The Au Pair

By the time they arrived back at the house, it was late evening and the sun was hanging low in the sky. They were all pretty tired from their two days of Disney and sightseeing. All Harry really wanted to do was take a hot shower and crawl into bed, preferably with Niko in his arms, but he knew none of that was a possibility – at least not right away. He still needed to feed the kids some sort of dinner, bathe them and get them ready for bed. His night had just begun once they stepped foot in the house.

“Why don’t I whip something up really quick for dinner? Mary, could you take the kids up and help them unpack?” Harry asked as they all stood in the foyer after hauling in the luggage.

“I would be glad to,” Mary said, giving him a polite smile.

“Just throw all of their dirty clothes out into the hallway and I will take care of it when I come up,” Harry told her, watching her hesitate with his words.

Make a mess? Not Mary. Harry wasn’t in the mood to come up with a better solution, though. She would just have to live with it.

“Mary, I am giving you permission to throw the clothes out into the hallway so I can gather them up later,” Harry said sternly, holding back from actually letting the words come out as a growl.

She finally nodded, grabbing both Jackson and Avery’s small luggage bags and heading up the stairs after both children.

“Want to help me make some mac ‘n cheese?” Harry asked, smiling over at Niko, who giggled in response.

“That’s what you’re making for dinner?” She questioned, smirking mischievously at him.

“Yeah, that stuff is the best!” He chuckled. Who the hell didn’t like a good box of Macaroni and Cheese?

“Let’s do it, Chef Styles,” she giggled, heading straight for the kitchen.

Harry started digging for everything he might possibly need to make the macaroni and cheese before filling a pot with water and put it on the stove to boil. Niko stood against the center island counter watching him contently.

“One box or two?” He asked, holding one box in each hand.

“Probably two. I’m surprised Julia even has this in the house,” Niko said, smirking as she grabbed one of the two boxes out of his hand so she could thoroughly inspect the outside of the box.

“I bought it, of course,” Harry chuckled.

Of course he bought it. Julia buy anything non-organic? Not likely. Or how about Julia do any of the grocery shopping? Pssssh, yeah right.

“You’re such a good daddy. Macaroni and cheese is one of the major staples in a proper childhood. I’m glad your children are carrying on the tradition,” Niko quipped, smirking up at him with a twinkle in her blue eyes.

“What kind of father would I be if I didn’t make it for them?” He told her. She giggled as she placed the box on the countertop next to the other one.

“Do you want something to drink?” Harry asked, moving toward the refrigerator after he put the pot of water on the stove to boil.

“Water is fine,” she told him as he reached in, grabbing two bottles.

Harry walked back over, handing one to her as their eyes met. He knew they needed to have that little talk she proposed earlier in the day, but he was slightly reluctant. Mainly due to the fact that he didn’t have a clue, not an inkling of what the hell she needed to talk to him about. She reassured him it wasn’t bad, but he was still slightly apprehensive about it.

“So, what was it that you needed to talk to me about?” Harry asked finally, eyeing her as she took a sip of her water. She paused for a moment, staring into his eyes like her whole body froze from his words.

“I just… I just wanted to kind of talk about where this was going… and stuff…” She said, cutting her vision away from him immediately.

And with that one sentence, Harry knew way down deep in the pit of his stomach it wasn’t going to be good. He knew the ultimatum he previously predicted was going to slip right out of her mouth and he wasn’t going to say the right thing in response and he was going to fuck it all up. It was pretty much inevitable. It took all of two seconds to come up with that conclusion in his head, thus sending him on a self-loathing downward spiral. Why did he screw everything up so badly? Why couldn’t life just work out for once? Why did he have a wife that was so indifferent, so oblivious to her god damn family? Why couldn’t he have found someone as amazing and special and perfect for him as Niko before he married Julia? Why did he constantly make bad choices?

“’And stuff?’ What kind of stuff?” Harry asked reluctantly.

“Like… I don’t know… like… feelings…” She said, shrugging nonchalantly. There it was. Feelings.

