my inhaler I breathed in slowly accepting the substance past my lungs as I waited to come back to the place I occupied in nature. I could hear him yelling at her to leave but I wasn't sure why that was all I could make out. A vibration caused me to snap back to reality as I answer the call before reading it.
Danny:
"Hello? Winter are you okay?"
I convinced myself I'd snap out of it, the quicker for me to leave the driveway.
Winter:
"What do you want, Danny?"
Danny:
"To know what’s wrong."
He still hadn't left the side of the car or ceased his words that were still unknown to me.
Winter:
"I'm fine really. I’m just…not feeling well.”
Danny:
"Is it Harry? Tell me what happened."
Winter:
"I have to go now, I’ll call later or something..."
End call.
I'd hung up the phone and threw it to the passenger seat beside me.
Harry:
"Winter please talk to me. Unlock the door."
Everything in me told me not to press the button to do so. To let him talk to me and explain why he'd prefer her over me. But I was a bad person and from the moment I'd cheated on Scott I'd deserved everything I'd be put through. My hand lingered across the button before pressing it without processing. I hug the steering wheel as I tried to ease the numbness of my emotions...of my body in reaction to it. He opened my door as he continued to talk in a much quieter tone. I still heard nothing. I felt his hands reach in to pick me up, I fought it internally but physically I didn’t move. Funny how life is... The people that can’t hurt you never will, the people who can, will always.
--
My eyes opened reluctantly as I sat up quickly. I swear it was the equivalent to having a hangover but I'd gotten up to leave the room. I glanced to the kitchen as the aroma greeted me pleasantly. I continued my walk to the door when I'd realized my coat hadn't been on the hook.
Winter:
"Where's my coat?"
He moved toward me and I back. I didn't want him touching me, or even thinking about it. I waited for him to reply.
Harry:
"Winter, stop shutting down and just let me explain."
Winter:
"It's self-explanatory Harry. I won't argue. You can have her. Where is my coat?"
My heart felt heavy and sore. I didn't mean any of it but I wanted to hate him… still I couldn’t. Like Scott couldn’t hate me.
Harry:
"She texted me saying she wanted to plan something for Leah's birthday, I said I'd do it myself. She comes and knocks on the door, and I let her in like an idiot. She's talking but not about Leah's birthday. She wants us to be friends, which I wouldn't be opposed to if friends really meant friends..."
He kept going without drawing breath. His voice rising with the annoyance.
Harry:
"She wouldn’t leave unless I hugged her. It was just a hug I swear.”
I folded my arms across my chest as I processed it all. I didn't know what to believe. The possibilities turned my stomach. He didn't come closer, knowing it'd just drive me away. He looked at me pleadingly and patiently. Just waiting.
Harry:
"Move in with me."
My eyes widened with the thought, but I didn’t allow it to let my guard down.
Winter:
“I want to be friends.”
Harry:
“Winter…”
Winter:
“Don’t question it okay. I just need to breathe.”
He stayed quiet as I’d instructed. And I’d left without my coat.
@Cold Summer
Aww I truly hope so I always look forward to your updates!!! You truly know how to write and keep a reader hooked!! Can't wait to see what you have in store!! :)
8/20/15