Harry was all for feeling things for one another. He was. He did. But his irrational fear of what came along with those feelings was more than he could handle.

“What kind of feelings?” He asked, trying to read her facial expressions, trying to psycho-analyze the twenty-two year old girl he’d fallen for in less time than he cared to admit.

“Harry…” She breathed and he could sense her discomfort over the topic at hand.

“Niko, what’s the matter?” He asked, wanting her just to be open with him.

“I don’t know… I just… I’ve been feeling…” She started, only to be cut off completely by the kitchen door being burst wide open.

Both of their heads jolted up toward the disturbance, seeing Julia come whipping through. Harry’s entire body tensed at the sight of his wife. He had no clue she was back. She could have called or text or even sent a god damn telegram. But no, that’s just the way his inconsiderate bitch of a wife worked. Everything was on her terms. No one else mattered. Harry’s blood boiled inside of him the second she opened her mouth.

“Why the hell are there clothes strewn about all over the hallway floor upstairs?” Julia asked the moment her eyes set on her husband. She’d been gone for weeks. Weeks. And she couldn’t even bother with a hello.

“Hello to you too,” Harry said bitterly with as much sarcasm as he could possibly spew at her.

“Hi, honey. Please just tell me why there is a mess that I have to clean up already? I’ve been back two hours. This is ridiculous,” she continued to complain.

“I told Mary to put the clothes in the hallway so I could gather them up when I went upstairs. Why would you have to clean it up? I am the one who took the kids to Disneyland. It’s of no concern to you, okay?” Harry said in the most condescending way he could.

Julia’s eyes narrowed at him, not appreciating his attitude. But Harry didn’t really give a shit. It was just like Julia to come in, guns blazing when things weren’t perfectly held to her standard.

“Nikola, could you please excuse us? I need to speak with my husband in private,” Julia said, never cutting her eyes away from Harry’s. Harry knew she was about to flip-out on him, he was sure of it. But he wasn’t about to take any of her shit. Not tonight.

“Gladly,” Niko scoffed and Harry knew exactly what she was feeling.

Harry felt Niko’s eyes burning into him, but like Julia’s, his eyes never cut away from his spouse’s either. He wasn’t about to back down. Both Julia and Harry stayed silent until Niko was out of the room.

“How dare you talk to me like that in front of the help, Harry? That was extremely rude and disrespectful,” Julia came at him first, as he knew she would.

“No. Do you want to know what’s rude and disrespectful? You. You come in here after two weeks of being an absentee part of this family and you start bitching about trivial shit that doesn’t even concern you!” Harry yelled back defensively.

“Absentee!?” She scoffed incredulously. She was absolutely delusional if she thought she was anything but absent.

“Yes! Absentee – as in gone, not here!” Harry clarified.

“I try my best, Harry! I am making a living for this family! We can’t all be stay-at-home parents!” She spat at him, sending him completely over the edge.

“I made my living and I have every god damn right to stay home with my children, Julia! Don’t fucking throw it in my face that I’m not out there working anymore! It was my decision to quit when Jackson was born! My decision! There is plenty of money to support this family, so don’t even use that as an excuse, Julia. Because it is a piss poor one!” Harry growled angrily at her.

“I can’t believe you are throwing my work in my face! It’s cruel and unfair,” she screamed back, seeming as if she was just reaching for some sort of defense to cling onto.

“You and I have very different versions of cruel and unfair, Julia. Because to me, cruel and unfair is my kids missing out on their mother because all she can seem to do from sun up until sun down is sit on the god damn phone making conference calls to New York! It’s when I take them to Disneyland and I have to explain to them why mommy isn’t coming and I have to see the look of disappointment and sadness wash over their faces. That’s cruel and fucking unfair, Julia! And you know what the saddest part is? It’s that someday – and it will be soon with the rate you’re going – but someday when I have to explain to them why mommy isn’t at their sports game or why mommy couldn’t make it to the zoo with us that it will have become so normal that they’re going to start shrugging it off. That it’s going to stop mattering to them if mommy is there or not!” Harry lashed out, thoroughly disgusted with the way she decided to live her life, ultimately cutting them out of it.

Julia’s jaw hung open, overly offended by the truth Harry spewed at her. He hoped it felt like a slap in the face. A blow to her precious work bubble she stayed so comfortably numb in.

“Harry, I can’t be everything to everyone,” she said finally.

“Well, I’m tired of you being nothing to us,” he growled at her, moments before he turned on his heels and left her in the kitchen alone.

Niko stood on the other side of the hallway, having heard everything that was just said between the two spouses. She had no idea what Julia was doing after Harry stalked out, but she stayed in the kitchen for a few moments before exiting herself. Niko walked back in because she knew there was boiling water on the stove and she knew the kids needed to eat dinner.

Harry’s whole body was shaking with anger as he made his way into the pool house. He needed to get the hell away from Julia and that whole house she unleashed her negative energy on. He had one safe haven and it was that pool house. Too many amazing things happened in there to be effected by Julia’s negativity.

After dinner was prepared, Niko went upstairs to get Mary and the kids for dinner. She didn’t find Harry. He was gone somewhere. And of course Julia was holed up in her office. No surprise. Before meeting Mary, Jackson and Avery in the kitchen for dinner, Niko grabbed all of the dirty clothes that were scattered in the upstairs hallway and brought them to the laundry room for Harry.

Niko was quiet during dinner – only speaking if the kids were talking to her. They relived their favorite moments of the past two days and Niko couldn’t help but smile at how amazing they were. And how strong they were to have to put up with a mother like theirs.

Harry spent a little while pacing around the pool house trying to calm himself down, trying to regulate his breathing. When he finally did, he just laid on the couch for a while trying not to think about what just happened. Mainly he thought about Niko. He thought about all the times they spent in the pool house together. And he thought about what if felt like to be with her again the night before.

He knew he needed her company again that night. He would go crazy out there alone. So he quietly entered the house through the old servant wing and slipped into Niko’s bedroom undetected. It was still too early for her to be in bed, so he slipped a piece of paper under her pillow that read meet me in the pool house, before he slipped back out and made his way back to the exterior building.

Niko and Mary bathed Jackson and Avery, read them books before bed, tucked them in and said good night to them – something their mother should have been doing. Out of all the weeks they were there, Harry was nearly always around to say good night to his kids, but Julia – she rarely took the time out to bother with it. It made Niko want to walk straight into her office, pluck that stupid Bluetooth out of her ear, stomp it to little pieces under her shoe, and then bitch-slap the hell out of her.

Niko was still in a terrible mood when she went down to bed. She was hoping to find Harry, but he seemed to be MIA. She showered and dressed into her pajamas before crawling into bed. When she grabbed her pillow to cuddle it, she felt a piece of paper underneath it. She quickly pulled it out and turned on her bedside lamp.

Meet me in the pool house was all it said, but it was in Harry’s unmistakable scrawl. It brought a smile to her face as she jumped out of bed quickly. She toed on her flip-flops and quietly made her way through the house out to the exterior building.

Harry didn’t even know how long he was out in the pool house, but when he heard the door open he realized the sun set and it was dark outside. His head popped up quickly as he sat on the couch, hoping it was Niko and not Julia that came to find him. As soon as he saw Niko’s fair features instead of Julia’s dark ones, he felt only relief.

“Harry? Are you okay?” She asked immediately, sitting down next to him on the couch, her hand rubbing up and down his back, comforting him.

“Did you hear?” He asked somberly. A part of him hoped she didn’t hear his fight with Julia.

“Yes,” she said quietly. Harry sighed, hanging his head.

“Did the kids get some food before bed?” He asked her, realizing his own selfish needs took him away from his children.

“Yes. I finished making the macaroni,” she told him.

“Thank you, Niko. Thank you,” he said sincerely.

“It’s no problem, Harry. I love those kids,” she said and he loved her for it.

Harry leaned over quickly, attaching his lips to hers, thinking he might die if he wasn’t kissing her, if he wasn’t touching her. His kisses were desperate and hungered. AndNiko knew he needed to use her as an outlet and she was willing to let him, because she knew he needed to feel something other than the pure shit Julia made him feel.Harry’s fingers laced through her hair as he gripped onto the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him. He was rabid for her. He needed her more than he cared to admit out loud. He just let his hungered kisses show her what he was feeling.

Harry’s body pushed forward and Niko let him lay her down on the couch as their pace picked up significantly. Their clothes were quickly discarded and without a heartbeat to spare, Harry thrust inside of her. Niko gasped loudly, digging her fingertips into his flesh as he began thrusting in and out of her. She had no idea how much she was helping him cope, how much tension was being released just by being with her. She was his relief. That was the only thing that kept looping through his mind during the act.

Niko’s heart ached for Harry – in more ways than one. He was the best father she had ever seen. He was dedicated to his kids’ happiness. He ended his career for them. He wanted to protect them in any way possible, but there was one down fall. He couldn’t protect them from their mother. She was always going to let them down. She was always going to be absent from their lives – if not in the physical sense, she would always be absent in the emotional sense. And then there was the other reason Niko’s heart ached for him – because she was in love with him.

Her tears were streaming from her eyes as Harry’s orgasm rocketed through him, finishing before he even got her there. He felt sick about it afterward. He lay still against her body, trying to catch his breath before he pulled up. When he saw the tears in Niko’s eyes, he just about lost it. His whole heart plummeted realizing he hurt her. He really hurt her. He couldn’t even process it because his mind was so bogged down with guilt.

“Niko? Neeks, are you crying?” Harry choked out. She wiped at her face quickly, sitting up, trying her best to hide the tears. But he saw them.

“Nikola, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry,” Harry asked as he immediately began apologizing. He couldn’t believe he lost himself so thoroughly that he would do a thing like that. His heart stung painfully in his chest.

“No, Harry. I’m fine. It’s just…” She wiped at her eyes, sucking in a ragged breath.

“Niko, I’m sorry,” he said, grabbing her arm gingerly to turn her toward him.

“Harry, please. I am the last person you need to apologize to,” she said, waving it off like it was no big deal, although it was. It completely was.

“Wha… what’s the matter?” He stammered, hoping she wasn’t too angry at him deep down.

“It’s just been a really emotional night, okay. I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me. I’m just acting like a girl,” she chuckled lightly through her emotions.

“Please tell me if it is something else,” he told her, still not entirely convinced that he didn’t hurt her, but he was too afraid to know that truth.

“Harry, you’re perfect, okay. Don’t work yourself up over it,” she said, giving him a small smile.

“You promise you’re okay?” He asked her.

“I promise,” she assured him.

“Okay,” he said, leaning over to give her a kiss on the lips.

“I should probably get to bed though,” she said, sending his mind into a tirade, thinking it was just an excuse to get away from him after what he did.

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

Harry watched as Niko stood up and began to gather her clothes. He quickly pulled up his boxer briefs and watched as she pulled on each piece of her clothing, one-by-one.

“I’m going to sleep in here tonight. I’d rather not be anywhere near my wife right now,” he told Niko as the two of them walked toward the pool house door.

“Okay,” she said, smiling weakly at him.

“Will you meet me here in the morning?” He asked hopefully. It was really just a test. His little way of seeing how badly he fucked things up. If she hesitated, he knew he did. But she nodded immediately, making him believe she wasn’t entirely upset with him.

“Sweet dreams, Neeks,” he said, giving her a goodnight kiss.

“Goodnight, Harry,” she said, giving him a small wave before she slipped out of the door.

Harry held his breath for a few moments after she left, before violently letting it out.

“Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he growled, kicking at the ground, gripping his fingers in his hair.

“God damn it,” he cursed, stomping toward the bedroom.

He collapsed face first onto the mattress hoping sleep would just take him so he didn’t have to think anymore. Unfortunately, he wasn’t that lucky. He tossed and turned for hours reliving the lowest moment of his life. He just wanted to curl up and died, he was so disappointed with himself.

Notes